The Home Invasion Proposition
by Joseph Aniwaya
Summary: In this arc, Penny is the victim of a home invasion. She manages to inflict nasty injuries on the bad guys. This is a bit darker than the usual for BBT, but I am so intrigued by the Penny character and wanted to explore how she might respond if something scary happened. She is so strong. You go, girl. I have put my wife and myself in one of the chapters. See if you can find us.
1. Chapter 01: Penny Goes Nebraska

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 01: Penny Goes Cornhusker

Sheldon stood at the apartment mailbox sorting through his and Leonard's mail. "Leonard, Leonard, me, Leonard, me, Penny: In what universe does Penny get her mail at our box?"

A few moments later, Sheldon was standing outside Penny's door.

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny?"

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny, I have your mail. It's beyond me why that mail carrier keeps mixing up our mail. I have a good mind to write a letter to the postmaster."

"Mmmmph!"

"Penny, I'm getting the sense that something is not right."

"Mmmmph!" followed by the sound of something thumping on the floor.

"Penny, do I need to come in?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Penny, would you open the door, please?"

"Mmmmmmph!"

"Penny, are you able to open the door?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Have you fallen again?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Penny, I'm coming. Let me get your key from our bowl."

Sheldon opened the door to his and Leonard's apartment, grabbed Penny's key from the bowl, and returned to her door.

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Penny!"

"Mmmmmmph!"

"Penny: You said you would go all Nebraska on my ass if I ever used the key again unless it was an emergency. Is this an emergency?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Is that a yes?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

"Is it all right for me to open your door?"

"Mmm, mmm!"

Sheldon opened the door. As he walked in, he looked around and said, "Penny, you have no organizational system at all. This apartment looks like the bottom of a bird cage."

"Mmmmph!"

Sheldon looked around and saw Penny. "Penny, why are you tied to a chair with your mouth taped shut and blood all over the front of your Cheesecake Factory uniform?"

"Mmmmph!"

"Do you want me to untie you?"

"Mmm, mmm!" said Penny, shaking her head _yes_.

As Sheldon came up to Penny, he started to remove the tape from over her mouth, but she began to shake her head _no_ and mumbling, "Ump ump."

"Does that hurt too much?"

"Um hum!"

"All right, let me work on getting you untied. Just quit growling at me. Penny, who tied your hands behind your back with nylon ties?"

"Ummmmmmm!"Penny said with a low growl.

"Penny, it makes me nervous when you growl at me! I'll get some scissors."

Sheldon found some scissors in what Penny called her junk drawer and managed to cut the tape around her arms and the chair. "Penny, the tie around your wrists is so tight I can't get the scissors in there to cut it without injuring you."

"Mmmmmmm," Penny growled.

"Penny, why are you wiggling your knees back and forth? Here, let me cut the tape off your ankles." Sheldon cut the tape fastening Penny's ankles to the chair legs.

"Mmmmmmmm."

"Penny, why are you growling at me and keep putting your knees together? And why do you keep pointing to the bathroom with your head? Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Um, hum," Penny said through the tape, nodding _yes_. She struggled to stand, nearly fell, and ran to the bathroom door and began kicking the door. "Ummmmmmm!" she shrieked.

Sheldon dialed his phone. "Leonard, Penny was tied to a chair with tape over her mouth that she won't let me remove and is trying to tell me something. Now she's kicking the bathroom door. Here, you talk to her."

With that, Sheldon thrust the cell phone at Penny and held it in front of her face as she said, "Mmmmph!"

Sheldon heard Leonard say, "Sheldon, what happened? I'm coming up the stairs now."

Sheldon patted Penny on the head and said, "There, there: It's all right. Leonard's coming up the stairs now. He'll know what to do."

"Ummmmmm!" Penny said as she danced up and down and kicked the bathroom door.

Leonard burst into the room throwing his messenger bag and his groceries in the floor. "Penny, oh my God!" he said, and started trying to remove the tape from her mouth.

Penny shook her head _no_ and growled, "Unh uh!" through the gag. She started bobbing her knees together and kicked the bathroom door. She danced up and down and pointed with her head at the door.

"You have to go to the bathroom?" Leonard asked.

Penny frantically nodded _yes_ and mumbled "Um hum!" through the gag.

Leonard opened the door to the bathroom. Penny charged into the bathroom and stood there next to the commode. She slowly turned back around and said, "Mmmmmmm?"

Leonard said, "Here, let me untie you."

"Unh huh!" Penny said, shaking her head _no_. She motioned as if she was trying to sit on the commode, looked down, and then back up at Leonard and said, "Ummmmm!"

"Oh, you need me to help you be able to go to the bathroom and your clothes are in the way!" Leonard said. He shut the door, leaving Sheldon standing outside.

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

"Leonard," Sheldon said, "I know I have a No Talking Through the Bathroom Door Rule, but you need to know something. Whoever tied up Penny used a nylon tie. It's so tight I couldn't get scissors under the strap to cut it without cutting her. I don't know what to do. You didn't tie her up and gag her and leave her tied to the chair did you?"

"No, I didn't tie her up. We'll figure out what to do, Sheldon. Let me help Penny. In the mean time, please call 911."

Outside the toilet, Sheldon was about to make his call, when he heard a noise and returned to just outside the closed bathroom door.

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

"What, Sheldon?" Leonard asked. "I'm kinda busy."

"I know I have a No Talking Through the Bathroom Door Policy, but is Penny all right? She's making sounds that make me think you are having coitus. You aren't having coitus with Penny tied up and gagged, are you?"

"Sheldon, I'll explain later. Penny's just relieved. She ought to be. How much did you have to drink? Sheldon, please call 911."

Sheldon walked away and said, "All right. But Penny is making coitus sounds. It sounds freaky to me."

A few moments later: "911? This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper, tenured Theoretical Physicist at the California Institute of Technology. I have an emergency at 2311 North Robles Avenue, Pasadena, California. [Pause] What sort of emergency? We have a blonde waitress tied to a chair with her mouth taped. [Pause] Well, no, she's not still tied to the chair. She had to go to the bathroom, and Leonard has taken her. [Pause] No, she can't tell us what happened because someone put athletic tape over her mouth. [Pause] Because she growls at us every time we try to remove the tape, that's why. [Pause] No, her hands are still tied behind her because whoever tied them used a nylon strap and pulled it so tight that we can't get anything in there to cut it. [Pause.] All right." He turned to see Leonard and Penny coming out of the bathroom. "Leonard, Penny, the police are already in the building. Apparently, someone robbed two apartments in the building while our neighbors were at work. They're on the way up the stairs now."

Three large officers in uniform arrived at Penny's door with their pistols drawn. "What's going on here?" one of them asked. "Which one of you is Dr. Carter?"

"That's Dr. Cooper. May I see some identification?"

The three officers stood there looking at each other before each pulled out their identification and showed them to Sheldon.

"You, sir," he told one of the officers, "Are either an impostor or have gained an unhealthy amount of weight since this picture was taken."

"For God's sake, Sheldon," Leonard said, "Let them in."

The three officers came into the apartment and looked around. "Goodness," one of them said, "It looks as if they trashed the place."

"No," Sheldon said, "It always looks like this. Penny has no organizational system."

"Officers," Leonard said, "Somehow, my roommate discovered Penny here tied to a chair. We can't remove the nylon tie because it's so tight we can't get scissors or a knife blade in to cut it, and the tape they used to gag her hurts and tears at her skin when we try to remove it."

"Charlie," one of the officers said, "Go down to the 2nd floor apartment where the crime scene unit is, tell them we have another scene here, and bring up some WD-40 and some clippers." He turned to Penny and said, "Don't worry, ma'am. We'll have you free in no time."

Penny growled at him through the gag.

"Is she all right?" he asked Leonard.

"Mmmmph!" Penny growled at him. He took a step back.

Charlie arrived back in the doorway and said, "The crime scene guys are on their way up. Please, nobody touch anything." He walked over to Penny, put on rubber gloves, and said, "Here, ma'am, I'm going to be very gentle. Let me try to cut the fastener on this strip, because it's pulled so tight I don't think I can cut the strip itself without cutting you. I'll have to cut the place where the strip goes through and locks." With that, after about three tries, he cut the strip fastener loose, and the strip fell to the floor. He picked the strip up from the floor, put into in a sealable plastic bag, and wrote something on it. "We have to keep it for evidence: Maybe it will give us a clue to help us catch the bad guys."

Penny rubbed her wrists, which were red and swollen, shaking them as if to get feeling back in them.

"Ma'am," Charlie said, "If you will come with me out into the hall so we don't disturb any evidence, I'll try to get that tape off you. Hey," he said to Leonard, "Does she have a hair dryer?"

"She has one in the bathroom," Leonard said, "I'll go get it."

The officer walked Penny to just outside the door and began examining the tape. "Lord," he said, "They didn't care if they tore meat, did they? This is the kind of tape we used when I played high school football. The only way you can get it off without too much damage is heat and WD-40—or soak it in a hot tub."

Leonard walked out into the hallway and handed the officer the hair dryer. He plugged the dryer into the outlet just inside the door. The officer got Penny to sit on a stool he had brought from her kitchenette while he began to blow hot air onto the tape.

"Tell me if the hot air gets uncomfortable," he said.

Gradually, he began to pull up some of the tape, alternating between heating the tape with the hair dryer and spraying the WD-40 between Penny's skin and the tape. Penny pushed his hand away, grasped the tape, and began to pull. Eventually, she pulled away the last of the tape. She opened her mouth and revealed that someone had stuffed several of her socks there, which she removed. Charlie held open another plastic bag for her and closed it and wrote on it.

"Oh, God," Penny said. "Somebody please get me a Diet Dr. Pepper."

"We don't have Diet Dr. Pepper," Sheldon said. "We have Yoohoo and Sprite."

"Then please get me a Sprite before I kick you in the nuts!"

Sheldon put his hand over his groin and asked, "Don't you have a Diet Dr. Pepper in your refrigerator?"

"No, Sheldon, I was supposed to go to the grocery store today, but I didn't have the money."

"See what I have to endure?" Sheldon asked looking at the officers. "She has money to get her hair done and to buy makeup, but she can't buy groceries."

Sheldon disappeared into his apartment. A few moments later, he returned and handed a can to Penny.

"Miss," one of the officers said, "I know you have to be upset. What happened?"

Penny went over and sat on the top of the stairs. Leonard sat next to her, and she leaned into him. He put his arm around her shoulder.

"Oh, Leonard," she said, "I'm so sorry. I've smeared that spray stuff all over your shirt."

"That's not a problem," Leonard said. "Let's get you taken care of. I'll take care of the shirt."

"Oh, that's good," she said taking a long sip of the Sprite. "They stuffed the socks down my throat so far it was all I could do to swallow. It feels as if I've had the UCLA marching band marching through my mouth. OK," she said to the officers, "I'm sorry. I came home from work, and it seemed odd that, when I stuck my key in the lock, my door opened without my turning the key. When I walked in, there were four men, one who was waiting behind the door and shoved me down."

"What did you do?"

"I rolled to the bar, grabbed my aluminum bat, and cold-cocked the son of a bitch."

"You hurt him?"

"Yeah, it sounded like I hit a brick with the bat. He grabbed his head and went down on his knees and started saying bad words. One of them grabbed me from behind, and another one of them began to try to take the bat."

"What did you do?"

"I kicked the one trying to take the bat as hard as I could in the nuts, and he went down on his knees crying. [All five men, even Sheldon, grabbed themselves and groaned.] The guy holding me from behind didn't hold one of my arms, so it was free. He was so strong I couldn't get the other arm free, but, when the fourth guy came up and tried to grab my hands, I managed to stick my finger in his nose and began trying to pull it off. He bled all over my carpet. He tried to grab my legs, and I kicked him in the mouth with my knee. I know I broke off at least one tooth. It's on the floor there next to the bar."

The officers by this time were watching Penny with their mouths open.

"Then what?"

"It took all four of them, but they managed to hold me down on the floor after one of them punched me in the ribs. It knocked the breath out of me, and they tackled me when I couldn't breathe. Two of them held my hands behind my back, a third one held my legs down, and the fourth one tied my wrists behind me with the nylon tie. After my hands were tied, they rolled me over, and nut sack forced some rolled up cloth into my mouth and taped my mouth shut. Then they jerked me up to my feet and forced me down on the chair. They taped my arms to the chair and used the tape to fasten my ankles to the legs. They left me in that chair. The one I had kicked in the nuts came over and punched me in the face, but I think the others stopped him before he could hit me again. He hit me so hard I think I blacked out, but I had this vague sense that somebody stepped between him and me and told him to use his brain. When I could see straight again, three of them were carrying my pocketbook, my laptop, and my flat screen TV out the door as the one I had hit with the bat sat on the sofa with his head between his knees. As they left, the one I had kicked in the nuts came back over and slapped me across the face and called me a bitch. He leaned over nose-to-nose with me and said he was going to show me what a real man does to a woman, and I head-butted him. I know I broke his nose. It's his blood all over my uniform. The others grabbed him and said to come on, they needed to get out of here. He started back toward me, but the big one got between us and told him they needed to get out. They just left me there tied up and gagged. I sat there over three hours before Sheldon found me. That's why I had to pee when Leonard came in."

"Which chair?"

Penny stood, went to the doorway, and pointed, saying, "That one, the one behind the sofa, next to the bedroom door."

"Charlie," one of the officers said, "Why don't you get on the radio and see if dispatch can contact all the emergency rooms in the area and see if anyone suspicious has come in with one guy with a head injury, another with a groin injury and broken nose, and another with broken teeth."

"And an eye injury," Penny said.

"An eye injury?"

"Yeah: When they were trying to hold me down, I scratched one across the eyes with my nails. Darn! I broke my nail."

"OK, Charlie, what's the body count now, a head injury—probably a concussion—one with broken teeth, a nose injury, a groin injury, a broken nose, and an eye injury."

"Miss," one of the officers said, "These guys coming up the stairs are our crime scene investigators. We've called paramedics. We need to take you to the ER to have you checked out. Do we have someone who could stay here with the officers while they go through your apartment for evidence? James here found one whole tooth and parts of two others, and there's a lot of blood on the carpet. We also have the nylon tie, the athletic tape, and the socks they stuffed into your mouth. Is there any other evidence you know about other than your uniform?"

"The ball bat is somewhere. When they took it from me, they threw it behind the sofa."

"Before we take you to the ER, do you know what all was taken?"

"I know they took my pocketbook, my flat screen TV, and my pink Dell laptop computer. If they took anything else before I got home, I just don't know. Oh, no, my billfold with all my credit cards was in my pocketbook, and my iPhone. And I had gotten all the way to Happy Birthday in _Angry Birds_!"

The paramedics arrived and tried to get Penny to allow them to put her on a gurney.

"No, I can walk," she said. "And Leonard's coming with me."

One of the paramedics tried to put his hand on Penny's arm and said, "Miss, it's all right. It's procedure. If you will let me put on the gurney, we'll take good care of you."

"You can take your hands off me. I'm walking."

Leonard held Penny's hand and said, "Come on, guys. I don't think all of us put together could make her ride the gurney if she doesn't want to."

Penny and Leonard walked down the stairs behind the paramedics and climbed into the waiting ambulance.


	2. Chapter 02: Penny Meets the Press

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 02: Penny Meets the Press—Version 2

About an hour later, Penny was sitting on the examination table wearing a gown. A technician was carefully scraping under her fingernails and put the scrapings into vials. Dr. Patel came in and said, "Miss, your X-Rays look good. You only have some abrasions from the athletic tape on your face and some trauma to your wrist nerves from the nylon tie, but I don't think there's any permanent damage. You don't have any broken ribs, and, other than the nerve trauma to the wrist, you have some strained ligaments in the wrists, nothing that I think will be permanent. We'll want the orthopedic and neurology departments to do some follow-up with you, but I think that, with rest and some anti-inflammatory injections, you should be all right. They will probably want you to have some therapy on your wrists. We have a nurse who will be in with a rib brace in a few minutes and show you how to wrap yourself. It would have been better if they had broken the ribs because the deep tissue injury will be painful and will take longer to heal."

"Oh, I know how to wrap my ribs," Penny said. "Old cheerleading injury. When you're the one they throw up in the air, sometimes you crack some ribs."

Leonard walked into the room with the Diet Dr. Pepper Penny had sent him to find and handed it to her. "Yeah, Wyatt," he said into the phone. "She's doing very well, considering what she's been through. Here she is. Penny, you dad wants to talk with you."

"You called my Daddy? Why did you do that?"

"I thought he would want to hear that you are all right before he finds out what happened on the news. Here, talk to him."

"Hi, Daddy. [Pause] No, Daddy, I'm fine. [Pause] Leonard told you all about that, did he? [Scowling at Leonard] According to the doctor, I have sprains and what they think is temporary nerve trauma to the wrists, bruised ribs, and some scrapes. I'm going to be all right. [Glaring at Leonard] Leonard, though, is going to have to re-learn how to sit with my foot up his . . . no, Daddy, that's not necessary. [Pause] Daddy, no. [Pause] All right, Daddy. Call me as soon as you know when your flight is going to arrive, and I'll have somebody come get you."

"Wyatt's coming?" Leonard asked.

"Yes, thanks to you. Why did you have to upset him?"

"Penny, he made me promise him that I would tell him if anything happened to you."

"When did he get you to make the promise?"

"I don't know, we talk all the time."

"You talk to my Daddy?"

"Yeah, we've become close friends. Oh, good news, Penny," he said, "I just talked with the commander, and three people fitting your descriptions of the bad guys came into the urgent care clinic near our apartments, all with similar injuries to the ones you described. They think they have our guys."

"Which one's missing?" she asked. "There were four of them."

"I'm not sure. I know the guy whose skull you cracked came in, and the one you kicked in the, uh, groin."

"Did they get my stuff back?" Penny asked as the technician finished scraping under her nails.

"Not yet, but they're optimistic. The people at the clinic got suspicious and called the officers about a half hour after about the time you said they left your apartment. They have taken them into custody and are bringing them here because their injuries are so serious. The one you hit with the bat and the one you kicked in the groin are in pretty bad shape. The police called the judge on call and have requested a search warrant to search their car and their homes, but they don't think they had time to make it home. They are not cooperating, but they parked the car outside the clinic, and the police think your things may be in there. The officers want to go through your apartment with you when you're released and see if anything else is missing."

"You know," Penny said, "I don't think I'm going to be able to work for several days. I'm sore, and I expect that, if what I have is like some of the injuries I had as a cheerleader, I'm going to be so sore tomorrow."

Leonard said, "I already called The Cheesecake Factory and told them what happened. Your boss said to take all the time you need, that he'll have someone cover for you."

"How am I going to pay my bills?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of everything."

Penny leaned into Leonard and put her head on his shoulder as the technician cleaned her hand after finishing scraping under her fingernails. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For being so sweet and supportive. I don't know what I would do without you."

"Miss?" a nurse said as she came through the door. "There are reporters here who want to talk to you. Are you up to talking with them?"

"Me?" Penny asked, "Why do they want to talk with me?"

"We have reporters who stake out the hospital. A reporter on duty learned that a 100-pound blonde worked over four thugs twice her size, and she wants to talk with you."

Penny looked at Leonard and said, "We need to talk more about you calling my Daddy later."

Leonard turned to the nurse and said, "I think we need to get the investigators' permission for you to talk to the reporter. Do you know where Lt. Jackson is?"

"Is that the tall officer who looks like Denzel Washington?" the nurse asked. "He's just down the hall. Do you want me to get him?"

"That would be great," Leonard said. "Penny, how do you feel about talking with the press?"

"OK, I guess," Penny said, "If James approves."

"James?"

"Yes, Lt. Jackson. He's so sweet. He keeps calling me 'baby girl' and said how proud he is of me." She closed her eyes and snuggled into Leonard.

"Yes, ma'am," Lt. Jackson said a few moments later as he was coming through the door with another Diet Dr. Pepper for Penny. "What can I do for you? Is there anything I can get you, anyone I can call?"

"The press are here and want to talk with Penny," Leonard said. "I'm not sure that's a good idea, but, if you approve, it's up to Penny. What do you think?"

"How did they find out?" Lt. Jackson asked. "Well, all right: It's up to you, baby girl. What do you want to do?"

"Well, I guess I can talk with the reporter, if you and Leonard can stick around and help me call them off if I start getting uncomfortable."

"Maybe we need to get your doctor in here, too, to put a plug in the interview if they tire you out too much," Leonard said.

Dr. Patel, Penny's ER doctor, talked with Penny for a few minutes before he gave the OK for the press to come in. He and Lt. Jackson had other things to do but said that Penny should be able to handle the press just fine.

The nurse escorted Penny and Leonard into a room with a small corner table and chairs. She explained it was one of the rooms where doctors would meet with patients' families.

As soon as she saw the cameraman, Penny said, "Oh, lord: I thought I was meeting with a reporter. I don't have on any makeup, and Bernadette hasn't gotten here with my clothes yet."

"Hi, Penny," the Hallie-Berry-looking reporter said, extending her hand. "I'm Arstice Robinson with CBS. I'd like to chat with you, and no, you don't need makeup and something other than the hospital gown. This is actually better. We can show just how beaten up you were. This is my cameraman, Jason."

"Sup?" Jason asked.

"Sup?" Leonard said.

"And this?" Ms. Robinson said, extending her hand to Leonard.

"Leonard Hofstadter," Leonard said. "I'm with Penny. I can leave if you like."

"No, sweetie: Please stay," Penny said, laying her head on Leonard's shoulder again. "You've been so great through all of this."

"So Leonard is what, your fiancé?" Ms. Robinson asked.

"No, he's my boyfriend," Penny said. Penny furrowed her brows as she noticed Leonard grimace.

Penny and Ms. Robinson talked for over an hour about the events of the day. Ms. Robinson got Penny to laugh for the first time since the incident. They also talked about how Penny came out to the Los Angeles area nine years earlier to become an actress and about how difficult it had been to get roles, although Ms. Robinson remembered Penny's hemorrhoid treatment commercial. Ms. Robinson's intern showed up with the Diet Dr. Pepper Penny had said she wanted when she had offered to get her something. They laughed when Leonard asked how many Diet Dr. Peppers she had that day and wasn't she afraid she would be awake all night. "No, sweetie," Penny told him, "I plan to take so much of the pain medication that I don't think I'll be awake tonight."

They concluded the interview. Ms. Robinson had Leonard write down his telephone number in case she wanted to call Penny for any follow-up questions and to check on her. Penny asked which local station would carry the interview and when, but Ms. Robinson said, "You don't understand, Penny. I've already heard from CBS News in New York. The producers at _CBS This Morning_ want the interview. You're going national."

"Really?" Penny asked. "When will the interview air?"

"Most likely, it will air some time tomorrow. And they may want to call you while they're on the air and talk with you by phone. Do you have a head shot I could send them to put up if they call you?"

Leonard said, "Here: How about this one?" and showed a picture from his phone.

"Oh, that would be perfect," Ms. Robinson said. "Here's my card. Could you send me a high resolution copy of the picture?"

"This one is hi-res," Leonard said. "Here you go [typing on his phone], it's on the way now."

"Great," she said. "And Penny? You might want to get some representation. I think you might have more requests for interviews than you can handle after the interview airs."

By the time the interview was over, Bernadette and Amy had arrived with Penny's clothes. Leonard told her she didn't need any makeup, but Penny borrowed Bernadette's lipgloss.

On the way home, Leonard tried to get Penny to stop by a restaurant so he could get her something to eat, since she hadn't had anything since breakfast. She said they would figure out something, that she just wanted to get back to his apartment and sit on the sofa in some sleep pants and her Hello Kitty slippers, and maybe she would send him out for something.


	3. Chapter 03: Penny's Homecoming

Leonard and Penny 03

Penny Comes Home

The hulking officer opened the door for Leonard, Penny, Amy, and Bernadette.

"Dr. Hofstadter," the officer said, "Your roommate and a couple of your friends are here already. If you two will wait in your apartment until officer Davis can come, she will go over to your fiancée's apartment and do a walk-through with her to make sure everything's safe. Since we haven't apprehended the fourth member of the party that attacked your fiancée, we are going to have officers here tonight."

As the party got to the top of the stairs, they noted the officer at the door of Penny's apartment. The officer said, "Hi, guys. We're all finished here. If you will wait in Dr. Hofstadter's apartment, Sgt. Davis will come get you shortly to do a walk-through so you can come back."

"Leonard," Penny said, "I don't think I can go back into the apartment right now. Is it all right if I crash with you and Sheldon for awhile?"

"Absolutely," Leonard replied. "I would love to have you for as long as you want—forever if you want."

"Sweetie, hold that thought," Penny said. Let me get some rest, and we'll continue this conversation."

Leonard opened the door for Penny, Amy, and Bernadette. As they walked into the apartment, Howard and Raj greeted them. Sheldon was working at his computer with his back to them and did not look up.

Leonard got Penny to sit and asked her if he could get her anything. She said, "You know, I could really go for some Diet Dr. Pepper."

Leonard got Penny a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. "Who brought the Dr. Pepper?" he asked.

"I brought it, dude," Raj said. "I stopped by Costco and got a case."

Penny leaned back into the sofa cushions and closed her eyes. "You know," she said, "I would give anything for a warm bath and a beer."

"You can't have any alcohol," Leonard said. "The pain meds. Is there anything I can go out and get you?"

"No," Penny said. "I just need to wind down."

"How about I go run you a bath?" Leonard asked.

"Thank you, sweetie," Penny said. "I may take you up on that later. Let me chill for awhile."

There was a knock at the door.

Bernadette opened the door to find a beautiful brunette woman, who held up her badge. "Penny?" she asked, "I'm Sgt. Davis with the Pasadena Public Safety Victim Services Division. I need to take you over to your apartment and let you do a walk-through."

"I'm Bernadette. This is Penny," she said, pointing at Penny.

Officer Davis came in and started to sit down when all the people in the room simultaneously said, "Don't sit there." Leonard said, "That's Sheldon's spot."

"What's the difference?" Officer Davis asked. Sheldon explained why that is his spot.

"Penny, I'm Patti Davis," the pretty brunette said, extending her hand to Penny. "If you're ready, we can walk over to your apartment and do a walk-through. You have to be frantic to get back home."

"No," Penny said, "I really can't go back to my apartment right now. Maybe Bernadette will go with you and get me some clothes and my makeup—and my toothbrush."

"Sure," Bernadette said. "I'll take Raj."

"Oh, and could you bring my white sneakers? And some sleep pants and my fuzzy Hello Kitty slippers?"

"Sure."

Bernadette, Raj, and Sgt. Davis were gone for a few minutes. After she helped Bernadette and Raj carry in a couple of armloads of clothes and a makeup case, Sgt. Davis went downstairs to speak with the officers on duty there.

"Penny?" Sheldon said, finally turning toward her. "I'm glad you're all right."

"Thank you, sweetie," Penny said. "Has everyone else had anything to eat?"

"Raj and I went to The Cheesecake Factory and brought some take-out," Howard said. "It's on the counter."

"I'll pay you back," Leonard said.

"No, dude, they wouldn't take our money," Raj said. "The manager recognized us and knew it was for Penny, so they loaded us up. We could feed a small army. And Penny? Look in the box."

Penny tried to open the box, but she had to get Leonard to help, since she was still having trouble with feeling in her wrists. "Cheesecake!" she laughed.

Sgt. Davis knocked on the door. "Penny?" she said. "There's a man downstairs who claims to be your father. He said his name is Wyatt, and that's the name on his driver's license."

"Daddy!" Penny shouted. She tried to jump up but grabbed her ribs and sat back down. "Ow, ow! That's my Daddy."

"Dave, let him up. He's good," Patti said into the walkie talkie.

Wyatt could be heard running up the stairs. Howard opened the door and told him they were in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Wyatt rushed into the apartment and embraced Penny.

"Daddy!" Penny said. "Ow! Ow! I'm sore there."

"Oh, Slugger, I'm sorry," Wyatt said. He looked long and hard at Penny and said, "Penny, my poor baby." He hugged Penny tightly and looked over her head at Leonard.

"Wyatt," Leonard said, "You got here in a hurry. We just talked a little less than four hours ago."

"I lucked out. I called the AAA travel service, and they just happened to have a flight. I almost didn't make it. I walked right into the terminal, and they had a young lady waiting for me. She managed to get me and my carry-on through all the hassle very quickly. I knew one of the guys there with Homeland Security, and I think he helped me. He used to work on the farm when he was in high school with Jason. The guys there at the metal detector had the news on, and they recognized Penny from the picture they had. Once they knew who I was, they rushed me onto the plane."

"I made it on the news there? What picture did they use?" Penny asked.

"It looked like one of the pictures you had made when you started going for roles," Wyatt said. "You remember the one with you in the purple dress and all the eye makeup?"

"For Pete's sake, I was just out of high school. How did they get that one?" Penny asked. "Daddy, you know everyone here except Sgt. Patti Davis."

Wyatt said his greetings. He sat hugging Penny. Officer Davis hung in the doorway.

Raj whispered something to Howard.

"Yes," Howard said, "Her expression is like Penny's when she looks at shoes."

"Patti," Bernadette said, "Why don't you sit with us? We have plenty of food." Patti sat and helped herself to a burger from the Cheesecake Factory bag.

The friends sat chatting, eating, and watching the news with the sound very low. Wyatt, kept squeezing Penny until she yelped. Several times, CNN Headline News showed segments of Penny's hemorrhoid treatment commercial and said how an actress in Los Angeles had single-handedly taken on four home invaders and had inflicted serious injuries on three of them while only sustaining minor injuries herself. Patti managed to end up sitting next to Wyatt. Penny had laid her head on Leonard's shoulder with her father's arm around her.

A few minutes later, Bernadette whispered, "Leonard, look," and nodded at Penny. Penny was sound asleep. Leonard kissed Penny on the top of the head. Wyatt pulled his arm out from around Penny so that Leonard could hold her.

"There you go, son," Wyatt said.

The group chatted quietly while Penny began to softly snore.

"She sounds just like her mother when she snores," Wyatt said.

"Is her mother coming out?" Patti asked.

"No," Wyatt said. "She told me to come check on her, and I'll call her in a little while. She'll figure out tomorrow whether she needs to come."

"Do you and Penny's mom live on a farm?" Patti asked.

"Lisa and I divorced shortly after Penny moved out here," Wyatt said. "She still calls me to take care of everything, but she moved into town and has been working her way through the Omaha phone book."

"Mom smoked marijuana while she was pregnant with me," Penny murmured in her sleep. "It didn't hurt me, but don't tell Daddy." She resumed snoring.

"I think I need to put Penny to bed," Leonard said a few minutes later. She doesn't want to go back to her apartment tonight, so I thought I would put her in my bed, and I'll take the sofa."

"No," Penny said, trying to stir awake. "Could you stay with me and hold me tonight? I need to be held."

Leonard looked at Wyatt, who nodded _yes_ at him.

"Leonard," Wyatt said, "I'm good with you caring for Penny tonight. Whatever makes my baby comfortable. How about I take the couch? I could go sleep in her apartment, but I would like to stay nearby in case she runs into a snag. I have full confidence in you, but let me be a doting dad."

Patti said, "Wyatt, if it's all right with you, I might just keep you some company for a while."

Bernadette, Howard, Amy, and Raj put most of the leftover food into the refrigerator while giving Raj a couple of bags to take home. Bernadette and Howard took some bags over to Penny's apartment. They said their good-byes and prepared to leave. "Patti and Wyatt," Bernadette said, "We were all planning to go to a restaurant tomorrow since it's Valentine's Day, but, with all this with Penny, we thought we would order in. I hope both of you can make it. Wyatt, I assume you're going to be able to stay for a few days?"

"I really just left and didn't make any firm plans about when to return home," Wyatt said. "Penny's brother Jason basically runs the farm. I can stay as long as Penny needs me."

"I'll be here too if they haven't caught the missing suspect," Patti said. "What can I bring?"

"Just bring yourselves," Bernadette said. "We have already ordered our take-out from the Thai Palace, so all we'll need to do is show you two a menu tomorrow and call and add your order."

"Patti, please come even if they've caught the last bad guy," Wyatt said.

Leonard managed to get Penny up and walked her to the bedroom, leaving Wyatt alone with Patti. Sheldon got up and went into his bedroom complaining that there would not be enough bathrooms in the morning.


	4. Chapter 04: Penny's Night

Leonard and Penny 04

Penny's Night

Leonard closed the door to the bedroom. He said, "Penny, we need to get you out of your clothes and into something more comfortable. I think you're too sleepy for a shower. That will have to wait until tomorrow morning."

"Umm," Penny said as she lay down on the bed and snuggled against one of Leonard's pillows.

Leonard started to try to undress Penny but gave up as Penny snuggled on the bed. He let Penny start to go back to sleep in her clothes. "Stay with me?" she drowsily asked. "Hold me?"

"Sure," he said.

Leonard woke to find Penny watching him, smiling.

"Oh, hi," he said. What are you doing up?"

"I'm in some pain, and I can't take any more medication for half an hour," she said. "I'm not doing well."

"Then why are you smiling?" Leonard asked.

"I was watching you sleep," Penny said.

"Maybe I can take your mind off things for a few minutes," Leonard said. He looked at the clock. "It's after midnight. Happy Valentine's Day." He kissed her. He got up and went to the top shelf of his closet and pulled out a box wrapped in wrapping paper and sporting a bow. "This is for you."

Penny asked, "A present? For me?" She opened the box and pulled out a necklace. "Sweetie," she said. "It is so beautiful. I love it."

"I had something else I wanted to give you, but I saw this and thought of you," Leonard said.

Penny hugged him. "Could you put this on me? I still don't have all the feeling back in my hands."

Leonard fastened the necklace around her neck. She got up and looked at herself in the mirror. "It's exactly what I would have picked out for myself. Thank you." She kissed him.

"Sweetie?" Penny asked. "Could you do me a favor? I have something for you in the cubby on the left side of my headboard over in my apartment."

"I didn't expect anything," Leonard said. "It's enough that I have you."

Penny looked Leonard in the eye and said, "You do know you have me, don't you?"

"I'm not always sure," Leonard said.

"Well, you do. I know I've only said this to you once, but I love you. You have been so sweet. Why don't you go get your present. I was going to wrap it yesterday, so it's just in a Costco envelope."

"I'm intrigued," Leonard said.

"Well, don't expect too much," she said. "Money is kind of tight right now."

Leonard tiptoed out into the living room where he had laid out the pillow and blanket for Wyatt. The room was dark, but he saw lumps under the blanket. He heard a noise coming from Penny's apartment. He quietly reached into the bowl by the door and found Penny's key with the Hello Kitty figure was missing. He gently opened the door and walked across the hall. He heard Wyatt's voice coming from inside the apartment and decided to investigate.

"Wyatt?" he asked, putting his head in the door. He heard the sound of bodies scrambling. He turned on the light in the apartment and walked to Penny's bedroom door. He said, "Wyatt?" again and opened the door and turned on the light to see Wyatt and Sgt. Davis wrapped up in Penny's bed sheets looking guilty.

"Woops, sorry. I didn't mean to intrude," Leonard said and walked quickly out of the apartment and back into his and Sheldon's apartment.

Penny was already up and was walking out into the living room. "Leonard, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Just some banging over in your apartment. I checked it out, and it's, er, it's , uh, just your dad over there," Leonard said, grinning.

"What was he doing?" Penny asked.

"Sgt. Davis," Leonard said.

"What's about Sgt. Davis?" she asked.

"He was doing Sgt. Davis."

"We was. . . ." Penny said.

"Hittin' that thang," Leonard said.

"Daddy?" Penny asked, putting her hand over her mouth. "Daddy and Patti?"

"I think you can start calling her _Mom_," Leonard said.

Penny punched him and said, "Oh, crap on a cracker! And quit grinning."

"Uh, guys?" Wyatt said as he walked through the door with no shirt, pulling up his pants. "Everything all right here?"

"Oh, everything's all right with us. How about you and Officer Slut Bunny?" Penny asked.

"Leonard told you?" Wyatt asked.

"Hey, Wyatt, I don't keep secrets from Penny—no matter how freaky they are," Leonard said, grinning.

Wyatt turned bright red. "Ah, Slugger?" he said, "I, uh, I . . . ."

Penny walked over to him, put her arms around his neck, and kissed him on the cheek. "It's all right, Daddy," she said.

"Wyatt?" Patti said from the doorway. "Everything all right?"

"Hi, Patti," Penny said, "Or do I call you _Mom_ now?"

"Oh, lord," Patti said, "I'm so embarrassed."

"Oh, Patti," Penny said, "I'm just yanking your chain. I think it's great. Now if my Daddy makes comments about my nocturnal habits, I can remind him about how Leonard caught you. . . what's the expression, Leonard?"

"In flagrante delecto," Leonard said. "Or, if you prefer, 'Doin' the nasty.'"

"Yeah, what he said," Penny said, giggling. She walked over, hugged Patti, and kissed her on the cheek. She turned, grabbed Leonard's hand, and led him to the bedroom, saying, "Why don't you two give Leonard and me about five minutes and come in and see what we're doing? Maybe we'll teach you two a couple of things."

Leonard looked back and started to say something, but Penny jerked him into the bedroom.

"Ow, ow, ow!" she said, "My sprained wrist. I shouldn't have jerked you by the hand."


	5. Chapter 05: Valentine's Day, Part One

Leonard and Penny 05

Valentine's Day Part One: Ask Me Again

As Penny closed the door in the bedroom, she put her hand over her mouth and said, "Oh, my God! Did you see how they looked at each other? Like two teenagers who were caught in the back seat of a car."

Leonard looked at the clock. He said, "I think I'm too wired to go back to sleep."

Penny changed into one of Leonard's T-shirts and a pair of his sleep pants. She came back to bed and crawled into his arms. She twisted the necklace between her fingers. "You know something?" she asked, snuggling. "You really love me. I mean, I already knew you loved me. But you have been so great with me, so supportive, so loving through all of this. You probably don't realize I noticed, but I'll catch you looking at me with this look on your face that is so adoring. And you have been so sweet: I know you have to be angry about what happened to me, but you have been there for me and not just there showing how angry you are. I don't see how I could have ever doubted how much you love me when Alex hit on you."

"I do love you—with every fiber of my being," Leonard said. "Penny, I am so proud of you. Even before all of this, I have been so proud of you. You are so amazing. I love you so much."

"Leonard?" Penny asked, snuggling even closer. "Ow, ow, ow! I shouldn't have done that. You're being so gentle with me, and I go and hurt myself. It's tough getting used to bruised ribs. Uh, I have a question for you."

Leonard did not say anything.

"Leonard, everyone keeps calling you my fiancé. Does it hurt your feelings when I correct them?"

Leonard was quiet for a few moments and then said, "When you correct them, you're being accurate. I'm not your fiancé. You said _no_."

"Yes, I know," Penny said. "But you didn't answer my question. Do I hurt your feelings when I correct them and tell them you're not my fiancé?"

"Penny, this is not about me. It's about you. I want to do everything to support you and nothing that makes things worse. If you feel a need to correct them, that's what you need to do."

"But does it hurt your feelings?"

Leonard didn't answer her.

Penny said, "It does. I'm so sorry. I don't want to say you're my fiancé if you're not, but I don't want to hurt your feelings."

"As I said, it's not about me. It's about what you want," Leonard said.

"What do you want, Leonard? What would make you happy? If you had your way, we would be engaged, wouldn't we?" Penny said.

"No," Leonard replied. "If I had my way, we wouldn't be engaged. We would be married. We would have been married for several years now and busy planning our future together."

Penny gave Leonard a thoughtful look.

"Oh, God, Leonard, I'm so sorry. You know I love you, don't you?" Penny asked.

"How would I know you love me?" Leonard asked. "You've never told me you do, and every time I try to talk about our future, you freak out."

"I've told you I love you," Penny insisted.

"No," Leonard said, "You've never told me you love me. You told me that I know you love me. You've never come out and directly said you love me."

"You're right," Penny said. "How do you think I feel about you?"

"Penny, I don't think this is a good time for such a heavy conversation. Look what you've been through the last day or so. I don't want to add more stress on you."

"Is it that bad, Leonard?" Penny asked, beginning to cry softly.

"Penny," Leonard said, squeezing her. "I think maybe you know that I love you with every fiber of my being, but you just don't feel the same way. I think maybe one day you'll find someone you do love and will leave me." Leonard looked away from Penny.

"Are you going to leave me?" Penny asked.

"I'll have to admit I've thought about it," Leonard said. "I see how hard this relationship is for you. You've never told me you love me, and you freak out if I try to tell you how I feel about you or try to discuss our relationship. Sometimes, I think that it shouldn't be that hard for you and maybe my sticking around just keeps you from being able to finding someone you could love the way you deserve. Penny, you deserve to have someone in your life you can love without reservation, with all of your soul. I worry that's not me."

"Leonard," Penny said, "Ask me again."

"Ask you what again?" he asked.

"You know," Penny said. "Ask me."

"Are you serious?" Leonard asked.

"Leonard," Penny said. "Just because I don't say 'I love you' doesn't mean I don't. Leonard, you know I've been hurt in the past. I've had such a hard time trusting anyone. But I have seen you at the deepest, darkest time of my life, and all I see is that you love me and would never hurt me. Leonard, I love you too. Just like you said, I love you with every fiber of my being. I want the same thing you do—with you, nobody else. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Leonard stared into Penny's eyes for a few moments. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. Ask me again."

"Penny," Leonard said, "I don't think now is the right time. I had actually planned something for today, but, now that you've been through all of this, I just don't think it would be right."

"Leonard," Penny said. "I didn't let the bad guys win. How can you? I love you, and I want to be with you. Don't let them take anything else from us, not one moment. Ask me."

Leonard looked down and then looked into Penny's eyes for a few moments. Then he said, "Hold that thought a moment. We're going to do this the right way."

Leonard got out of bed, picked up a step stool, and opened the door to his closet. He climbed up and fished around on the top shelf and brought down a little blue box. He walked over to the bed, where by now Penny was sitting with her feet on the floor. He sat next to her. He said, "This has been in my safety deposit box at the bank, but I got it out a few days ago."

"Penny," he said, looking into her eyes. "The first time I met you, when Sheldon and I walked up the stairs and saw you standing there in your cut-off shorts, tank top, and tennis shoes, my first thought was that this was the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. But I didn't have that thought long because you immediately showed me that there was so much more to you and I replaced it with how amazing you are. You became Sheldon's and my friend right then and there. Ever since that moment, every day I've seen so much more than just how beautiful you are. Penny, you are the kindest, sweetest, most emotionally generous person I've ever met. You're the strongest person, and you won't agree with this, but the smartest person I've ever known—and the most infuriating."

Leonard opened the box, revealing a beautiful, old-fashioned gold ring set with a large diamond and dark amber citrines on each side. The ring had filigree over the entire diameter where there were no stones. The inside top of the box read _Tiffany's Art Deco. _He went down on one knee and held the open box in front of him.

"Holy crap on a cracker," Penny whispered when she saw the ring.

Leonard said, "Penny, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I want nothing more than to spend every day for the rest of my life trying to make you happy, trying to deserve you. Penny? Would you do me the greatest honor of my life and become my wife? Penny, will you marry me?"

Penny stared Leonard in the eyes for a few moments. She took his hand not holding the box and kissed it. "Yes," she said. "Yes, I will marry you."

Leonard looked stunned for a moment and then handed Penny the ring. "Then this is for you."

Penny took the ring box in her hand and stared at the ring. She kissed Leonard and then hugged him for several minutes. Then she looked back into Leonard's eyes and said, "I don't know what to say. How could you afford a ring like this? You didn't make it in your lab did you? With lasers?"

"No," Leonard said, finally smiling. "The ring belonged to my grandmother. She left it to me. She wanted me to give it to the love of my life when she agreed to be my wife. She wanted it to stay in the family."

Penny wrinkled her nose and asked, "Ew. They didn't take it off her dead body, did they?"

"No," Leonard laughed and said. "She had to take it off when she had a knuckle replacement for her arthritis. She always planned to begin wearing it again, but she had a massive stroke and had to go into an assisted living facility. The family didn't think it was a good idea to have something this expensive on her finger and put it away for her."

"How did you get it? Your sister is older. She didn't want it?"

"Grandmama left it to me," Leonard said. "She and I were so close. She wanted me to have it. We'll need to go to Tiffany's on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. They're expecting you to size it. Actually, Bernadette and Amy helped me out. Amy distracted you, and Bernadette sneaked into your bedroom and took a ring from your jewelry box. I took it with me to Tiffany's, but the jeweler said that, with a ring with this much detail, he would really prefer to size it directly to you. Bernadette sneaked the ring she took back into your jewelry box."

"Bernadette and Amy knew that you were going to propose to me?" Penny asked.  
"They knew I was planning to propose to you today, but, after all this happened to you, I thought I would put things on hold because I didn't want to put any more pressure on you, and I didn't want you to ever think that I was trying to take advantage of the bad things that happened to you. They agreed with me. They'll be surprised I went through with it."

By now, Penny had the ring on her finger. "Perfect fit," she said. "It looks new."

"The jeweler cleaned it and checked the stones to make sure they are still secure, but he wanted to wait to have your actual finger before he tried to size it."

"Well, it fits perfectly."

"What a coincidence. There's an inscription," he said. Penny pulled off the ring and held it under the light. "What does it say," she asked, "One ring to rule them all . . . ?"

"No," Leonard said, handing Penny a magnifying glass."

"Here it is," she said. "'Where you go, I go.' Leonard, that's so sweet."

"It's from the Book of Ruth. Oh, we have this too," Leonard said, walking over to his bookshelf and picking up an organic chemistry textbook. He opened it and pulled out an envelope. The personalized envelope had the initials ESH. He handed it to Penny. "That's Grandmama's personal stationery." The envelope read _To Leonard's future bride upon her and Leonard's engagement._

"It's sealed with wax," Penny said.

"Grandmama always said she was born 100 years after her time," Leonard said. "When her grandmother died, she left her this neat little wax seal that she would use to seal envelopes for special occasions. When she was a little girl, her grandmother showed her how to use it, and she left it to Grandmama when she died. She left it to me and showed me how to use it. I have it in my jewelry box, and I think you should have it. Every birthday, she would give me a nice present along with an envelope with a savings bond for my future and would always seal the envelope with wax. Here, let me show you how to open it without harming the envelope."

Leonard got his Swiss Army Knife from the desk drawer. He carefully slid the blade under the seal and gently lifted it intact. Penny withdrew the contents, which included a letter on personalized stationery that matched the envelope and a business card.

"What's in the letter?" she asked.

"I have no idea," Leonard said. "Grandmama was the last of the great letter writers. She said it was a lost art. I didn't even know the letter existed until Mother gave it to me at the same time she gave me the ring when she left my father."

Penny said, "What beautiful handwriting." She began:

To my new granddaughter. Welcome to our family. Since you are reading this letter rather than sitting next to me at a table sharing a pot of tea, I have to assume that I am no longer living, or that I am unable to function well enough to meet with you and get to be your friend. I must say I hope that we meet in person and we get to have a laugh over this letter. However, as I write this letter, Leonard is still young, and I am old. It does not look good that I will still be there when he becomes engaged.

I have had many imaginary conversations with you and feel as if we are already dear friends and that I have come to love you as my granddaughter. Please indulge an eccentric old lady.

Since I am making assumptions, I must assume that you are someone I have never met. As amazing as Leonard is, as I write this to you, I am his only friend other than my housekeeper Matilda. The other children, being children, do not have the maturity to recognize what a special and dear boy Leonard is. All they see is a young boy who is small for his age and who is bullied and harassed by his peers, someone who is so much more intelligent than they that he seems alien to them. They are unable to see that he has the deepest capacity to love of anyone they will ever meet.

My dear, as you no doubt have already seen, Leonard has an old soul. He has a depth that adults many years his senior do not have. He is the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I have ever known. I love all three of my grandchildren dearly, but Leonard and I have always been not just grandmother and grandson but best friends as well. How many times have I held him as he cried because the other children were horrible to him and told him that, as long as I drew breath, there would be at least one person who loves and cherishes him. The fact that you love him [Penny's voice begins to tremble] and have agreed to be his wife means that you are special, the sort of person Leonard deserves.

[Penny wipes her eyes and blows her nose into the handkerchief Leonard offers.]

Please be kind to Leonard. And please know that, as much as you think he loves you, he most certainly loves you much more. Once Leonard gives his heart to you, he will love you with all of his soul forever. Please know that he is a sensitive young man. Please do not hurt him.

[Penny looked at Leonard with a tear running down her cheek.]

My dear, Leonard may have told you that all four of his grandparents came from money. I do not tell you this to boast. I tell you this because of what I will tell you in a moment. First, though, know that Leonard is such an enlightened soul that he will love you because of who and what you are, regardless of your background. He would love the least financially well-off young woman as much as he would a young woman from a family with money: Your finances will make absolutely no difference to him. Therefore, there is a very good chance that you have dreamed of your perfect wedding but could use some help paying for it. Toward that end, please find the business card I have inserted into the folds of this letter. It contains the name of the attorney who, at the time I am writing this letter, handles my affairs and whom I will appoint in my will to handle my estate upon my death. Assuming that I am deceased, you will need to call the number on the card and ask for the attorney listed on it or, if the telephone number has changed, call Leonard's father or his brother Michael, who can tell you how to contact the firm now handling my estate. I have left something for you, my dear.

Leonard and I often had long talks about my wedding, and I have always told him that I wanted to pay for his wedding. I hope this does not interfere with your parents' plans. One of Leonard's favorite things to do has been to go through my wedding picture album and have me tell him the stories about all of the pictures. I hope that you get the opportunity to view the album yourself. But I digress. I have set aside some money to help you pay for the kind of wedding every young woman deserves. Leonard does not know anything about this—it is between you and me. The money is set aside for you and no one else. The only people who will know about it will be whomever you choose to tell. If Leonard should die without marrying, which I sincerely hope will not happen, the money will go elsewhere. I pray that he will find someone. If not, well, you will not be reading this anyway. If you have accepted his proposal, however, it is for you.

The attorney who set up this trust assured me that he set it up in a way that you will not owe any taxes on it. It is yours, as they say, free and clear. Please accept this gift from a doting grandmother. Again, no one knows about this except my attorney, me, and, now, you. It is no one else's business. I have left you this money hoping that you will use it for your wedding, but it is yours: Do with it what you will. I have also left instructions that you are to receive pictures of my wedding gown. It was a Dior and has been in storage for many years. If you want it, it is yours. If you do not want it, it will remain in the family, and perhaps it will be back in style by the time your daughter marries, or your son's fiancée can decide if she wants it.

There will be other letters at other times. Once my attorney knows your identity, he will notify you when it is time to deliver another letter from me.

Again, my dear, welcome to the family.

Sincerely,

-Emily Stratford Hofstadter

December 12, 1993

Penny buried her face in Leonard's chest and wept for a few moments. "She loved you so much," she said.

Leonard, who was wiping away a tear himself, said, "She's right. She was my best friend. I miss her so much." He took the letter from Penny and re-read it to himself. "That's amazing," he said.

Leonard kissed Penny deeply and said, "I love you."

Penny hugged him tightly and said, "Ow, ow, ow, why do I keep doing that? Oh, I love you too. Leonard, this is a good thing. You have made me the happiest I have ever been. Stop looking so serious."

"Now we get to tell both sets of parents and all our friends," Leonard said.

Penny kissed him on the cheek and said, "I can't wait to be your wife."


	6. Chapter 06: Valentine's Day, Part Two

Leonard and Penny 06

Valentine's Day Part Two: The Reveal

Penny stood at the mirror putting on lipstick.

"You know," Leonard said, "It's almost as if we're an old married couple. You're getting dressed and putting on makeup, and I'm sitting here watching you in our bedroom."

"I think I would leave off the 'old' part if you ever want to see me naked again," Penny said. "I was kind of out of it last night from all the excitement and the pain medication, so I don't remember. What's the plan for today?"

Leonard said, "Not to mention that you got wired on, what, six Diet Dr. Peppers?"

"Eight," Penny said. "It's a wonder I didn't float off your mattress last night."

"You don't have any doctor's appointments today," Leonard said. "The police thought you should stay home where they can keep an eye on you until the missing suspect is caught, and the doctors thought it would be a good idea for you to stay in and rest. The trauma folks want to meet with you when you feel like it, but they said you need some rest. We may hear from them."

"Don't you need to go to work?" Penny asked.

"I'm going to stay here today. I can do what I need to do from here. Really, I thought I would see what you want to do. We can watch movies if you want, just whatever. It's going to get exciting once everyone knows we're engaged, and, of course, we're all getting together tonight for Valentine's Day. What do you want to do?"

"You know, sitting around here with you and my Daddy getting some rest and letting you take care of me sounds good," Penny said. "Oh, my interview is coming on in a couple of minutes on the East Coast."

At that moment, Leonard's phone rang. He handed it to Penny and said, "It has to be for you."

"Yes? [Pause] Yes, this is Penny. [Pause] Sure." She whispered, "They will be back with me in a few minutes. Yes? [Pause] I'm still here. [Pause] OK, the show runs here three hours later than New York, so we will be able to see it during our feed at what," she asked looking at the clock, "Around 8:04? [Pause] Sure." She held her hand over the phone and mouthed, "Standing by. They want to interview me as soon as the recorded interview has finished."

A few minutes later, Nora O'Donnell came on the line. Leonard sat while Penny spoke with her while the interview was running, and then Nora put Penny on the air and interviewed her for several minutes. As she said goodbye to Ms. O'Donnell, Penny mouthed, "They want me to hold." A few moments later, a producer came on the line and spoke with Penny for several minutes. Penny hung up the phone.

"They want to do a follow-up interview down the road," she said. "Nora was so sweet."

"You told her you like the way she does her eye makeup," Leonard said.

"I did, didn't I? Oh, no: I jabber when I'm nervous. I hope I didn't come across like an airhead," Penny said.

"No," Leonard said, "You came across as absolutely adorable. I can't wait to see the interview."

"They are thinking about having me go into the local affiliate and do a remote interview from Los Angeles," she said. "That would be tremendous."

"You did notice that you told them we're engaged?" Leonard asked. "Don't you think we need to tell your dad and our friends before they see the interview?"

"Oh, crap on a cracker," Penny said, "I didn't think about that. We need to call them."

"It's just a little before 5:30 here," Leonard said. "Should we call them now?"

There was a soft knock on the door. "Penny? Leonard?" Wyatt asked. "I heard your voices. Is everything all right?"

"Yes, Daddy. Come on in," Penny said. She slipped her hand into Leonard's, hiding the ring.

Wyatt came in. "Raj is here," he said. He brought breakfast. He's so excited about Penny's interview he couldn't sleep and thought he would come over. I told him it's over two hours from now, but he's so excited I invited him on in."

"I just talked with Nora O'Donnell," Penny said. "She interviewed me after they ran my interview on the East Coast. I can't wait to see it when it runs here. Leonard, is it too early to call Howard and Bernadette? Maybe they want to come and watch the interview?"

"I just emailed Howard," Leonard said. "If he's up, he'll see it any moment now."

At just that moment, Leonard's phone rang. "Hi, Howard," Leonard said, "Yeah, we're all here except for you guys and Amy, and Raj brought breakfast. We thought we might all get together and watch Penny's interview. It will run starting at 8:04 here. She has already had an interview by phone. [Pause] OK, we'll see you guys. Uh, Howard, if I know Bernadette, she is going to want to stop off for coffee. If you do, could you get Penny a coffee?"

Leonard turned off the phone and unplugged it from the charger. "They'll be here around 7:30," he said. "Bernadette has been up most of the night worried about Penny. She wanted to come back, but Howard convinced her that Penny needed her rest. She's getting dressed now and is on the phone to Amy telling her we're all getting together now. Howard has already left a message with my department head's voicemail and said that I will work from home today and maybe for the next couple of days because of what happened."

"Are you going to get into trouble?" Penny asked.

"No," Leonard said. "I have put in so many hours at night with the argon laser that they've been pestering me to take off some time. Besides, I'm working with the team in Switzerland right now, and they are nine hours ahead of us, so I do a lot of the work from here. I could actually do it from anywhere, as long as I have Wi-Fi or can connect with my air card."

Penny decided that it was better for her to remain in the bedroom until she and Leonard could tell everyone at the same time that they were engaged because the women—and Raj—would immediately recognize that she was wearing an engagement ring. She sent Leonard to the living room to get her a plate of the pastries Raj had brought.

"Penny," Raj said, looking at the screen. "The newspaper in Omaha has your picture and a really nice story about what happened to you. They make you sound like Xena. You were the Corn Queen?"

"No, I was in the Corn Queen's Court, though," Penny said through the bedroom door. "Can you send the article to my email address? Leonard, could you bring in your laptop? And, Raj, what are you doing being able to talk with me?"

"I put a little Copa de Oro in my coffee," Raj said. "It makes it so much better."

"Sweetheart, why don't you join us?" Wyatt asked at the bedroom door.

"I have to work on something. I'll be out when the others get here," Penny said.

Leonard took his laptop and the plate of pastries to the bedroom, where Penny was sitting propped up in the bed with pillows. Sheldon, who was up by now, was loudly complaining that everyone was his breaking his no talking through doors rule.

After about a half hour, there was a knock on the door. Bernadette and Howard came in carrying a large bag with take-out boxes with Amy behind them carrying two insulated jugs.

"You guys didn't need to bring breakfast," Leonard said. "Raj was kind enough to bring us pastries."

"We stopped in to get coffee at Jittery Joe's next door to El Jalisco Mexican Restaurant," Howard said. "Manuel, the El Jalisco owner, was there the same time we were and recognized us as being your friends. He asked if we would see you today. We said we were coming to see you now. He made us come into El Jalisco while he went back to the kitchen. He came out and handed us the take-out boxes. He said he wanted to send you breakfast."

Leonard opened a couple of the boxes. "Huevos rancheros!" he said. "I didn't know El Jalisco opened for breakfast."

"They don't," Howard said. "Manuel gets there before 6:00 to open up for the day. He said he wanted to do something for Penny. He said his children heard the news reports about her and are excited that he knows her. They want to meet her. He gave us this from his daughter." He handed Leonard a crayon drawing of a vaguely female figure with bright yellow hair, bright red lips, and a baseball bat.

"That's so sweet," Penny said when Leonard told her Howard and Bernadette had brought huevos rancheros and took her the picture. "Everybody is being so sweet. I'll have to do something special for Manuel and his children. This picture is so beautiful. I'm going to frame it and put it up where I can see it every day."

"Look at all this food," Penny said when she came into the living room with Leonard holding her hand so no one could see the ring. "There's enough here to feed us 10 times over. We'll have to send some of all of this down to the officers."

"Happy Valentine's Day, guys," Bernadette said. "What have we missed? Penny, did you get any sleep?"

"I kept snoozing, but I really don't think I slept very long," she said. "I would sleep a little while after I took the pain medication, but it would wear off too quickly."

"The longest she slept at any one time was about 90 minutes," Leonard said. He looked at Wyatt and Patti and said, "We had a little excitement after you guys left, but I'll tell you about it later." Patti blushed and Wyatt cleared his throat.

"Penny had an extra phone interview with _CBS This Morning_ during their 8:00 East Coast live feed while they ran the interview from yesterday. We'll get it here between 8:00 and 8:30," Wyatt said. "Patti, why don't you get breakfast? There's plenty."

Patti nibbled a bit from some of the pastries. Wyatt insisted she eat more and served her a plate.

By then, Sheldon was looking in the cupboard for coffee. "Our coffee maker only makes four cups of coffee at a time," he said. "Oh, good: We're almost out of coffee. I don't drink coffee, but I don't want to hear one of Penny's hissy fits if we run out."

"Sheldon, I still have the baseball bat," Penny said. Sheldon backed away from her and slid in behind Howard.

"No worries," Howard said. "When the people at Jittery Joe's heard that we were coming to see Penny, and the extra coffee we ordered was for her, they gave us a couple of jugs of coffee. They just need us to take the containers back when they're empty. There's more coffee here than even Bernadette could drink."

"Howie and I can go to the grocery store for you guys on the way home from work today if you want," Bernadette said. "Just let us know what you need."

Penny whispered into Leonard's ear, "I think now's a good time."

"Uh, guys?" Leonard said, holding Penny's hand. "Could Penny and I have your attention for a couple of minutes?" He looked at Penny and asked, "Do you want to tell them, or do you want me to?"

"You start," Penny said.

Bernadette's eyes became big, and she began to jump up and down fanning herself, saying, "Ooh! Ooh!"

"You all right, Bernadette?" Leonard asked.

"What's up?" Raj asked. Bernadette whispered into his ear. "Dude!" he said and began to fan himself as well. Amy just looked puzzled. Sheldon sat at his computer complaining that somehow his mouse didn't work correctly after Raj used it. Patti grinned and squeezed Wyatt's hand.

"Guys," Leonard said, "Penny and I asked everyone here because we have something special to tell our dearest friends, our new friends [looking at Patti], and Penny's dad, who has become one of my dearest friends. Penny and I had a long talk this morning. We talked a lot about our future, and I asked her to marry me." He released Penny's hand.

"And I said yes," Penny said, holding up her hand with the ring.

"Oooh, ooh!" Bernadette and Raj said at the same time, jumping up and down with Penny, who by now was jumping up and down and squealing with them. Bernadette hugged Penny and then Leonard with Raj jumping up and down as he waited his turn with each of them.

Raj held up Penny's hand and looked at the ring. "Ooh, it is a Tiffany Art Deco engagement ring with diamonds and citron," Raj said. "Old fashioned, but very elegant. Dude, how could you afford a ring like this? Did you make it in the lab with the lasers and the 3D printer? Look at the filigree."

"No," Bernadette said. "It was his grandmother's. She left it to him."

"You knew he was going to propose?" Howard asked Bernadette.

Amy said, "We were in on it, but, Leonard, I thought you decided not to propose, given everything Penny had been through."

"We had a long talk, a nice one," Penny said. "I told him to ask me again."

Wyatt, who had been standing looking stunned, came over and started to hug Penny but stopped. He asked, "Sweetheart, is it going to hurt you if I hug you?"

Penny hugged him and said, "No, Daddy. Just don't squeeze me too hard." They stood there holding each other for a very long time. Wyatt kissed the top of her head.

When he let go of Penny, Wyatt grabbed Leonard and hugged him. "Welcome to the family, son," he said. He took out his phone and called Penny's mother. He left a voicemail to call him as soon as she checked her messages.

"I hope Mom talks to us before she sees the interview," Penny said. "I told Nora O'Donnell that Leonard and I became engaged this morning."

Shortly before 8:00, Raj, Amy, and Howard returned from taking breakfast and coffee to the officers posted downstairs as Nora O'Donnell teased Penny's interview before breaking for local news and weather. They all sat fascinated watching the interview and afterwards said how positive the interview was and how well Penny did. After it was over, Penny said, "That was lovely. Did I really look that bad?"

"You looked pretty bad when I brought your clothes to the hospital," Bernadette said. "But the picture they showed while Nora O'Donnell was talking to you showed just how beautiful you are. That's one of the pictures Leonard has on his phone."

Leonard said, "Whoever edited the hour interview down to seven minutes did a tremendous job."

The group sat there talking about the interview and what they planned to do that evening to celebrate Penny and Leonard's engagement. Penny put an ice pack on the right side of her face, which had an increasingly nasty bruise.


	7. Chapter 07: Ellen

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 07, Ellen

A few minutes later, the phone rang again, and Leonard handed it back to Penny. "It's for you, CBS again."

"Yes?" Penny said, "Oh, that's so sweet, Nora. Yes, I'm here with my fiancé, our friends, and my Daddy. We watched the interview. [Pause] Oh, that's super." She turned to the group and whispered, "They're going to air a lot of the rest of the interview over the next several days. [Pause] Yes? [Pause] Oh, that's great. [Pause] All right. [Pause] Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. He will appreciate it. Bye."

Penny handed the phone back to Leonard and said, "Nora sends her congratulations to you and her best wishes to me on our engagement. She is going to send me her personal contact information and wants to hear from me. She was so sweet. She wants to know when we have set a date."

As 9:00 approached, Howard and Bernadette kissed each other goodbye, and Bernadette went to her job. Amy left for her clinic. Raj offered Howard and Sheldon a ride to the university. Just after they had left, Leonard's phone rang again.

"Hello?" Leonard asked. [Pause] Yes, she is here. Hold on." He handed the phone to Penny. "It's Nora O'Donnell again. She wants to talk with you."

"Hi, Nora," Penny said. "Oh, really? She wants to talk with me? [Pause] Sure. Please do. [Pause] Oh, aren't you sweet. I will. [Pause] Sure. Bye, Nora."

Penny told Leonard, Wyatt, and Patti that Ellen Degeneres had seen her interview with Norah O'Donnell and wanted to talk with her. Nora had wanted Penny's permission to give Ellen her contact information. As Penny was talking, Leonard's phone rang again. Leonard just handed it to Penny without looking at the screen.

"Hello? [Pause] Yes, this is Penny. [Pause] Oh, hello, Ellen. [Pause] Yes, that's what Nora said. [Pause] Thank you. That's so nice. Yes, we just got engaged this morning. [Pause] Oh, that's sweet. I'll be sure to tell him. [Pause] No, I'm having some problems today. My ribs are really sore today, and I still have some problems with lack of feeling in my hands and fingers, but the doctor says I'm OK. I have a nasty bruise on my face where one of the losers hit me while I was tied up and gagged. [Long pause] Sure, it's all right with me, but let me ask the police officer who is heading up the squad protecting me."

Penny turned to Patti and said, "Ellen wants to interview me. Do you think it's safe for me to go to her studio and have the interview?"

"Penny," Patti said, "The fourth member of the group who attacked you is still at large. I don't feel good about your going outside even with a heavy escort until we have him, since they've already shown they don't mind hurting you. If there's going to be a studio audience, that just sets up too many security risks. I'm sorry."

"Hello, Ellen?" Penny said, "Oh, you heard? [Pause] Let me ask. "Leonard, would you have any objection to having Ellen and her crew come here to interview me?"

"No, no problem," Leonard said. "When?"

"Sure, Ellen, when?" Penny asked. She turned to Leonard and said, "In about two hours? [Leonard nods _yes_.] Ellen? That will be fine. Sgt. Davis, who is over the squad protecting me, wants to talk with you. Here she is."

Penny handed the phone to Patti, who spoke with Ellen for a few minutes before handing the phone back to Penny.

"Ellen?" Penny said. "I heard. It sounds as if you have worked out everything? [Pause] OK, I'll see you then."

"I'll go downstairs and talk to the guys," Patti said. "We'll need to bring in a few more officers if they're going to remote from here." As she left, she gave Wyatt's shoulder a squeeze.

Precisely two hours later, Patti called from downstairs to tell Leonard that Ellen and her crew had arrived. It took a few minutes to verify that everyone who was trying to come in was actually Ellen's crew. Leonard was waiting at the top of the stairs as Patti escorted Ellen and the three guys with her into the apartment.

Ellen immediately came over and hugged Penny and told her how proud she was of her and how beautiful she is. She caressed the right side of Penny's face and said, "You poor thing." They chatted while the crew set up their equipment. Penny introduced Leonard and Wyatt. The guys moved the furniture so they could put up their tripod and hook up their sound equipment. Zack, the cameraman, kept remarking how neat the apartment was, with all of the action figures and all of the neat posters.

"Zack's a SciFi geek," Ellen said. "He goes to all these cons. My goodness, this apartment looks like Darth Vader's bathroom."

"Zack, you should have been here when the guys bought the time travel machine from the movie. It took up the whole apartment," Penny said.

"Dude!" Zack said, high-fiving Leonard.

Ellen's director Gregg suggested that they do the interview a few minutes at a time since Ellen had to wing it. As they were talking, Sgt. Davis escorted a pretty blonde woman named Jamie into the apartment.

"Oh, Penny," Ellen said, "This is Jamie Simpson, [exaggerating a Southern accent] from Powdersville, South Carolina. She's going to do your hair and makeup."

"Wow," Penny said, "You are gorgeous. If you can make me look one tenth as beautiful as you are, I'll be happy." She, Ellen, and Jamie talked while Jamie did Penny's hair and makeup and Wyatt and Leonard sat watching in amazement. The four women disappeared into the bedroom while Jamie and Ellen went through the clothes Penny had Bernadette bring from her apartment. They picked out a nice pink-red top and black pants. When Penny came out with the outfit on, Jamie finished her makeup. She explained that she could probably cover up the bruise on Penny's cheek, but it was probably good to show it.

"Oh, that is so sexy," Penny said looking in the mirror. "I don't usually think of myself as a red lipstick girl, but that color is so pretty. And look, Leonard, it's the same color as my blouse."

Leonard made a sort of moaning sound. Patti looked at him and smiled.

"Here," Jamie said, handing her the lipstick and a lip liner. "Keep these. What do you think, Leonard?"

"She's beautiful," Leonard said.

"I guess my little girl's grown up, Wow!" Wyatt said.

Ellen and her crew stayed for more than two hours. They talked about a wide range of topics, not just the home invasion. Ellen brought up that she understood that Penny and Leonard had become engaged that morning, and she and Jamie oo'd and ah'd over the ring. During the filming, Ellen even mentioned, "Penny, that's some piece of hardware you're wearing. Tell me about it." Ellen said that she ordinarily likes to dance with her guests, but Penny said she would have to take a rain check because she was in such pain and was so stiff she thought she would look silly.

Ellen then asked, "So, Penny: We're in your fiancé Leonard's apartment. [Looking around] Obviously, he's into sciency stuff. So what's his deal?"

"My fiancé—goodness, that's the first time I've called him that—is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. He's sitting just off camera with my Daddy." Zach took a brief shot of Leonard and Wyatt. "He holds the National Science Foundation chair in experimental physics at Cal TEC. His roommate, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, who's at work, holds the Albert Einstein chair in theoretical physics there as well."

"What's the difference between experimental and theoretical physics?" Ellen asked.

"Theoretical physics," Penny said, "deals with the theoretical principals of how the universe works, such topics as entropy, black holes, and the like. The two main theories right now are quantum mechanics and string theory. Sheldon is an advocate of string theory. Experimental physicists start with the theories of how the universe works and design laboratory experiments to attempt to determine whether there is support for one theory vs. another one and then tries to translate what they find into practical applications. For example, Leonard, my fiancé, has been working with the experimental physicists at the super collider at Cern in Switzerland to identify the Boson Particle. It's so neat that he can sit in his lab or even here or at the beach and work with the collider. He was even able to make an adjustment to the equipment in Switzerland from his phone when we were at a wedding reception. Due to the nine-hour time difference between here and Switzerland, he does a lot of his work from here at night. He is also working on laser applications and holograms. You should visit his lab at Cal TEC. He can project things right there in front of you, such as a real-time 3D image of the Earth. There are other things he's working on, but he can't tell me about them until I get a security clearance."

Ellen was quiet for a moment. "What are you," she asked, "a super genius? How do you know all that?"

"After awhile, I guess it rubs off on you," Penny said.

"Wow: Two people in your life like that, you must have interesting conversations."

"Actually," Penny said, "it's not just Leonard and Sheldon. "Sheldon's girlfriend and one of my two best friends, Dr. Amy Farah Fowler, has a Ph.D. in neuroscience. My other best friend, Bernadette, has a Ph.D. in microbiology. She is married to one of our best friends, Howard Wolowitz, who is an astronaut and just returned from the International Space Station. Our other dear friend is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali. He holds the Carl Sagan chair in astrophysics at Cal TEC. He was named one of Time Magazine's 30 under 30 to Watch two years ago. I went with him to the awards ceremony."

After Ellen stared open-mouthed at Penny for a few moments, she asked, "How in the world did a 100-lb blonde girl from Nebraska come to be friends with these heavy hitters from the science community? You must be brilliant yourself, because brilliant people tend to hang with other brilliant people."

"I just happened to move in here across the hall from Leonard and Sheldon," Penny said. "The rest is history."

After a little over two hours, Ellen wound up the interview, saying that she needed to get back and let her people edit the footage. She got Penny to promise that she would come to the studio and appear on the show with the live audience as soon as she was able. She also asked Penny if she had her permission to give her name to someone who might represent her.

Penny, hearing the name of the person Ellen said she would contact, said, "Oh, everyone I know who is trying to get into acting would give their right arm to talk with him. He wouldn't talk to me if his life depended on it."

"Maybe so, but you're going to be a big deal," Ellen said. "Besides, he'll talk to me. Let's see what he says."

Ellen and her crew took a few minutes to pack up their things, and the guys and Wyatt moved the furniture back to where it had been before. As she left, Ellen hugged Leonard. "Leonard, you are one lucky dude," she said. "Take care of our young lady."

"No," Leonard said, "You've heard about Penny in action. Maybe I should let her take care of me."

"Wyatt," Ellen said, shaking his hand, "I hope we get to meet again."

As she started out the door, Ellen said, "Penny, here's my card with my personal number on the back. Please let me hear from you. Don't hesitate. If I don't answer, the call will go directly to my voicemail. I have your email address, and mine is on the card. Let's please keep in touch. I know Portia wants to meet you. And Portia and I want an invitation to your wedding. I mean it."

Ellen and the guys with her left.

Jamie stayed behind for a few minutes helping Penny remove her makeup. Penny impressed her by showing her that she knew a lot about that, but Jamie showed her a few extra tricks and left some jars with her to help her remove it without doing damage to her skin. She showed Penny how to make her eyes look the way Jamie had and, before she left, she made up Penny again. Penny kept telling her what a genius she was as she looked into the mirror. Jamie looked at Leonard and asked, "OK, Leonard, yes or no on the pink-red lipstick?"

Leonard sort of moaned for a moment and then said, "Oh, definitely yes."

Jamie gave Penny her card and told her to call her when she needed hair and makeup.

After Jamie left, Penny sat down next to Leonard and leaned back into his arms. "I am so tired," she told him.

A few minutes later, Wyatt nodded in Penny's direction. Leonard heard Penny softly snoring. He sat there holding her.


	8. Chapter 08: The Agent

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 08, The Agent

Leonard and Wyatt got up from the sofa, and Wyatt put a pillow under Penny's head while Leonard gently laid her down and pulled her feet up onto the sofa. He removed her shoes and went to the bedroom and brought a blanket back with him that he spread out over Penny. When he came back, he noticed that Penny had already stained the pillow case with her lipstick, which would drive Sheldon up a wall.

Wyatt and Patti went down to speak with the officers at the door while Leonard went over to his desktop computer and logged in to the Cern Project.

Penny woke about 3:00 p.m. She drowsily asked, "What do we have to eat? I'm starving."

"We have some leftover cheeseburgers from The Cheesecake Factory," Leonard said. "But, remember, we're going to have our Valentine's Day dinner tonight with our friends. How about I fix you some nachos?"

Penny thought that was acceptable, although she really wanted a calzone. Leonard promised to get her a calzone the next day. Penny wolfed down the nachos and complained that Leonard and Sheldon always get the sissy salsa. She had Leonard heat up one of the leftover cheeseburgers with some re-heated fries.

Leonard's phone rang again. "Hello?" he asked. "Sure, she's right here." He handed the phone to Penny and said, "Why don't you just hold onto the phone?"

"Hello?" Penny asked. "Yes, this is Penny. [Pause.] Oh, hello, sir. [Pause.] Yes, sir. [Pause.] That's so sweet of her. Yes, we had a wonderful visit. [Pause.] No, sir, I'm not. I've been trying to get representation, but it seems like you can't get a job without an agent, and you can't get an agent unless you've had jobs. [Pause.] Oh, yes, sir, I understand. [Pause.] Sure. I'll look forward to hearing from her. One thing you need to know is that I'm pretty well restricted to the apartment right now because I'm still under police protection. [Pause.] Sure. I'll look forward to her call. [Pause] Oh, yes, sir, he proposed this morning. [Pause] Thank you, sir, that is so sweet."

Penny pressed the End Call icon, slapped at Leonard's arm several times and said, "Oh, my goodness! That was Jack Kelly of the Kelly Group."

"I take it he's a talent agent?" Patti asked.

"He's not just a talent agent," Penny said. "He owns the top talent agency in LA. Ellen called him, and he wants to talk with me about maybe representing me. He's sending one of the agents to see me. He said he doesn't work directly with the talent anymore, but he is sending one of his top agents. Patti, we need to let the guys downstairs know that Rebecca Stewart is coming to see me. They need to let her up."

A few minutes later, one of the guys from downstairs called and said that Rebecca Stewart had arrived. A few moments later, as attractive woman with a professional business suit and beautiful, short auburn hair appeared at Leonard's door accompanied by one of the officers. Penny got up to greet her. Rebecca shook hands with everyone as Penny introduced them.

Rebecca said, "Penny, Mr. Kelly sent me to talk with you about our maybe representing you. Ellen Degeneres speaks very highly of you and thinks we would be good for each other."

"I have been trying to talk with someone from your agency for years," Penny said. "I'm so thrilled to talk with you, and I'm especially thrilled I got to speak with Mr. Kelly himself."

"Isn't Mr. Kelly a sweetheart?" Rebecca said. "He is such a father figure. I assume he explained that he only handles some of his more longstanding clients, who have been with him for years and most of whom really don't work very much anymore?"

"He said he doesn't handle new clients himself," Penny said. "But he spoke very highly of you."

"Don't you love the Tennessee accent?" Rebecca said. "He is the real deal. He really cares about the people he represents and the people who work for him. That's so unusual in this business."

"So what are you going to be able to do for me?" Penny asked.

"You cut to the chase. I like that," Rebecca said. We saw your interview with CBS this morning, and you said you have been trying to get acting roles for nine years but haven't had much success. We were all very impressed with you: You came across as so sweet and genuine. I wanted to get an aluminum bat and go after the bad guys myself after seeing the interview. We pulled up your registered jobs. I see that you have had one national commercial, for Fire in the Hole."

"I know," Penny said. "I know it's not much to work with."

"Not much to work with?" Rebecca said. "Penny, you got that national commercial yourself, without representation. That's remarkable. I'll bet you have to work your butt off to keep your head above water?"

"Yeah, I have to work at The Cheesecake Factory as a waitress and bartender," Penny said.

"And I'll bet that doesn't leave you much time for going on auditions, huh?" Rebecca asked.

"No, and when I do go on auditions, I am so tired I go through the motions."

"Well," Rebecca said, "I think we can fix that. If you sign with us, I think that, in the short term, we are going to be able to get you some really nice interviews. And with people like Ellen behind you, I think you'll begin to see things pick up. Could you stand up and do the model twirl for me?"

"I can stand," Penny said, "but I'm so sore I can't twirl very well."

"Penny, you are gorgeous," Rebecca said. "You have a great body, and that 'girl next door' look: You came across as absolutely adorable in the interview this morning. I took the liberty of bringing a contract for us to represent you."

She handed a folder with several pages to Penny.

"I would feel better about it if you had an attorney read the contract before you sign it," she said. "Who handles your affairs?"

"I don't have an attorney," Penny said. "I'm not sure what to do."

"Excuse me. Perhaps I may be of help," Leonard said. "My brother is an attorney. Let me call him and see what he can advise us to do."

"Who is your brother? Does he practice here in LA?" Rebecca asked.

"No, he is a tenured law professor at Harvard Law School."

"Michael Hofstadter?" Rebecca asked. "When I was in law school, he led a discussion of corporate law at the American Bar Association meeting. I have actually spoken with him. He was kind enough to buy lunch for all of the 3rd year law students who were in the seminar, and I got to talk with him. Leonard, you come from an impressive family. Are you the endocrinologist or the physicist?"

"I'm the physicist," Leonard said. "So you're an attorney?"

"Yes, most of the upper level agents are attorneys," Rebecca said. "You certainly can get some good advice from him."

Leonard called his brother. He had lucked out and had managed to catch him between classes. They chatted about what had happened to Penny. Michael had seen the interview on _CBS This Morning_. He said how impressed their mother had been with Penny and how unusual that was. He advised Leonard that, even though he was licensed in California, Penny really needed a local attorney. His best student in contract law just happened to have graduated from Harvard and returned to California to take over the law firm founded by his grandfather. Michael offered to call him. Leonard said that Penny did not have much money, and Michael said his student owed him several major favors, and he thought he might give her a good deal. Leonard said he would help her with the fees.

A few minutes later, Gerald Fisher called. He chatted with Leonard about how fond he was of Michael for a few minutes before Leonard handed Penny the phone. Mr. Fisher explained that he owed Michael some major favors, and he would be willing to look over the contract for free. However, he said that, if he managed to get some money for Penny, he would ask a 15 percent fee. Penny agreed to that and handed the phone to Rebecca. She agreed to have her office send a copy of the contract to his office immediately.

About an hour later, Gerald called back. "Yes?" Penny asked. [Pause.] That's interesting. [Pause.] OK, I'm putting you on speaker now. [She pressed the speaker icon.] Are you there?"

"Hi, Penny," he said. I'm here. Who all is there?"

Penny named everyone there.

"Hi, Rachel," he said. "Wanna chat for a moment?"

"Sure," she said. "Give it to me."

"Tell Mr. Kelly nice try," he said. "It's a good thing Penny called me. I'll bet you know the two provisions I want to change."

"Tell me," Rebecca said.

"Oh, I've done better than that. I've send the changes to your boss. He has agreed to the changes. Uh, Penny?"

"Yes, Gerald?" she said.

"Do I have permission to talk with another talent agency on your behalf?"

"Sure," she said. "If you think that will help."

"I'll tell you what. Let me make a couple of calls, and I'll get back with you. Rebecca, are you going to be there for awhile?"

"No, I have a meeting. How about we talk later?" Rebecca said.

"OK. Penny?" Gerald said. "I take it you are pretty well restricted to your apartment?"

"I'm actually in Leonard's apartment," she said. "But you can reach me at this number."

"OK, he said, "I'll get back with you before close of business. And Penny?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to take great care of you."

"Thank you, Gerald," she said.

A couple of hours later, Gerald called back. Penny put the phone on speaker again.

"Penny," he said, "I know I said I would call before the end of business, but it has taken me a bit longer than I thought to get everyone together. Say hello to Mr. Kelly again."

"Hi, Penny," Jack Kelly said.

"Hello, Mr. Kelly," Penny said.

"Now say hello to Kathy Lutz," Gerald said.

"_The_ Kathy Lutz?" Penny asked. "Owner of the Paragon Group? Hello, Ms. Lutz."

"Hello, Penny," Ms. Lutz said. "I saw your interview on CBS. I hope you're feeling better. And best wishes: I understand you became engaged today."

"No, actually, I'm sorer today than I was yesterday. But thank you for asking. And yes, my boyfriend proposed to me this morning," Penny said.

"Penny," Gerald said, "I have tremendous respect for Mr. Kelly, but I thought maybe we could get you a better deal for your representation. Kathy and I have worked together before, and I ran your situation by her."

"Penny," Ms. Lutz said, "I had actually been trying to reach you. I'm interested in having the Paragon Group represent you. I would take you on myself. I think we would be good for each other"

"Kathy has made you an interesting offer," Gerald said. "She agreed to all of the provisions I insisted on, plus, and get this, she is offering you a $125,000 signing bonus."

"Oh, wow!" Penny said.

"Not so fast," Mr. Kelly said. "Penny, I'm willing to see the $125,000 and go up to $150,000, plus put you in acting classes as well as modeling, singing, and dancing classes. We'll have to have you work with an image consultant to refine your look when you go for various roles and assign a hair and makeup person when you go on tryouts. One of the differences once you come with me is that you won't have to go on cattle calls anymore. You will have appointments set up just for you."

"OK, Jack," Kathy said. "Penny, don't let that Tennessee accent fool you. There is no more aggressive businessman on the West Coast than Jack Kelly. Penny, I will go up to $200,000, plus I will personally see what types of things you need, not just the things Jack mentioned, but I will also give you a personal assistant to handle all the phone calls and do things like monitor your Facebook site. I understand you already had an interview with Ellen Degeneres? That and the CBS interview are the last free interviews you're going to have unless I think it's in your best interest to do it gratis."

"OK, Kathy, $250,000, plus all that you said, plus guaranteed endorsements," Jack said.

"What kind of endorsements?" Kathy asked.

"That's for me to know and you to find out, Kathy," he said.

They went back and forth adding this and this and that until, finally, Jack said, "Kathy, you are too rich for this poor country boy. Penny? I'm going to have to fold. If you don't like the way this heifer treats you, you give me a call. OK?"

"Uh," Penny said, "What just happened?"

"I think we just reached a deal," Gerald said. "Kathy? Let's make sure I understand. $350,000, all the perks, the personal assistant, a car, guaranteed endorsements, and a bodyguard until they catch the bad guy and whenever she needs one?"

"I can meet you at Penny's apartment in an hour with the papers," Kathy said.

"Penny? Are you willing to trust me?" Gerald asked.

Penny looked at Leonard, who was shaking his head _yes_.

"Yes," she said.

"Jack," Gerald said. "It has been a pleasure doing business with you."

"Take care, Gerald," Jack said. "Kathy? Take care of our little girl. And Penny? I hope everything works out for you. I really do. Congratulations, young lady. You couldn't be in better hands. And you tell that fiancé of yours he had better do right and make an honest woman of you or he will answer to an old Tennessee boy."

"Penny," Gerald said, "Kathy and I will meet at your apartment in an hour. Now, you understand that I get 15% of the $350,000, or $45,000?"

"Yes, I understand," Penny said.

"Super," Gerald said. "And Penny?"

"Yes?"

"Congratuations."

An hour later, Patti called and said Kathy Lutz had arrived. Leonard said to bring her up. A few minutes later, Gerald arrived. Penny, Gerald, and Kathy sat at the coffee table as Gerald explained the representation contract. Leonard had Michael on speaker, and the two attorneys talked back and forth for a few minutes before Michael proclaimed the deal to be a lot better than he would have been able to get. He told Penny that, if she was serious about acting, she should sign the contract. "The good thing about Gerald's changes," he said, "is that you get to refuse any job they get for you. You won't be a slave to your agent. You're the boss. The other thing is that, if you don't like the way they represent you, you can leave at any time without penalty. The only catch will be that, if you are working on a contract they got for you, you will still have to pay them their share, even if you have gone with another agency."

By the time they got around to signing, Sheldon, Raj, and Sheldon had returned from work, and Amy and Bernadette were not far behind. They got Amy and Bernadette to witness the contracts. Gerald's assistant Sheila arrived and notarized the contract. Gerald hugged Penny and shook hands with everyone. "Penny," he said as he was leaving, "You call me whenever you need anything. I am now handling all of your legal affairs, and the Paragon Group will handle your representation in attempting to find work. Kathy just called her office and had a check for $350,000 deposited to my firm's account. We will hold the $297,500 you get as your share until we set up your bank account. I am going to set you up so that you will be protected against frivolous lawsuits and harassment. Trust me, you will do a lot better that way. I'll have our money people get in touch with you as we open the various accounts. Do you need any money right now? I could go ahead and write you a check to tide you over."

"I don't have any money right now," Penny said. "I could use some to get me through."

"OK," Gerald said, "Why don't we have you loan yourself what, $10,000? Sheila? Could you get Penny a pre-paid VISA with $10,000? And Penny, I'll have our people contact you and get you a debit card ASAP do you can handle your expenses. We'll have everything set up for you to control the entire $297,500 in a couple of days."

"Penny," Kathy said, hanging up her phone, "I just got off the phone with my office. We have already sent out a press release to all the entertainment and news outlets that I am now representing you personally. Have the police returned your phone?"

"Not yet," Penny said, "but I expect to get it back, what, Patti, about any time now?"

"According to Lt. Jackson, it may be as late as tomorrow," she said. "The battery had run down by the time our folks got the phone, but they are going through to make sure there were no calls. We don't think they did anything with your phone, but they're making sure. You'll probably get everything back at the same time."

"If it is the same to you, Penny," Kathy said, "I am going to take your phone when you get it back and give it to your assistant. We'll get you new phone, a much better one. And a tablet with cell phone stuff on it, all under our account. You will need to only give out the new number to your close friends and family. Everyone else will need to call your assistant."

"Who is my assistant going to be?" Penny asked.

"You and I are going to interview them," Kathy said. "Oh, that's me," she said as she answered her phone. "Kathy, what's up. [Pause.] Fantastic. When? [Pause.] Let me make sure."


	9. Chapter 09: Conan

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 09, Conan

Kathy called from her car as the friends were having their Valentine's Day celebration. "Penny, Conan's producer called. This is great. We put out the announcement that I am representing you what, four hours ago? They want to have you on the show. They understand that you can't come in front of an audience until they catch the remaining bad guy, but they want you as soon as that happens."

At that moment, Patti, who was actually wearing a dress, received a call from the investigative team. "Penny," she said, "Great news. Our guys caught the fourth guy. His fingerprints were among those we lifted from your apartment. He is trying to make a deal."

"What a relief. But does that mean I lose my police protection? Do I lose you?" Penny asked.

"Penny, I'll still check on you," Patti said, "but yes, the police will go away. But I'll be around every day. Your dad and I, er. . . ."

"Hooked up?" Penny asked, smiling.

"Yes, I'll be here every day to see your dad as long as he's here. Even if he goes back to Nebraska, I'm still your friend. I'll be around," Patti said. "I've been so impressed with you. You've become kind of like my little sister."

"Penny," Kathy said over the speaker, "I'll tell you what. Let me send Clarence, who runs the security service we use, to see you. We can make sure you're protected." She asked, "Sgt., if I can get Clarence there within the next hour or so, could the police presence stay around until he can take over?"

"Let me see what I can do," Patti said. She started talking into her phone again.

Kathy said, "I'll call my assistant and tell her to tell Conan's people they caught the bad guy, and you can be there as early as tomorrow, if you agree."

"Sure," Penny said. "That's good for me."

"Great," Kathy said. "Expect Clarence shortly. He is a huge African-American teddy bear who looks as if he could tear your arm off but is as gentle as a lamb with people he protects. So, Penny, we have your first paid interview, and there's more. Coca Cola Company executives noted that you were drinking Diet Dr. Pepper. They want to talk with us about Diet Dr. Pepper commercials with you. And the Rawlings Sporting Goods Company saw that the bat you used was theirs, and they want to talk with you as well. It looks as if you might have some endorsements."

"So I am going to be doing commercials?" Penny asked.

"Not necessarily," Kathy said. "I am going to have to see what their offers are and then run them by you. I promise I won't put you in anything demeaning or anything I don't think is good for your career."

Penny, Leonard, Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Wyatt, and Patti had a lovely evening. They made a lot of toasts to Penny and Leonard's engagement. Penny felt somewhat left out because she couldn't have any alcohol, but Raj had brought her sparkling cider, which she found to be a decent alternative.

On the following evening, Penny was sitting in the chair in the hair and makeup area. Kathy had hired Jamie Simpson, the artist who had done hair and makeup for the Ellen interview, to work with her again. Penny had told her how super Jamie had been, and Kathy said she would try to have Jamie on a retainer for Penny. Penny watched as Jamie transformed her from the girl next door to a sophisticated lady. "I'm juicing you up some," Jamie said, "since the show is going to be after 11:00 p.m."

"You are a genius," Penny said.

Clarence, Penny's bodyguard, said, "I certainly approve." He punched Leonard, who was giving Penny a hungry look.

"Clarence," Jamie said, "you are such a flirt. I could shave a streak down the middle of her head and paint it green, and you would approve."

Clarence just smiled.

"You two seem to know each other," Penny said.

"Clarence and I have worked together before," Jamie said. He's a 300-lb sweetie pie."

"And you may have seen this story on the news," Conan said on the monitor in the corner of the room at that moment. "A beautiful 100-pound blonde aspiring actress from Nebraska took on four home invaders and beat the daylights out of them alone. We have her with us tonight. I have personally talked with her already and have seen her on a couple of interviews. She is an absolute delight." He continued with the monologue as the producer Boz came and got Penny.

"We're going to put you in the green room," Boz said.

A few minutes later, Conan introduced Penny. He told her he had seen the CBS interview when it had aired and had just seen the interview with Ellen, and she had been delightful.

They chatted about what happened to Penny. Conan introduced two stunt men he had hired so Penny could demonstrate what had happened the day of the home invasion, but he said that Penny's attorney and the police investigators had asked that she not do a demonstration because the case was still under investigation, and they did not want to do anything to harm the case. Penny did, however, bring a Rawlings aluminum bat just like the one she had used with her and told Conan how she was taught to stand up for herself back in Nebraska. Penny and Conan were able to have serious moments but were also able to have some laughs. The audience seemed to love her. Conan asked to see her engagement ring, and the camera did a tight close-up as the women in the audience oo'd and ah'd. Conan said that he wanted Penny to let him know when she and Leonard set a date, because he wanted to come to the wedding. They chatted briefly about the fact that she was engaged to one of the country's leading experimental physicists and how it would be to be a faculty wife.

As the interview came to a close, Conan told Penny how adorable she had been and asked if she would stay for the next interview, with Jackie Chan. Penny looked off-camera to where Kathy was standing. Kathy nodded _yes_, so Penny agreed.

When the show returned from commercial, Conan introduced Jackie Chan, who was there to publicize his latest movie. He told Penny that he had watched her interviews on CBS and on Ellen and had been fascinated. They hit it off, talking back and forth about riding horses and some of the auditions they had attended as well as how to act in the face of physical threats. Conan finally asked if they had forgotten he was in the room. Penny said, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I was having such a good time talking with Jackie."

Jackie told Penny that he was so impressed he wanted to have her in his next film, _Rush Hour 4_.

"Are you serious?" Penny asked. She looked over in Kathy's direction and saw that she was mimicking talking on a telephone. She said, "Let's talk more about it. I'm intrigued." She looked over, and Kathy was nodding her approval.


	10. Chapter 10: New York

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 10, New York

_Authors Note: I began this chapter on February 13, 2013, the day before this season's Episode 16: Tangible Affection Proof. I'll have to admit that I am more than a little disappointed at how petulant and immature the writers made Penny in this episode. I really adore Penny. Kaley Cuoco is exactly 7 days younger than my son, and I have taken a father's pride in her ever since I first saw her at age 8 in Northern Exposure, in which she played a little girl named Miranda, or Randi. I had to put this aside for a day and fume. I think my irritation explains a bit of the rambling in this chapter. But, since I'm doing this to relax, I'm not going to stress over it. I hope you enjoy it._

Leonard returned from the airport canteen with a Diet Dr. Pepper. "Thank you, sweetie," Penny said.

"Apparently, they shut down some of the canteens on Saturday. I had to go to the other wing before I found one open, since all the machines were out of Diet Dr. Pepper. How's the pain?" Leonard asked.

"My ribs are killing me," Penny said. "I had to remove the brace. It was irritating me. I didn't wear my watch because I'm much cuter in this outfit without it. How long until I can take more pain medication?"

"You can take one now," Leonard said, looking at his watch. "My dad said he would be here about now. The snow has caused traffic to be really slow."

"What's the temperature?" Penny asked.

"It's 25 degrees," Leonard said, looking at the display on his phone. "A typical balmy February day in New York."

At just that moment, Leonard's phone rang. "Hi, Father," he said. "OK, we'll head out now." He turned to Penny and said, "Let me grab the cart. He's in line now."

Leonard pushed the luggage cart with Penny following along behind him holding her Diet Dr. Pepper with one hand and her ribs with the other and wearing his parka, stocking cap, and insulated gloves. Leonard insisted that he grew up in New Jersey, so he was used to the Northeast winters, but Penny noticed that he kept shivering. Leonard carried his messenger bag on his shoulder and Penny's carry-on bag on top of their luggage. He pulled the cart up to his father's new Prius, and he and his dad loaded the bags into the trunk while Penny waited under the shelter shivering.

"Crap on a cracker, it's cold!" Penny said. "It was 75 degrees in Los Angeles."

"Welcome to New York," Leonard said.

Leonard's father came up to Penny, hugged her, and said, "Penny, I'm Albert Hofstadter. I am so glad to meet you. Leonard's mother—when she was still speaking to me—couldn't stop talking about you. You are even more beautiful in person than you are on TV."

"Dr. Hofstadter," Penny said, "It is so good to meet you too. Leonard has told me so much about your work. I'm sorry I'm bundled up. I must look terrible."

"Call me Albert, or, even better, Al," Leonard's father said. "And you look beautiful. Come on into the car and meet Rachel."

"Hi, Penny," Rachel said from the front seat as Penny slid into the backseat and began removing the stocking cap and some of her layers. "Aren't you beautiful? I love the way you do your eyes."

"The woman who has been doing my makeup for interviews showed me how to do them this way. I thought it was so hot. I can show you," Penny said.

"Great: Al said you're 27? So am I," Rachel said. "We're going to be best friends, I know it."

Leonard, who had just slid into the backseat next to Penny, gritted his teeth.

"Leonard," Al said, "This is Rachel."

"Sup, dude?" Rachel asked.

"Sup?" Leonard said.

"You are a mini version of your dad," Rachel said. "You are so cute."

"He's my little homunculus," Penny said, squeezing Leonard and snuggling to get warm.

"What's a homunculus?" Rachel asked.

"A perfectly formed miniature person," Leonard and Al said at the same time.

"Aw," Rachel said, "Al, you're my big homunculus."

"Actually," Leonard began, but Penny squeezed his arm and shook her head _no_, so he did not finish.

"Uh, Al, could you crank up the heat?" Penny asked. "I'm freezing. Aren't you afraid to drive in the snow?"

"No," Al said. "You get used to it living in New York. There's so much traffic wearing away the snow that it really has to get heavy before we have to stop moving. Here: The Prius has an automatic thermostat. I'll juice it up to 75. It will take a couple of minutes."

"So, Penny," Leonard's father said, "Leonard told me you are in town to host Regis and Kelly?"

"But, Al, Regis isn't on the show anymore. It's Kelly and Michael," Rachel said.

"What happened to Regis?" Al asked. "I ran into him at Sbarro's once. He was very nice. And who's Michael?"

"Oh, he's been gone," Rachel said. "Michael is some athlete, a basketball player, I think."

"He's Michael Strahan. He played football and spent his entire career with the New York Giants," Penny said.

"So, Penny, how did you get to host?" Rachel asked.

"Kelly is out with the flu," Penny said. "This nice man, Michael Gelman, saw my interviews on CBS, Ellen, and Conan, and he thought I would be a good substitute for Kelly. As soon as Kelly called him yesterday and told him her doctor had confirmed she had the flu, he immediately called my agent Kathy and asked if I could host the show. Kathy gave the go-ahead, and Michael arranged to have us on a plane by 7:15 this morning our time."

"So when do you have to be there?" Al asked.

"He said for me to call him as soon as we've settled in at the hotel, and we'll talk about my itinerary," Penny said.

"So, Leonard, did you take the week off work?" Rachel asked.

"No," Leonard said. "Right now, I'm working with the team at the super collider in Cern, and I can do that anywhere as long as I have WiFi or we're in range where my air card will work, and I don't think that will be a problem in New York. I have a research assistant Alex taking my one class, but they're all doctoral candidates and are pretty self-directed. They're working on their projects right now, so I can Skype with them as needed, and, since they submit their work online anyway, I can check work with them wherever I can access the Internet. I'm also going to attend a colloquium at Columbia on holographic technology while I'm here, so it's actually going to be a working vacation—when we're not out doing stuff."

"What's Cern?" Rachel asked. "And what is a super-collider?"

"Rachel's a waitress," Al said.

"So was I," Penny said.

"And now you're a celebrity," Leonard said. "By the way: Remember to call your agent when you get settled."

Leonard tried to explain what the super collider in Cern is, but, when Rachel's eyes began to glaze over, he asked, "So, Rachel: Are you a native New Yorker?"

"No, actually, I'm from the Hamptons," she said. "My Daddy is an investment banker, and my mother is a book doctor. I was in college full-time, but I'm just taking courses part-time now while I try to decide what I'm going to do."

Penny had to keep her eyes closed as Al merged into traffic. She did not see how there was enough room between cars, but somehow, he managed to do it without getting hit. Leonard did not seem phased in the least.

"So, guys," Al said. "What would you like to do your first night in New York?"

"Let me make a couple of phone calls," Penny said, "and we can go from there."

"Leonard, your brother is coming into town late tonight so he can spend the day with us tomorrow and introduce you and Penny to his fiancée. How about that: Both my boys are engaged," Al said. "It's a four-hour drive from Cambridge, so they will probably get in late tonight and then connect with us for breakfast tomorrow."

On the way from the airport, Al and Rachel took Penny and Leonard to the famous Hello Deli across from the Ed Sullivan Theater on West 53rd Street that Penny and Leonard had seen featured on Letterman. Al explained that most of the delicatessens were closed on Saturday for the Jewish Sabbath, but, since the owner, Rupert Jee, wasn't Jewish, it was one of the few delis with a full range of menu items that would be open. Penny did not know what half of the items were on the menu, but Rachel, who had obviously taken a shine to her, made some suggestions. When Rupert heard that Penny had never been to New York before and had never heard of some of the menu items, he kept bringing over items for her to try. Rachel and Penny went into the rest room, and, when they came back out, Rachel's eye makeup looked like Penny's.

"Al, isn't this so hot?" Rachel asked. "Penny is going to help me learn how to make my eyes look like this myself."

"I'm so glad you two are hitting it off," Al said. "Leonard, we are two lucky dudes to be out with two such foxy ladies."

"Foxy ladies? Dudes?" Penny whispered. She mouthed, "Are we still in the 70s?" to Leonard. "Look, it's Norah!" Penny said as Norah O'Donnell came into the deli with a couple of other women.

Penny rushed over to Norah, who turned around. Norah suddenly obviously realized who Penny was and hugged her. She asked, "Penny, what are you doing in town? Why didn't you let me know you were coming?"

Penny explained that she was in town to host Kelly and Michael that week. Norah and her friends joined the group, pulling another table next to theirs. Norah explained that she and her friends were out to attend a baby shower and stopped in to get a late lunch afterwards. She asked Penny if she would be willing to come by _CBS This Morning_ one morning before going on to Kelly and Michael, and Penny gave her Kathy, her agent's, business card.

Norah looked at the card and said, "You know, I am so glad you got representation. I'll get my producer to call her." She took out her phone, snapped a picture of the card, and handed it back to Penny. "It's on the way to my producer now," she said after typing on the on-screen keyboard for a couple of minutes.

An hour later, Penny was standing in the middle of Time Square. Leonard pointed out the tower where the ball had dropped on New Year's Eve. Al pointed out the corner where the Naked Cowboy performs and the corner that appeared in _Death to Smoochy_. She and Leonard held hands as they walked into the stores, some of which were beginning to close as the snow became heavier. Penny was wearing Rachel's spare winter coat and a knit cap and earmuffs she had gotten in one of the stores.

"We're going to have to get you winter clothes since we're going to be here all week," Leonard said.

"It gets cold in Omaha," Penny said, "but I've been in California for nine years now, so I'm not used to the cold anymore. Let's find somewhere to get something hot to drink."

The group went into a small coffee shop. Leonard talked Penny into letting him order her a chai spice. Penny wasn't sure at first but, after about two swallows, she decided it was one of her new favorites. The person behind the counter was bringing orange scones out of the oven, and Penny had one.

"You know," Penny said, "I am going to be bigger than Howard's mom by the end of the week at this rate."

Penny's cell phone rang as Penny was eating a second orange scone. It was Kathy, her agent. "Hi, Kathy," she said. "Yes. [Pause] Oh, that was quick. [Pause] OK, Wednesday? What time? [Pause] Wow: Sure. We're still on California time, so we'll have to be ready in the middle of the night for us." She turned to Leonard and said, "The producer at _CBS This Morning_ wants both of us on Wednesday. Are you game?"

"Why do they want me?" Leonard asked.

"You were there while I was bound and had my mouth taped. You were one of my rescuers. They thought it would be a nice touch having you there."

"Sure, although I don't know what I can contribute," Leonard said. "Remember that I've been working with the team from Cern with a nine-hour time difference, though, so middle of the night would be fine with me. We could poke a couple of Diet Dr. Peppers in you and a Red Bull or two in me, and we would be good to go."

"Sure, Kathy," Penny said back into the phone. "I'll expect their call. You can tell them that the 7:00 a.m. slot may be better, since I'll have to leave right away for _Live_. [Pause] No, Leonard hasn't met Shauntay, but I've told him about him. He said he has arranged for someone to do hair and makeup for me while I'm here, since Jamie was too booked to fly out. He is going to Skype with us during prep for each interview. [Pause] OK, we'll talk later."

"That's so nice," Penny said, putting the phone back into her pocket. "Norah must have called her producer as soon as we left the deli."

"Who's Shauntay?" Rachael asked.

"He's very fussy about it being pronounced 'Shawn-tay,'" Penny giggled. He is the image consultant my agent hired for me. His real name is Donnell, but he changed it to Shauntay because he thought that sounded more like the name an image consultant would have. He oversees everything, from my hair and makeup to my wardrobe. He has been having such a fit about Leonard's eyebrows: He's been threatening to bring a grooming kit over and work on them. He's going to Skype with the person he arranged to do my hair and makeup while I'm here. He was the one who told me that I look so much better with the pink-red lipstick."

By now, the snow was falling so hard that Al suggested they should hurry on to the hotel. He carefully navigated the car through the streets until he came to the hotel. He parked on the curb, and a curb attendant helped him and Leonard load the bags onto a cart while Penny and Rachel went to the desk for Penny to register. Leonard went to find Penny, and Al went to park the car.

A few minutes later, Penny was standing under the heat lamp in the bathroom of their hotel room. "Oh, I have to get one of these," she said. "I definitely need to thaw out."

"Penny, you have such pretty clothes," Rachel said, looking at the week's worth of clothes laid out on the bed. "Did you get all of these after you heard you were going to be on Kelly and Michael?"

"I wish I could say yes," Leonard said. "You should see her closet. It's good we only had a couple of hours' notice before we had to go to bed so we could be at the airport so early, or she would have brought everything in her closet."

"What are you going to wear on the show?" Rachel asked.

"They actually have a service," Penny said. "Kelly has someone who dresses her, so she is going to dress me. I guess we'll decide when I get there on Monday morning."

Leonard was sitting in the middle of the bed checking his email. He was yawning. "You know," he said, "Hopping on a plane at 7:15 a.m. is not as much fun as you would think. I need a nap."

"I feel as if I could go all night," Penny said. "You may want to take a nap since your dad and Rachel want to take us out for supper. You know, if you want to take a nap, Rachel and I can go out and get me a couple of essentials, like a coat, insulated gloves, and boots that I can wear in the snow. I'm still not thawed out."

"You'll get used to it," Leonard said. "I know New York is not that much colder than Nebraska, but it always seems colder to me. Here, unlike Nebraska, you just keep going in the snow."

There was a knock at the door. "Room service," the voice said.

Penny opened the door and said, "We haven't ordered anything yet."

"Compliments of the house," the young woman pushing the cart said. "Our management wanted to welcome you to New York."

There was a plate of pastries, fruit, and spiced cider with a pot of steaming hot water and various teabags. Penny helped herself to a couple of cheesecake squares and some grapes. "You know," she said, "I could get used to this."

A couple of hours later, Leonard drowsily watched Penny as she modeled her new Parka, hat, boots, and gloves. "How much sleep did you get?" she asked.

"I really don't think I slept more than 30 to 45 minutes," he said. "It always takes me a day or two to get used to the time change. I'm surprised it hasn't hit you. It will. How much did you spend?"

"I spent a lot less than I would have if your dad and Rachel hadn't been with me," Penny said. "They took me to this neat little hole-in-the-wall store where they had all these nice clothes. Rachel and I are going to go back before we leave town. Anyway, I got this parka for half price because it's last year's model, and I found this hat and gloves in another store. Rachel took me to this great shoe store where the people recognized me, and this nice elderly man helped me find these boots that I'm wearing. I wanted some with spiked heels that were so darling, but he convinced me to get these because they're more stable in the snow and ice, and I can put these [holding up some slip-on treads] on them when I go out, and I won't slip as badly in the ice."

"Well, you look warm and hot at the same time," Leonard said.

"I know, right?" Penny said.

Leonard had thought that his father and Rachel were going to take them to a big restaurant but was pleasantly surprised to find himself in a small family restaurant near the university later that night.

"A lot of the university folks eat here," Al said. "The food is great, the prices are reasonable, and Mama Fabrizio takes it personally that you have a good time."

Penny spotted Mama the moment she entered the room. "That woman certainly has a presence," she whispered to Leonard as she saw Mama visit the tables.

Mama came over the table and hugged Al and Rachel. "Mama," Al said, "This is my son Leonard and his fiancée Penny. They've come out from California."

"Leonard, you are the spitting image of your papa," Mama said. "You're the big rocket scientist?"

"I'm the experimental physicist," Leonard said. "It is very nice to meet you. I haven't been in a nice family restaurant like this in years. You need to bring a restaurant to Los Angeles."

"And you," she said, hugging Penny. "Aren't you the most adorable young woman. I saw you on the interview you did from the hospital and then on Ellen and Conan. You are more beautiful in person than you are on TV."

"Aren't you sweet," Penny said. "It's my first time in New York, and I am in love with your restaurant."

"Would you mind if my son took your picture for the wall?" Mama asked. "You could go on the wall over here next to Regis."

"You certainly have a lot of celebrities on the wall," Penny said. "All of the pictures were taken here in the restaurant?"

"Most of them were, but, sometimes, celebrities will come and like the place so much, they will send autographed pictures, like the one of Tony Bennett over there [pointing] next to the one with him standing next to me in the kitchen."

Mama's son came out from the kitchen and took several pictures of Penny standing with her arm around Mama. Before the party left, he already had several glossy prints and had Penny autograph them with an indelible marker. Mama made Penny promise to come back before she left New York.

As the party was getting up to leave, a man came up to Leonard. "Dr. Hofstadter?" he asked. "Dr. Leonard Hofstadter?"

"Yes?" Leonard asked.

"I am Neil Barton," the other man said, extending his hand. "Professor of experimental physics at Columbia. You and I actually met back in the Fall when you delivered a symposium on the work at the Cern super collider at the annual National Science Foundation meeting at Stanford."

"Oh, yes: The symposium where the projector didn't work and we had to wait until I went out to the car and brought in a portable one I carry?"

"Yes," Dr. Barton said, "That's the one. Your work there is fascinating."

Leonard introduced the other members of his party.

"Miss," Dr. Barton said to Penny, "Your fiancé is a celebrity in science circles. Dr. Hofstadter, it's an honor to have you here. I assume you're here for the hologram symposium?"

"Actually, I am," Leonard said, "Not to mention that my fiancée Penny here is in town to co-host Kelly and Michael."

Dr. Barton's eyes glazed over with a look of confusion.

"Kelly and Michael is a national TV show," Leonard explained.

"That's nice," Dr. Barton said with a puzzled look on his face. He and Leonard exchanged cell phone numbers and email addresses and agreed to meet up and attend the lectures together.

The next night, Penny was sitting propped up in bed with her laptop as Leonard was turning off the shower. "Your brother was so nice," she said so he could hear her from the bathroom. "And I see how his fiancée Renee won two bronze medals. Even though it was 15 years ago, she looks as if she could win a gold medal today."

"I think she liked you," Leonard said, as he walked out of the bathroom in the plush robe toweling his hair. "I noticed that you, she, and Rachel kept wandering off."

"She wants us to come up to Cambridge before we go back home. I told her that we have to fly back on Sunday, but I would talk with you, and maybe we could go up there sometime late Friday or early Saturday. If we do, maybe we can exchange our tickets to fly out of Boston. I said we would certainly be back for their wedding, but she seemed a little iffy about when that will be."

"They've been engaged for five years," Leonard said. "Neither of them wants children, so I guess neither of them is in too much of a hurry."

"You know, Leonard, we haven't talked about a date either. I know we won't meet with your grandmother's attorney until I can call him tomorrow and set it up, since he doesn't know we're in town, but, with all the money I got for signing with Kathy's group, I could probably have whatever kind of wedding I want. When would you want to have the wedding?"

"No, I'm not falling for that trap," Leonard said. "Every woman I've talked to, from my sister to Bernadette to Mrs. Florez who cleans my office, told me that the wedding is for the woman. The whole day is about you. Honestly, if you gave me the word, we would drive up to Atlantic City, get a marriage license, and get married tonight. If you want a more traditional wedding, though, with all of our family and friends, that will take a little more planning. But I do want to move on it. I don't want to be one of those couples who are engaged for years and years and who never quite manage to get married."

_Coming Next: Penny co-hosts Live with Kelly and Michael._


	11. Chapter 11: A Week of Interviews

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 11, A Week of Interviews

Penny was sitting in the chair in hair and makeup when Michael Strahan came in and introduced himself. He tried to hug her, but she immediately began yelping, so he stopped and apologized. He said, "I'm so sorry. Kelly likes me to give her a good luck bear hug before the show. I forgot how badly you're hurt."

"That's all right, Michael," Penny said, rubbing her ribs. "I keep hurting myself. I'm just going to be a wuss for awhile until I heal."

At that moment, Leonard walked into hair and makeup with Michael Gelman. "If you will get someone to go shop for the things I put on the list," he said, "I can double your in-house bandwidth. I can do the install tomorrow when I drop Kelly off on my way to Columbia if you have the new router."

"What are you boys up to?" Penny asked.

"Gelman was having trouble with so many computers being on the in-house network here, so I wrote down the type of router he needs to get to replace the old one," Leonard said. "It's going to be a lot faster. Plus, he needs to upgrade his software. I wrote down what he needs to get. He can download the server software. I also called Howard, who was still asleep, and he woke up and helped me find a hole in his network. Howard was able to connect from home without our giving him the code. We found out that someone with the computer name _WiFi Ninja_ has been siphoning off his bandwidth—and probably doing some things that are illegal. The wireless router Howard and I told him to get has hardware encryption, and I can show him how to set it up so it's secure and no one can get in without his permission."

"Hey, girlfriend!" Shauntay suddenly said from the computer screen behind Leonard, making him jump. "Have you decided what you're going to let me do about those eyebrows of yours? I would really like to get hold of you."

"Uh, I'll have to think about it," Leonard said.

"OK, guys, five minutes to places," the floor manager said.

"Leonard, if you will go with this young lady," Gelman said, "We have a reserved seat for you in the audience."

Leonard kissed Penny goodbye, over Shauntay's objections. "Careful, not on the lips," he said. "I had such a hard time getting her lipstick right from 3,000 miles away, and I don't want you messing it up."

The young page escorted Leonard to his seat in the front row.

The show began, and Penny walked out holding Michael's hand and sat in Kelly's usual seat as the announcer said that she was the substitute co-host. Michael explained that Kelly was sick with the flu, and the show had managed to persuade Penny to fly out from California to be his co-host for the week. He remarked how great it was being able to wake up in the morning and come to work sitting next to a beautiful blonde. They chatted for a while about how Kelly had become ill and had to leave halfway through the show on Friday and about what had happened to Penny. Michael Gelman, the show's producer, talked a bit about how Penny had become America's Sweetheart during the days since the attack following some very strong performances in interviews on _CBS This Morning_, _Ellen_, and _Conan_. He said that the story about how she had defended herself against four men who were twice her size would be enough to draw national attention, but what had caused him to call and ask her to co-host had been how personable, sweet, and strong she had been during the other interviews. He said, "Penny, you project the kind of persona that just makes people want to sit there talking with you."

The staff surprised Penny with a visit from the CEO of Rawlings Sporting Goods and the Chairman of the Board of Directors of the National Coalition against Violence toward Women. Rawlings presented Penny a plaque for being a splendid example for the young women of the United States because of how strong she had been through the ordeal. The CEO noted that she had defended herself with a Rawlings aluminum bat and presented the National Coalition against Violence toward Women a check for $20,000 in Penny's name. The Chairman for National Coalition against Violence toward Women accepted the check and told Penny that the Board of Directors would like to name her their national spokesperson.

Michael had the camera show Leonard sitting in the audience and introduced him as Penny's fiancé. He pointed out that Leonard and Penny had become engaged only a few days earlier and got Penny to show off the ring. The women in the audience oo'd and ah'd over the ring, and Penny explained that the ring had belonged to Leonard's grandmother. Michael pointed out how, already that morning, Leonard had spotted a major problem with the show's in-house computer network and was going to help them make it more secure.

Michael played the part of the interview from Ellen in which Penny explained what Leonard does and how their friends are all intelligent and have advanced degrees. "You obviously know how to talk to these guys," he said. "Is it hard talking to all these Brainiacs every day?"

"Oh, not at all," Penny said. "They're a bunch of sweeties. They're just like you and me—except for Sheldon. That boy is. . . different."

Penny handled Travel Trivia as if she had been doing it for years. The contestant, a mature-sounding woman named Becky, was, coincidentally, from Omaha. She and Penny chatted a bit about where Penny attended high school. Becky was familiar with Penny's brother Jason, who was notorious around town as the local Lothario. The question was from the previous Friday in which Pierce Brosnan was the guest. Penny remarked how she had actually seen part of the Pierce Brosnan interview from the waiting room at the Trauma Center while she was waiting to see the trauma counselor. The question was: "According to Pierce Brosnan, who was a guest on the show on Friday, his first appearance on American television was in what role?" Becky said, "Remington Steele." Penny was so sorry, but the answer was that he played the character Rory O'Manion, who changed his name to Rory Manion, in the mini-series, _The Manions of America_. Penny seemed a bit upset that Becky had gotten it wrong, but she had Becky pick a number, and she and a grandmotherly woman in the third row won VitaMix blenders.

"My fiancé Leonard has one of those," Penny said. "We make smoothies with it all the time, and, if Sheldon—his roommate—is good, I'll make him sorbet."

The first guest that morning was actress Sela Ward. Penny told her what a fan she has always been, that she has always thought that Sela was the most beautiful woman in the world, and that she was even more beautiful in person.

"Look who's talking," Sela said. "You are stunning."

Penny, Sela, and Michael had a very pleasant conversation. Penny stuck to the topics on her note cards until Sela said she wanted to talk some more about what had happened to Penny. She told Penny how honored she was to meet her and that she hoped that she would show similar strength if the same thing happened to her.

During the commercial break, Penny and Sela talked about their common love of horses, and Sela invited Penny and Leonard to a farm she has in Connecticut where she has horses. They exchanged telephone numbers and said they would talk later that day and see if they could arrange to get together.

Immediately after the show, as Penny was back in the makeup chair having a different person remove her makeup and make her up for the rest of her day, Kathy called. She was excited at how well Gelman had said Penny had done. Leonard had rigged a laptop to Skype the show to Kathy in California, but she said there were some audio problems that she was not able to hear everything. Leonard said that he would fix that tomorrow and he would be able to stream better video after he upgraded the show's router and could use more bandwidth. The show wouldn't run in Los Angeles for a couple of hours, but Kathy was planning to watch. She had a nice surprise for Penny. David Letterman's producer had called Gelman, who had given him Kathy's number. He wanted Penny on the show. They had agreed on Thursday night, and Penny said that was fine. She already knew where the Ed Sullivan Theater is.

A few minutes later, Shauntay Skyped Penny on her new iPhone. He said that he was so unhappy with the person who had done Penny's hair and makeup earlier that morning that he had to find someone else on the spot, which is why Dora had worked with her after the show. "I should not have had to throw a fit to get her to do what I asked," he said, "so I fired her." Dora would not be available after this morning because she had another job, but she had agreed to step in and help at the last minute. By then, Shauntay had also heard that Penny was going to be on Letterman and told her that, since the show was on after 11:30 p.m., and since she was going to follow Julianna Margulies from _The Good Wife_ on Monday, Charlize Theron talking about her new movie on Tuesday, and Jane Levy from TV's _Suburgatory_ on Wednesday, all of whom paint themselves very heavily for the show, he would have to give some serious thought to her look and would call her back.

After Dora removed Penny's show makeup, it was time to meet with the production team about tomorrow's show. They ran through the guests and showed the clips that each had sent and talked about the general direction the producers wanted the interviews to take. Gelman planned to take Leonard and Penny sight-seeing that afternoon and have a camera crew follow them around and show clips of their adventures over the rest of the week. Penny thought that sounded like fun. Gelman took Leonard and Penny all over town. He had the cameraman shoot the entire afternoon. They ate lunch at Gelman's favorite burger joint and had a cameo with Regis.

The call came for Leonard just as he had gotten to sleep on Tuesday evening. It was from the team at Cern. They had made a major breakthrough with the way they isolate the Boson Particle, thanks in large part to Leonard, who had been working with them via Skype and making some equipment adjustments remotely using his laptop that day in between lectures at the Columbia symposium. He had actually had to blow off lunch with Dr. Barton to tackle one particularly difficult adjustment. Leonard suggested they change over to Skype and sat at a table downstairs in the restaurant, which would not open for several hours, talking with the team on his laptop so he would not disturb Penny. He was still talking with them when Penny called him on his phone to remind him that the car would be there for them in 20 minutes. He signed off but said he would Skype back with the team from the car.

Penny reminded Leonard that he had not been to sleep except for less than five minutes before the team had called. She had called the desk, and they had found Leonard several Red Bulls, and he drank two of them in the car on the way to the CBS studios. Once he was there, he had to sign off Skype because he and Penny had to go to makeup. He wore the clothes he had packed, but Shauntay had arranged for a wardrobe person to meet with Penny and dress her in a nice, casual dress that was still classy. He had offered to dress Leonard, but Leonard had declined. Penny said she would dress him for the interview and had selected the outfit.

Leonard was Skyping with the Cern team from the green room when the producer gave them the five-minute warning. He signed off, and the assistant put him and Penny on a sofa to the side of the news desk. The camera showed them holding hands as Norah O'Donnell teased the interview.

At 7:15, Norah came over and sat next to them on the sofa. She interviewed them until it was time to break for local news and weather. During the news just before the interview, in their top story, Norah had mentioned the story out of Geneva about the advancement the team working at the super collider at Cern had announced overnight, saying how this major advancement had pushed the project and our understanding of the origins of the universe ahead 10 years. As the show went to commercial after their interview, Penny told her that Leonard was a team member.

"You're actually a member of the super collider team?" Norah asked, surprised.

Leonard confirmed that he was. Penny added that Leonard had been up all night Skyping with the team without any sleep. The producer walked over and asked Leonard if he would be willing to stay and talk with their news and science team about the advancement. Penny had to leave immediately for _Live_, but Leonard agreed to stay.

When the show returned from commercial, Norah introduced the show's science correspondent, who said that, by happy coincidence, Penny's fiancé, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, who held the National Science Foundation chair in experimental physics at Cal TEC, happened to be a member of the team who had made the announcement overnight. As the camera showed Leonard, the correspondent said that he had been up Skyping with the team all night instead of getting sleep. He made a show of handing Leonard another Red Bull as he introduced Leonard again and had him explain what the Boson Particle is, why it was important to isolate it, and how the process he had assisted in developing was so important.

Leonard was quite humble and explained that he was only one member of the team and how important it was to recognize the contributions of the team members on the ground in Switzerland. He had some graphics he had created himself and connected his tablet to their video equipment and showed exactly what the team had done and explained why it was important.

After the interview, the producer and the science correspondent praised Leonard for how he had explained the advancement in a way that even the layperson could understand it. They said that their switchboard was overrun with calls asking for more information about Leonard, and they wanted him to give them a bio to post on their website.

CBS News asked Leonard to stay nearby and had their science correspondent interview him at greater length about the announcement and about the work of the team in Switzerland for the evening news. They told Leonard to expect them to contact him again over the next several days as more information came out about the team's work.

By the time Leonard was finished, _Live_ was through for the day, and Penny was waiting for a car back to the hotel. She and Leonard planned to rent a car for the day and go up to Connecticut to visit Sela Ward on her farm. Penny drove while Leonard slept.

Leonard and Penny had a very nice afternoon with Sela. Penny and Sela rode horses, and Leonard, who had never ridden a horse, followed along riding a four-wheeled vehicle. Sela served them a nice lunch with homemade bread. Penny remarked what a wonderful hostess Sela was and how she had made her feel as if she was a most welcome guest. Sela wanted them to stay the night, but, since Penny had an early call the next day, they agreed to come back another time. Sela, who was planning to be in Los Angeles for her show in a few weeks, agreed to call Penny so they could get together.

The next day, Penny had an appointment with Leonard's grandmother's attorney as soon as she could get there after the show. She met with Daniel, the son of the attorney who had originally been in charge of the estate. Daniel explained that his father was retired but remembered Leonard as a child. He and Leonard had actually met when his father had brought him to Leonard's grandmother's house to swim in the pool. Daniel was several years older than Leonard, and Leonard's memory of him was that Daniel had ignored him because he was so much younger than Daniel.

"Penny, would you like for Leonard to wait outside?" Daniel asked. "His grandmother was quite specific that what she left you was your business."

"No, I want Leonard to stay," She said.

"Did you bring your banking information?" he asked.

"I sure did," Penny said and produced her checkbook and her latest bank statement.

"Oh, dear," Daniel said. "I don't think you understand. How much did you think Mrs. Hofstadter left Leonard's fiancée?"

"I don't know," Penny said. "$500? Maybe as much as $1,000?"

Daniel wrote down a figure and slid the pad across the table.

"Holy crap on a cracker!" Penny said. She slid the pad over to Leonard, who did not seem the least bit phased.

"You see why I'm concerned?" Daniel said. "I'll tell you what. Let me make a couple of calls. I can arrange to have the money wired to a financial institution in California, or I can have the institution convert it over to an investment account with check-writing privileges and put it into your name."

Penny, who was having a hard time breathing, asked, "All that is for me?"

"It certainly is," Daniel said.

Penny looked open-mouthed at Leonard. "What should I do?" she asked.

"Grandmama wanted you to have the wedding you want," Leonard said. "The money is yours. You can do with it as you wish. You can cash it out and put it into your checking, although I wouldn't feel good about all of that being in one place, or you can work with a financial planner and figure out what to do from there."

"That second thingy sounds good," Penny said. "I really don't need much cash right now. I guess I can talk to the planner. Why would she leave me so much?"

"Grandmama had more money than God," Leonard said. "When Grandfather died when my dad was little, women weren't accepted in the business world, so she had to be very careful. But she managed to parlay what she and Grandfather had into holdings worth 100 times what they had been worth."

"Excellent," Daniel said. "It will only take my assistant a few minutes to draft the transfer agreement. If you will sign on the pages where the flags will be pointing, we will get my assistant to come in and witness. Once you sign, we will simply transfer the money to you, and the same consultants will manage the money for you and help you with whatever you want to do. The way it's set up, you don't pay taxes on this amount—that's an inheritance and not subject to the normal taxes. However, you will have to pay taxes on whatever income the money generates from this point forward. Fortunately, the consultants can advise you on what you need to do, so tax time should be relatively painless."

"Holy crap on a cracker," Penny said as she and Leonard were leaving.

Penny was still in shock as she and Leonard met his mother for lunch.

"I wouldn't say anything to my mother about the money," Leonard said. "She and father are having a particularly nasty divorce, and this just might cheese her off."

The lunch with Leonard's mother was somewhat uncomfortable. She did not seem terribly impressed with Leonard's role in the major advancement in the identification of the Boson Particle that the Cern team had announced overnight. Penny kept bragging on Leonard and told her how the team would never have refined the identification process if Leonard had not been there to take control of the calibration equipment from his laptop, but Beverly remained unimpressed. Penny said how impressed she was that people had come up to Leonard after they had recognized him and how CBS had him go on the network and explain what his team had found. Beverly, though, still seemed indifferent.

Beverly was much more interested in talking with Penny about her ordeal than about Leonard's work. Leonard was visibly hurt, and Penny kept squeezing his hand. As they left the restaurant, Penny hugged him, kissed him on the cheek, and said, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, it was what I expected," Leonard said as Penny wiped her lipstick off his cheek.

"Well, I am so proud of you," she said.

Later that afternoon, as Penny sat in the hair and makeup chair at the Letterman show, Shauntay was speaking with her on her iPad screen as the makeup artist followed his instructions. "Oh, sweetheart, you're going to have to juice up the eye makeup," he told the makeup artist. "This is an evening look, not an afternoon look. And let's go with the bright red lipstick. She hasn't been seen with that on TV yet."

"Wow!" Penny said looking in the mirror. "I almost don't recognize myself. I don't think I've worn this much makeup since I first started wearing makeup."

"You're not going to look so made-up under the lights," Shauntay said. "I am going to make sure you are the belle of the ball. Did you see what the other women did earlier this week? They all painted up for David, and we're not going to let them out-do you."

The interview with Dave went very well. He was obviously concerned about what had happened to Penny and repeatedly asked how she was healing. He produced a plastic tie just like the one the bad guys had used to restrain her and a roll of athletic tape. He said, "You know, when I was in school, this is the type of tape we used for sports injuries. I remember my dad having to use lighter fluid to remove it."

In contrast to Dave's usual interviews, this one was serious throughout. In a rare serious moment for him, he took Penny's hand and said how cowardly it was for four huge men to beat up a 100-pound woman when she has her hands tied behind her and she can't call out because they have stuffed and taped her mouth. He read a press release from the police listing the injuries to the four men and said that he was sorry they had managed to tie up Penny before she could inflict more damage. His voice broke as he told her how proud he was of her, that, if he had a daughter, he would want her to be just like her. That drew a standing ovation from the audience. They hugged. He got Penny, who was crying by now, to promise to keep him updated regarding her healing and to let him know when she and Leonard set the date for their wedding.

The musical guest was Stevie Nicks. Penny stayed at the desk while Stevie performed. As she show went off, she and Dave walked over and spoke with Stevie. She told Stevie she grew up to her records, and she and her mother would dress up in shawls and dance the way Stevie would to her songs. Stevie told her she was sweet. She told Stevie how, for the Miss Omaha competition, she had performed "Landslide" after her brother had shown her the chords.

Because this was their last night in New York, since they planned to drive up to Cambridge, Massachusetts with Al and Rachel to spend the weekend with Michael and Renee after the show on Friday, Penny and Leonard kept her promise to return to Mama's restaurant near Columbia. They invited Norah O'Donnell and her husband Geoff, who was in town for the day, to dine with them, and the six of them stayed until closing time with Mama fussing over them. Penny told Mama that she would have to return to New York just to have more of Mama's fried ziti. As they were leaving, Mama hugged Leonard and told him to take care of Penny. She said that Penny was such a thin little thing, and she worried about her getting enough to eat in Los Angeles.


	12. Chapter 12: Family Time

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 12, Family Time

_Author's Note: I began this chapter after watching the Valentine's Day 2013 episode, "The Tangible Affection Proof." I have been more than a little dismayed at the way the writers characterized Penny as a petulant child in that episode and how they seem to have been bent on destroying her. I have said it before, but I find Penny the most intriguing character on TV in years. Some of that, I know, comes from my affection for Kaley Cuoco, who plays her. The writers started with one of the more fascinating characters around and have bit by bit torn her down to a caricature. Recently, she announced that her mother smoked marijuana during her pregnancy with her, and the big joke was that she said she was all right but then downed an entire bottle of wine and passed out drunk. Now she has these commitment issues and a total disregard for Leonard, who absolutely worships her. I originally meant to pick up this chapter with Leonard and Penny back in Pasadena, but I needed to explore some positive things about Penny first. I enjoyed writing this because I got to pose some what-if questions about Penny and see where the answers would take me. As I type this intro, it is President's Day, and I have been on holiday from my regular job with the state. I am sitting in my office at a college, where I am an adjunct professor and teach graduate students from 6:00-8:30 p.m. on Mondays. I see that class starts in 12 minutes, so I need to go and set up the presentation system. I will forewarn you that there are a couple of things that happen in this chapter that are unexpected: No one was more surprised than I. This is turning out to be great therapy for me, as a way of blowing off stress. I hope you enjoy it._

Penny's last day on _Live!_ began with a surprise call from Kelly, who was sitting in bed forcing fluids. She told Penny how great she had been sitting in her seat for the week and how sorry she was that she would not get the chance to meet her this time. However, she and Michael talked about the fact that the show would shoot in Los Angeles in May, and she hoped that Gelman would be able to get Penny to be a guest—if she wasn't too busy with her career. She and her husband Michael had sent Penny flowers the first day Penny had hosted, and Penny thanked her. Gelman interrupted and said that the show had gotten so many flowers for Penny that they had to begin sending them to the Children's Hospital along with the hundreds of stuffed animals that people sent. Kelly told Penny what a precious couple she and Leonard are and asked that they tell her when she and Leonard set the date for their wedding.

Gelman had told Penny just before the show began that the last guest would be a surprise. Penny wondered aloud why, while they were away for commercial before introducing the last guest, Gelman had stage hands sit her and Michael behind a large table covered with a cloth. Ernie, from Sesame Street, popped up next to Penny, making her jump. He told her a little bird [pointing at Leonard] had told him that she had a big crush on him when she was in elementary school and had made a promise that she would marry him, and now he learned that she is engaged to a scientist. Penny giggled as Ernie presented her a large bouquet of flowers and asked her if she was sure she wanted to stay with the scientist. Ernie turned around and gave Leonard a nasty Muppet look and made the "I have my eye on you" sign with two fingers pointed at his eyes, which he turned and pointed at Leonard, whom the camera showed sitting in the audience with Al and Rachel laughing and returning the sign. Penny, who was laughing hysterically, gave Ernie a big hug, trying very hard not to do anything that would expose the Muppeteer under him.

"Hey, where's the love for Elmo?" Elmo said as he popped up at Penny's other side. Elmo asked her what a physicist is and told her she had beautiful hair. He said that he had a crush on Miss Ann Curry, but she wasn't on TV anymore because someone had thrown her under a bus, and he now had a crush on Penny.

Penny tried to explain what a physicist is the way she would to a three-year-old while Elmo rubbed up against her and told her, "Once you go red, you're right in the head." That caused Penny to laugh out loud and slap her knee. She continued laughing so hard that tears were coming out of her eyes.

"It's a good thing I'm wearing waterproof mascara and eyeliner," Penny said as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue.

Elmo gave Penny a framed picture of himself autographed with a big red X. Penny said she would always treasure it. As the ending music began playing, Elmo and Ernie, joined by Bert, the Cookie Monster, Grover, Kermit, the Count, and Big Bird, waved, and Oscar opened a trash can, stuck out his tongue, told everyone to keep it down, and slammed his lid. The audience gave Penny a standing ovation.

As the director said, "We're clear," Gelman had a photographer come out and assembled Michael, all the crew, John Stewart, who had been the last human guest, and the Muppets surrounding Penny, along with Leonard, Al, and Rachel, for a series of photographs. He presented Penny another bouquet of flowers and told her she was an absolutely delightful guest and that he intended to have her back to cohost again.

Penny was still giggling as Al and Rachel drove up in the backdoor of the studio in Al's new Prius. She was carrying the framed picture of Elmo, and Leonard was carrying the two bouquets of flowers. They had packed the car early that morning. Gelman had offered to have a car fetch Penny from the hotel and deliver her back, but they had decided to meet Al and Rachel for a quick early breakfast at the hotel, and all of them drove together to the studio after laying out all of the clothes and other things they wanted shipped back to California. Gelman had arranged with the hotel to have Leonard and Penny's clothes cleaned and packed for shipment. He had already notified FedEx to come to the hotel after lunch and pick up their clothes, along with the things Leonard and Penny had bought while in New York, and ship them back to California, leaving Leonard and Penny enough clothes and essentials for the weekend. He had also arranged for a pass in the studio parking lot for Al.

"The roads are remarkably clear for the amount of snow we got," Penny said as they left Manhattan.

"That's one of the joys of living in New York," Al said.

Al and Rachel drove Leonard and Penny to a sweet little coffee shop about halfway to Cambridge. Penny, who had grown fond of chai spice over the past week, ordered a pumpkin latte chai spice and told Leonard they were going to have to find somewhere in Pasadena to get it. Leonard told her that most coffee shops had chai, but it would be hard to match the homemade blend Penny had at the coffee shop in New York. Penny and Leonard shared a cherry scone, and she liked it so much she ordered another whole one.

"You aren't pregnant by any chance are you?" Rachel asked, causing Leonard to choke on his spiced cider, making it come out of his nose. "You've been eating like someone who's pregnant."

"Oh, goodness, no," Penny said. "I'm not due until over a week from now, so I haven't missed my period yet." After thinking about it, though, she had Leonard go to the Walgreens across the road and get her a pregnancy test. Leonard brought back two just in case. She had the group wait while she and Rachel went into the rest room.

"No, I'm not pregnant," Penny said when she returned. She gave Leonard a helpless look.

"Would that be so bad" Leonard asked.

"Look, buster, when I was old enough to realize that my parents had only been married for three months when I was born, I promised my unborn children that I would not do that to them," Penny said. "The way the other children teased me, and the way my relatives whispered, I couldn't do that to my child. I'm old fashioned in that way."

"Oh, crap!" Rachel said, coming out of the restroom after Penny. She was holding the stick in her hand with a paper towel, and they could all clearly see the plus sign. "Al, I'm pregnant!"

Penny jumped up and hugged Rachel, making her drop the stick on the floor. Al sat there stunned.

"I think I'm going to have to drive the rest of the way," Leonard said, sipping his spiced cider.

"How do you start this thing?" Leonard asked about a half hour later, after he had tried four or five times to start the Prius without success.

"Hold down the brake all the way and then press the start button," Rachel said. She was holding Al and saying soothing things to him. She and Al were in the backseat, and Al was looking as if someone had struck him in the face with an aluminum bat.

Leonard finally got the car started after about the tenth try and headed back into traffic. Penny had fun playing with all the technology on the dashboard. Leonard had already set up Bluetooth for all four phones, and Penny was playing Pandora Radio after she checked the weather forecast and looked for restaurants in the Cambridge area. "There's a 30 percent chance of snow on Saturday in the Boston area," she said, "but there's not supposed to be any accumulation." They put the screen back to the GPS display, which told them they would arrive in about two hours. Leonard looked into the rearview mirror and saw his father sitting there looking stunned. Rachel had stopped making soothing noises and was excitedly talking about her and Penny going maternity clothes shopping when they got to Cambridge.

"Can you see the look on Mother's face when she finds out Rachel's pregnant?" Leonard's sister Janice asked a couple of hours later. She had driven to Cambridge with her husband and her three children.

"I want to tell her," their brother Michael said, grinning. "She's going to have kittens."

The plan, Leonard explained to Penny, was for Janice and her family to stay with Michael but for the other four to check into a nearby bed and breakfast. Michael, though, insisted that he had a big house and, if he folded down the futon in the den, there would be enough beds. "We'll all just have to be very good friends," he joked. There were stores nearby if they ran out of anything, and he was looking forward to having everyone under foot for the weekend.

"You look natural," Leonard said to Penny, who was holding a sleeping Molly. The two-year-old had been fascinated with Penny and had crawled up into her lap and had gone to sleep. Molly had seen a video of Penny with the Muppets and had squealed when Elmo, her favorite, appeared. As she slept, Molly held a handful of Penny's hair in one hand and sucked the thumb of the other hand.

"When I was in high school, I kept my cousin's children," Penny said as she kissed the top of Molly's head. "They were so precious. They are about the only thing I miss about living at home."

Penny's phone rang, and she handed it to Leonard so she wouldn't wake Molly.

"Hi, Wyatt," Leonard said. [Pause] No, Penny is holding a sweet young lady who is asleep. You'll want me to send you a picture. [Pause] What? Just tell him no." He turned to the group and said, "My roommate Sheldon has presented Penny's father a temporary neighbor agreement and has demanded he sign it. Wyatt is going to kill him. [Pause] No, Wyatt, we're here in Cambridge, Massachusetts with my family. [Pause] Just tell him Penny will be home tomorrow night, and she will explain it to him. [Laughing] No, he's terrified of her. [Pause] OK, Wyatt, take the other call and call me back." He looked at Penny and said, "Your mom's calling, so your dad had to take it."

"Who's Sheldon?" Janice asked.

"That's Leonard's roommate," Penny said. "He is one crazy wackadoodle."

Leonard explained, "Sheldon is textbook Asperger's. He made me sign a roommate agreement before I could move in, and he amended it when Penny and I started dating to make sure Penny's toilet habits do not interfere with his 8:20 a.m. bowel movement. He made his girlfriend Amy sign a relationship agreement. He walked across the hall earlier today and demanded that Penny's dad, who is staying in her apartment, sign a temporary agreement. Wyatt said _no_, and Sheldon is continually pestering him. Wyatt is threatening to have his girlfriend Patti shoot him."

"Why do you guys put up with it?" Michael asked. "And why would he get his girlfriend to shoot him?"

"Patti's a cop, one originally assigned to protect Penny," Leonard said. He grinned and said, "And Penny gets to call her _mom_."

"What?" Michael asked.

"Leonard caught Daddy and Patti. . ." Penny said, looking at Janice' two older children, who were listening, fascinated. "Er, he caught them having some special grownup time."

"You know that sort of agreement is unenforceable," Michael said.

"Actually, Leonard was dating an attorney during one of our breaks, and she poked holes in the agreement, but Sheldon blackmailed her into having Leonard sign a revised agreement," Penny quietly said. "I've had to lay the law down to Sheldon myself, and I think we have an understanding."

"You said you would kick him so hard his breath would smell like shoe polish," Leonard said.

"Leonard, didn't you say your roommate is also a physicist? How does he feel about your getting all of the attention lately about your work with the super collider?" Janice asked.

"He is about to stroke," Penny said. "When I talked with him yesterday, he kept whining about how he is the genius, and no one is recognizing his work. He referred to Leonard as a pedestrian, yeoman researcher and said it was unfair that Leonard is getting all the attention, while everyone is ignoring him. He has written emails of protest to all of the networks for giving Leonard so much attention and ignoring him, but, so far, they are just ignoring him."

"Penny, I don't know anything about show business," Janice said. "Is it as hard to start getting work full time as I think it is? I would guess it takes years and years, and you still might not get any work, and then some new face will come and get everything they try for and wind up in the next _Star Wars_."

"It's definitely hard," Penny said. "I showed up for an audition for a commercial the day before the attack, and there were 200 other blonde females about my age. Those are the kind of odds you face at every audition."

"But you think you're on the way now?" Janice asked.

"Now that I have representation and have had all of this publicity," Penny said, "I think I have a window when things may pick up. Maybe all these interviews have been my big break. My agent is top notch, and I think she is going to parlay my 15 minutes of fame into a lot more."

"Are you still upset about the blogger?" Leonard asked. "He used the phrase _15 minutes of fame_. Gelman and Kathy told you there will always be trolls out there who can't stand for anything good to happen to anyone and will always find something to criticize. You heard Gelman: You got the breaks because of how personable and nice you came across in the interviews with CBS, Ellen, and Conan, not because you're taking advantage of what happened to you."

"So, Janice," Penny said. "Your mom says that you grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon. How did you do that?"

"My team has been experimenting with cloning fetal cells into different monkeys. The gibbons have the most human-like environment," Janice said.

"And that might be able to cure diabetes?" Penny asked.

"We hope so," Janice said. "But we're probably five years from doing that."

"Janice, how do you balance motherhood with being a research endocrinologist?" Penny asked.

"She is amazing," her husband Paul said, walking into the room.

"Are you going to put the phone away and talk to your office on Monday?" Janice asked. "Dr. Ellis is on-call this weekend. He told you to come and enjoy yourself and not worry about your patients."

"Janice multi-tasks better than anyone I've ever met," Paul said. "When we were in medical school together, all of us marveled at how she could do 10 things at once."

"Father, are you all right?" Michael asked Al, who was sitting staring into space.

"Huh?" Al asked, "Whenever all of you are ready,"

"I asked if you're all right," Michael said.

"Oh, yeah," Al said. "I'm aces."

"I don't know," Michael said. "If I was going to be a father for the fourth time at 60, I think I would be having a stroke."

"No, mom, I'm fine. I'll talk to you soon," Rachel said as she walked back into the room talking on her phone. She looked at Al and asked, "What's wrong with my big homunculus?"

"Big homunculus?" Michael and Janice asked at the same time.

"I'll explain later," Leonard said.

"Uncle Leonard, Aunt Penny, do you live on the beach?" six-year-old Mitchell asked. "Do you know movie stars?"

"We don't live on the beach," Leonard told him. "I don't know any movie stars, but we think Penny is going to be one. About where we live, have you watched the New Year's Day parade with all the horses and the floats with pretty girls?"

Mitchell shook his head yes.

Four-year-old Linda said, "I like the horsies."

"Well," Leonard said, "That parade goes down the street very close to where Penny and I live. Every year since she moved in across the hall from me, we have walked over there to watch the parade. And Linda, do you know that Penny rides horses?"

"You do?" Linda asked, standing in front of Penny. "What's your horsie's name?"

"Well, back in Nebraska, where I grew up on a farm, we had a bunch of horses, but the one I always thought of as mine was a girl horse named Buttercup."

"Does Buttercup live with you in Paskadeeta?" Linda asked.

"No, she stayed back on the farm because I live on the fourth floor in my building, and horses don't like living upstairs. I still see her when I go back to the farm. I take her apples when I'm there."

"Are you and Uncle Leonard going to bring Buttercup to live with you when you get married?" Linda asked. "Can I be in the wedding?"

"We'll have to see about Buttercup," Penny said. "She's old now, and she likes nibbling the sweet grass near the orchard and playing with the other horses. As far as the wedding goes, your uncle Leonard and I haven't planned what type of wedding we're going to have, but we'll let your mommy know. If we have the kind of wedding that we could use some help from a big girl like you, we'll let you know."

"What kind of wedding do you want?" Linda asked. "Do you want to be a princess for your wedding?"

Penny was smiling and caressed Linda's cheek. "You know, your Uncle Leonard asked me to marry him and I said _yes_ just a few days ago. I really haven't had time to think about what kind of wedding I want. What kind of wedding do you want when you get married?"

"I want to be a princess," Linda said. "I want to have big hair and wear lipstick and high heels."

"I hope you get all that," Penny laughed. She looked at Leonard, who was watching her with marked interest. She mouthed, "Isn't she precious."

"Uncle Leonard," Linda asked, "why did you just ask Aunt Penny to marry you a few days ago? Don't you love her?"

"Actually, Linda," Leonard said, "I have loved Penny since before you were born. I asked her to marry me the first time before Molly was born, but she only said _yes_ a few days ago."

"Aunt Penny, why did you just say _yes_ a few days ago?" Linda asked.

"Linda, why don't you go change your shoes? We're going to leave for the restaurant in just a few minutes," Janice said. She turned to Penny and mouthed, "Sorry."

"She is so precious," Penny said, as Molly shifted in her arms. "All three of your children are so darling. And, of course," she said looking at Mitchell, "Mitchell is so grown up."

"Aw," Mitchell said.

"I hope it's all right they are calling you _Aunt Penny_," Janice said. "No one told them to call you that. They are doing that on their own."

"You know, that's so sweet. I'm honored. It shows me they have accepted me," Penny said.

"Well, you had Linda and Molly won over when they saw you with Elmo," Janice said. "Mitchell is a little more reserved, aren't you baby?" she said, squeezing Mitchell.

"I'm not your baby, and I'm not a sweetie," Mitchell said.

"I'm sorry, Mitchell," Penny said. "How about you remind me if I call you _sweetie_ so I can remember to call you _Mitchell_?" She turned to Janice and said, "I think I have one more member of the family to win over."

"Oh, no," Janice said. "He chattered about you all the way here after we showed him some of the interviews on _Live!_, didn't you, Mitchell?"

"I think Aunt Penny's pretty," Mitchell said.

"Careful, dude. She's taken," Leonard said tousling Mitchell's hair.

"You don't like girls, do you, Mitchell?" Michael said.

"Girls are yucky," Mitchell said. "But I like Aunt Penny."

"Aunt Penny," Linda said, coming into the room with another pair of shoes. "Could you help me put on my shoes?"

"I'm holding your little sister right now, sweetie," Penny said. "If your Uncle Leonard will scoot over a little, I'll see if she will go to him."

Penny tried to hand off Molly, kissing her on the top of the head again and yelping when the change of position hurt her ribs. Molly went to Leonard but kept a death grip on Penny's hair. Penny kept giggling about Leonard's face as he struggled to hold Molly so she could continue to hold Penny's hair in her sleep.

Linda climbed up into Penny's lap, and Penny helped her put on her shoes. Rachel, who had been snapping pictures ever since they arrived, took a lot of pictures of the scene. "Boy, Leonard, you and Penny are going to have a lot of tags on your Facebook pages after I post all of these."

"Later, before we leave for LA, I'll copy all the pictures to my laptop," Leonard said.

"I want a copy," Janice said.

"Aunt Penny?" Mitchell asked, finally coming close enough for Penny to caress his face with her hand.

"Yes, sweet. . . er, Mitchell?" Penny asked.

"When you and Uncle Leonard get married, are you going to move here so we can see you every day?"

"Well," Penny said, "You know, Uncle Leonard and I live in California right now. That's where his job is at the university. We haven't talked about where we're going to live, but Uncle Leonard can fix it so we can see each other whenever we want on the computer."

"We have computers," Mitchell said.

"Well, if it's all right with your Mommy and Daddy, Uncle Leonard can help set it up so we can see each other all the time."

"Ooh! Do that for me too," Rachel said.

"Aunt Penny? Are you and Uncle Leonard going to have babies?" Linda asked.

"Uh, Linda, that's personal," her mother said.

"Well, sweetie, Uncle Leonard and I haven't made definite plans about that, but being here with you, your brother, and your sister makes me really think I might want babies. You know, your Uncle Leonard and I kind of have a baby now."

"What's her name?" Linda asked.

"His name is Sheldon," Penny said.

"How old is he?" Linda asked.

"Actually, Sheldon is 31 years old," Penny said. "He is your Uncle Leonard's roommate.

"What's a roommate?" Mitchell asked.

Janice pointed at Mitchell and mouthed, "He's fascinated."

"That's a man Uncle Leonard works with. They live in the same apartment so they can save money. Sheldon has his bedroom and Leonard has his, and they have a living room and kitchen they share."

"That's weird," Mitchell said.

"Tell me about it," Penny said.

"Why is Sheldon like your baby?" Linda asked.

"Well, sweetie," Penny said, "Sheldon needs a lot of help."

"Aunt Penny and I are sort of like his mommy and daddy sometimes," Leonard said. "His mommy lives in Texas, and Aunt Penny and I look out after Sheldon."

Penny's phone made the incoming Skype sound. Leonard realized he still had her phone in his pocket. "Speak of the, uh, Sheldon," he said, looking at the screen.

"Hey, Sheldon," he said.

"Hey, Sheldon," Linda said crowding her face between Leonard's face and the phone.

"Who is that?" Sheldon asked.

"That is Linda. Say hello to Linda, Sheldon."

"Hello, Linda," Sheldon said. "Leonard, I need to talk to Penny."

Leonard pointed the phone to Penny.

"Move it back," Sheldon said, "I am looking up her nose."

Leonard positioned the phone until Sheldon said it was good, but Linda maneuvered her face in front of Penny's to watch Sheldon

"Penny, you are going to have to get a grip on your father," Sheldon said. "He is being unreasonable."

"I heard about the temporary neighbor agreement," Penny said.

"Well, he won't sign it," Sheldon said. "I worked on it for several hours, and he won't sign it."

"Sweetie, why should he sign a temporary neighbor agreement?" Penny asked.

"See, Mitchell? Penny calls everyone she cares about _sweetie_," Leonard said.

"Since it is obvious he plans to stay across the hall fornicating with Sgt. Davis all day and at all hours of the night," he said, "I think it is more than reasonable to expect him to sign the agreement."

"What's fornicating?" Mitchell asked his mother.

"Sheldon, there are children present," Penny said. "Please watch the language. Sheldon, you know I refused to sign your agreement when I moved in. Why should my Daddy?"

"His staying across the hall is creating a major conundrum for me." Sheldon said. "I see him opening your mailbox and taking out the mail, and he has been signing for deliveries for you. He said he has been opening your mail and paying your bills. I am supposed to just sit back and let that happen and not do anything about it? Not to mention that he and Sgt. Davis are, uh, how can I say this if children are there, uh. . . ."

"Sheldon, we know what you're talking about," Leonard said.

"Well, they are doing that thing very loudly, and I think handcuffs were involved," Sheldon said.

"You can hear them?" Penny asked, turning red.

"Oh, yes," Sheldon said. "If I can hear your toilet flush and hear you sing 'Call me Maybe,' I can hear them engaged in. . . er. . . you know."

"Oh, no," Penny said. "That means you can hear. . . ."

"Penny: Otnay in ontfray of the ildrenchay," Leonard said.

"What?" Penny asked. "Did you just call me a bad name in Klingon?"

"Not in front of the little ears," Leonard said, glancing toward Mitchell, who was watching wide-eyed.

"Sheldon," Penny said. "Leonard and I will be home tomorrow night. Please behave yourself until we can get there. How is everyone else?"

"Well, I am not doing well at all," Sheldon said. "First it's your father and Sgt. Davis, and then there are all the deliveries, and now all of this nonsense about Leonard's work with the super collider team. It's just more than I can be reasonably expected to bear. People kept calling for him at the university all week. Sometimes they transferred the calls to me, since we're roommates. I tried to tell them about my work and how important it is, but they just said to have Leonard contact them. It's not fair."

"What deliveries?" Penny asked. "I was expecting a pair of shoes, and Leonard had ordered me a video-out adapter for my iPad, but, other than that, I wasn't expecting anything."

"Oh, it has been just dreadful," Sheldon said. "Every five minutes, there's another delivery. Mostly, it's flowers, but there are also stuffed animals, boxes of chocolate, and there are cases and cases of Diet Dr. Pepper. Wyatt started bringing flowers over into our apartment after Penny's began looking as if there was a funeral. We've put all the stuffed animals and other things in Leonard's room. He isn't going to be able to go to bed or get into his closet until we move some things."

"Sheldon," Penny asked, "Could either you or someone else there take some pictures of the flowers and send them?"

"Bernadette said I should do that," Sheldon said. "She and Howard are going to come over tonight and take some of them to their place, since we're beginning to have to pile flowers out in the hall. I'll get her to send some pictures."

"Sheldon," Leonard said. "I'll bet that, if you call one of the local hospitals, they will be glad to take some of the flowers and stuffed toys off your hands. Just please save the cards and write on the back what they were."

"I'm not calling a hospital," Sheldon said. "I don't want those people tracking their hospital germs through our apartment. Besides, I'm not going to take responsibility for deciding what to send and what to keep. Penny, you have already threatened to punch me in the throat. I'm not going to risk your ire."

"All right, sweetie," Penny said. "If you can hold on until tomorrow, Leonard and I will be home and we can help you. Can you behave yourself until then?"

"Well, you'd better hurry," Sheldon said. "I'm losing my cool, man!"

Leonard hit the End Call icon.

"He's silly," Linda said.

"He's one crazy wackadoodle," Penny said for the second time.

"What's a wackadoodle?" Mitchell asked.

"You saw us talking to one," Leonard said.

_Next: Snow!_


	13. Chapter 13: Snow

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 13, Snow!

"That was the airport," Leonard told his brother as he put the phone back into his Otter Box holster while they were walking back to the house. "They said everything is grounded at least through Monday morning, and it could be longer if the snow doesn't stop."

"I thought the weather forecast on Friday said we would get a few flakes but we wouldn't have any accumulation," Michael said. "I can barely see, it's snowing so hard. The Weather Channel now says we're in for one of the most severe snow storms in decades. It's amazing how it missed New York and everything converged on us. I'm glad we had the restaurant put all of our food in to-go boxes and rushed back here before the roads got so bad."

"I pulled up the National Weather Service website," Leonard said. "They said the system shifted, and when it met the cold front coming down from Canada, it was the perfect combination to bury us. It's stalled, with no sign of going anywhere. They're expecting this to last for days."

"Of course, you and Penny and everyone else are absolutely welcome to stay for the duration," Michael said. "We have plenty of food, and there are a couple of stores nearby that cater to the university foot traffic that are usually open even in bad weather. We won't starve. It'll be nice having everyone here. It will be kind of like Christmas while Grandmamma Hofstadter was still alive."

Leonard said, "It's only Saturday, and the state police are talking about Tuesday at the earliest before anything moves. Penny and I are OK. I can telecommute for as long as I need to, and she doesn't have anything scheduled other than meeting with her trauma therapist and the orthopedist, so, at least from our perspective, we're good, not to mention that we have two doctors trapped here with us. We just don't want to put you in a bind. We can go to that sweet little bed and breakfast just over the hill."

"Don't you dare, big brother," Michael said. "We haven't all gotten together like this since you left for college, and I honestly want to hold onto this as long as I can. The house is going to feel very empty when you are all gone. Maybe being snowed in will give you and Penny a chance to decompress from all you've been through the past couple of weeks. I miss my big brother and want to get the chance to know you again—and your adorable fiancée. I still can't get over how she and Janice' children bonded. Penny is so sweet."

"Me neither," Leonard said. "I've always known she had a maternal side, but I had no idea it was this deep. I had never seen her with children—other than Sheldon."

"Have you two had any time alone—I mean, really alone—since you became engaged?" Michael asked.

"Now that you mention it, no," Leonard said. "We've always been around other people. When we were at the hotel in New York, she was always zoned out at night on her pain medication, or I was Skyping with my team at Cal TEC or the one at Cern."

"That's what I thought," Michael said. "It's a shame you can't just take off and go somewhere—just the two of you. Is it all right if I get personal for a minute?"

"Sure," Leonard said.

"Leonard, Mother said that you were madly in love with Penny. You know, that hit me right between the eyes when I saw you two together for the first time last Sunday. You look at her as if you absolutely worship her," Michael said.

"I love her so much I ache sometimes," Leonard said. "As someone who has always prided himself on rational, scientific thought, I didn't believe in such things as love at first sight and soul mates, but, the first time I met Penny over five years ago, I told my roommate that she was the woman I would marry. I remember telling him that our children will be smart and beautiful."

"Have you noticed the way she keeps looking at you?" Michael asked. "I don't know if you are aware of it, big brother, but she adores you too. Every time you would do something with one of the children, she would watch you with this look on her face. It's hard to describe: She would almost beam at you. How long do you think it will be before the two of you actually get married?"

Leonard said, "I don't know. I wish we already were married. The important thing to me is that we get married and start planning our future. If she said the word, I would hop a plane—if we weren't snowed in—and go to the nearest place we could get married without a waiting period or residency requirements."

Michael and Leonard walked back into the house after stomping the snow off their boots.

"We walked up to the highway," Michael told Renee, Janice, and Al, who were sitting at the kitchen table. "There are some cars off on the side, but no one was in them. I hope they made it to the bed and breakfast and to the hotels in the area. Nothing's moving, and this has just started. It's going to get grim."

"Aunt Penny made us snow cream," Mitchell said.

"I felt sorry for them: They were so disappointed that we had to leave the restaurant before dessert," Penny said.

"Mitchell, would you believe that I've never been with Penny in the snow before last Saturday when we arrived in New York?" Leonard asked.

"No way," Mitchell said.

"Way," Leonard said. "It doesn't snow where we live."

"Mitchell, do you want some more snow cream?" Penny asked.

"Yes, please," Mitchell said.

"Guys, we have more snow cream in here," Penny said to Leonard and Michael. "It melts fast once you put in the vanilla, so you'd better grab some."

"Aunt Penny, this is wonderful," Linda said, spooning out another mouthful of the snow cream and pronouncing _wonderful_ as _won-der-ful_. "Uncle Leonard, Aunt Penny made me some hot cocoa. She made it out of scratch."

"Wasn't that nice of Penny?" Janice said. "Penny, growing up in the home we did, we never had snow cream. Mother didn't believe in our eating anything that fell from the sky like a group of hobos. If we wanted ice cream, Mother would have the housekeeper make sorbet in one of those little machines. Could you teach me how to make snow cream, and, while you're at it, the hot cocoa from scratch? I've never made it any way other than from a packet."

"The recipe for the hot cocoa is on the back of the box. See?" Penny said, turning the cocoa powder box around. "Since Leonard is lactose intolerant, I made it with vanilla soy milk, because I thought maybe your children might have inherited that problem too. Since that's all Michael has in his fridge, I assume you're [looking at Michael] lactose intolerant like Leonard? As far as the snow cream goes, just start with some nice fluffy snow. If it's a grainy snow, with a lot of sleet in it, don't use it, because it will be nasty, like eating sand. Just start mixing in milk—or, as in our case, vanilla soy milk—until it feels right. Then put in vanilla extract. I would start with a teaspoon for a bowl this size. You have to play that by ear. Then sweeten to taste. The cook gets to sample, and I like to make it sweet."

"And don't eat the yellow snow!" Mitchell said, laughing.

"What do you know about yellow snow?" Penny asked, giggling.

"That's where doggies pee pee," Mitchell said, giggling so hard he was about to fall off his chair.

Leonard had come to stand behind Linda and was stroking her hair. "Aunt Penny is taking good care of you, huh?"

"Uh huh," Linda said, shaking her head _yes_. "Are you and Aunt Penny staying here tonight?"

Leonard said, "Yes, sweetheart. We'll be here tonight. I don't think anyone is going anywhere for a while."

"Yay!" Linda and Mitchell said together.

"Yeah, Janice, there's no way you guys are going anywhere. It's all Leonard and I could do to walk up to the highway," Michael said.

A few minutes later, Penny was sitting reading _Five Little Monkeys_ from her iPad to Linda and Molly, who had crawled up onto the sofa with her. She explained that it had been her favorite story when she was little, and she had bought it from the iTunes bookstore. The girls took turns swiping the page on the screen. Their mother told them that, as soon as the story was finished, it was time for bed. Mitchell was standing off to the side pretending not to pay attention to the story. He had already explained that he was big and didn't need anyone reading to him.

Linda asked, "Can Aunt Penny help get me ready for bed?"

"Me too!" Molly said.

"I'll be glad to help," Penny said to Janice, "if it's all right with you."

"We don't want to wear Penny out. She was hurt pretty badly, but, if she wants to help and she feels like it, that's fine," Janice said.

"How did Aunt Penny get hurt?" Linda asked.

"Some bad guys tied her up and beat her," Mitchell said. "They stuffed socks in her mouth and taped her mouth shut so she couldn't call for help. Then they kicked her in the ribs, and one punched her in the face."

"How did you know that?" Janice asked, startled.

"That's what she said when she was on TV in the hospital gown," Mitchell said.

"You were in bed when your Daddy and I played that interview," Janice said. "How did you see it?"

"Mommy, I know how to operate the DVR," Mitchell said. "I'm not a baby."

"Aunt Penny, why did they do that to you?" Linda asked, wide-eyed, her chin trembling as if she might cry.

"Oh, sweetie, you don't have to worry about that," Penny said, caressing Linda's face. She looked at Janice and said, "I don't know how to explain what happened to them. They're so innocent; I don't want to upset them."

"There were some bad guys who were stealing Aunt Penny's things, and she came home and caught them," Janice said. "They got scared and hit her, but she frightened them away."

"Yeah: She socked one with a ball bat, she broke one's nose, and she kicked another one in his boy parts," Mitchell said. "She was like a ninja."

"I am going to have to start using the parental lock on the DVR," Janice said.

"Linda, sweetie," Penny said, on the verge of tears herself, "It's so sweet that you care about me, but I promise you I am going to be fine. Uncle Leonard has been taking great care of me, and I have good doctors helping me. And there's a nice lady, Dr. Freeman, at something called the Trauma Center, who talks to me and is helping me not be so scared."

"Penny," Janice said, turning back toward Penny, "I do need to check you over, since you're 3,000 miles from your doctors and you haven't seen them in a week. You haven't been wearing the brace: Has the brace been bothering you?"

"Yeah, I think I've irritated the skin over the ribs. It hurts more when I wear the brace," Penny said.

"Michael," Janice asked, "do you still have the Triamcinolone?"

"Yes, I just got it refilled," Michael said.

"I'll check Penny, and we may need to borrow some for the next couple of days," Janice said. "Penny, I've noticed you haven't been taking any pain medication. Are you out?" Janice asked.

"No, I still have enough for a few days. I just don't want to get hooked on it," Penny said. "Almost all of the feeling has come back in my hands, and my wrists are feeling a bit better. The sports cream the physical therapist gave me is helping a lot. The ribs are still the main problem. It hurts to move, and I wake myself up at night every time I shift. I know the ribs are going to take a while."

"The bruise on your cheek doesn't look nearly as bad as it did when you first appeared on _Live!_ on Monday," Janice said.

"I've covered it up with makeup," Penny said. "I didn't want to scare the children."

"Penny, I'm so impressed how wonderful you have been with my babies," Janice said.

"They are so precious, I have honestly had a ball," Penny said. "I wish I could take them home with me. I'm sincerely going to miss them terribly when we go home."

"Well," Leonard said, "apparently that's not going to happen for a while. Everything has ground to a halt, and the governor has declared a state of emergency and ordered everyone to stay off the roads. How have we kept power here? Where we grew up in New Jersey, we had to run generators in weather like this because we would lose power."

"We have a generator if we need one," Michael said. "We buried all our cables underground in Cambridge, so we don't have the power outages other parts of the country have that didn't make that investment."

Penny was in Janice' family's room by now helping get the girls ready for bed. Mitchell pronounced that he did not need anyone helping him.

A few minutes later, Penny came out and snuggled next to Leonard on the living room sofa where the others were watching coverage of the snow on one of the local TV channels. She laid her head on Leonard's shoulder after kissing him on the cheek.

"Penny, I'm with Janice. I'm so touched at how you've been with her children," Leonard said.

"If they are the kind of children your family produces, it makes me want some of my own," she said.

"You know," Leonard said, "That's the first time you've ever expressed an opinion about children one way or the other."

"Being here with you and your family has made me really feel closer to you," Penny said. "I think I want us to get married soon. It may be the snow cream talking, but I wish we could get married tomorrow."

"There's a three-day waiting period after you apply for the Intent to Marry in Massachusetts, so we couldn't get married tomorrow even if we wanted," Leonard said. "What do you think about Grandmamma's dress?"

"It is so elegant," Penny said. "It's a bit out of style now, but it is so beautiful. I'm really going to have to think about wearing it and passing it on to my child. Did I tell you it was a perfect fit, just like the ring? The lady at the store where it has been packed away said it won't be necessary to make any alterations at all. It's only going to need a nice steaming, since it was packed away so well."

"Now, this is getting spooky," Leonard said. "Are you sure you aren't my dead Grandmamma reincarnated?"

"Uh, guys?" Rachel said. "I have a confession to make. Please don't be mad."

"What?" Leonard asked.

"I put the dress in the trunk," Rachel said.


	14. Chapter 14: Cambridge

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 14, Cambridge

Eight faces swiveled to look at Rachel.

"You what?" Penny asked. "You brought the dress? It was supposed to go Pasadena for packing and storage."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. "I messed up. I didn't realize the dress was in the bag. I thought it was one of Leonard's suits or some of your dresses. I didn't realize until we were unpacking here that I had Al put it on the trolley and had the bell hop put it in the trunk."

"I think it's a sign," Michael said.

"But my parents aren't here, our friends aren't here, I haven't planned anything," Penny said, "plus what Leonard said, there's that three-day waiting period."

"It was worth a try," Leonard said.

"Sweetie," Penny said caressing Leonard's face, "I'm not trying to get out of anything. I really wish we could get married right now and have all the people we love here. Janice, how big a deal is it going to be to have you, your husband, and your three children fly out to Los Angeles for our wedding?"

"That's a brutal trip for three little ones," Janice said. "I don't know. We'll both need to take off from our practices, not to mention that I'll have to ride herd on three Munchkins both ways on a five-hour plane ride."

"Maybe we need to fly back here for the wedding," Leonard said to Penny. "But, then, your parents and our friends would have to decide if they could fly here."

"Let's think about our options," Penny said. "We don't have to decide anything tonight. Let's cuddle and watch _Saturday Night Live_ while it's really live and not delayed three hours the way it is when we see it from home."

"Penny, how long since you've had pain medication?" Janice asked.

"It's been two days," Penny said.

Janice asked, "How would you like to join me for a marguerita or twelve?"

"Oh, yes, please," Penny said.

Janice and Penny made a pitcher of margueritas. Penny poured one for Leonard and one for herself and snuggled back up against Leonard.

"This doesn't taste like a marguerita," Leonard said.

"Michael didn't have any tequila, so we had to use vodka," Janice said.

As Penny poured the last marguerita from the pitcher, she and Janice decided to see what else Michael had to drink. "Rum!" Janice said as she held the bottle up on the way out of the pantry. "Mojitos!"

Christopher Walken was the _Saturday Night Live_ host. The musical guests were Fun!, and Penny sang along with all the words to "Some Nights."

"Penny, did you know that Father was in the audience for the first _Saturday Night Live_?" Michael asked.

"George Carlin was the host," Al said. "That was an experience. I was there with Janet Cipriano." Al looked off into space smiling until Rachel punched him. "John Belushi was a gifted, gifted comedian," he said. "Did you know he was originally signed to be in _Ghostbusters, _but they had to get Bill Murray when he died?"

"Father never made it back from _Saturday Night Live_," Leonard told Penny, grinning.

Michael, Paul, and Al said they were ready to drop and headed off to bed leaving Rachel, Renee, Janice, Penny, and Leonard.

"Girls," Penny teased them.

"I'm the only one with someone to snuggle," Leonard said.

Leonard and Penny cuddled on the sofa until _Saturday Night Live_ ended. Leonard found _His Girl Friday_ with Cary Grant on Turner Classic Movies. Penny and Rachel had never seen it, so they all watched it. Leonard explained that it was a remake of the 1931 _The Front Page, _which, in turn, had been adapted from a stage play by that name. He said how, in the original, Hildy Johnson, the part played by Rosalind Russell, was played by a man, Pat O'Brien. He told Penny it is his second-favorite movie behind _Arsenic and Old Lace_, another Cary Grant movie.

"You know, I learn something new about you every day," Penny said, kissing Leonard on the cheek again. "I would have thought _Star Wars_ or _Indiana Jones_ would be your favorite movie."

"Let's see," Leonard said, "My favorite movies, in order, are _Arsenic and Old Lace_, _His Girl Friday_, _Harvey_, _The Fifth Element_, and _Death to Smoochy_. Oh, and _The Big Lebowski_ and _Being John Malkovich_."

"I think the only one of those I've ever seen is _The Big Lebowski_," Penny said. "Remember? We went by the apartment complex where some of the outside scenes were shot."

"It looks like a NetFlix weekend to me," Leonard said. "But you saw _The Fifth Element_. That's the one in which Bruce Willis is a cab driver 300 years from now."

"This is so odd," Renee said. "Michael has all of those on DVD there in the entertainment center except for _Being John Malkovich_. I guess the Hofstadter men have similar tastes."

Leonard, who was surfing the Netflix site, announced, "_Being John Malkovich_ is available for instant play. If we decide to watch it, I can stream it over Michael's TV."

"Leonard, if those other movies are as good as the one we just saw," Penny said, "I think I want to see them. Rosalind Russell was gorgeous. I can't believe the movie is that old. Tell me about the other ones on the list."

Leonard described the other movies. Penny decided that she wanted to see _Harvey_ next, even though Leonard thought she would enjoy _Arsenic and Old Lace_ more.

"But I like bunnies," she said.

"Well, you'll get to see a movie with a six-foot, three-and-one-half-inch-tall bunny, except you won't be able to see him," Leonard said.

By now, it was 3:00 a.m. Janice was sound asleep on the sofa. Renee had joined Michael in his room, and Rachel had gone to join Al.

"Let's go to bed and snuggle," Penny said.

They found a blanket and covered Janice and went into the den where they had unfolded the futon.

As Penny snuggled close to Leonard on the folded-out futon, she said, "Leonard, do you realize that, ever since the attack, you've treated me as if I'm a China doll?"

"I've held you," he said. "I'm holding you now."

"No, I mean you act as if I will break. Do you think I'm that fragile?"

"Penny, sweetheart, I'm trying to give you some space to heal. Do you know that every time you shift in your sleep, you grab your ribs and cry out?" Leonard said.

"I miss you," Penny said. "I know you would be gentle."

_Thump, thump, thump_, they heard as Linda ran across the hardwood floor barefoot and jumped into bed with them.

"Aunt Penny, can I get warm with you?" Linda asked.

_Thump, thump, thump, _they heard just before Molly jumped into bed with them.

"Me too," Molly said. "I wanna get warm too!"

"It's a good thing they didn't jump in bed with us five minutes later," Penny said. She turned over so she was facing both girls and let them spoon up next to her, Linda first, and Molly in front of her. "OK, sweeties," she said. "Snuggle in here, and we'll get warm. Ooh! Linda, your feet are cold!"

Leonard woke to find the three females snuggled up next to him. He went to the kitchen for a glass of water, and, when he returned, he picked up his cell phone and took several pictures of the scene with Penny and the two girls spooning. Molly had reached across Linda and was holding a handful of Penny's hair again.

Penny opened one eye. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Looking at the most adorable scene in the world," he said.

"Oh, isn't that so sweet?" Janice whispered as she came up behind Leonard. "Oh, wow: I feel as if someone is playing a bass drum inside my head. Did you take pictures of this? I'm going to have to print these out."

"I'll send them to your email," Leonard said. "Boy. By the time we get back to Pasadena, I'm going to have tons of pictures."

"What time is it?" Janice asked.

"It's 7:00 a.m. here," Leonard said.

"So it's 4:00 a.m. in Pasadena," Penny said, still with one eye open. "What is wrong with you people?"

Molly shifted, facing Linda and feeling for the handful of Penny's hair she had just released.

An hour later, Leonard and Penny were walking toward the town of Cambridge. They were holding hands: They had each taken off the glove on the hand they were using, and they had stuck their hands into Leonard's parka pocket, since it was bigger. They were walking in the tracks of some sort of vehicle, so they didn't have to trudge through the snow, which was easily three feet deep. The tracks were rapidly filling back up, and they were leaving deep footprints.

"This is so beautiful," Penny said. "I wish we could stay here forever."

"The snow hasn't let up any," Leonard said. "It looks as if we're going to be here for a while."

"You know something?" Penny asked. "That's just fine with me. I am so enjoying being here with your family, away from all the attention I've had since the attack. I haven't had this feeling of belonging in a very long time. Leonard? I can't believe I kept saying _no_ when you asked me to marry you. Will you ever forgive me? I love you so much. It's like Blanche Dubois says in _A Streetcar Named Desire_: It's like someone shined a bright light on something that had been half in shadows."

"I love you too." Leonard stopped, turned toward Penny, and kissed her. "Your lips are cold," he said. "Um, that tastes good."

"It's strawberry," she said. "I had to put something on my lips so they don't chap."

They walked down a street with small shops. One of them looked as if it had an apartment over it. The "Open" sign was lit. They walked into a small bakery, where they were able to get fresh pastries and coffee.

"Scones!" Penny said as the woman who had greeted them as they had come through the door brought a batch of scones out of the oven. "Ooh! I want scones," she said.

They ate scones and drank some of the best coffee either had ever drunk. There were four other couples in the small shop. The way the lady working there spoke to the others, Penny and Leonard got the impression they were regulars.

"What a cute couple," the strikingly beautiful older woman beside them said. "Aren't they adorable, Leonard?" she said to the 60ish man with her who had a Tilley hat and earmuffs sitting in the chair next to him at the table.

"Oh, your name's Leonard?" Penny asked. "That's my fiancé's name."

"Aren't you beautiful? I had long blonde hair like yours when I was young," the woman said. "Yes, my Leonard and I have been married for 35 years. I'm Doris."

"Hi, Doris, I'm Penny," Penny said, shaking Doris' hand.

"Leonard and you are engaged? May I be nosey and ask when are you and your Leonard planning to get married?" Doris asked.

"Leonard and I just got engaged a little over a week ago. We haven't set a date yet, but I think we're going to have our wedding very soon."

"May I give you a little advice?" Doris asked. "Go ahead and get married as soon as you can. Leonard must have asked me to marry him five or ten times before I said _yes_. Now we've been married 35 years, and I kick myself that I didn't say _yes_ sooner. I know we don't have much time left, and I cherish every second with him. Every day is a gift."

Penny sat looking thoughtful. "I'll tell you a little secret, Doris." She leaned over and spoke to Doris in low tones as if the two were plotting something. "I held out on Leonard for a long time. Something very bad happened to me recently, and it made me take a hard look at how silly it was that I was afraid of how much I love him. I kept trying to fight it, as if it was a bad thing. If I could do it over, I would have said _yes_ to him when he first asked me—or I would have asked him. I know there's a residency requirement and a three-day waiting period in Massachusetts, but I wish we could get married right now, today."

"How do you feel about that, Leonard?" the other Leonard asked.

"I would have jumped on a plane to the nearest place we could get married and had the ceremony immediately three years ago," Leonard said. "You bet I would marry her right here, right now."

"That's interesting," Leonard said.

"As it is," the younger Leonard said, "Penny has been through so much. She was injured very badly, and she's still healing—I want her to have the wedding she wants, and I don't want to pressure her. We're in a position to plan just the type of wedding she fancies. We're here in Cambridge with almost all of my family. I wish we were here for the wedding."

"So that bruise on the side of her face is from her accident?" the elder Leonard asked.

"It wasn't an accident," our Leonard said. "She surprised some people who had broken into her apartment, and they tied her up and beat her pretty badly after they stuffed her mouth with socks and taped her mouth shut so she couldn't call out for help."

"Oh, now I know who you are," Doris said. "You're that beautiful young woman who has been all over television the past week. I thought I recognized you, but you are so much more beautiful in person!"

"If you were thinking maybe Leonard had hit me," Penny said, "I can tell you with 100 percent confidence that Leonard would never do anything to hurt me. That's not who he is. He has been so sweet and attentive through all of this. I loved him before all of this, but it is as if I took off a blindfold and could really see for the first time just how much I love him too. Now, if I could just get him to stop treating me as if I'm so fragile I might break, everything would be perfect."

"You two are so sweet," Doris said.

"Do you have children?" Penny asked.

"Oh, my, yes," Doris said. "Four boys and three grandchildren and another on the way." She brought out her iPhone, and she and Penny sat looking at pictures of Doris and Leonard's family as Doris told her about each one. "We have worn out quite a few scanners. We have box after box of pictures, and we are scanning them in one by one. We have digital cameras plus our phones now, but there are still thousands of pictures we have to scan. Here: This was me on the first Thanksgiving after Leonard and I got married," Doris said, pointing to one. In the picture, a beautiful young woman in her 20s with long blonde hair lounged on the floor wearing a nice purple dress. "That was just a snapshot Leonard took with a Polaroid camera while I was playing with my nieces, but it has always been my favorite picture of myself."

"It is so lovely. Leonard, isn't she a knock-out in this picture?" Penny said.

"Wow, Doris, you look beautiful," Leonard said.

"I love the red lipstick," Penny said.

"That was 1977. While I was in high school and college, at least in this part of the country, women had stopped doing anything feminine like wearing makeup. By the time Leonard and I married in 1977, we had started painting up again," Doris said. "I idolized Stevie Nicks, and, when she started painting up, so did I. The night this picture was taken, Leonard took me to one of Stevie's concerts in Boston at the arena."

"I met Stevie Nicks last week," Penny said. "I told her that, when I was a little girl, my mom would put on her records, and we would dance around the way she did."

"So, you two live around here?" Leonard asked.

"Yes, we live just over that way [pointing in the general direction Leonard and Penny had come]. I work in Boston, but we love Cambridge so much we just couldn't leave after I finished school. I've been here nearly 40 years, and, of course, Doris has been here for 35 years. Are you in town interviewing for a position here?" the elder Leonard asked.

"No, my brother, Michael Hofstadter, is a tenured law professor here," the younger Leonard said. "We're in town visiting. We were supposed to fly back to California today, but we're going to be here for a few more days until the snow stops."

"Where in California?" the older Leonard asked.

"Pasadena. Leonard is a tenured professor of experimental physics at Cal TEC," Penny said.

"I'll bet that once you and Penny walk around town and visit the University, you'll never be able to leave," the elder Leonard said.

"Penny and I have been cooped up and thought we should walk around. I'm so glad we stumbled on this coffee shop. Where do you recommend we walk next?" the younger Leonard asked.

"Here," the elder Leonard said. He took out a notebook from his pouch and drew a rough map. "This," he said, pointing, "is where we are now, and this [pointing] is that tower you see over there. If you walk in that direction until you get to the pond, turn left and go about a quarter of a mile. There are a couple of small shops that might be open because the owners live over the stores the way Melissa here does. There's a very interesting bookstore and a curio shop. Doris, what else is over there?"

"There's a shoe store," Doris said, "but I'm not sure they open on Sundays. If you will walk toward the center of campus, this way [pointing], there are all sorts of places the young people visit. There's a taco bar and a pizza place, and a place you can rent ice skates. The snow's so deep they won't be renting skates today, but there is some pretty scenery. When it snows, there is a place here [pointing to the map] where you can hire a horse-drawn sleigh and ride around."

"Oh, sweetie, isn't this so beautiful?" Penny said later as the chapel appeared when they turned the corner. "It's like something out of the Middle Ages."

"It looks like a tiny version of Hogwarts," Leonard said.

Penny and Leonard were still holding hands as they strolled up the walkway to the chapel door. Leonard tried the door, and it was open. There was a sign on the door that the children's choir practice for the night before had been canceled. They walked in and looked around. "Look at the lead windows," Leonard said. "This chapel feels comfortable, as if I belong here. It has to be very old."

"It's so spectacular," Penny said as she and Leonard went to the front pew and sat, still holding hands. They just sat for a few minutes looking around.

"It feels so right sitting here holding your hand," Leonard said.

Leonard noticed that Penny was staring at him with a serene smile on her face. He couldn't help but smile back. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm thinking that I want to be your wife," she said. "I can't describe it: It's as if being with you is the most precious thing in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Leonard released Penny's hand and put his arm around her. She leaned into him and put her head on his shoulder. They sat there talking about their dreams for their life together.

Later, Leonard and Penny found themselves riding around campus in a sleigh pulled by a large black horse. Penny had already made friends with the horse, whose name was Cinder, who nibbled at her ear. "Miss, the old boy really likes you," the driver said. "He doesn't take to people. He can be an ass."

Leonard and Penny both snapped pictures with their phones as they passed points of interest. Penny sent a number of pictures to her dad and Rachel and posted quite a few of them to the new, private Facebook page her agent Kathy had her tech guy create for her under Penny's middle name and her mother's maiden name. Cinder kept looked back adoringly at Penny huffling. Leonard showed Penny how to geocode her pictures by turning on the GPS on her phone so they could find their way back to each place or could pull them up on a map or Google Earth if someone asked where they had taken them.

"You know," Leonard said, "we're going to have to bring Mitchell, Linda, and Molly back and ride the sleigh. This is so neat."

Penny snuggled close to Leonard under the blanket as the horse passed by the John Harvard statue and through Harvard Square. "Leonard, it has been so nice being away from all the stress in Pasadena and spending time with you and now your family. This was the medicine I needed. I really wish we could stay here."

"I know," Leonard said. "I've seen you relax for the first time since everything went bad. I wish we were married right now."

"I do too," Penny said.

"We need to put a lot of thought into the wedding," Penny said. "I hope we can put Linda and Molly in it. Maybe we will even be able to persuade Mitchell to take part—if they are able to fly five two adults and three children to Pasadena."

"I wonder if there's any way to not invite my mother," Leonard said.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry she is being such a pill," Penny said. "I wonder how she's going to react when she finds out that Rachel is pregnant."

"Oh, she is going to go ballistic," Leonard said. "Her and Father's divorce is not final yet, and Rachel's pregnant? She is going to cause a problem about that."

Leonard paid the driver extra to go by Michael's house and pick up the children. Penny called Janice and had her get them ready. By the time they arrived, Janice had them bundled up and waiting for them and had an extra quilt so everyone could stay warm. She had even managed to cut an apple into thirds so the children could feed the pieces to Cinder, since the driver said Cinder should limit the apples to one until after the ride. The children chattered for the entire ride. Molly snuggled in Penny's arms and asked if the horsie liked taking them for a ride.

Leonard looked at his watch and said, "Dr. Who is just going off, so Sheldon is going to expect you and me to take him to the park. I wonder if he'll get Amy to take him."

Penny said, "I think he'll freak out: You know how he is. He's going to expect us to magically be there."

When the driver dropped off the party at Michael's house, the children had to take turns petting Cinder. Penny showed them how horses like to have the bridges of their noses rubbed. The children talked about the ride for the rest of the week.

0

_Acknowledgment: I can't proceed any farther without acknowledging my deep appreciation to two members of this community, who go by the names "Twyla Mercedes," who, I'm told, is one of the premiere writers for the Once Upon a Time community, and "5Mississippis." Both have provided extremely helpful feedback regarding my stories and have made suggestions that I have incorporated here and in some upcoming chapters. If the past two chapters seemed to drag a bit, please forgive a diehard romantic who didn't realize that I would fall as deeply in love with Leonard's family and Leonard and Penny's deepening relationship as I did. I couldn't bear to move on just yet. My friends, who see my Facebook posts after each new episode, have remarked how I seem to identify with the couple. In my case, I married my Penny. My Facebook friends who have seen her pictures on my page have remarked how did a short, dark science nerd who looks as if he could be Gollum's ugly brother, marry a supermodel-beautiful blonde. In my case, she is also the smart one in the relationship. Come to think of it, what does she see in me? I'll have to ponder that question. But, as the comedian Damen Wayans says, "I regress." Please be patient, because the two chapters I am completing as I type this should bring us back to some TBBT action that seems more in line with the comedy part of the show. After watching Penny's performance as Blanche Dubois in the February 21, 2013 episode, I am glad to finally see the writers' taking her seriously again. I'll have to admit that I fired off a nasty email to CBS after the Valentine's Day episode, in which the writers seemed intent on depicting her as an immature, petulant child._

_To tell you a little secret, I have come to a fork in the road. If you don't hear from me for a bit, I am fleshing out two directions for where our characters go next. They are pulling me desperately in one direction, but, as they say, you can't un-ring a bell. If I go that way, I may have jumped the shark on this story. Or that direction may open up a whole new set of possibilities. Let me play with it a bit. I am developing two other stories but do not have any chapters ready to post yet, but I can't bear to leave this one just yet. Leonard, Penny, and I are not done with this arc yet.  
_

_Thanks again for getting this far. I am enjoying (almost) all of the comments and suggestions. To those of you who have favorited my baby, given me reviews, or sent me the kind private messages that I have received so far, thank you so much. I've made no secret of the fact that my wife, who also writes for the site, bullied me into putting these chapters on the site after she realized that I had been writing them for several months. I have been writing hundreds of stories for years that sit there on my hard drive or (from the days before personal computers) in my file cabinet that I never saw fit to inflict on others. _

_Take care.  
_


	15. Chapter 15: Frisbee Time

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 15, Frisbee Time

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Wyatt!"

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Wyatt!"

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Wyatt!"

Wyatt opened the door. "What do you want, Sheldon?"

"It's Sunday morning," Sheldon said.

"So?"

"_Doctor Who_ is over."

"So what?"

"You have to take me to the park," Sheldon said.

"I don't think I do," Wyatt said.

"Penny and Leonard are snowed in in Massachusetts," Sheldon said.

"So?"

Sheldon said, "Every other Sunday, after _Dr. Who_, Leonard and Penny take me to the park for fresh air and exercise. If I'm good, they take me to the Java Palace and buy me a sticky bun."

"Sheldon," Wyatt said, "I'm not going to take you to any park. Why can't your girlfriend Amy take you?"

"Leonard and Penny take me. If you had bothered to read the temporary neighbor agreement before you walked over and threw it into the elevator shaft and threatened to punch me in the throat, you would know that's one of your responsibilities," Sheldon said.

"Wyatt? What's going on?" Patti asked. "Do you need my service revolver and handcuffs?"

"You and Wyatt are going to take me to the park. _Dr. Who_ is over," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, back up and explain it to me," Patti said.

"Every other Sunday. . . ."

"Sheldon!" Wyatt said. "Patti, evidently, Leonard and Penny take Sheldon to the park every other Sunday after someone named _Dr. Who_ goes off and let him get fresh air and exercise. If he's good, they take him to Coffee Beans and buy him a bear claw."

"It's the Java Palace, and they buy me a sticky bun—if I'm good," Sheldon said. "I don't like bear claws. They're scary."

"Wyatt, it might be nice to get out and get some fresh air," Patti said.

"Ah, jeeze," Wyatt said.

"Come on, Wyatt, it'll be fun," Patti said.

Wyatt shook his head and grumbled as he turned and walked into the apartment and grabbed his windbreaker.

"Don't forget the Frisbee," Sheldon said.

"Why do you need a Frisbee?" Wyatt asked.

"You have to throw it and I'll chase it," Sheldon said. "Otherwise, how would I get exercise?"

"Why do you keep it in Penny's apartment?" Wyatt asked.

"Penny bought it for me, but she keeps it in her apartment because, if I play with it inside, I break things," Sheldon said.

About an hour later, Sheldon came back and handed Wyatt the Frisbee. "You're supposed to tell me when it's time to go," Sheldon said.

"All right, it's time to go," Wyatt said. "Why don't you catch it? Just slapping it to the ground or waiting until it lands and just bringing it back to me doesn't seem as if it would be any fun."

"That's the way we always do it. Do we get to go to the Java Palace for a sticky bun?" Sheldon asked.

"All right, Sheldon. Patti, do you know where the Java Palace is?" Wyatt asked.

"Sure," Patti said. "Remember, I'm a cop. I know where all the coffee shops are. I'll show you. We don't need to go back to the apartment for a car, we can walk from here."

Sheldon ate his sticky bun with a knife and fork while Wyatt and Patti drank coffee. Sheldon continually complained that Wyatt was eating a bear claw.

"Oh, look," Wyatt said. "I just checked my email, and Penny sent me pictures of the snow. Wow. We've had snows in Omaha, but this looks like another ice age. There's Leonard standing up to his belt in the snow, and here's Penny petting a big black horse. She has always loved horses. It's so strange how animals and small children are always drawn to her."

"Wyatt, go to Penny's private Facebook page, the one her agent created for her from her middle name and her mom's maiden name," Patti said, looking at her phone screen. "All these beautiful pictures: Those people must be Leonard's family. Look at Penny cuddling in her sleep with the beautiful little girls. Oh, my: Isn't that a beautiful chapel? The last time they checked in, they were riding around the Harvard campus in a horse-drawn sleigh. It looks as if they're having a wonderful time. I'm going to call my sister and have her go to the page and have her children look at Penny and the Muppets. I can't wait until we get back to the apartment and look at the pictures on my laptop."

"Isn't that nice?" Wyatt said leaning over to see.

"I don't like Muppets," Sheldon said. "They're creepy."

"You don't even like Elmo?" Patti asked.

"Especially Elmo," Sheldon said.

"Hey, Sheldon, who are your friends?" the pretty young barista asked as she came out to fill the hazelnut coffee dispenser.

"Good morning, Gloria. This is Wyatt, Penny's father, and Sgt. Davis, the police officer assigned to protect Penny, with whom Wyatt has been having coitus," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon!" Patti said. "We don't talk about people having coitus. That's personal"

"Well, you were," Sheldon said. "Twice last night and once this morning."

"Sheldon, I have my service revolver," Patti said. "I swear, I'll shoot you and say you resisted arrest."

"We're so proud of Penny," Gloria said. "She and Leonard come in here all the time. I downloaded and printed out a picture from the internet with her and Elmo. See? [pointing] It's over there. I'm going to get her to autograph it. I doubt I'll be able to get Elmo to sign it."

"I don't like Elmo," Sheldon said once again. "He's annoying."

"I saw that Penny was in New York hosting Kelly and Michael. We had it on here in the shop, and I watched what I could. She did a wonderful job—so natural and sweet. When are they coming home?" Gloria asked.

"They are snowed in near Boston," Patti said.

"Oh, the Great Blizzard of 2013?" Gloria asked. "It has been all over the news."

"They're in Cambridge, at Harvard University," Wyatt said. "They were supposed to fly home tonight, but nothing there is moving. It will be Tuesday at the earliest before they can come home. Her agent, Kathy, is having conniptions. She has all sorts of offers for her."

"Well, it's nice to have Penny's dad and the police officer protecting her come here to the shop," Gloria said. "You guys come back any time. So, Sheldon, how are you doing with Penny and Leonard being back east?"

"It's absolutely dreadful," Sheldon said. "Everyone is giving Penny and Leonard all of this attention, and they're ignoring me. People keep calling me wanting to talk with Leonard about his work with the Cern super collider identifying the Hicks-Boson particle. No one is interested in my work with string theory. Did anyone ask if it was convenient with me for them to fly to New York and spend a week? No. Did anyone ask if it was convenient with me for them to drive up to Cambridge to visit Leonard's brother and sister instead of getting on a jet and coming home? No. Did anyone ask me if it was convenient with me for them to get stuck in the snow? No. It's just not fair."

"Poor baby," Gloria said.

"Don't encourage him," Wyatt said.

[Ring, ring] "Aw, jeeze," Wyatt said, "It's Penny's mom. Hi, Lisa. What's up? [Pause] Really? How long? [Pause] That's because no one's there. We're out at a coffee shop. [Pause] Because it's every other Sunday, and _Dr. Who_ finished. [Pause] _Dr. Who_. [Pause] No, **Dr. Who**. [Pause] OK, let's start over. Penny is snowed in near Boston in that big snow storm that's been all over the news. I left you a voicemail asking you to call me. [Pause] I thought you said you would call me first before coming out. [Pause] All right. We'll talk more when we see you. We're a ten-minute walk from the apartment. [Pause] Because Sheldon needs fresh air and exercise, that's why. [Pause] OK, Lisa, we're not getting anywhere. We'll see you in a few minutes." He turned to Patti and Sheldon and said, "Penny's mom is sitting on the bench outside the apartments. She rang the buzzer, but, since we weren't there, there was no one to let her up to the apartment."

"OK, then we should leave," Patti said.

"No, go ahead and enjoy your coffee," Wyatt said. "It's the last enjoyment you're going to get for a while. Sheldon, do you want another sticky bun? I think I'll have another bear claw."

About an hour later, Wyatt, Patti, and Sheldon casually walked up to the apartment building. Raj was lurking about 50 yards away.

"It's about time!" Lisa said. "Where have you been?"

"I guess we were farther away than we thought. [Patti elbowed him in the ribs.] Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Wyatt asked.

"Just let me in," Lisa said. "And who's the creepy guy who's watching from over there?"

"Hi, Raj, come on over," Wyatt said, waiving for Raj to join them. As Raj approached, Wyatt said, "This is Raj, one of Leonard and Penny's friends. It's all right, Raj. She won't bite—unless that's what you're into. Just keep your hands near your body."

Wyatt unlocked the door to the lobby, and the group climbed the stairs.

"Why can't we take the elevator?" Lisa demanded.

"It's broken. It hasn't worked since before Penny moved in here," Wyatt said. "Her attorney has filed a lawsuit against the 2311 North Robles Corporation because of the elevator, the lock that we just opened, which was broken and is how the home invaders got in here, and the general lack of security in this building that allowed the attack to occur. Penny's lock was broken too, so the bad guys just basically walked in. They've repaired the locks, but they're dragging their feet about the elevator. They have agreed to hire a doorman, but I haven't seen one yet. Her attorney says that, at minimum, she is going to get back all the rent she has paid for the last six years, since her lease guarantees her a number of things she hasn't gotten. The corporation tried to evict her, but her attorney got a restraining order. He says that, if she wants it, she could wind up owning this building."

"How could you let our daughter live in such a dilapidated building?" Lisa asked. "You could have helped her afford a better place, since you have all that money you refused to pay me for alimony."

"You don't get alimony when you're the defendant who was caught doing the nasty with her daughter's high school principal," Wyatt said.

Lisa told Wyatt to go do something with himself.

"If I could do that, I wouldn't have needed you, now would I? Lisa, the apartment on the left is where we're taking Sheldon. Let's go in there," Wyatt said as they reached Leonard and Penny's level.

"Is that Penny's apartment? I was planning to stay in Penny's apartment," Lisa said.

"No, [pointing] that's her apartment. I'm staying there. You'll have to find somewhere else. There's only one bedroom," Wyatt said.

"Is this [pointing] where her fiancé lives? Since he's back east with her, maybe I can stay there?" Lisa asked.

"Oh, no!" Sheldon said, opening the door. They all went inside. "We don't have strangers stay with us unless the person who has the visitor gives the other roommate 48 hours' notice. Since you are Penny's guest, and Penny is not officially part of our roommate agreement, she has no standing to have visitors stay in our apartment."

"Oh, it looks as if there should be a casket in here," Lisa said. "What's the story with all of these flowers?"

"They're all for Penny," Sheldon said. "We've already hauled two carloads out of here to the dumpster after they started going off, and we've had the children's hospital take away two truckloads. We put all of the stuffed animals in Leonard's room. Penny said to give them to the children's hospital, but I'm not going to take responsibility for what goes and what stays."

Lisa turned around and came face to face with Raj. "So what's your story?" she asked.

Raj looked down at his feet, turned, and walked toward the kitchen. He went over to the refrigerator and took out a beer.

Sheldon explained, "Raj can't talk to women unless he's drunk."

"Oh, no," Lisa said, taking the beer from Raj and placing it onto the counter. No alcohol. Sit down here next to me." She started to sit.

"THAT'S SHELDON'S SPOT!" Wyatt and Patti said.

"What's the difference?" Lisa asked, jumping

Sheldon explained why that is his spot.

"You're the wackadoodle Penny told me about," Lisa said. "You're insane."

"I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested," Sheldon said.

"I said sit!" Lisa said to Raj. He looked at the others and came and sat next to Lisa.

Lisa took his hand. "Now tell me why you can't talk to women," she said.

Raj just looked down toward his crotch.

"Look at me," Lisa said. "My, you are a sweet little caramel biscuit, aren't you? I'll tell you what. Just sit here next to me, and we'll talk. Now, Wyatt, tell me about the snow."

"Penny and Leonard drove up to Cambridge, Massachusetts—that's where Harvard University is—with his father and his father's girlfriend to see his brother Michael, who is a professor at Harvard. Leonard's sister and her family drove down to see them. The weather forecast called for a few flakes but no accumulation, but the system shifted as soon as it hit the Boston area, and now they're buried. They were at a restaurant when the storm hit last night, and they barely made it home. Apparently, Leonard's father and his girlfriend, his sister and her family, and Leonard and Penny are snowed in with Leonard's brother and his fiancée. Penny said Leonard's brother has this huge old house there just off-campus, so there's plenty of room. The weather service at first said they were expecting everything to be shut down through Monday, then Tuesday, and now Wednesday. When I talked with Penny last night, it was still coming down, and the airport had called and said they are likely to be snowed in at least until Wednesday."

"You said you're staying at Penny's apartment. Why can't you come over here and stay in Leonard's room and let me stay in her apartment?" Lisa asked.

"Because, as it is, I can already hear him and Sgt. Davis having coitus at all hours of the day and night from all the way over in Penny's apartment. I certainly don't want them having coitus next door to my bedroom. It's bad enough when Leonard and Penny do it and Penny makes rodeo sounds," Sheldon said.

Wyatt made gurgling sounds.

"Who's Sgt. Davis?" Lisa asked.

"I'm Sgt. Davis," Patti said, extending her hand. "Patti. I was on the squad protecting your daughter."

Lisa did not offer to shake Patti's hand. She looked her up and down. "Are you sure you're a cop? You look more like a kindergarten teacher. Well, isn't this just cozy," she said.

"Hey: Little Miss Hotpants," Wyatt said. "I don't think someone who has been working her way through the male—and probably female—population of Omaha should criticize me for having my first relationship since I threw your sorry tail out of my house."

Patti said, "Lisa, I've seen pictures of you. You've obviously lost a lot of weight. How did you do it?"

"I lost 280 pounds of ugly fat," Lisa said. "180 of it was Wyatt. The rest I lost working with a gastroenterologist I was dating. I had a gastric bypass."

Lisa sat there staring at Wyatt for a few seconds. She took Raj by the hand and said, "Come on, Raj. Walk me down to the coffee shop. I haven't had breakfast." She turned to Wyatt and said, "Someone had better be here to let me in when I come back."

Raj reached over and tried to take the beer off the counter, but Lisa said, "No, I said no alcohol. I'm going to make you talk—or squeal—before the day's over."

With that, Lisa pulled Raj out the door.

They were gone for about 90 minutes before Lisa rang the buzzer and said who she was and Wyatt buzzed her in. As Lisa and Raj walked back into the apartment, Raj was smiling broadly but still was not talking. He and Lisa were holding hands.

"Did you two get breakfast?" Patti asked.

"Oh, I had a morning treat," Lisa said, rubbing up next to Raj.

Wyatt looked at the expression on Raj's face and said, "Oh, my god, Lisa. You hadn't even known the boy an hour."

"Mind your own business," Lisa said. "And you've known your little brunette pastry how long?"

"They had coitus for the first time the day they met," Sheldon said. "It was disgusting. Leonard caught them."

"Sheldon, I've already told you I have my service revolver and my handcuffs," Patti said. "Lisa, of course it's no one's business what we each do. We're all consenting adults. Wyatt, do you think maybe you and Lisa can make an effort to get along while we're all here?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Wyatt said, "but the Los Angeles area is a big area, a lot bigger than Omaha. It'll take her years to make it through everyone who can pee standing up out here."

"Wyatt, I ought to. . . ." Lisa began.

Just then, Wyatt's phone made the Skype sound. He held up the screen and said, "Oh, hi, Slugger. I'm sitting here with Patti and your mom. What's up?"


	16. Chapter 16: Operation Snow Bunny

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 16, Operation Snow Bunny

Penny tried to pick up Molly so she could pet Cinder, but she yelped in pain from her ribs. Leonard picked up Molly and held her so she could rub the bridge of Cinder's nose.

"Horsie!" Molly squealed.

Cinder patiently flicked his ears and looked longingly at Penny as Molly scratched him.

Penny and Leonard stomped the snow off of their boots and left them just inside the door on a mat as they walked into Michael's house. The children ran into the living room wearing their snow-encrusted shoes to tell the adults about their adventure riding in the sleigh, tracking snow in puddles on the hardwood floors.

Mitchell and Linda froze when they saw the four new adults sitting on the sofa. Molly, though, ran to her mother squealing about petting the horsie.

"Oh, hi, Leonard, Doris," Penny said as she walked into the living room hopping as she slipped on her bedroom slippers with Leonard close behind her. Doris stood, and she and Penny hugged.

"Leonard, notice how we guys don't do that?" the elder Leonard said with a huge grin on his face. He stood and shook hands with Leonard.

"Hi, guys," the younger Leonard said. "It's great to see you again."

"I was so thrilled to find out that you and Penny were visiting my favorite student," the elder Leonard said, "so Doris and I thought it would be good to come over and make sure you and Penny got home all right, considering that it's still snowing so hard you can barely see out there. By the way: These good folks are our neighbors, Rabbi and Mrs. Ostrow."

Penny and Leonard shook hands with the Rabbi and Rabbanit.

"You taught Michael?" Leonard asked. "You should have said something."

"Oh, yes. Judge Steele was my favorite professor in law school," Michael said. "He has been my mentor since my second year when I took my first course in civil law under him. He lives next door. I borrowed the roll-away bed the girls have been sleeping on from him and Mrs. Steele. Rabbi and Mrs. Ostrow live on the other side of them."

"Leonard would always come home and tell me all these wonderful stories about how brilliant Michael is, how one day he would be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court," Doris said. "Michael has been like a fifth son to us. I wouldn't be able to count the number of meals he ate with us and the number of Christmases and Thanksgivings he spent with our family. He was always so proud when he would tell us about his big brother the experimental physicist."

"Leonard," Michael said, "Judge Steele said that he and Mrs. Steele ran into you and Penny at the bakery and that all of you had a very nice visit. We've been sitting here talking about what all has happened to you two over the last couple of weeks, and I played the interview from _CBS This Morning_ with Penny at the hospital."

"Our granddaughter Angela is three," Doris said. "I spoke with our son this morning before we left out for the bakery, and Angela came on the phone and told me about the pretty lady who is friends with Ernie and Elmo. Her mom said she has been having them play that part of your last day on _Live!_ over and over on their DVR. She is going to be so thrilled that I know you. You know, with the knitted cap and you being all bundled up, it took me a few minutes to realize who you were there in the bakery. You're so much more beautiful in person than you are on TV. I'll have to apologize: When Leonard and I saw the bruise on your cheek, before we realized who you and Leonard were, we thought maybe Leonard had done that."

"That's all right, Doris," Penny said. "I would have probably thought the same thing myself. My Leonard is the sweetest, gentlest soul I have ever known. In the five years I've known him, I have seen how he would die rather than do anything to harm anyone, especially me. You should have seen him all through this ordeal. I already loved him, but the way he has been—I can't describe it." She squeezed Leonard's hand.

"Penny," Mrs. Ostrow said, "My son and his wife are staying with us for the weekend, and their daughter Sarah, who is our only grandchild so far, has had me go back to the _Live!_ website and play the clip with you and the Muppets over and over. She is going to want to meet the pretty lady with yellow hair, as she put it, who is friends with Ernie and Elmo."

"Oh, that is so sweet," Penny said. "I'll need to print out the pictures of the Muppets and me and autograph them for her and Angela. Doris, are your other grandchildren into the Muppets?"

"The two boys are older and don't care about that sort of thing," Doris said. "They're more likely to be interested in how you wreaked vengeance on those four hooligans."

"We'll have to put our heads together on what I can do for them," Penny said.

"Leonard, Penny," the judge said, "Doris and I were talking after you left the bakery, and it struck us that the two of you seemed serious that you wish you had made arrangements to get married now, while you are here with all of Leonard's family."

"We're missing my mother," Leonard said, "but I'm not sure she would be that upset about it. We also have Penny's parents and all of our friends back in Pasadena. I wish there was a way to have everyone together at one time, but that's unlikely to happen. I doubt my sister and her husband would be able to manage to fly themselves and their three young children to Pasadena for the wedding. If we were to come back here for the wedding, I'm not sure how many of our friends and Penny's family could fly here. We're going to disappoint someone no matter what we do. But it's moot anyway, since there's a three-day waiting period in Massachusetts before we could get married."

"Well, that's what Judge Steele came over to talk about," Michael said. "He has an interesting proposition for you and Penny, and the rest of us want to pitch in and make it happen."

"Leonard, Penny," Judge Steele said. "Do you remember that both of you said that, if you could, you would get married here, today? Were you serious? If there was a way to make that happen, would you be interested?"

"Absolutely," Leonard said.

"If there could be a way to let our friends and my parents take part, yes," Penny said. "Leonard, how hard would it be to set it up so we could have our friends and my parents there on the computer screen?"

"Actually," Rabbi Ostrow said, "I may be able to help you there. You told Leonard and Doris that your Leonard is a tenured professor at Cal TEC and several of your friends work there? Cal TEC, like Harvard, has a hook-up in several of their chapels and a number of their conference areas to do weddings, lectures, and other events by teleconference. We could stream the wedding between the two sites. We do that all the time for weddings between our students and their fiancés deployed overseas, and I know there are conferences all the time among schools, and all the major universities have the capability to do that on wide-screen TVs and projection systems. All it would take would be a word from me, and we could arrange to stream it, if we could find a chapel or conference area at Cal TEC with the hook-up that isn't booked."

"Leonard could also do individual Skypes with people who couldn't be at the chapel," Penny said. "Leonard, I'm seriously thinking about it."

"There's still that pesky problem about the three-day waiting period," Leonard said.

"W-e-l-l," Judge Steele said, "It doesn't hurt that you are speaking to the chief municipal judge for the Boston area. The governor has declared a state of emergency. That means that all the government has shut down at least through Wednesday, and judges have to handle the routine business of the courts, such as marriage licenses, court orders, search warrants, rulings on motions, and the like from home. I can not only grant you a marriage license, but it is within my purview to waive the three-day requirement as well as the residency requirement. Leonard, Penny, what I am saying is that, if you want, I can issue the two of you a marriage license right here, right now, and you can get married five minutes from now if you want with no three-day waiting period."

Penny and Leonard looked at each other for a few moments.

"What do you think?" Leonard asked. "I'm in."

"Why don't we step into my office and talk for a moment," Penny said. She and Leonard adjourned to Michael's laundry room, where they closed the door and stayed for about five minutes.

"We're in!" Penny announced as she and Leonard came out of the laundry room holding hands. "We'll have to contact everyone west of the Mississippi, as well as some friends I've made since I've been here, but, assuming that we can get everyone to the chapel, a computer screen, or an iPad, we accept!"

"Marvelous," Judge Steele said. "There's just one little, potential snag. Technically, I'm supposed to see a driver's license and birth certificate for each of you. You wouldn't have those on you by any chance, would you?"

"As a matter of fact, we do," Leonard said. "We both have our driver's licenses on us as well as our passports. I helped Penny set up her emergency information on an encrypted folder in the cloud, and we can pull down her birth certificate, her medical information, just about anything you would want. I've had mine in the cloud ever since there's been a cloud."

"Marvelous!" Doris said. "I was Leonard's clerk for many years, and I still have my notary license, so we can print out all the documents and I can notarize them."

They chatted about the legal matters while Rabbi and Mrs. Ostrow watched with bemused expressions on their faces.

"Now, Leonard, Penny," the Rabbi said when they had finished. "There's the small matter of who will perform the ceremony and where. I happen to be one of the University's chaplains, and I have already checked, and the chapel over near here, the one that looks like something from a Harry Potter movie, is free after 3:00 p.m. today. There is a wedding at 2:00 p.m., but the party is going to adjourn to the hotel across the highway for the reception—such as they can have in this horrible weather with everyone having to trudge through the snow—and the couple said they would be more than happy to leave out the flowers and other decorations they managed to put in a storage room there yesterday before the storm hit. Now, I know you both have become close to Leonard and Doris, and I certainly wouldn't want to interfere if you want Leonard to perform the ceremony, but would you feel the same having a civil ceremony as you would having a ceremony by a kindly old Rabbi who is a born romantic?"

Penny said, "Rabbi, what a gracious offer. Of course, we will take you up on that. It doesn't matter that I'm not Jewish, does it?"

"You're not Jewish?!" the Rabbi said in mock indignation. "I never heard of such a thing! Of course not, sweetheart. I've been a university chaplain for 25 years. The day I start insisting that I only work with people of my own faith is the day I become irrelevant to all these young people I love so much."

Judge Steele had Michael print out the Intent to Marry in Massachusetts. He read over it and initialed where he signified that he was waiving the residency requirement and did the same for the section for the waiver of the three-day waiting period. He signed down at the bottom. Doris pulled her pouch with her notary seal out of her parka pocket and notarized the documents. She said, "I had Leonard take me home to get my seal before we came over here because I thought we would need some notarizing."

"There is a $50 fee," Michael said. He and the younger Leonard pulled out their wallets.

"I have it," Leonard said. "We took out some cash for the trip."

"Well, folks, we have a wedding to plan," Judge Steele said.

"Everyone," Al said, "Janice, Rachel, and I have been making pizza from scratch. There will be plenty for everyone, and we have a couple more ready for the oven. It's after 2:00, and only the children have eaten. Why don't we adjourn to the dining room and eat lunch while we strategize?"

"Leonard and I have to make some phone calls," Penny said.

Penny Skyped with her father, who happened to be with Sheldon, Raj, Patti, and her mother. Wyatt, who was still not comfortable with teleconferencing from a smart phone, was a bit skeptical about participating in the wedding by teleconference, but Raj and Sheldon thought it was great. Patti thought it was romantic that Leonard and Penny wanted to get married while they were trapped in the snow. Lisa rolled her eyes and said something under her breath about nerds. Leonard called Howard and Bernadette, who agreed that Bernadette would call Amy and connect with Patti and Lisa, and Howard would meet Raj, Wyatt, and Sheldon at the university and try to locate a chapel or conference area with a wide screen TV teleconference hook-up and coordinate the connection. Leonard and Penny had their phones set to speaker, and both groups talked back and forth and agreed to have the wedding in four hours, at 6:00 p.m., which would be at 3:00 p.m. Pasadena time. Howard pronounced that the group would call themselves _Team Lenny_. He talked about having team T-shirts.

Penny called Sela, who thought the plans were absolutely romantic. Sela spoke with Leonard, who promised to keep her Skype contact information secret, and they arranged for the call to Sela's laptop just before the ceremony. Ellen and Portia were at the beach but said they would get to a shelter for the ceremony and would use an app on their phone called Tango to teleconference with Leonard's iPad. Norah O'Donnell was thrilled. She was spending the weekend in Washington, D.C. with her husband Geoff, and she and Leonard made arrangements for her to teleconference. The others made arrangements to be present with their own individual tablets, laptops, or phones. Penny had to leave a message for her agent Kathy.

Shauntay was beside himself. He asked Penny to go fetch her makeup case, and Penny told him that it was on its way to Pasadena. "Oh, dear," he said. "Let me see what makeup you have in your pocketbook."

Penny laid out each item.

"Oh, lord," Shauntay said. "We're going to have to improvise. Is anything open there in the snow?"

Rachel, who had walked up behind Penny bringing her some pizza, said, "The Walgreens across the highway had a sign on the door when Leonard's father and I walked over there a while ago saying that it will be open from 3:00 to 5:00."

"Oh, you little auburn-haired lump of sugar," Shauntay said, "We are saved. We are going to have to take a road trip!"

"What do you mean we?" Penny asked. "Besides, I thought you only shopped at places with the high-end makeup."

"Oh, you just need to know what to look for, girlfriend," Shauntay said.

Penny sent him a picture of the wedding dress. Shauntay had a fit. "Oh, Princess Grace!" he said. "That has to be the most beautiful wedding dress I've ever seen."

"It's a bit out of style, isn't it?" Penny said.

"Oh, no," Shauntay said. "Some things never go out of style. This dress is as rocking now as it was 60 years ago. Oh, Dior, Dior!"

Later, Penny was carrying her iPad with Shauntay on the screen. They were strolling down the makeup aisle at Walgreens. A large man carrying a large box of baby wipes stared at the group.

"What are you looking at?" Shauntay demanded.

"Ooh!" Rachel said. "Katy Perry false eyelashes. Aren't they glamorous!"

"Oh, baby girl, you don't need those," Shauntay said. "Do you know how many women would kill for your eyelashes?" He told her what mascara to get and told her he would make her eyes prettier than if she wore the false eyelashes. He had Penny walk him over to several other sections, and he told her what to pull off the shelves. Penny remembered how Leonard had reacted when he had seen her made up for Letterman and suggested they reproduce that look. Shauntay said, "Usually the bride tries to go virginal, but I'm glad to see you want to push the slut button. OK, Miss Thang, let's make you a princess—a slutty princess." He gyrated on the screen.

At that moment, Leonard and the Rabbi were waiting for the wedding to be over in the entry way of the chapel. "Father Coursey is a bit long-winded," the Rabbi said. "He is one of my dearest friends, but his weddings do go on forever: Catholicism with Father Coursey isn't for sissies." He nudged Leonard and pointed to the bride and groom, who were kneeling. Someone had written "Help Me!" on the sole of the groom's shoes with a marker. The Rabbi nearly lost his breath trying to keep from anyone hearing him laugh and said, "That never gets old."

After the wedding was over, the Rabbi took Leonard down front to meet Father Coursey. "Hi, Fred," the Father said.

"Hi, Jim. Let me introduce Leonard Hofstadter. Leonard and his lovely fiancée are the ones who are going to take command of the chapel as soon as you folks have adjourned over to the hotel," the Rabbi said. Leonard and the Father shook hands.

A few minutes later, Leonard had his laptop hooked up to the teleconference system. A student from the campus technology center, who happened to be at the dining hall nearby when Michael emailed the technology help desk and said that they needed some help at the chapel setting up a teleconference for a wedding, was operating the control board. Leonard connected with Howard, who had commandeered the teleconference system in one of the chapels at Cal TEC. There were giant-screen monitors on both ends, and the one at Cal TEC had the bonus feature of having a projector that could project life-size pictures on the white wall. The Harvard campus technology person, Jennifer, set up Leonard a temporary log-in to the university Wi-Fi, which would be much faster than a connection with Leonard's air card. Michael had contacted some of his top students and asked if they were close enough and could help provide laptops, tablets, and iPads. Leonard received a text from Michael that, with all the family members and the students who had volunteered, they could do a group teleconference as well as teleconference with individuals as needed. Howard pronounced the technology ready at his end, and Leonard and Jennifer pronounced it ready at their end. They powered the systems down to standby mode and agreed to power up everything 15 minutes before the ceremony.

Rabbi Ostrow took Leonard aside and said, "Leonard, I always have a word with the groom before the ceremony. Please forgive me, but it is very important to me that the young people entering into this holy sacrament go into it with their eyes open. Do you mind if we chat?"

"Not at all," Leonard said. "Rabbi, I have only known you for a couple of hours, but I can already see that you are one of the finest people I have ever met. Chat away."

"Leonard," the rabbi said. "And please, when I'm not wearing my rabbi accoutrements, call me Fred. Tell me how you feel—how you really feel—about marrying Penny."

"Rabbi, er, Fred, you might not believe this, but I fell in love with Penny the day I met her over five years ago. I walked up the stairs and saw the most beautiful creature I had ever seen unpacking as she moved into the apartment across the hall. The first thought I had was how I had never seen anyone so beautiful, even in magazines or the movies. But she didn't let that thought stay in my head long because she immediately became my friend. You have to know that my roommate Sheldon and I are not the sort of people beautiful women make friends with—unless they want something. Sure, I got a lot of attention in high school and college from girls who needed help with papers and keeping their GPAs high enough that their fathers didn't take away their cars, but, all these years later, I know they were using me. But Penny smiled at us, and we both immediately knew she was our friend. We invited her over to share our lunch, and I stopped thinking about how beautiful she is and realized that I was in the presence of the most amazing person I would ever meet. It doesn't matter in the least to her that I am shorter than she is, that I am not at all the big, handsome man she would ordinarily date. She doesn't even pay attention to that sort of thing. Everyone says that they look for what's inside the person, but she really does. She must have seen something in me that she liked, because we became best friends. We're still best friends. Penny has a depth to her soul that you don't see every day. My roommate Sheldon has Apsperger's Disorder—even though he denies it—and she has been his friend. He comes to her when he is sick or injured, and he asks her advice on everything. We have these friends, Howard and Bernadette. Howard's Jewish, and Bernadette is Catholic. Penny introduced them and nurtured that relationship, and now they're married and as happy as can be. There's another of my friends, Raj, who has severe social anxiety disorder and can't talk to women unless he has alcohol in him. It took alcohol, but he has bared his soul to Penny. Some of our friends entered Sheldon's information on an online dating site, and they connected him with a girl named Amy. Penny has become Amy's first friend. She has nurtured Amy, who, at 30, is for the first time having a social life. She's wearing makeup and high heels, and Penny has encouraged her to become more self-confident and assertive about the sort of relationship she wants with Sheldon. For all these and other reasons, I was so proud of Penny, even before I saw how she handled all of these bad things that happened to her recently. I don't just want to live the rest of my life with her, I have to. I don't think I can go one more day without her as my wife."

Back at Michael's house, Leslie, the Rabbi's wife, asked Penny, as she was walking back into the house from Walgreens, if they could chat. They went into the kitchen, where each poured a cup of coffee and took them into the dining room and sat. "Penny," she said, "One of the things I learned as a rabbi's wife is that one of my roles is to help out my husband when we have a wedding. I'll bet you didn't know that I was Catholic when I met Fred, but I converted when we got married, since he is a rabbi, and it would be unseemly for his wife to not be Jewish. I know Fred would have left the ministry rather than part with me, but converting was something I did for him. One of my roles is to counsel the bride before a wedding."

"We have friends, Howard and Bernadette," Penny said. "Howard is Jewish and Bernadette is Catholic. Neither of them converted, but, then, Howard is not a rabbi."

Leslie said, "Penny, I understand that Leonard asked you to marry him more than five times over the past year, and you said _no_. Do you mind my asking what happened? I take it that he had a hard time getting and keeping you?"

"You're right," Penny said. "The first day I met Leonard, I was sweaty and dirty from having moved in across the hall from him, and these two geeky guys showed up at my door carrying their take-out lunch. Leonard's roommate Sheldon would have probably skulked into their apartment, and we still probably would have never spoken, except Leonard came in and introduced him and Sheldon. I could tell right away that Leonard was starting to have a crush on me. But we became friends that day. Leonard did a very sweet thing and talked Sheldon into helping: I was moving out of my boyfriend's apartment, and they went there to get my TV. It didn't turn out well—he took their pants. You've seen how small Leonard is, and Kurt has a foot in height and 100 pounds on him. He plays semi-professional football and is the Southern California mixed martial arts champion."

"So you have always been with another type of man," Leslie said.

"Yes, but Leonard was so sweet. He stuck in there and did what he could. I saw that day that there was such a depth to his soul. It scared me. With Leonard, every time I have been around him, I have felt myself being drawn to him. I think I knew the day I met Leonard that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I had been hurt very badly—more than once—and I realized that someone like Leonard, with so much love and with such a deep soul, could hurt me so much more than anyone I had ever met if I allowed myself to love him as much as I saw I would and something went wrong. So I kept him at arm's length. He wanted more, but I kept resisting because I knew that, once I gave my heart to him, there would be no turning back. He actually told me he loved me for the first time three years ago. One thing led to another, and that led to our breaking up, it scared me so badly. I regret that to this day. I should have stayed and worked things out with him. Maybe we would have been married three years now. But I panicked, and he went to someone else, a series of four other women, actually. By the time I realized I had made a mistake, he was into a relationship with the most beautiful human being I had ever seen until I met my friends Norah and Sela. She is smart and cultured, the kind of woman you would think would be just right for Leonard—an attorney. He told me that I was the reason they broke up because he realized he could not love anyone but me. She tried to keep him from seeing me, even passing in the hall, and she moved back to India when she realized that Leonard would never love anyone but me. Leonard and I just got back together a little less than a year ago. I fought it at first, but maybe I'm growing up. It's as if someone flipped a switch and I realized that Leonard would die before he would do anything to hurt me, so all my fears were for nothing. If you could have seen him with me through all of this ordeal I've been through the last couple of weeks, you would see why I opened my eyes and realized what I had right there in front of me. Something no one but Leonard knows is that, the first night, after the attack, I just started crying. It was in the middle of the night. I couldn't stop. But Leonard held me and said soothing things to me and promised me that he wouldn't let anything else happen to me. He has not asked one thing from me during all of this except that I allow him to be there for me. I was afraid to admit how much I love Leonard, but I couldn't not do that anymore. Does that make any sense?"

"Dear Penny," Leslie said, holding Penny's hand, "That makes perfect sense."

Penny said, "I have known for some time that I love Leonard so much that it would kill me if anything happened to take him away from me again. That's why I drug my feet, why I freaked out every time he told me he loves me. Do you know that, until I accepted his proposal, I never told him I love him. I got angry with him once and confronted him and insisted that he knew I loved him, but, as he pointed out, that wasn't the same thing as telling him I love him. I do love him. And now I've fallen in love with his family. His mother is a real pill, but his brother Michael said that his mother told him that I am her best friend. That's sad, because we've only been around each other three times. Once I let myself admit just how much I love Leonard, there was no turning back. I don't have any choice: I have to marry him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

Leslie and Penny hugged. Shauntay called her and said it was time for her to get dressed.

. . .

_Author's notes: I would like to give a shout-out to the person who writes for this site under the screen name Twyla Mercedes for helping me with the female perspective for this chapter. I am told that I am something of a knuckle-dragger when it comes to what women think, and my wife thought I really needed some help. Thanks to Twyla for filling that need. I am not sure how this chapter would have turned out without her. Twyla helped me tweak what I was going to say in both this chapter and in the alternate version of this chapter, which takes the story in a completely different direction._

_My wife's and my graduate students have remarked more than once that we bear a striking resemblance to Leonard and Penny after they have been married for a while. I am a short, dark science nerd, and she is a supermodel-beautiful, fair-skinned blonde. (I am a mixture of Cherokee, Creek, and Black Irish, and she is half-English and half-Scottish. She could be Penny's mother, and I could pass for Leonard's father. Our son, who is seven days older than Kaley Cuoco, bears such a striking resemblance to Kaley that he could play Penny's brother._

_It is helpful at this point, and I am probably several chapters late for a couple of characters, to make a few comments about some of the characters:_

_The two new couples, Doris and the other Leonard, and their neighbors Rabbi and Mrs. Ostrow, are real people. I might share more about Leonard and Doris another time. One of them has a secret I have not shared yet, that provides much of their motivation, but now is not the time to reveal it—if it ever will be._

_Rabbi and Mrs. Ostrow are actually a rabbi and his wife—sadly, now, his former wife. The wife was my best friend in graduate school. She was two years ahead of me when I met the woman who became my wife, who was, in turn, one year behind me. All of us were in the same program. She nurtured the relationship between this woman and me and became my wife's best friend as well. She is a born match-maker. As her character in this story, she was a New York City Italian Catholic but converted when she became engaged to a rabbinical student. When my fiancée and I were trying to work with our respective families, both of whom were being extremely difficult about where we would be married (we were of different religions), the rabbi offered to marry us at the university chapel, even though neither of us is Jewish. I found him to be one of the more enlightened people I have ever had the privilege to know. Only after he, his wife, my fiancée, and I began making arrangements for the wedding did the two sides of the family start talking, which, on retrospect, was probably his motivation._

_I modeled some of the other characters after specific actors._

_I patterned Leonard's father Al after Eugene Levy, the father from the __American Pie__ movies and __A Mighty Wind__. He and Leonard bear such a strong resemblance that, coupled with the nerdy persona he often projects in his various roles, he would be a hoot._

_Rachel, Leonard's father's girlfriend, is April Bowlby, who played Alan's wife Kandi on Two and a Half Men._

_I envisioned Lisa Kudrow as Penny's mother. Kaley Cuoco has said that she would like to have her play Penny's mom, and the producers, the last I heard, have been talking to Ms. Kudrow about that. She is young to have a 27-year-old daughter (Penny's birthday is November 30, 1985), so, if the show actually uses her, they will have to come up with some explanation, such as that she had Penny when she was very young. She would be a hoot. One of the characters on the show remarked that they had seen a picture of Penny's mother, and she should keep eating, implying that her mother is obese. Lisa, of course, is thin, so the show would have to come up with an explanation for that discrepancy if she plays Penny's mom._

_I borrowed Dr. Freeman, played by the wonderful Jane Lynch, from Two and a Half Men._

_That is it for the characters for right now. The other new characters are not clear in my head just yet, so I have patterned the others after a combination of people rather than anyone in particular._

_I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, as well as the alternate version. Maybe I will publish the alternative version at some point. The next chapter is probably going to be one of my favorites, behind "Frisbee Time" and "New York," because of the direction the characters are pulling me. I usually wait until I have written at least the outline of the next chapter before I publish a chapter, but I have not yet written one word of the chapter that follows, so the next chapter may take a bit longer than usual. We have snow in the forecast, though, and, if I am snowed in, that may give me a chance to work on it. When Twyla and I were working on the two versions of the current chapter, I described the next chapter flowing from each alternative, and she hooted over my description of the one that follows this version and said it would be the way the show would actually depict the events that will happen in the situation in which the characters find themselves. Let us hope that I can write it in a way that does justice to these characters._

_Thanks again for all of your kind comments. I really need to read some of the stories from my reviewers, but, since I have to carry this laptop with me and write during my lunch hour, where my employer's network blocks me from visiting the site, or while I am waiting for my graduate students, I have a difficult time accessing them. I do not intend my lack of doing so this far as being a slight in any way. I have a 200-page doctoral dissertation to read as well as taxes to prepare, so please be patient with me._


	17. Chapter 17: The Matrimonial Theorem

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 17, the Matrimonial Theorem

_Note: Before reading this chapter, it would be worthwhile to visit the following video, since it appears shortly:_ Go to Youtube and search for "Noel Paul Stookey" and "Wedding Song."

. . .

Al knocked on the door to the room where Penny and the other women were getting ready. Janice opened the door. "Hi, Father. Come on in. We're all decent."

Al walked in to see Penny talking with Wyatt on her iPad. She had already put on the wedding dress, which Leslie had steamed with the clothes steamer kept there in the chapel. The dress looked as new as it had 60 years earlier when Leonard's grandparents had gotten married. Shauntay, his face filling the screen of another nearby tablet, pronounced Penny the Belle of the Ball and said she was ready. Beverly, Leonard's mother, was on Janice' tablet, but she was talking with someone else on her cell phone, looking bored.

"All right, Slugger," Wyatt said. "I'm still not sure about doing a wedding this way, but the important thing is that you're happy, and you and Leonard are getting married."

"It will be fine, Daddy: It will be just as if you are here with us. Daddy, this [turning the screen toward Al] is Leonard's father, Dr. Hofstadter."

"Al," Al said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Al, do you understand what's about to happen?" Wyatt asked.

"If I hadn't been here watching all of the arrangements, I would be confused," Al said, "but I think this is going to be beautiful. Just hang on. I'm going to escort my new daughter down the aisle carrying you on the iPad. I promise I'll take good care of her. I've come to love her as if she was my own daughter."

Al pulled a chair over and sat next to Penny.

"Penny," Al said, "I just visited Leonard. He's nervous, but I've never seen him so happy. He can't wait to have you as his bride. I can't tell you how happy I am too. I am so glad you are marrying my son. You're just what this family needs. Here," reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a little blue box. He opened the box, and there was a man's wedding ring. There was a slot for the woman's wedding ring, but it was empty. "This was my father's wedding ring. I gave Leonard my mother's ring just now. I had brought these to give to Leonard as you and he left to fly back to California so he would have them whenever you and he decided to have the ceremony. I expect that my mother's ring will be a perfect fit for you, since her engagement ring was, but I think this ring is going to need to be re-sized for Leonard. My father was a lot bigger than Leonard is."

"It's a beautiful ring," Penny said, "Thank you. If the wife's ring is anything like this, it is going to be phenomenal." She hugged Al and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you so much for agreeing to stand in for my Daddy and walk me down the aisle." She had her East Coast bridesmaid Linda take the ring. Linda put it in a pocket on her dress.

"I'm sorry Leonard and I are having to wear sports coats," Al said. "There was nowhere open for us to rent tuxedos."

"You know something," Penny said. "Somehow, having Leonard stand up at our wedding wearing a sports coat and his Nikes over his Yoda socks with a dress shirt over his Babylon-5 T-shirt just seems so—well, Leonard. This is going to be memorable."

"There's one other thing," Al said. "There was a letter from my mother. It has been with the rings in the safety deposit box since before she died. It is to Leonard and his new bride on your wedding day. I gave it to Leonard. I thought the two of you would want to read it together in private. I don't have the least idea what it says."

"Leonard and I will have to sneak off somewhere and read it," Penny said. "Thank you so much for everything."

"Penny," Wyatt said, "The local CBS affiliate is here at the Cal TEC chapel covering the wedding from our end. Your agent Kathy said she has sold the first broadcast rights to them."

"She did," Penny said, "Leonard and I will have the permanent rights to the videos, but CBS gets the first broadcast rights. Norah and her producer plan to start showing clips from the wedding tomorrow during _CBS This Morning_. They are also going to take care of the rights to play the music video Howard is going to play as I walk down the aisle, since it will show up on any broadcast. I'll have to admit that I was skeptical about selling the rights, since this is Leonard's and my special day, and I didn't want to take away anything by being focused on money, but Kathy said the media would cover our wedding one way or the other, so, at least this way, we can control what they show. Al, did the local CBS folks show up here?"

"They're setting up now," Al said. "They're going to let me know as soon as they're ready, which should be any moment now. Everyone else is in place, and all we need is the word from them. It's amazing how nothing else is moving, but they managed to get here in Hummers. I think governments have been toppled with less equipment. It's still snowing so hard you can't see out there, so these guys must have had a memorable ride here. They're quietly telling everyone here that, if they will send any pictures they take here or at the reception to a special email address they have for the wedding, they will pay for any they use during any broadcasts."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Ready," the voice said.

Janice, Rachael, and Renee left to go sit with Doris, Judge Steele, Paul, and Leslie.

Al dialed his cell phone. "Howard," he said, "We're ready to go. Penny, it's time."

Howard had arranged to stream a video of a life-size Noel Paul Stookey of Peter, Paul, and Mary fame singing his "Wedding Song" on wide-screen monitors at both ends as Penny walked down the aisle.

After the song began, Linda, wearing the pretty dress she had worn to the restaurant just before the snow had started the previous evening, walked down the aisle holding an iPad with Amy, Penny's West Coast bridesmaid, from Pasadena. Amy was wearing the bridesmaid dress and tiara she had worn for Bernadette's wedding. As she got to the front, Linda waved to her Uncle Leonard, who was standing with Mitchell, Leonard's East Coast best man, who was holding a tablet with Sheldon, Leonard's West Coast best man, and Michael next to him. When Leonard had introduced Sheldon and Mitchell, Mitchell had said, "He's silly. He looks like a grasshopper." Mitchell had already learned how to silence the volume on the tablet, so Sheldon's mouth was clearly moving making his constant complaints, but no sound was coming out of the tablet's speakers.

Molly next walked down the aisle.

"What is Molly throwing from the basket?" Doris asked Renee.

"We couldn't find enough flowers, so the guys raided one of the shred bins. That's shredded computer printouts she's spreading."

In Pasadena, Wyatt looked at the large, life-size projection of Noel Stookey singing next to the life-size projection of Penny waiting to walk down the aisle. He squeezed Patti's hand and whispered, "She's beautiful. I'm glad she kept her hair down. The flowers in her hair make her look like a flower child from my era."

Shauntay, who was standing on the other side of Wyatt, was crying.

Lisa was standing next to Raj, who was dabbing his eyes and who jumped when she goosed him.

Back in Cambridge, Penny was the last to walk down the aisle. Al escorted her down the aisle while he was carrying her iPad with her father's confused face on it. She had timed her walk down the aisle to arrive just as Noel Stookey finished his song, and a picture from Penny's refrigerator with her and Leonard faded in as Noel Stookey faded away.

Rabbi Ostrow said, "Dear friends, we are gathered here in the sight of God to join together this man and this woman in the state of holy matrimony. Is there anyone here who can give any reason why this man and this woman should not be wed? [Pause] Who gives this woman in marriage?"

"I do," said Wyatt through the iPad speakers, which Howard had arranged to be heard over the speakers on the sound systems on both coasts. Al leaned over and kissed Penny on the cheek. He took the iPad with Wyatt's face and walked over to the bride's side and stood next to the students who were holding iPads and tablets with the faces of the other members of the West Coast wedding party on their screens. Janice, sitting on the groom's side, was holding a tablet with Leonard's mother Beverly's face. Beverly was still looking bored and was repeatedly gazing at her watch while she carried on a telephone conversation. Janice had turned off the volume on the tablet so there was no sound from Beverly's conversation. The large-screen monitor behind the rabbi showed the members of the West Coast wedding party in a group as each looked into their individual iPads or tablets.

The rabbi took Leonard and Penny through their I-dos. He then said, "Leonard and Penny have written their own vows, which they will share with us now. Leonard."

"Penny," Leonard said. "You are my best friend, my soul mate, the love of my life. From the day I met you, I knew there would never be anyone but you. You are my one, true love, my true companion. I promise to spend every day of the rest of my life caring for you, making you happy, trying to one day deserve you. I promise to try to always be the man that you need me to be, the man you deserve. Above all, I promise to love you with all of my heart and soul for the rest of my life."

"Penny," the Rabbi said.

"Leonard," Penny said. "I love you with every fiber of my being. You are my best friend. When I met you, I realized that you were the kindest, most loving soul I had ever met. I promise to love you, to take care of you, to try every day to show you just how committed I am to you. Whatever our future holds, I cherish the opportunity to go through it together, for better or for worse. I could not go on the journey through the rest of my life with anyone else. I love you."

The rabbi then had Leonard and Penny exchange rings. Leonard's ring was much too big, but Penny put it on his ring finger anyway. He held it there with his thumb. He laughed and said, "I guess I'll have to wear it around my neck until we can get to the jeweler."

As expected, Penny's ring was a perfect fit. "It's beautiful," she said. She turned her head toward Al and mouthed "Thank you."

The rabbi then poured a glass of wine and handed it to Leonard. He and Penny drank from the glass in turn, and Penny handed the empty glass back to the rabbi. Rabbi Ostrow wrapped the glass in a cloth and placed it on the floor. Leonard stomped the glass. The rabbi said, "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Leonard, you may now kiss your beautiful bride."

Leonard and Penny kissed. Penny reflexively reached up and wiped her lipstick off Leonard's lips as she had hundreds of times before.

Leonard and Penny turned to the room to face Leonard's family, the students and the faculty who had made it there in the snow, and the news team from the local CBS affiliate, as well as all of the guests on the various iPad, tablet, and laptop screens.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Rabbi Ostrow said, "May I be the first to introduce Dr. and Mrs. Leonard and Penny Hofstadter."

The rooms on both coasts exploded in whoops, whistles, and applause.

Leonard and Penny had rented out the nearby food service hall for the reception and had hired the horse and sleigh to ferry the members of the wedding party there. Since there were no flower shops open with all the snow, the students had to make do with the flowers they cleaned off the shelves of the nearby grocery store and with the leftover Valentine's Day decorations that were still in the dining hall storage room.

The call had gone out that there was going to be a wedding reception, and students and faculty who were within walking distance came to the dining hall ready for a snow party. Since there was no opportunity for food delivery, the food was rather eclectic, with an Asian bar set up with Pad Thai, General Tso's Tofu, and spring rolls next to an area with macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, three-bean salad, and fish sticks. One of the assistant chefs had set up an omelet bar and was taking orders for what sort of omelets the guests wanted. The cooks had trotted out various desserts, and there was a suspicious-looking plate of brownies that the staff said they had not provided and no one would admit to having brought, which Janice cautioned her children to avoid. No one had gotten the word to Al, who had eaten several of the brownies. Someone was streaming music from their iPod over the speakers, and various groups were engaged in conversation, many of them asking what they were celebrating.

Penny went into a nearby office and changed into a more casual dress, fearing that she might stain the wedding dress.

Leonard had a table set up with various iPads and tablets with the faces of Penny's parents and their friends from Pasadena. Several wide-screen monitors around the dining hall showed the West Coast group. Penny and Leonard took an iPad with Norah O'Donnell around and introduced her to the West Coast celebrants and then did the same with Sela Ward. In Pasadena, Howard was streaming the music from Cambridge.

Bernadette, Amy, and Raj had managed to arrange for an impromptu celebration at the nearby Cheesecake Factory in Pasadena, whose manager was busy helping the wait staff bring food and liquid refreshments to the West Coast members of the party as well as others who had heard about the party and were in attendance, including Sheldon's assistant Alex, Leonard and Sheldon's department head, and even the university president and his wife. Howard had rigged several wide-screen TVs to broadcast the scene from Cambridge. Amy had loaned her extra tablet to be used with Sheldon's mother Mary, who had visited the Patel family in Texas and was using Dr. Patel's son Jugdesh's laptop to be there.

Wyatt, holding the iPad Raj had loaned him, shook his head and said, "This is the craziest wedding I have ever attended. Penny was beautiful, though."

Penny's mom sat across the table from Wyatt and Patti making out with Raj.

Sheldon and Amy sat next to each other but not touching. Amy asked Sheldon, "Sheldon, doesn't this make you think?"

Sheldon replied, "Yes, it does. I'm thinking that I'm missing the remastered _Blade Runner_."

"No," Amy said, "Doesn't it make you think about one day our getting married?"

"Why on Earth would we do that?" Sheldon asked.

Shauntay was sitting in front of a laptop crying as he talked to Penny, whom he kept calling _Baby Girl_.

Members of the local CBS affiliate hovered around the group at the Cheesecake Factory taking videos and interviewing those in attendance. Their counterparts in Cambridge did the same thing.

It was time in Cambridge for Leonard and Penny to have their first dance as husband and wife. Leonard remarked how he wished he had taken lessons, but Penny said to just follow her. They danced to "Unchained Melody" the student with the iPod streamed. When it was time for the father-daughter dance, Al, who had eaten even more of the brownies, picked up the iPad with Wyatt and danced with Penny. Leonard danced with his sister Janice and then with Doris and Leslie.

Mitchell found a young lady his age among the people who came in and tried dancing to the song himself.

Leonard and Penny sneaked off to the food service office, closed the door, and kissed. "Hi," Leonard said.

"Hi," Penny said.

"How you doing?" Leonard asked.

"I'm fine," Penny said. "How are you?"

"Numb," Leonard said. "I wanted to steal some time with you. I just wanted to hold you for a bit."

"This is nice," Penny said squirming closer.

They stood there holding each other.

. . .

_Note: The alternate song I had thought of for the wedding was Mark Cohn's "True Companion." You can find it at: Go to Youtube and search for "Mark Cohn" and "True Companion."  
_


	18. Chapter 18: Single Bathroom Conundrum

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 18, the Single Bathroom Conundrum

Leonard and Penny walked into the Pasadena Cheesecake Factory banquet room holding hands with Wyatt and Patti close behind them.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Howard said into the microphone, "Newlyweds in the house! Fresh from the airport, exactly five days after their nuptials, may I present Dr. Leonard and Mrs. Penny Hofstadter!"

Leonard and Penny's friends and Leonard's students stood and applauded. Raj and Bernadette rushed the couple, jumping up and down and hugging each in turn.

"Dude!" Raj said looking at Leonard's and Penny's rings. "Tasteful. The wedding rings match Penny's engagement ring." Leonard was still wearing his wedding ring on the lanyard where he kept his secure flash drive until he could have it resized.

Amy hovered nearby wearing her tiara and the bridesmaid dress she had worn to Bernadette's and Penny's weddings. "Hi, bestie," she said.

"Amy, don't you look nice," Penny said.

"Yes, I am strikingly hot," Amy said. "But, can I get this one [pointing at Sheldon] to notice?"

"Oh, I noticed," Sheldon said, working on his tablet propped up on top of a large bound document. "I just think all the female froo frah is silly, like that blouse Penny is wearing that shows far too much of her breasts. Amy, why couldn't you, at least, dress in the sensible attire you usually wear?"

"Now, now," Amy said. "We ladies are hardwired to try to make ourselves attractive to our mates—actual and prospective."

"Well, that's just silly," Sheldon said.

Penny looked around for a place for her and Leonard to sit, but Sheldon stopped them.

"Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter," Sheldon said, "We have the matter of the revised roommate agreement with which to dispense before returning to the evening's frivolities."

"Not now, Sheldon," Amy said. "They haven't even sat down from Wyatt and Patti bringing them from the airport."

"It is best to dispense with such things at the proper time," Sheldon said. "If Dr. Hofstadter was able to take out time from his honeymoon to add Penny to his insurance through the university, he can take time for this. Ahem. During the few days Penny was staying with Leonard prior to their going to New York—and they left me alone without consulting me, I might add—Penny's monopoly of the one bathroom in our apartment created major inconveniences for me, forcing me to go across the hall to use her under-cleaned toilet and, on one occasion, the shower. It is past time to come to some understandings."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "Like Amy said, not now. You and I haven't seen each other in over two weeks, and the first words out of your mouth are that I have to sign one of your idiotic agreements? No 'Gee, Penny, you look great,' or 'Hey, Penny, I'm happy to see you'? I'll deal with you later. Let's just have fun. And, by the way, the reason I monopolized the bathroom was that it was so difficult bathing and caring for my other needs after my injuries. I'm still having major problems with my ribs, thanks for asking."

"You had a perfectly good bathroom—with a shower, no less—across the hall in your apartment," Sheldon said.

Penny's lips trembled as she said, "Sheldon, do you not remember what happened to me over there? I'm not able to go back over there yet. I know I look like everything is OK, but I'm scared."

Penny turned and pulled Leonard away as Sheldon was still complaining and walked over to where Wyatt and Patti had sat with Howard, Bernadette, Raj, and Lisa. She and Leonard sat. Lisa was making out with Raj.

"Mom!" Penny said. "Holy crap on a cracker! You and Raj?"

"He's been my little caramel delight, haven't you?" Lisa said, running her hands through Raj's hair.

"I'm going to scope out the food," Leonard said, "What can I get you?"

"Oh, thank you, sweetie," Penny said. "Let me sit for a couple of minutes while you go check out what's there and I talk to our friends."

"Are you OK?" Leonard asked.

"I'm tired. My ribs are killing me from being cramped up in the airplane seat," Penny said. "I'll be all right."

Leonard served himself a plate and brought Penny a mug of chai spice.

"Oh, that's so good," Penny said as she drank. "I think I like chai spice better than coffee. It's better when it's below freezing outside, though, especially when there is three feet of snow on the ground. Ooh, scones!" she said, taking one from Leonard's plate.

"How did you guys like spending your honeymoon snowed in?" Bernadette asked.

"It was so wonderful," Penny said. "I enjoyed being in Cambridge. We got to know the area around the university very well because we could only go where we could walk. We found this nice little bakery where we ate breakfast every morning with this great couple Doris and Leonard. Leonard is the judge who issued us the marriage license. And there was this sweet horse Cinder who pulled a sleigh. I'm going to miss Cambridge."

"We're going to have a proper honeymoon during Spring Break," Leonard said. "We were visiting my family last week, so I've promised Penny she gets to choose where we go."

"Penny, do you have any ideas?" Patti asked.

"Oh, I do," Penny said. "I was going to suggest Switzerland, but Leonard is going to have to go there anyway in a few weeks, and I plan to tag along, so I have some other ideas. Let's just say that we might need to go to an outfitter and get Leonard some nice hiking boots."

"You're joking," Howard said. "Leonard, pal, I thought you were like me. Aren't afraid you will burst into flames if you get fresh air and sunshine?"

"Hey, it's whatever Penny wants," Leonard said.

"Let's just say that, one of the places I'm thinking about, there are knobs involved," Penny said.

"You mean like doorknobs?" Raj asked.

Penny and Leonard eventually made it around to each table greeting their guests in between snacking. Penny was ravenous from the plane ride and carried a plate with her. They finally made it back to their table as Howard said he was ready to begin.

Howard projected videos of the wedding on the wall. He had also created a music video with photographs from the wedding with Mark Cohn's "True Companion" playing in the background.

"Penny," Bernadette said, "You look so good. I can't even see the bruise on your right cheek."

"Being gone for two weeks with Leonard was the best medicine," Penny said. "Not being here with the place all the bad things happened just across the hall was such a relief. I did miss you guys, though."

"Leonard tells me you made some new friends," Patti said.

"Yes, I absolutely fell in love with Leonard's family, especially the children," Penny said. "Tonight will be the first time in a week I haven't slept with two-year-old Molly cuddled up holding my hair. So, what have all of you been up to? Daddy, did Sela call you about the horse?"

"Yes, she did," Wyatt said. "I went out to the ranch. I called her back and told her I don't think she is going to want the horse. He's a beautiful two-year-old, but he has such a vile temperament. I had to struggle to put the blanket on him, and I never did get to put on the saddle. The owner said he has been like that since he was a colt. He's going to take a lot of work, a lot of understanding and kindness. I know you said Sela is someone who loves animals, but I don't know if she wants a project this big."

"Wyatt did find something that interested him, didn't you, sweetheart?" Patti said.

"The ranch is actually for sale," Wyatt said.

"Daddy, are you thinking about buying it?" Penny asked.

"I really am," Wyatt said. "The husband died, and the widow is struggling to hold onto the ranch until she can sell it and move to Oregon to be near her grandchildren. I wouldn't take advantage of her, but she is low-balling the price. I can get it for a good deal."

"What would you do with the farm in Omaha?" Penny asked.

"Jason has been after me to sell it to him," Wyatt said. "You know, I'm tempted. This place is so nice: They have a few cows now, but they have enough room to support a lot more cows and a dairy. The ranch has a lot of acreage where we could develop trails for people who want to ride. There are already stables, some of which are not being used. There is more than enough room to expand the stable area if we wanted to have people pay us to stable their horses. The best part of it is that it's only about a 20-minute drive from you guys, so we could see each other all the time. I've missed my little Slugger."

"Daddy, you should think about it," Penny said. "It would be so nice to have you close. I don't think Patti would object."

Patti was blushing. She and Wyatt were holding hands.

"You know, I might just stay here too," Lisa said. "What would you think about that, my little tripod?" she asked Raj.

"That would be nice," Raj said. Raj finished his grasshopper and went to the bar to order another one.

Leonard turned around and saw Sheldon's assistant Alex standing behind him.

Alex said, "Leonard, Penny, I wanted to wish both of you the best. I am so happy that the two of you found each other." Her voice quivered as if she was about to cry.

"Thank you, Alex," Leonard said. "You know, Alex, My team could use you if you would be willing to leave Sheldon. What would it take to steal you away and work with me on the super collider project?"

"Are you serious?" Alex asked.

"Absolutely," Leonard said. "We're going to have to get a team together and begin work from here. We'll be heading to Cern in a few weeks, and you would be part of that. We will probably return to Cern for two weeks at a time two to three times a year."

"I'll do it," Alex said. "Thank you so much. I'm going to go call my dad. He'll be so excited. By the way, Dr. Drennan is going to retire. I'm going to need someone to take over as my dissertation director. I wanted to talk with you about that. Working with the Cern project would be ideal for finishing my research."

"If you'll send me your dissertation prospectus, we'll put out heads together," Leonard said. "Thanks, Alex."

As Alex walked off, Penny watched her. She turned to Leonard and said, "Uh, sweetie, that woman is madly in love with you."

"Penny," Leonard said, "I'm sorry, I should have told you this before now, but you're the one I love. Alex is no threat whatsoever to you. Have you not been paying attention for the past five years?"

"Still," Penny said, "Isn't it going to be a bit awkward working closely with her? I know it's going to be uncomfortable for me."

"Sweetheart," Leonard said. "I promise you there's nothing to worry about. If it really bothers you, I'll explain it to Alex and get someone else. Penny, I look at other women, and all I see is you. Alex is not the kind of woman who would try to steal someone else's husband, even if I were the kind who would let her. I think that, once you get to know Alex, you will become close friends. I actually think Alex would make a great fourth for you, Bernadette, and Amy."

"I was hoping Patti would be our fourth," Penny said. "When Sela is in town, I think it would be nice if she is with us too."

"What's wrong with having six in your group?" Leonard asked.

"I'll have to think about it," Penny said.

"What about me?" her mother said.

"What about you what?" Penny asked.

"I could be part of your little group. We could go out trolling for fresh meat," Lisa said.

"Mom," Penny said, "I don't know if you noticed, but we are here celebrating Leonard's and my marriage. Bernadette is a newlywed, and Amy is in a committed relationship. I know I'm not interested in trolling for fresh meat, and I seriously doubt they are."

"OK, kill sport," Lisa said.

"I thought you were with Raj," Penny said.

Lisa waved at Raj, who was standing at the bar waiting for his next grasshopper. "Raj is wonderful," Lisa said. "But who wants to chew the same piece of gum for the rest of their life."

A couple of hours later, Penny was sitting with her head on Leonard's shoulder as she was listening to the band. She said, "I hate for this evening to be over. Maybe it's the time difference, or maybe it's the five-hour plane ride, but I'm about to drop. I think I need to go home."

"Slugger, Patti and I can take you now. I think we want some time alone," Wyatt said.

As Penny and Leonard, still holding hands, reached the top of the stairs, Leonard put his key in the lock. He stopped in the doorway. The apartment looked as if there was a funeral.

Wyatt, carrying Penny's carry-on bag, said, "The flowers just keep coming. We've been having the Children's hospital come get carloads of them."

The group went into the apartment. Leonard took Penny's bag from Wyatt and went into the bedroom. "Oh, wow," he said, "I know Wyatt told me it was crowded in here, but wow!"

The room was piled with stuffed animals.

Penny was standing behind Leonard. "Holy crap on a cracker," she said.

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "We said to send the stuffed animals to the children's hospital."

Sheldon poked his head through the doorway.

"First of all," Sheldon said, "I wasn't going to have those people from the children's hospital parade through here with their hospital germs on them. Besides, I wasn't going to accept responsibility for deciding what to keep and what to send."

Leonard and Penny managed to clear enough stuffed animals off the bed to have a place to lie down. They came back out into the living area, where Wyatt and Patti were putting away some of the leftover food from the reception. They had begged people to take the leftover food, but Bernadette and Howard, who had arranged the reception, insisted they take all they could carry. Penny helped herself to some wine.

"That wine is sweet enough to pour over pancakes," she said. She walked over to the counter and found some of the orange scones. She put two in the toaster oven to heat them.

Leonard was sitting on the sofa checking email on his laptop. Penny walked over, moved his laptop to the coffee table, sat in his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him.

"Hello, husband," Penny said.

"Hello, wife," Leonard said.

"Have I told you I love you tonight?" Penny asked.

"About a hundred times in the restaurant," Leonard said.

Penny got up, took the scones out of the toaster oven, and sat next to Leonard. She ate both and washed them down with the wine.

"Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter," Sheldon said, turning around in his computer chair, "May we now get to the business of the revised roommate agreement?" He produced the large, bound document.

"Sheldon," Penny said, "I am not going to sign an agreement. I don't know how long Leonard and I are going to stay here, but you are not going to bully me. You may have been able to bully my husband, but there's a new sheriff in town."

"Oh, but I insist," Sheldon said.

Penny grabbed the revised roommate agreement and walked out into the hallway with Wyatt, Sheldon, Patti, and Leonard following behind. She tried to open the elevator door, but she was unable to do that. Wyatt said, "Here: Let me help you with that." He opened the elevator door, and Penny threw the agreement into the shaft.

Penny walked back to stand nose-to-chest with a startled Sheldon, who was standing in the doorway to the apartment. She grabbed the notebook he always kept in his pocket and took it into the apartment to the coffee table. She wrote "Revised Roommate Agreement" at the top of the page. On the lines that followed, she wrote the following: "If anyone pisses off Penny, she gets to punch them in the throat."

Penny handed the notebook back to Sheldon and said, "Here, Sheldon, sign it."

"I'm not going to sign that," Sheldon said.

"Sign it or I will get my daddy to open the door to the elevator shaft, and I will throw your tail down there."

Wyatt stood and said, "Just tell me when, Slugger."

Sheldon took his pen out of his pocket and signed the page.

"Satisfied?" he asked.

"We'll see," Penny said.


	19. Chapter 19: The Weekend Proposition

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 19, the Weekend Proposition

Leonard and Penny were lying asleep holding each other.

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_, "Leonard and Penny!"

"Ah, jeeze," Penny said. "Sweetie, could you hand me my robe? I have to go punch someone in the throat."

"What, Sheldon?" Leonard asked. "It's only what [looking at the clock] 6:00 a.m., and it's Saturday. What do you want?"

Sheldon turned the knob on the door.

"Sheldon, don't come in," Leonard said. "We're not dressed to receive company."

Sheldon opened the door and poked his head through it.

"Penny," Sheldon said, "You're naked. Why are you lying in bed with Leonard naked?"

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "Don't look at my wife naked. Give us a bit. Go on out into the living room, and I'll talk with you in a few minutes."

"It's not the first time I've seen Penny naked," Sheldon said.

"He's already grabbed my naked boob," Penny said, pulling the covers over her body.

"Whaaaaat?" Leonard asked.

"I'll tell you later, sweetie. What do you want, Sheldon?" Penny asked.

"I don't know what to do," Sheldon said. "Ever since BBC America moved _Dr. Who_ to Sunday mornings, I don't have anything to watch at 6:15 a.m. on Saturdays. They're playing _Hamish Macbeth_ in the _Dr. Who_ time slot, and I don't like it. Robert Carlyle, who plays the part of Hamish Macbeth, plays Rumpelstiltskin on _Once Upon a Time_: Rumpelstiltskin gives me the heebie jeebies."

Leonard said, "But Robert Carlyle played Nicholas Rush on _Stargate Universe_. You liked him in that. You've seen him at Comic-Con the last four years."

"But now he's playing Rumpelstiltskin, and that ruined him for me," Sheldon said. "I'll never be able to watch him on _Stargate Universe_ again. And, by the way, the last time I saw him coming toward me at Comic-Con, I went the other way."

"Sheldon, don't you have Netflix?" Penny asked. "Watch _Dr. Who_ on Netflix."

"That's not the same," Sheldon said. "Those are the old episodes. I want to watch the new episodes."

"Sheldon, last night was the first night Penny and I were alone in bed in over a week. Let us have a little while longer," Leonard said.

"Leonard," Sheldon said, "You and Penny have been on the East Coast for almost the past two weeks. It's 9:00 a.m. there. Buck up. What am I going to do?"

"What did you do last Saturday?" Leonard asked.

"I went over to see what Wyatt and Sgt. Davis thought I should do, but Wyatt asked Sgt. Davis for her service revolver, so I called Raj and said he had to come over and get me so we could wait for the Pottery Barn to open."

"Why don't you do that again?" Leonard asked.

"Raj sends my calls to voicemail until 9:00 now," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, please just give us another hour," Leonard said.

"But I'm lonely," Sheldon said. "Leonard, you owe me."

"How do I owe you?" Leonard asked.

"First, you and Penny went off to New York without asking me if it was acceptable to me for you to leave me alone for two weeks—although at the time you said it would be one week and a day—much less invite me to go along, and then, when you started getting some undeserved attention about your minor role in important research other people are doing, you didn't even mention my research with string theory," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "I simply answered the interviewers' questions. It wasn't appropriate to bring up other people's research. They were interested in the events at the collider, not theoretical research."

"It's not fair: My research is so important, and your so-called research is so hopelessly derivative," Sheldon said.

"That's it," Penny said, reaching for her robe and trying to put it on under the covers. "It's throat time, Sheldon."

Sheldon's head disappeared, and the door slammed shut as Penny got out of bed. Penny entered the living room as Sheldon shut the door to the hall behind him on his way out of the apartment. She walked out into the hall and heard the sound of Sheldon running down the stairs saying "It's not fair" the entire way down. She turned and walked back into the bedroom. She dropped her robe and slid back into bed.

"I have a married woman in my bed," Leonard giggled.

"I feel like hitting somebody," Penny said.

"Wanna fool around?" Leonard asked.

"I just told you I feel like hitting somebody," Penny said.

"That's when our fooling around's the best—when you're angry," Leonard said.

"Then it ought to be phenomenal," Penny said. "Come here: I'm gonna to do stuff to you."

A few minutes later, Penny grabbed her ribs and fell to the side saying, "Ow, ow, ow!"

"Sweetheart, what can I do?" Leonard asked.

Penny lay back holding her ribs. "Lord, that hurts," she said.

"At least, you have an appointment with the orthopedist on Monday," Leonard said.

"I knew my ribs would take a while, but this sucks," Penny said. "Could you just hold me for a bit?"

"There's nothing I'd rather do," Leonard said. He pulled Penny closer to him. "We'll figure out something in a while."

Penny woke 45 minutes later. "Darn," she said, looking at the clock. "It's still not even 7:00. I'm going to get up."

Leonard got up as well. "Why don't we walk down to the Java Palace and get breakfast," he said.

Penny started coffee. Leonard came up behind her, embraced her from behind, and kissed her neck.

"It's a good thing we don't have Sheldon with us if we're going to go out for breakfast," Penny said, "He would insist we would have to wait until next Sunday. You know, I could go for some pancakes. How about we walk down to IHOP?"

"You want to see if your dad and Patti want to go?" Leonard asked.

"We could see," Penny said.

Just then, there was a soft knock on the apartment door. Leonard went to see who was there.

Wyatt was standing there in his sleep pants and no shirt holding a coffee mug. "Hi, Leonard," he said. "I heard you two moving around. Do you have any coffee? We're out."

"Come on in," Leonard said. "Penny just said she wants pancakes, so we were thinking about walking down to IHOP. Are you and Patti up to going with us?"

"I could go for some pancakes too—or some waffles," Patti said, coming up behind Wyatt and putting her arms around his waist. "Have you guys ever been to Waffle House? There's one on McDowell Road. They have the best coffee."

"That's not much farther than IHOP," Leonard said. "Let's see what Penny thinks."

"It's a good thing it's an all-no-smoking Waffle House," Patti said. "When I was training in Atlanta once, you just about had to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes to show at the door at the Waffle House next to the hotel as an admission ticket. They had three no-smoking tables and about 10 smoking tables, so eating at the no-smoking tables was like swimming in the no-peeing section of a pool."

"Thank you for that image. I've never been to a Waffle House," Penny said, walking up with an empty coffee mug. We didn't have them where I grew up."

"I think it's settled," Leonard said. "What do you think, 10 minutes?"

"Daddy, Patti, I put on Coffee. If you want to get some, it should be ready in just a couple of minutes." Penny said. "Our coffee maker makes 4 cups, but we have filters and more coffee."

Patti came in and sat on the bar stool while Penny fished the creamer and the sweetener packets out of the cabinet. "It sounded as if you and Leonard were enjoying yourselves this morning," she said.

"We were—until my ribs felt as if I had been stabbed and I had to stop," she said. "It took my breath away."

"When do you see the orthopedist?" Patti asked.

"Monday at 11:00 a.m. I see Dr. Freeman the trauma therapist at 9:00. Leonard can drop me off, but I was going to see if Daddy could pick me up when I'm through with the orthopedist.

"If he can't, I can," Patti said. "I work Monday starting at 7:00 a.m., but I am in court starting at 3:00, so that would give us plenty of time for me to pick you up and we get a nice lunch." Patti poured Penny a cup of coffee and poured one for herself. She sat back down. "You know something, Penny, I am so thrilled that you and Leonard are married. In my job with victim services, I see so many abusive relationships. Leonard is such a sweetheart. He adores you. I have seen the way he looks at you even when you're not watching. I've been around him long enough to see that he is one of the sweetest, most gentle souls I've ever met. I would be astounded if he ever mistreated you."

"You're right," Penny said. "Leonard has always treated me like a queen. Even when we weren't together, he always treated me with love and respect."

"I can't help but think that's part of the reason Wyatt is so crazy about him," Patti said. "Wyatt has been like a little kid at Christmas ever since you and Leonard got engaged, and now that you're married—he almost can't stand himself he's so happy."

"Maybe he and Leonard need to go on the honeymoon," Penny said.

A half hour later, Leonard, Penny, Patti, and Wyatt were sitting in a booth at Waffle House.

"Try the cheese and eggs," Patti said as Penny was studying the laminated menu. "I usually get the raisin toast and apple butter with my eggs, but I think I'll get a pecan waffle instead. Of course, you will want hash browns with your eggs."

"Wow!" Penny said looking at the menu. "I didn't know you could have hash browns more than one way. Look at all these ways you can order them."

"I get my hash browns scattered, smothered, diced, and capped," Patti said.

"Let's see: That is onions, tomatoes, and mushrooms," Penny said, reading down the hash brown options on the menu. "I assume scattered means just what it says, scattered instead of in a patti. I think I'll try that. This is really good coffee."

Leonard and Wyatt marveled at the amount of food Patti and Penny ordered. They each only ordered two eggs scrambled with whole wheat toast and plain hash browns.

"Girls," Penny said, shaking her head as she drank her second cup of coffee.

"Here," Patti said, shaking some of the Waffle House salsa on her plate and handing the bottle to Penny. She spooned some of it onto her eggs.

Penny did the same thing. "Oh, that is good," she said. "Sort of a poor man's huevos rancheros."

Penny finished her meal and ate half of Leonard's toast as well as a big chunk of his hash browns.

"Are you sure you're not pregnant?" Leonard asked her. He noticed the smile that suddenly appeared on Wyatt's face.

"Not so fast, Daddy," Penny said. "Leonard asked that last Friday when we were on the way to Cambridge, and I had him go get a pregnancy test. I was not pregnant. But I can't say the same for Leonard's new stepmom who's three months younger than I am, can I, Leonard?"

Leonard got quiet and looked down into his eggs. Penny hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm sorry, sweetie: I was just screwin' with you."

As Leonard was paying the bill, Penny asked for to-go cups for their coffee. The four started walking back toward the apartment. Wyatt and Patti decided to go back upstairs because they wanted some time together, and Penny and Leonard decided to walk to the park after dumping their now empty coffee cups into the trash. The two couples decided to meet up and go somewhere for lunch.

As they passed the swings just inside the park entrance, Leonard and Penny saw a cute boy and girl playing on the monkey bars while a woman they assumed was their mother alternated watching them and reading on her e-reader. Penny, who was holding Leonard's hand, pulled him to sit on a nearby bench and watch the children. "When we get back to the apartment, I want to call Linda, Molly, and Mitchell on Skype," she said.

Penny put her head on Leonard's shoulder. She said, "I know it's only been one day, but I miss the Munchkins."

"I do too," Leonard said. "I hadn't seen Molly since she began talking, and Mitchell was Linda's age the last time I saw him. And Linda: She was already so fascinated by you, and, now that you made her your East Coast Maid of Honor, I think you'll be her favorite person forever. Now that we're gone, I feel a hole in my life."

"Do you ever think about our having children?" Penny asked.

"Every day for the last five years," Leonard said

"I know everything looks promising for my career right now, and I don't want to do anything to mess up Kathy's plans, since she's gone out on such a financial limb for me," Penny said, "But I do want us to think about children."

"What do you want?" Leonard asked.

"After having been around Sheldon for five years," Penny said, "I am hoping for human."

The mom took her two children and left for a nearby SUV telling them they were going to meet up with "Daddy." Leonard and Penny walked over to the duck pond and sat on a rock. Leonard pulled Penny close to him and held her as tightly as he dared.

"What are you thinking?" Penny asked.

"I'm thinking how unreal it seems that you married me," Leonard said. "I keep thinking I'll wake up and it isn't real. Just think: A little over two weeks ago, you were correcting people when they called me your fiancé, and now we're married. It's a lot to digest."

Penny kissed him on the cheek and snuggled in closer.

Leonard and Penny met Wyatt and Patti back at the apartment. Patti had heard about a vegetarian food festival at the university, and she and Penny thought it would be fun to go check out what they had. Leonard and Wyatt were skeptical that the two ladies would like what was available to eat there, especially since Penny had called them both girls for their breakfast order, but they went anyway to be with them. While Leonard and Penny were getting ready, they Skyped Janice. The children were at a birthday party, so Penny said they would call back later.

Leonard, Penny, Wyatt, and Patti walked around the food festival. Penny talked Leonard into getting a falafel wrap, and they shared a slice of spinach pie. "This is actually pretty good," he said.

Wyatt and Patti went to the Indian booth and bought some Indian street food. "We need to call Raj," Patti said.

"No, he hates Indian food," Leonard said.

While they were at the university, Penny got Leonard to show Wyatt and Patti his lab.

Leonard had not been to his lab since Penny's attack. Someone had straightened all the papers. Leonard turned on the lasers so they could warm up. While they were waiting, Penny got him to show Wyatt and Patti some of his work with holograms. "Leonard, son," Wyatt said a few minutes later as Leonard demonstrated how he could project a real-time picture of the Earth in front of them and then showed them the Milky Way. "Penny was right when she told me how smart you are."

By then, the lasers had warmed up, and Leonard opened a window and directed one at a balloon that had escaped from the festival. He showed them how he could explode it with the laser.

Patti wondered out loud if there were any military applications for what Leonard was doing.

Leonard became very quiet.

"Uh, Patti," Penny said, "I'm not cleared yet to talk to Leonard about some aspects of his work, but I think you just stumbled onto something he can't talk about."

Leonard fidgeted a bit, grinned, and said, "I could tell you, but I would have to shoot you."

Leonard took Penny, Wyatt, and Patti to show them his office. As he passed the reception area, he saw an envelope sticking out of his mail slot with an _Important_ stamp on it. He opened the envelope. It was from Human Resources. "Hey, Penny," he said, "Human Resources sent me your temporary insurance information for you to hold until you receive your card in the mail." He handed the envelope to Penny. "Ms. Elmore said you were covered, but this gives you something official when you need medical treatment."

"Sweet," she said. "This will come in handy next week."

Leonard unlocked the door to his office.

"Oh, my," Patti said, looking around, "Leonard, you have created a shrine to Penny."

The walls were covered with pictures of Penny, and there was a giant poster of Penny from her role in _a Streetcar Named Desire_ at her acting class. There were pictures of Penny waiting tables, playing tennis, wearing a nice dress, and out hiking.

"When was the last time you were in your office?" Penny asked.

"The afternoon you were attacked," Leonard said.

"So all of these pictures were here even before we became engaged? How long have you had all these pictures?" Penny asked.

Leonard said, "Some of them are recent, but I've had some for a while. They're probably pretty evenly spread out over the time I've known you."

"Oh, my sweet Stephen Hawking," Penny said. "You were obsessed with me from the day we met."

"I still am," Leonard said.

. . .

Patti had to work from 4:00 until after midnight. While she was gone, Leonard and Penny invited Wyatt over to watch DVDs. Leonard had offered to take Penny out somewhere, but she said she was feeling a little on edge and thought it would be better if they stayed in and did something low-key. Howard and Bernadette came over, and the group made a supper that evening from some of the leftover food from the night before. Penny had never seen _Being John Malkovich_, and they decided to watch that first. Wyatt said, "Somebody was smoking something when they wrote that movie."

Lisa and Raj came in just as the movie was ending. Raj was beginning to look a bit sleep-deprived. Penny asked if he was all right, and he gave her the two-thumbs-up sign and grinned.

"I still can't get Raj to talk to me without alcohol," Lisa said, "even though I've been trying to give him a—what you call it—an incentive to speak to me, haven't I, my little mocha latte?"

"Easy, stomach, don't turn over," Wyatt said as he went to heat up some more of the lasagna.

Raj had brought the _Seven Psychopaths _Blu-Ray, and the group watched that. Wyatt decided that the guys liked movies written by people who were a bit off.

Leonard woke when he heard Patti come back to Penny's apartment across the hall around 1:00 a.m. Sheldon, who had forgotten his key because he had rushed out so quickly that morning, had been sitting on a bench outside the apartment building. Patti had asked him why he hadn't called Leonard to come let him in the building, but Sheldon had said he was afraid Penny was still angry with him, and he didn't want her to find a reason to punch him in the throat. Leonard was still awake when Penny woke as Sheldon came into his bedroom next door. Penny, who was cuddled up against Leonard, asked, "Should we tell him Kathy called and told us the National Geographic Channel has hired you and me to film our trip to Cern in a few weeks and that they want us to do a series of shows on science and technology?" she asked Leonard.

"It'll kill him," Leonard said. "I wanna tell him."

Sheldon allowed Leonard and Penny to sleep until about 8:00 the next morning. This time, he woke them by turning up the television loudly enough that Penny said it wasn't worth it and got up. Patti came over for coffee, and she and Penny decided that the four of them would walk to the Java Palace to get breakfast over Sheldon's objection that it was the wrong Sunday to go there. Sheldon tagged along whining the entire way. He refused to order a sticky bun because it was the wrong Sunday and decided to get a bran muffin and orange juice.

"Yecch," Sheldon said. "Bran muffins and orange juice don't go together. It all falls apart when it's the wrong Sunday."

"Sweetheart," Leonard said to Penny, "I asked you what you want to do today. You seem distracted. Is everything all right?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Penny said. "You're right, I'm distracted. This is our last day together. We haven't been apart for more than the couple of hours on our wedding day when you were setting up the teleconferencing and I was getting ready and a couple of times here and there when we were in New York."

"It's not our last day together," Leonard said. "It's just the last day that we're with each other every minute. We'll still be together most of the day tomorrow, and, of course, I'll get to hold you and tell you how beautiful you are and how lucky I am all night."

"I know, I'm being silly," Penny said.

"No, sweetheart," Leonard said, "You have been through a lot. You have been so strong. Anyone else would have been a basket case, but you have been tremendous. You're entitled to a little uneasiness. I'm uneasy too."

"Penny," Patti said, "I am so impressed with you. I'm astounded that you didn't dissolve into a puddle after everything that happened to you. If I had been bound with a zip tie, had my mouth stuffed and taped, and had someone pound on me while I was taped to a chair and defenseless, I would be a running down the street screaming."

"It's still embarrassing," Penny said. "I keep telling myself I need to stop being such a wuss."

After breakfast, Leonard offered to do whatever Penny wanted to do. He thought she might like to drive up the coast and find somewhere to spend the afternoon. Penny suggested they watch another of Leonard's favorite movies on DVD and think about it. She said she was still feeling edgy about everything both of them had to do on Monday and thought maybe she wouldn't be good company if they did anything much. She suggested that they save that trip for the next weekend. Penny thought she might want to watch _Arsenic and Old Lace_, since that was Leonard's favorite movie and she had never seen it, but Leonard suggested _Harvey_ instead. He noticed that Patti was subtly shaking her head _no_ and mouthing "No way!" to him when Penny was talking about watching _Arsenic and Old Lace_. He nodded to her and mouthed, "I know." He didn't tell Penny that the reason he didn't think they should watch _Arsenic and Old Lace_ was that Cary Grant spent a large part of the movie tied to a chair and gagged, and he did not think Penny was ready for that.

Penny enjoyed _Harvey_, but, after about 20 minutes, she wanted to know where the 6-foot-tall rabbit was. Leonard tried to explain, but she thought that was just silly. Leonard noticed that she was being more clingy than usual. Even when he had to get up to go to the toilet, she followed him and hovered outside the door.

"Penny," he said, "Are you sure you're all right?" as he came out of the toilet.

"Oh, God," Penny said as she went down on her knees.

Leonard tried to grab her, but she collapsed onto the floor and rolled into a fetal position struggling for breath.

"What's happening?" Sheldon frantically asked as Penny gasped and shook.

Patti knew what was happening and came over to help Leonard.

Leonard knelt beside Penny and stroked her. "She's having a panic attack," he said. "Quick, get a cushion to put under her head."

Sheldon got a cushion and handed it to Leonard, who put it under Penny's head. He stretched out in the floor holding her.

"What do we do?" Sheldon asked.

By now, Wyatt was on his feet and waiting nearby.

"It's all right, sweetheart," Leonard said to Penny. "Sheldon, here's my cell phone. Call Dr. Linda Freeman. That's Penny's trauma counselor. She's in my contacts list.

A couple of minutes later, Sheldon was talking to Dr. Freeman's answering service. "Yes," he said. "That is correct. Penny is one of Dr. Freeman's patients through the UCLA Trauma Center. My roommate says she's having a panic attack. [Pause] About three minutes now." He turned to the others and said, "Dr. Freeman isn't available. They're patching the call to her partner. Hello, Dr. Harris. This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper, tenured professor of theoretical physics at Cal TEC. My roommate-in-law Penny was attacked two and a half weeks ago, and she has fallen in the floor and is curled up. Her husband Leonard said she is having a panic attack. She's struggling to breathe and is shaking. [Pause] No, he's not in the mental health field, but his mother is the famous psychiatrist Dr. Beverly Hofstadter, although I have urged her to take back her maiden name _Baranski_, since she is divorcing Leonard's father for cheating on her with a 27-year-old waitress. [Pause] Oh, Leonard? He is holding her and saying soothing things to her: Penny, not the 27-year-old waitress. Come to think of it, Penny is 27 years old and, until about two weeks ago, was a waitress. What was the question? [Pause] No, she's conscious; she's just gasping for breath and seems to be shaking. Leonard has her on her side with a cushion under her head. [Pause] All right. Hold please."

Sheldon turned to Leonard and said, "Leonard, Dr. Freeman is in Palm Springs this weekend and won't be back until late tonight. This is Dr. Harris, who is covering for her. He wants to know if Penny is getting any better."

"She is calming down a little," Leonard said. "Her breathing is getting less frantic."

"I'm OK," Penny gasped. "I'm shaking, though. Lord, what's happening to me?"

"You're having a panic attack," Leonard said. "You may feel as if you're dying now, but it will pass."

"What do I need to do?" Penny asked.

"We need to let it pass," Leonard said. "Try not to flail around. You're all right here on the floor until you can get up. Just let me hold you."

"Leonard, he wants to talk to you," Sheldon said, handing Leonard back his phone.

"Dr. Harris? This is Leonard. [Pause] Yes, sir. [Pause] Well, I know what's happening because I had panic attacks from the time I was 12 until I was about 14. I started having them again two years ago until about six months ago. [Pause] Let me ask. Penny? Do you feel yourself calming down?"

"I thought I was going to die," Penny said. "I couldn't breathe. I thought my heart was going to fly out of my chest, that the roof was going to fall in on me. It's getting better now, but I'm still shaking."

"Dr. Harris," Leonard said. "Did you hear? [Pause] Hold on again. Penny, do you feel as if you need to go to the emergency room? Or do you think you can hold on until first thing in the morning?"

"No," Penny said, "I think I can hold on until tomorrow morning if I don't have another one of these."

"Dr. Harris said that Dr. Freeman will be in the Trauma Center no later than 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning, but he said that, if we want to show up a bit early, she might be able to take you as soon as she arrives. I can take you." Leonard said.

"Sweetie," Penny said, "People are counting on you. I don't want to keep you from your job another day."

"You are all that's important," Leonard said. "I can take you, and then we can figure out what to do from there. Did you hear that, Dr. Harris? [Pause] Yes, sir. [Pause] OK [writing]. I have it. [Pause] I will. Thank you so much. Good night."

Leonard hung up the phone. He was still lying next to Penny, holding her. "Here's the plan. Dr. Harris wants us to call him no matter the hour if you have another panic attack. Otherwise, we'll get you to the Trauma Center by 8:30, and we'll see what we do from there. Dr. Harris gave me his direct number."

"What about your job?" Penny asked.

"Haven't you been paying attention, sweetheart?" Leonard asked. "You're the only thing that's important. Besides, I've been a wonderful employee. I haven't taken my vacations, I've brought in millions of dollars to the university, and I've covered for other professors whenever they needed to take off time. Besides, I haven't missed any time since we've been gone. I was able to do what I needed to do via Skype. I think the university will survive without me being physically there for another day. I'll call Alex, and she'll cover for me tomorrow. Remember that I can do almost anything I need to do no matter where I am. The only thing I have to do there at the lab is my work with lasers and with holographs. Those are ongoing, so it's not critical I be there right now."

By now, Leonard had Penny sitting up and was holding her. He kissed her hair as he caressed her face. "It'll be all right," he said. "I promise."

"I think I panicked because I kept grinding on the fact that I didn't want to be apart from you tomorrow," Penny said. "I feel like such a selfish child."

She stood up, and Leonard guided her to the sofa.

"I feel the same way you do about our not being together every minute," Leonard said. "I have really enjoyed being with you almost constantly, even though I'm still horribly angry about how that happened, what those thugs did to you. I'll have to admit that I don't want it to end either. Penny, I promise everything will be all right."

"How did you get over your panic attacks?" Penny asked.

"I got over the ones that started when I was 12 when I got out of the situation," Leonard said. "I started having them when the kids started beating me up and doing other things, like putting dead rats in my locker. Once, they took my yo-yo, held me down, and stuffed dirty socks in my mouth and wouldn't let me up. Another time, they held me down, and the girls put lipstick and eye makeup on me, and they took pictures. My family tried to get the teachers and school administrators to do something, but they really didn't do anything—and one of the coaches even laughed about what the kids were doing when they told him. The panic attacks stopped when my grandmother took me—and her annual financial contribution-out of my school and arranged for me to study at home for one year for college credit. The next year, I went away to college. Did you know I never graduated high school?"

"So I have a diploma you don't have?" Penny asked. "Fascinating. What about the more recent panic attacks? What happened two years ago? Oh, no: Did you start having them when I broke up with you?"

"That's in the past," Leonard said. "The important thing is that we're together now."

"But was it because I broke up with you?" she asked again.

"That's when they started back," Leonard said.

"What did you do?" Penny asked.

"That's when I started seeing a counselor through the EAP, the Employee Assistance Program," Leonard said. "Dr. Rentz referred me out to Dr. Freeman because of her work with trauma, given everything I went through from 12 to 14 when the panic attacks first started. She has helped me get a handle on some of my demons."

"I did that to you? I made you start having panic attacks again?" Penny asked, beginning to cry.

"Sweetheart, maybe we need to talk about that another time," Leonard said. "The important thing is that we need to get you calmed down so you can get through the rest of the day and tonight, and we can meet with Dr. Freeman tomorrow. I promise you there's help for panic attacks."

Penny thought for a moment. "You had panic attacks for two years the first time and a year and a half the second time? Is that how long I'm going to have them?"

"You have one of the top trauma therapists in the country," Leonard said. "There are so much better treatments now than when I first had them, not to mention that you are much stronger than I was, and you're not a scared 12-year-old boy or a 32-year-old nerd who thinks the only woman he could possibly ever love is so far out of his league he'll never have her. I'll bet this will be the only panic attack you ever have. Even if it's not, I promise everything is going to be all right."

Leonard, Penny, Wyatt, Patti, and Sheldon quietly celebrated Leonard and Penny's one-week anniversary. Penny went to sleep in Leonard's arms as they were watching the _Eat, Pray, Love_ DVD, which Penny said might help her feel a little better.


	20. Chapter 20, Penny A-Go-Go

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 20, Penny-a-Go-Go

_Author's Note: Before reading this chapter, you may want to go to YouTube and search for the video of Keith Carradine (who plays Penny's father Wyatt on the show) performing "I'm Easy" from the movie __Nashville__. As with "The Wedding Song" in a previous chapter, I attempted to embed a link to the video, but, as with the other song, it did not work._

. . .

Penny, with teased hair, heavy eye makeup with false eyelashes, white lipstick, white go-go boots, and a dress covered in tassels, danced to "Hippy Hippy Shakes" as the cage she was dancing in lowered into view. Three other cages, with similarly-attired young women, did the same. The crowd below danced frantically as the waitresses wove their way delivering drinks to the tables on the edge of the dance floor. Suddenly, there was a flash of light and the sound of gunfire. A dancer on the floor crumpled into a heap, and the young brunette dancing with him went down to her knees and began to scream. Penny crouched on the cage floor doing her best to shield herself as the music stopped. The other dancers on the floor scattered, leaving only the crumpled man and his screaming partner.

"Cut!" the director said over the speaker. The music stopped, and the lights illuminated the studio decorated in the fashion of the Peppermint Lounge and Whiskey A-Go-Go from the 1960s. An assistant climbed a ladder to Penny's cage and handed her a towel and a bottle of water with a straw. The makeup artist touched up her makeup through the bars and dabbed some of the sweat from under her eyes.

"Holy crap on a cracker, I need to start back jogging," Penny said.

The director consulted with the writer before saying, "Take five, everyone. Penny, let me run something by you."

Penny climbed down the ladder and walked over to the director.

"Penny," the director said, "Great job. I can't believe you've never danced professionally before. Jeff said you're a natural, but you were even better than he said. The writer has an idea, and we want to shoot one more time and try something different. Castle's mom was in an abusive relationship in the 1960s with the mobster who was gunned down in this scene. When the murder took place, she had bruised ribs. You did exactly what we asked you to do, but, this time, the writer thought it would be better if we showed you were hurt. We're going to have makeup make it look as if you've tried to cover bruises on your face with makeup. Try grabbing your ribs while you dance, and maybe look a little less energetic, as if you have to struggle."

"Sure," Penny said. "I can pull off injured ribs. I had cheerleading injuries in high school, so I know how it feels to play through the pain."

"Take a couple of minutes and chill while we reset," the director said.

Penny sat back and drank a Diet Dr. Pepper. She chatted briefly with Leonard. "We're shooting the scene in the a-go-go lounge where Castle's mother was a cage dancer. I wish you were here to see this. You wouldn't recognize me. Oops, gotta go."

A makeup artist stood next to Penny refreshing her makeup and adding the effect to look as if she was trying to cover up facial bruises with makeup. "The foundation I put on top of the bruising makeup should start to run once you start getting warm from dancing."

The director announced to the cast and crew what they were going to try. Penny climbed the ladder to the cage and, with the help of a stage hand, steadied herself. The cage rose back above the camera view.

The music started again. Penny danced frantically as her cage lowered, periodically holding onto her ribs and sometimes looking as if she was struggling. After a couple of minutes, the shot rang out, the dancer crumpled to the floor, and the crowd of dancers scattered as the man's partner knelt screaming hysterically. The cameras wove around the scene.

The director yelled "Cut! Everyone take five while we review the footage."

The stage hand helped Penny out of the cage and steadied her ladder as she climbed down to the stage floor. She went over to her chair off stage.

"Penny, that was spot-on," the assistant director told her. "Stick around for a few minutes, but I think we're finished. We're going to replay both takes and the rest of the takes from today and make sure we're finished before we wrap your part."

Wyatt was sitting in Penny's dressing room chatting with Patti by phone when Penny came back into the room. The makeup artist had stripped off all her makeup. Penny went in to shower. She came out wearing a robe with her hair wrapped in a towel. The makeup artist came back in and helped her moisturize and made her up.

"How sexy do you want to look?" Miranda asked. "Have plans?"

"My Daddy's taking me and we're meeting my husband and my Daddy's girlfriend for dinner," Penny said. "You know what? My husband would freak if we did my makeup like my character, with the heavy eye makeup, false eyelashes, and the white lipstick."

"I don't want to make you look too freaky," Miranda said. "A lot of what we did was for the harsh lights. Why don't we go in that direction, just not go too crazy? We'll start, and if you want me to juice it up, we'll do it."

. . .

The waiter had just brought Leonard, Patti, Howard, Bernadette, Sheldon, Amy, Raj, and Lisa their drinks. Leonard had ordered Penny and Wyatt their usual Arnold Palmers.

"When I heard you order Arnold Palmers," Bernadette said, "I thought it was an alcoholic drink. I never knew mixing half-and-half iced tea and lemonade was a real drink."

"Hey, Leonard, 6:00," Howard said. "If you and I weren't married, the hot blonde that just came through the door might be flirt worthy. She has this 60s retro look going on, but she is h-o-t."

Leonard turned and looked. "What's she doing with Wyatt?" he asked. "Oh, my sweet Sam Kass," he said. "That's Penny!"

Leonard, Raj, Howard, and Sheldon all raised their hands and said, "All hail Sam Kass!"

Everyone at the table turned to see Penny walk through the door. Apparently the rest of the patrons at The Cheesecake Factory did as well. All talking in the restaurant stopped.

"Hi, lover," Penny said as she came over, sat in Leonard's lap, and kissed him. "Are you sure your wife doesn't know we're meeting?"

Leonard turned to the other patrons and said, "She's kidding: She's my wife."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sure they know that," Penny said.

"Boy," Leonard said, "You do know how to make an entrance."

"Whoa, Patti, Wyatt said, "You clean-up real nice. Lipstick? High heels? A dress? Maybe we need to blow off the evening and head back to the apartment."

"I wanted to look nice for Leonard and Penny's reception," Patti said. "By the way, guys, thank you for inviting me."

"You're family," Penny said.

"Penny," Bernadette said as Penny took her seat, "Leonard was telling us about your new job, as Castle's mother in flashbacks to the 1960s. Have you gotten to meet the rest of the cast?"

"In the show, she was a cage dancer at one of the a-go-go clubs when she was in her early 20s and was there when a mob boss was gunned down," Penny said. "Apparently, they're going to have a number of flashbacks, since her being there is going to come back to haunt her. I haven't met any of the regulars yet."

"Not even Nathan Fillion?" Sheldon asked. "When you see him, ask him if they're going to bring back _Firefly_."

"Oh, Leonard, good news," Penny said. "The director was so impressed with how I did that he called the producer, who called Kathy. According to Kathy, they have put me under contract to play Castle's mother in a series of flashbacks across multiple episodes. If it tests well, they might even age me to be her at different stages of her life in other flashbacks."

"Fantastic," Leonard said. "I hope it doesn't interfere with other things you want to do."

"Oh, Kathy negotiated it so that they have to work around my schedule within reason," Penny said. "For the rest of this season, it'll probably take an afternoon a week. Next season, they'll probably shoot a number of the flashbacks at a time spread out among about three or four full days of shooting."

"What happened to your and Leonard flying to the East Coast and shooting around Chattanooga and the Blue Ridge Parkway area?" Howard asked.

Leonard said, "They had a late season snow that closed the parkway, so we've rescheduled. The National Geographic Channel wants to start running our series this summer, and we've sketched out enough that, when my team goes to Cern next month, Penny and I will put about a third of the first season in the can."

"It's not fair," Sheldon said, as Amy grabbed his arm. "Why are you shaking your head _no_ at me, Amy? It's not fair that everyone is getting so excited about Leonard's support role in other people's research. They need to be doing shows on my research, not Leonard's."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "I'm not above hitting you in the throat right here in the restaurant. This has been too good of a day. You are not going to ruin it without my ruining your day."

Sheldon looked down at the menu. The next couple of times he looked up, Penny put her hands to her throat and made gurgling sounds. She made the "I have my eye on you" sign at him.

"Wyatt has some great news," Patti said. "We're going out tomorrow afternoon to walk around the ranch with the mortgage broker. He may be on the verge of buying it."

Wyatt said, "Leonard, Penny, the property immediately adjacent to the ranch is for sale. If you two want to go with us, we'd love to have you. I'm sure we could arrange for us to walk over that property too. The owner is looking to get out quickly. I understand she caught her husband with his receptionist, and she got the ranch in the divorce. It was his baby, so she just wants to get rid of it and is going to be able to work with you."

"If we can do it after 3:00, I'm in," Leonard said. "Penny?"

"Sounds good to me," Penny said.

The group had to eat quickly because they were to be at the University at 7:30 for a reception in Leonard and Penny's honor. Penny suggested that, after the reception, they go down to Korea Town to sing karaoke.

"That might be fun," Patti said. "Wyatt, what do you think? Are you up for karaoke?"

"Oh, he should be more than up for that," Lisa said.

"What do you mean?" Patti asked.

"He didn't tell you?" Lisa asked. She pulled out her iPhone.

"Please don't," Wyatt said.

"Here," Lisa said as she handed Patti the phone. "My son Jason converted it from VHS."

There was a video of a much younger Wyatt, with shoulder-length hair and a beard, in front of a coffee house audience playing the guitar and singing a song.

"Oh, my," Patti said. The others crowded around to see.

"Daddy," Penny said. "I knew you fooled around a little on the guitar, but I never knew you actually played."

"Your dad was quite the hot ticket before you were born," Lisa said. "I met him in Memphis when he was there to record an album. At the time, I was with a member of Kind Words and Ice Water, and I fell in love with your dad at first sight."

Penny sent the video to her phone. "Daddy," she said, "You were great."

"Wow!" Patti said. "Wyatt, you could have been another James Taylor."

"That's part of the problem," Wyatt said. "There already was a James Taylor. More than once, I was referred to in the magazines as a 'Poor Man's James Taylor.'"

"Why did you stop?" Penny asked.

Wyatt obviously hunted for what to say.

"Oh, no: You stopped because Mom was pregnant with me?" Penny said.

"It was time to settle down," Wyatt said. "Sweetheart, life on the road is no life for a little kid. Your grandpa offered to give me the farm if I would come work it for five years, so I did."

"Grandpa Bob died when I was four," Penny explained to the others. "Daddy, I remember the farm struggling when I was little, but, about the time I was 12, you really started making money on the farm."

"That's when I added cattle and horses," Wyatt said.

. . .

"May I have everyone's attention?" President Siebert said. "Dr. Hofstadter, Mrs. Hofstadter, Leonard and Penny, I am so pleased that both of you could be with us tonight to celebrate your recent marriage. Two weeks now? I remember when Mrs. Siebert and I had only been married two weeks. We lived in a modest little 3,000 square foot townhouse on the Battery in Charleston that my parents gave us as a wedding gift. Good times. Leonard, I was going to make this presentation later on in the evening rather than at the very beginning, but, if Mr. Wolowitz can help us, we have a special guest who wants to talk with you on the wide-screen TV to my left." He handed Leonard and Penny microphones.

The monitor switched on with an image of the White House. The image of President Obama and his wife Michelle appeared. "Leonard, Penny," the President said. "Michelle and I wanted to extend our sincere congratulations on your recent marriage."

"Penny, Barak, our daughters, and I have followed your story since it first broke," Mrs. Obama said. "We are so proud of you. Our girls can't wait to meet you. They're too big for Elmo, but you've captured their fancy. We all hope you are healing well. We will follow your story with great interest and hope to see you in person to learn more about you. I have to tell you that our older daughter has played the recording of your wedding over and over."

"Leonard," the President said, "As you know, our country has been falling behind other countries in science and math for the past few years. One of the goals of my administration has been to reverse that trend and encourage the best and brightest in our country and hold them up as examples to our young people for what they can become if they work hard and take the hard courses. It is my honor to announce that you are this year's recipient of the National Science Foundation Scientist of the Year award. President Siebert, if you would do the honors?"

President Siebert brought out a box from his briefcase. He opened it to reveal a medal with a ribbon. He took it out of the box and hung the medal around Leonard's neck. "Leonard, the Board of Trustees and I are honored to present you this award on behalf of the National Science Foundation."

"Leonard," the President said. "Congratulations. I have been following the work in Cern and, especially for the past several weeks, your work with the team. I can't tell you how proud I am of you and the contribution you have made to science as well as the example you are setting for the young people of this country."

"Leonard, Penny, Barak and I want to invite both of you to the White House so that our daughters and the two of us can meet you and we can continue this conversation in person."

Leonard looked at the medal and then at Penny. "Mr. President, Mrs. Obama," he said. "I'm speechless. Thank you so much."

"Yes," Penny said. "Thank you so much. Please tell your daughters I spent a lovely week with Leonard's nieces and nephew a couple of weeks ago, and I can't wait to meet them as well."

"Penny," Mrs. Obama said, "I have this wonderful picture of you wearing a Hillary 2006 T-shirt."

The present cleared his throat, "Ahem."

"What was that, Barak?" Michelle said, grinning. "Anyway, Penny, Hillary and I are convening a task force on violence against women. Our mutual friend Sela Ward is going to participate, along with some of the brightest and strongest women our county has to offer. We want you to me a member."

"Mrs. Obama, I would be honored," Penny said.

"Call me Michelle," Mrs. Obama said.

"Leonard, Penny," the President said. "Michelle and I need to go. It is almost 11:00 p.m. here, and I have to be on a helicopter in a few hours. Again, congratulations to the couple who has captured the imaginations of the American people, who, I have to say, had the nerdiest, sweetest wedding I have ever seen. Leonard, congratulations on your winning the National Science Foundation Scientist of the Year award, and, Penny, congratulations and thank you for agreeing to participate in Michelle's task force on violence against women. I'm sure this is not the last time we four will speak. Good night."

"Good night," Michelle said.

"Good night," Leonard and Penny said in unison.

As the picture faded out on the wide-screen TV, the room erupted in applause. Penny kissed Leonard on the cheek and squeezed him.

"Leonard, Penny," President Siebert said, "Congratulations to both of you. Everyone, let's have a party!"

. . .

_Another author's note: This is the second version of this chapter: The other version is sitting in the "Consider Revising" folder on my hard drive. The original chapter had Leonard and Penny in the office of the therapist, Dr. Freeman (whom I borrowed from Two and a Half Men, played by the wonderful Jane Lynch), interrupted by Sheldon. Alas, every way I presented Penny's trauma therapy session, it was tedious, so I discarded it. I noted in a blog by Kaley Cuoco (that I had found on my phone while I was at a conference on child abuse and exploitation while I was supposed to be viewing autopsy photos from a medical examiner—I just can't handle violence toward children and women—that I can't find now) that she actually visits this site and reads the fan fiction involving Leonard and Penny. She listed the best of the stories. Sadly, mine was not among the ones she listed. I hope that's just because maybe she posted it before I began posting stories. There was no date on what I read. OK, I know I've drifted a bit. I've also been very sick for the past couple of weeks, but I'm back writing now. I'm still having a ball writing these, but I'm not sure whether I should continue to inflict these stories on others. I'll have to think about that. Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate the kind words and support I've had from members of this community. Some of you have made some wonderful suggestions. I have a long-term plan for this story, but the story is at a stage in which I am building a foundation for later, even though it may seem as if things are dragging a bit right now._

_PS: I am not making a political statement by including the President and Mrs. Obama. They would be the ones to put the icing on the cake for the attention Leonard has been getting. As far as the Hillary 2006 T-shirt goes, Penny has worn that in at least one episode._


	21. Chapter 21, the Fairness Doctrine

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 21, the Fairness Proposition

As the people attending Leonard and Penny's reception at the university stood and applauded while the image of the White House on the wide-screen TV faded, Sheldon raised his hand. "President Siebert. President Siebert. President Siebert," he said. "It's not fair."

Amy grabbed him. "Sheldon, not now," she said. "Drink your tea."

"I don't see what drinking tea is going to do. You're supposed to offer someone a warm beverage when they're upset, not iced tea." He drank. "I must say, though, this is great iced tea. Whoa! I can't stand up. I need to go potty."

"Sheldon," Howard said. "Are you all right? You're acting drunk."

"I've only had iced tea," Sheldon said. "Four glasses of Long Island Iced Tea."

Bernadette started to say something, but Howard said, "Let's watch and see what happens."

"I have the situation under control," Amy said, smiling.

"I love you, Bernadette. I love you, Howard. I love you, Amy." Sheldon said.

"Hoo!" Amy said.

"Here," Howard said. "You said you need to go to the potty. Let me walk you. I don't want you to fall in."

As Sheldon walked past where Leonard and Penny were talking to the reporters, he put his arms around Leonard and Penny and said, "I love you, Leonard. I love you, Penny. There was something I wanted to tell you, but I don't remember what it was."

"What's up with you?" Penny asked.

"Did I tell you I love you, Penny?" Sheldon asked, kissing her on the cheek. "Even when you threaten to hit me in the throat."

Howard guided Sheldon to the rest room.

"Well, that was interesting," Howard told the group as he brought Sheldon back to his seat. Amy had another glass of iced tea waiting for Sheldon.

"It's either let him have his 'iced tea' or put up with the whining," she said when Bernadette gave her an inquisitive look.

Over an hour later, Leonard and Penny finally made it to their table. "I wondered when we walked in why the media were here," Leonard said.

Penny said, "They asked us how we felt about Barbara Walters naming me one of her most fascinating people of the year and Leonard and me one of her most fascinating couples. I haven't heard anything about that. What's with Soupie?" she asked, noting that Sheldon had his head down on the table and was snoring.

"A little too much iced tea," Amy said, smugly smiling.

Penny smelled Sheldon's glass. "Holy cra. . . I mean golly gee whiz, that's Long Island Iced Tea. Why did you let him drink that?"

"Wasn't it a much more pleasant evening with Sheldon with a snoot full?" Howard asked.

Penny took a drink of her water that had been sitting there for a couple of hours. "You know, for someone who's at her reception, this is the first thing I've had to eat or drink since we arrived."

"Let me go serve you a plate," Leonard said, returning to the table with a plate of guacamole dip and some nacho chips. He handed Penny a Diet Dr. Pepper.

"Let me just help you with what you have there, and we'll see," Penny said. It looks as if things are winding down. "What's the etiquette here? Are we supposed to be the first to leave? The last?"

"I think we play it by ear," Leonard said. "Let's walk over here for just a moment. There are some people I want you to meet."

Leonard and Penny made the rounds speaking to the people they had not spoken with already.

. . .

Penny held the little one-year-old girl in her lap. The girl was fascinated with Penny's hair and kept grabbing handfuls. She reached up and touched Penny's face and giggled as she clapped.

"You have made Keisha smile for the first time since she came in for her heart surgery," Keisha's mother said. "You have a way with children. Do you have any?"

"No, my husband has two nieces and a nephew that we got to spend a wonderful week visiting in that big blizzard on the East Coast a few weeks ago. I have one four-year-old nephew and a teenage honorary nephew back in Omaha." Penny bent over and kissed Keisha on the top of the head. "Oh, no," she said, wiping her hair. "I've left lipgloss in her hair after you went to the trouble of weaving in the beads."

"Penny," Jeffrey said as he walked up clutching his new stuffed toy. "Thank you for my Elmo."

"You're welcome, sweetie," Penny said, reaching out to hug Jeffrey. "I see your mom. Is your daddy able to come be with you?"

"My daddy's in Afghanistan, but he'll be home soon," Jeffrey said.

Penny said, "I'll bet you are so proud of your daddy. Have you gotten to talk to him on the computer?"

"Uh, huh," Jeffrey said. "I was just four when he went away, but I'm five now. When I had my first day of chemotherapy, they took me into a room where there was a big TV , and there was my daddy on the screen. He told me how proud he was of me and how we're Marines and are strong enough to handle anything."

"I'm so proud of you too, sweetie," Penny said, caressing Jeffrey's face. "Will you make me a promise that you'll let me come see you when you're all better and you don't have to wear a mask, so I can see that handsome face of yours?"

"Uh, huh," Jeffrey said. Penny hugged him even tighter, balancing Keisha, who was playing with her hair, on her lap. "This is my husband Leonard. He's going to talk to your mom and find out how I can contact you. I would kiss you, sweetie, but the nurse said I shouldn't because you're still having chemo."

Penny held it together until she got into the car. She began sobbing uncontrollably as Leonard pulled the car out of the parking lot.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Leonard asked.

"I'll be all right," Penny said. "Please just drive. I don't want any of the children to look out the window and see me crying. That was so hard. Next time, we need to park on the other side of the building."

"I think you brightened their day," Leonard said. "You brought over a thousand stuffed animals, plus treating them to a pizza party. I think you did a lot of good today. You brought a lot of happiness to some children who are going through a rough time."

"I really wish Kathy hadn't sent the photographer," Penny said. "I didn't come here for publicity. I wanted to give them the toys and the pizza party anonymously. I didn't want thanks or praise for it."

"Oh, I think your being there was a really great thing," Leonard said. "You were a bigger hit than the lasers and holographic equipment I brought. I guess children today see so many special effects in movies and video games that, when they see lasers and holograms in person, it's just not that big of a deal."

"Oh, jeeze," Penny said, wiping her eyes with Leonard's handkerchief and looking at what was on the cloth. "How ghoulish do I look?"

"You need to do a little touch-up," Leonard said, "But you look absolutely beautiful."

"I'm so glad we were able to arrange to have all the stuffed toys and flowers go to the children's hospital and the safe homes shelter. I understand why the people who run safe homes don't want us coming there, but I would really like to do something nice for those families.

"Oh, I think sending a pizza party to them and writing a check for clothing and other necessities was a big step," Leonard said.

. . .

Leonard and Penny held hands as they walked down a dirt road on the property adjacent to the one Wyatt was considering buying.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Penny?" Leonard asked.

"I think so, Brain, but, this time, could I wear the dress?" Penny giggled.

Leonard stopped and gave her a blank stare.

"Pinky and the Brain? Animaniacs?" Penny said. "Aw, come on: 'They're Pinky and the Brain, Pinky and Brain. One is a genius, the other's insane,'" Penny sang.

Leonard still stood there staring open-mouthed. Patti was about to go down on one knee laughing.

"Sweetie, we'll go to YouTube when we get a chance so I can fill in gaps in your education," she said. "But I interrupted. What were you thinking?"

"Okay," Leonard said. "Didn't the real estate agent tell us that they shot TV westerns and a few movies out here in the 50s and 60s?"

"Yes, that's what she said," Penny replied.

Leonard said, "The stables could hold up to 10-15 horses as they are, with no remodeling, plus they have all this undeveloped property. I know the current owner doesn't have any horses, and her husband at most had two. What would you think about our talking with Kathy and seeing if she could put us in touch with some people from the studios and see if there's a chance we could have this property developed for location work?"

"That might work," Penny said. "If we buy it, we're going to want to remodel and expand the house."

"May I ask, how liquid are you, Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter? Do you think you will have enough for a down payment?" Cindy, the mortgage broker asked.

"Actually, we're OK," Leonard said. "We might not even need a mortgage."

"The day we were married," Penny said, "Leonard's father gave him an envelope from Leonard's grandmother, who died a few years ago. She left Leonard an obscene amount of money as well as made him chairman of the board for her corporation, which had been held in trust since her death. I'm not hurting either. I hate to sound pretentious, but we could pay cash for this place."

"If we decide to buy it," Leonard said, "I'll need to call our people in New York and have them advise me about how to handle the finances, like whether to pay cash or whether it might be more financially sound to take out a mortgage."

When they made their way back to the property Wyatt was thinking about buying, they stopped off at the stables. Wyatt pointed to a black stallion that was dancing around kicking at the stall.

Wyatt said, "That's the one Sela had me look at for her. They're not going to be able to sell him, he has such a vile temper."

"Oh, you're just a big baby aren't you?" Penny said, approaching the horse.

"Careful, slugger," Wyatt said. "He's a mean one."

The horse bobbed his head and kicked at the stall a couple of times but then hung his head and poked it through the space in the bars. Penny rubbed the bridge of his nose and said soothing things to him. He flicked his ears at her and snorted. He reached over and nibbled her hair.

"Oh, you're just a big sweet boy, aren't you?" Penny said. She stood there patting the horse. "Is it all right if I go in?"

"Ma'am," the stable hand said, "I don't think I would."

"Oh, I'll be all right," Penny said. She opened the door to the stall and went in. The horse put his head on her shoulder, and she patted him. "Aren't you a beauty," she said.

The horse snorted at her again and nuzzled up against her.

"Look, Leonard," she said, "I'm getting horse kisses. Take a picture of us to send to the Munchkins."

As they left the stable, the owner could not stop talking about how she had never seen anyone be able to handle Lucifer. In fact, she had been thinking about having him put down.

"Well, the first thing we would do if he was mine," Penny said, "would be to call him something other than Lucifer. Let's see: Sheldon's taken. How about Midnight?"

Penny could hear Lucifer/Midnight whinnying at her from the stall.

. . .

Bernadette went through her stack of newspapers and magazines, putting sticky notes on the pages where there were articles or pictures with Leonard, Penny, or both. "You know," she said, "It's nice having all of us in our casual clothes at the apartment eating take-out again. I miss the old days. I think inviting us over for a scrapbooking party was a wonderful idea."

"I miss the old days too," Penny said as she went through her stack. "I can't believe my attack was just over a month ago. It seems as if it has been years."

"So are you and Leonard going to buy the property?" Howard asked.

"We have a contractor who is going to go scope out the buildings and the property," Penny said. "If it looks good, I think we're in business."

"Wyatt," Bernadette said, "Does your buying your ranch depend on Leonard and Penny buying the property next to it?"

"No," Wyatt said. "I'm serious about the property either way. It will just be nice having Penny and Leonard that close. The contractor is going to look over the one I'm interested in too. I don't think we'll need to do much in the way of remodeling on the house: Unless we have kids."

"Are you and Patti talking about children?" Bernadette asked.

"We're talking," Wyatt said. "I was afraid she might be spooked having someone who's so much older than she is, but she seems cool with it."

"You know, Daddy, I'm fine with having a stepmom who is only five years older than I am," Penny said. "I adore Patti. You might want to tread carefully with Leonard about his stepmom—who is pregnant, by the way—being my age, five years younger than he is, though."

"I had never thought about the fact that Leonard is five years older than you are," Bernadette said.

Patti came in from work just then.

"Here, Patti," Penny said, "We waited for you."

She handed Patti her takeout. "We have about a gazillion Diet Dr. Peppers, but we also have iced tea, tons of pods, and a number of other soft drinks."

"This isn't a criticism by any means," Patti said, "But do you guys realize how important food is to your social group? Just an observation."

"Yeah," Penny said. "That's one of the reasons I fell in love with Leonard. I knew he would always feed me. Even when things were tight and I didn't have money for groceries, I always ate well because Leonard always bought my meals."

"Actually," Amy said, "Evolution has made women look for men who feed them. There is a sound reproductive reason for being attracted to someone who makes sure you have something to eat."

"Oh, that's just more social science hokum," Sheldon said.

"No, Sheldon," Leonard said. "Remember, my dad's an anthropologist. I've heard him say the same thing. There were studies going back to the 1920s with Margaret Meade."

"Oh, boy," Sheldon said, rubbing his temples. "I've had the worst headache today. Leonard, my hair hurts."

"Maybe you had too much iced tea last night," Leonard said.

Amy gave Leonard a dark look.

"Maybe I have a sinus infection," Sheldon said. "Or maybe being ignored for my contribution to science is causing me some stress."

"Yeah, I hate it when that happens," Penny said.

"Here we go," Raj said, putting the DVD into the player. "Pinky and the Brain, the Complete Collection."

A few minutes later, Leonard said, "I think I've found my new favorite. So I gather that, every night, they try and take over the world."

For the rest of the evening, Leonard walked around singing the theme song.

. . .

"All rise," the bailiff said as the Hon. James Rucker returned to the bench.

"I do want to admonish the observers in the Court," the judge said, "that I will not tolerate any further outbursts. If there are any further displays when I render my decision, whoever makes the disruption will go to jail and will stay there until I release them." He glared in the direction of the defense table, where family members of the accused were sitting just behind the defendants. "In the matter of Shawn Williams, Terrance Howell, Frank Johnson, and Terry Johnson, I find that there is a preponderance of evidence that the individuals in question present a real and significant danger to their victim, one Penny Hofstadter. Given their records, their alleged actions toward Ms. Hofstadter, and their documented threats against her while in detention, I am once again denying bail."

A number of eyes turned toward Derrick Johnson, the brother of Frank and Terry, who sat with his arms folded. He did not make a movement or say anything for a few seconds. He then turned and glared at Penny, who glared back.

"All rise," the bailiff said. Everyone rose, and Judge Rucker left the courtroom. The guards escorted the four defendants, in shackles, leg irons, and orange jumpsuits, out of the room. Terry Johnson turned toward Penny on his way out the door and mouthed, "You're dead."

A team of guards ushered Penny and Leonard, accompanied by Patti, out a side door to avoid the family members of the accused and the press.

"Patti," Penny said, "I'm glad you convinced Daddy to stay away from the hearing. The way the Johnson family was acting, it would have been tough for him to sit there and observe it."

Leonard and Penny were holding hands as they started across the street, but Leonard stopped at the curb to tie his shoe. Penny turned around and asked, "Everything all right?" as a car came barreling toward her through the red light. She didn't see it.

"Penny!" Leonard screamed and charged her, knocking her out of the way as the car struck him and knocked him over the hood of the car and partially onto the sidewalk.

Penny picked herself up off the sidewalk. "Crap on a cracker!" she said. She turned around to see Leonard lying unconscious in a heap at the edge of the sidewalk with his feet in the street. The car was speeding away.

Patti was there immediately telling people to stay away. She knelt next to Leonard and felt his neck for a pulse as she spoke into her walkie talkie.

Leonard was making gurgling sounds. Patti turned him onto his side, took off her windbreaker, and put it under his head. Leonard's glasses were in about four pieces scattered in the gutter and on the sidewalk.

Penny was by now kneeling by Leonard and crying. "Is he going to be all right?" she pleaded.

"The paramedics should be here in just a couple of minutes," Patti said. Already, there were sirens in the distance. "Quick: Give me your sweater." She wrapped the sweater around Leonard. One of the officers got a blanket out of a nearby squad car and handed it to her, and she wrapped Leonard in it.

A patrol car in pursuit of the car that struck Leonard sped past them with lights flashing and the siren screaming. Another officer began putting traffic cones out to keep traffic from endangering Leonard and began directing traffic around where he laid half-on the sidewalk with his legs in the street.

. . .

"Mrs. Hofstadter?" the doctor announced in the waiting room doorway.

"Here," Penny said, getting up and going to the door, with Patti close behind.

They followed the doctor into a small room.

"Dr. Hofstadter is stable," the doctor said. "We are going to give him a transfusion, and, as soon as we get back the results of the CT, we'll operate. I think he has a ruptured spleen, but we'll know for sure shortly. I think there's some bleeding in the belly as well. Mrs. Hofstadter, I hate to bring up something like this at such a time, but does Dr. Hofstadter have an Advanced Medical Directive?"

"Yes, he has it on the usb drive he had around his neck when he came in. I have a copy of it in the cloud if I can get to a computer, or I can send it to you with my phone."

"Nurse Roberts," the doctor said to the nurse, "Could you find a computer where Mrs. Hofstadter can download and print out a copy of Dr. Hofstadter's AMD?"

"Sure," Nurse Roberts said.

"Is my husband going to die?" Penny asked, sobbing.

"We're going to do our best," the doctor said. "He is hurt very badly, but we have the best trauma crash team on the West Coast here at the UCLA Medical Center."

Just then, Wyatt arrived carrying a workout bag.

"Oh, Daddy," Penny said, throwing herself into Wyatt's arms. "I'm sorry. I'm getting blood on your shirt. Leonard sacrificed himself to push me out of the way. He didn't even think about it. He just did it."

"Sweetheart," Wyatt said, "Leonard loves you so much. He'll be all right. I'm sure of it. I brought you another outfit and Leonard's spare glasses."

Just then, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, and Lisa arrived. "Amy is on her way with Sheldon," Howard said.

Penny followed Nurse Roberts to the nurses' lounge, where she was able to download and print out Leonard's Advanced Medical Directive.

A few minutes later, a social worker took the group into a smaller waiting room where they were the only ones waiting.

The surgeon came in and said that Leonard had a ruptured spleen and trauma to other internal organs. "We're going to have to remove the spleen," he said. "We'll have to see once we get in what else we have to do. We know he has some bleeders we're going to have to repair. Mrs. Hofstadter, your husband is in good hands. We're going to give him the best chance he has."

The social worker asked if she could get anyone anything. Penny said she was fine, but Patti said, "Penny, you haven't had anything to eat since we ate at Waffle House this morning on the way to court, and you left most of your meal on your plate. Let someone go get you something."

"No," Penny said, "I don't think I could eat."

"Why don't I call down to the cafeteria and see what they have?" Ms. Adams the social worker said. "It's between lunch and supper, but I'm sure we can get you a tray."

"Really, thank you but no," Penny said. "Maybe the others want something."

"Penny," Ms. Adams said, "You need to take care of you. It's likely to be a long night. At the very least, let me get a nurse and get you cleaned up. You have blood all over you from where you scraped yourself on the pavement."

A couple of hours later, Wyatt was still holding Penny, who had changed into the workout pants and T-shirt he had brought, as she looked out the window. She had bandages on both elbows and knees and had a gauze bandage over her left palm. The other members of the group were waiting with them. Even Sheldon, who was holding Amy's hand, was being uncharacteristically quiet.

"You guys need to go eat," Penny said.

"I'm not going anywhere until we hear," Bernadette said.

"Penny, the volunteer told me she can bring in coffee," Howard said. "How about I fix you some coffee? Maybe go see if I can find you a Diet Dr. Pepper?"

"Thanks, sweetie, but no," Penny said.

"Mrs. Hofstadter?" the surgeon said from the doorway. "Your husband is out of surgery. He is stable. We removed his spleen and repaired several bleeders. He has several broken ribs, a broken collar bone, and deep bruising of the liver. There was blood on the lungs, but we think we've stabilized that. He suffered a severe concussion, and the neurologist is evaluating him, but he will be able to do more after your husband is awake. He is in recovery right now and will be in ICU for at least the next day or two. You won't be able to see him until tomorrow morning at the earliest. We're keeping him unconscious to minimize the chance of shock. There's nothing you can do for him until we move him into a room. Could I persuade you to go home and try to get a good night's rest and be back here tomorrow morning?"

"No," Penny said. "I'm going to stay here."

"I thought you might feel that way," Dr. Kerns said. "I'll let Ms. Adams know that you're spending the night. She will work with you guys on bringing in pillows and blankets, and she can show you where to shower. If I know her, she'll be able to scare up some food for you guys—unless you want to send out to the restaurants across the street. She can hook you up with menus. It looks as if you'll need a backup change of clothing."

"Penny, Howard and I can go pack you a suitcase," Bernadette said.

"Doctor?" Penny said, crying, "Is my husband going to die?"

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Dr. Kerns said, "I'm not going to lie to you. Dr. Hofstadter is at a very critical stage right now. We will need to see how he gets through the night. We should know a lot more in the morning."

"Thank you, doctor," Penny said.

"I hate to ask this," Dr. Kerns said, "but the press is bugging us for a statement. Is it all right with you for me to make a brief statement saying that Dr. Hofstadter is in stable but critical condition and we are monitoring him carefully?"

"Sure," Penny said.

"Is there someone from the family or friends who might be able to speak with the press?"

"I'll do it," Patti said.

"Okay, Mrs. Hofstadter, I'll check in with you as I can," Dr. Kerns said. "I'll be rotating off in a couple of hours, and Dr. Singh will rotate on."

As Dr. Kerns left, Penny sobbed into Wyatt's chest, "Oh, Daddy."

"Guys," Wyatt said, "Why don't you go on home and get some rest? I'll look after Penny."

"I'm staying," Patti said. "At the very least, I need to be here to take Leonard's statement as soon as he wakes up." She didn't use the phrase _Dying Declaration_, but Amy and Bernadette knew what she meant.

A few minutes later, Bernadette was on the phone with Leonard's brother Michael, who was packing in preparation for leaving for the airport. "Penny," she said as she hung up, "It is going to be about two more hours before Michael's flight, so that means he'll be here in about seven to eight hours."

"Thank you, Bernadette," Penny said. "Daddy, I'm going to have to buy you a new shirt. It has my makeup, blood, and drool all over it."

"Sweetheart, that's fine," Wyatt said. "I love Leonard too, and now he's the hero who saved my little girl's life."

. . .

Penny sat holding Leonard's hand being careful not to put pressure on the IV.

"Leonard, sweetie?" she said as Leonard began to stir.

Leonard licked his lips a few times and mumbled something Penny couldn't understand.

"It's OK," the nurse said, "Go ahead and talk to him."

"Leonard, sweetie," Penny started again, "You are fine. You're in the UCLA Medical Center. You've had surgery. You were hurt on Thursday, and now it's Friday. You've been out for over a day."

The nurse nodded _yes_ and mouthed "Good. Keep doing what you're doing."

"Your father, Rachel, Michael, and our friends are in the waiting room," Penny said. "They want to see you as soon as the doctor says it's all right. Janice is on the way as well. No, sweetie, don't try to move. You've had surgery, and you don't want to tear your stitches."

Leonard's eyelids fluttered as he tried to open them.

The nurse made the "keep going" sign at Penny.

"Leonard, the brother of one of the people who attacked me tried to run over me with his car. You pushed me out of the way, and he hit you. Sweetie, can you hear me? It's Penny. Thanks to Patti's quick action, they caught the bad guy several blocks from the courthouse."

"I love Penny," Leonard murmured. "I've loved her since the day I met her. I want to marry her and have her children." He went back to sleep.

"We've had him pretty far under," the nurse said. "You're doing fine. Just keep talking to him whenever he stirs. It may take him a while to wake up. He's going to be very confused until he's fully awake, so what he says may not always make sense, or he might think he's somewhere else."

Penny leaned over and kissed Leonard on the cheek. She stroked his hair. She cried as she sang "Soft Kitty" to him.

"What is that?" the nurse asked.

"It's what you sing when someone's sick," Penny said. "I didn't know what else to do."

"You're doing fine," the nurse said. "You'll have to teach me that."

"How's our patient?" the doctor asked, checking the monitor.

"He's trying to wake up," the nurse said.

"His vitals are a little iffy," the doctor said, shining a light in each of Leonard's eyes. "There's no sign of infection. We may have turned the corner, but I'm concerned about his heart rhythm. I assume there are other family members?"

"His father and brother are in the waiting room," Penny said. "His sister is on the plane now and should be here in several hours."

"Nurse, why don't you go get his father and brother and let them visit for 10 minutes. Mrs. Hofstadter, you're good to stay as long as you want. I've left orders to that effect. If you need to leave and come back, the nurse here will show you how to get back here."

. . .

"Hey, big brother," Michael said, holding Leonard's hand a few minutes later. "It's Michael. Father's here too."

"Hi, son," Al said, leaning over and stroking Leonard's forehead. "Michael and I flew in to see you. Your sister is on the plane now and should be here in a couple of hours."

"I love Penny so much," Leonard mumbled. "I want to marry her."

"Sweetie, I'm here," Penny said. "We've been married almost four weeks now. The day after tomorrow is our one-month anniversary. You're at the UCLA Medical Center. Leonard, you're all over the local and national news. You're a hero. You pushed me out of the way, and the car hit you. Even the White House and the governor's office called to find out how you are doing."

"Leonard, Father and I want to talk to you, if you'll wake up," Michael said.

"Michael," Leonard said, trying to reach up toward Michael's face. "I met this girl Penny. I love her."

"I know, big brother," Michael said, looking helplessly at Penny, who was quietly crying but trying to smile.

Leonard drifted back to sleep. He snored softly but then started gasping for air.

"That's not good," the nurse said. "He shouldn't be gasping for air like that." She adjusted something on the monitor. "That should up the oxygen level," she said. She put in a call to the doctor.

Just then an alarm began to sound.

"You guys are going to have to wait in the waiting room," the nurse said as she put a mask over Leonard's face. People in the ICU began to scramble. As Penny walked off, she saw that they had brought up a cart with monitors and various items that were covered. People were putting smocks over their scrubs and were putting on masks and nitrile gloves.

Penny, Michael, and Al went back into the waiting room. "What's happening?" Penny sobbed.

A nurse appeared in the doorway after a few minutes. "Mrs. Hofstadter, Dr. Hofstadter went into cardiac arrest," she said. "The team is working with him. We'll give you updates as we can."

Penny sat crying into Wyatt's chest while he held her.

After about 20 minutes, the doctor appeared in the doorway. "Mrs. Hofstadter, your husband crashed. His heart didn't completely stop, but it became very erratic, and we had to shock him with the paddles and hit him with epinephrine. He's stable. If you'll come with me, you can sit with him."

When Penny arrived back at Leonard's bedside, Leonard had a mask over his face and an additional monitor by his bed. He was sleeping. Penny held his hand and told him how much she loved him and wanted him to be all right.

Michael happened to encounter the doctor in the hallway. "Doctor, I'm Michael, Leonard's brother. Could you tell it to me straight? What's happening?"

"I'm letting Ms. Hofstadter spend as much time with her husband as she can," he said. "I understand in two days they will have been married one month? You can't help but to have seen their story on the news, and, from what the nurse said, Sunday will be their one-month anniversary? If Dr. Hofstadter crashes again, we might not be able to bring him back. I thought it the kind thing to do to let him and her have as much time together as possible."

"Thanks for your honesty," Michael said.

"Mr. Hofstadter," the doctor said, "I hate to be blunt, but you impress me as someone who appreciates honesty. If you have other close family members who are not here, now is the time to call them to see your brother."

The doctor rushed on through the adjacent door. Michael walked to the end of the hall where there was no one else, buried his face in his hands, and cried for the first time in years.

. . .

"Mrs. Hofstadter?" the nurse said, gently shaking Penny. "You've been asleep for about 20 minutes. I hate to wake you, but you don't look comfortable with your head lying on your husband's chest like that. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thank you, I'm fine," Penny said.

"You have dark circles under your eyes," the nurse said. "You're obviously ready to drop. I shouldn't have wakened you. Can I talk you into lying down and napping?"

"Thank you, but I'll sleep later," Penny said.

The doctor came back in and looked at the monitor. He pressed some buttons and flipped through several graphs.

"Your husband put us through a scare," the doctor said to Penny. "He went into cardiac arrest, but he responded to the paddles and the epinephrine. I'm not seeing any permanent heart damage, but we'll have to evaluate over the next several days."

"Thank you, doctor," Penny said. "How soon will you know if he is going to be all right?"

"I don't want to sound like a smart aleck," the doctor said, "but every moment that passes without him crashing again is a good sign. The longer he can go, the better the outlook."


	22. Chapter 22, Recovery Mode

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 22, Recovery Mode

Leonard sat up in bed dong his best to eat a tapioca pudding. "Boy," he told Penny and Janice, "I love tapioca pudding, but I'm having to force myself to eat this."

"You haven't had solid food in three days," Penny said. "I'm sorry your celebration meal for our one-month anniversary is hospital pudding. I owe you a nice meal at the Italian Bistro."

"Is there anything I can go get you, little brother?" Janice asked. "There's an Italian restaurant across the highway, and I think there's a Moe's in the food court."

"Thanks, Janice," Leonard said. "But I've already had diarrhea. Seriously, though, I am absolutely not hungry. I'm weak as a kitten, so you would think I would be hungry."

"You're not going to be too hungry as long as you have the IV," Janice said.

"The doctor wants you to eat the pudding, and, if you keep that down, he wants you to try at least a grilled cheese or a baked potato," Penny said. "Sweetie, I'll be glad to order out something for you. I know Howard, Bernadette, and Raj would be thrilled to go bring in something for you."

"Let's see how I'm feeling later," Leonard said. "What have you had to eat, by the way?"

"I'm fine," Penny said.

"Oh, no, she's not," Janice said. "Could you please guilt her into letting me go get her something? She's been living on chips and crackers from the vending machine."

"Penny, sweetheart, please, as a favor to me, eat a good meal and get some rest," Leonard said. "Promise?"

"I promise," Penny said.

"I talked to Mother," Janice said.

"And?" Leonard asked.

"That's it, I talked to Mother," Janice said.

"Gotcha," Leonard said. "I assume she's not coming?"

"What can I say," Janice said. "She asked what good it would do for her to be here waiting, since she's a psychiatrist, not a surgeon. She asked me to let her know if there's any change, but no, she's not coming."

"Leonard," Penny said, "I'm so sorry. I know you and your mother have never been particularly close. On a brighter note, though, Patti said they apprehended Derrick Johnson, the brother of the two Johnson brothers who attacked me. The security video from the courthouse clearly showed that he was the one who tried to run me over, and your hair and blood were all over his car when the police stopped him three blocks from the courthouse. It also clearly shows how you sacrificed yourself when you knocked me out of the way. Sweetie, you're a hero."

"Some hero," Leonard said.

"Leonard, you are," Janice said.

"Even Sheldon said so," Penny said.

"Leonard," Janice said. "You need to know that Michael has taken your injuries very hard. I have never seen him fret the way he has been doing. I'm glad he and Penny have had each other through the scary times."

Penny said, "I hate the reason for it, but I am so glad Michael and I have become so close the past couple of days. You too, Janice. Leonard, I'm so touched by how much Michael and Janice love you."

"We both love you too," Janice said. "I always wanted a sister, and now I have this beautiful, smart sister who absolutely adores my little brother."

Just then, Michael came through the door with a nurse following him. He said, "Leonard, Dr. Singh wants you up and walking. Nurse Roberts here is going to help us hook you up to a rack so you can carry your IV with you and walk a lap around the floor."

"OK," Leonard said. "Ms. Roberts, Is it all right if my family comes with me?"

"Sure," Nurse Roberts said, detaching the monitor from the post on the bed and hooking it up to the wheeled rack. "I have a cover here for the bag the line from your catheter empties into. Here you go, sweetie, we have you all ready to go."

Leonard smiled and said, "That's what my wife calls me—sweetie."

Nurse Roberts said, "You know, I think I picked it up from her. I like it. She also taught me 'soft kitty.' I have two small children at home, and they're always having colds and tummy aches, and I like the idea of singing that to them when they're sick."

Nurse Roberts and Michael helped Leonard swing his feet over the edge of the bed. She stepped on a switch, and the bed lowered so that Leonard could step off onto the floor. She and Michael helped Leonard stand. Penny came over and held Leonard's hand on the other side from the one holding the rack as Leonard took his first few unsure steps.

"Oh, goodness," Leonard said. "I don't think I'll ever become accustomed to the catheter. How long am I going to have to have it?"

"Dr. Singh said that, if you show that you're ready to get up and go to the toilet by yourself, he'll remove it," Janice said. "Taking a lap around the floor will go a long way toward that. He and I have been reviewing your file together. I know I don't practice at this hospital, but the staff here has been so nice to me and treated me as if I'm a part of the team."

"They're just afraid of you because your brother's a big Harvard Law School professor," Michael joked.

Leonard, with Penny holding his hand and Michael and Janice tagging behind, slowly made his way around the nurses' station and down the hallway. As they arrived at one of the lounges, Michael said, "I have something in here to show you." He opened the door, and Leonard and Penny stepped in.

"Surprise!" their friends said. They had decorations, including a sign that read, "It's a spleen!" There was food. There were also a number of Italian Garden insulated containers piled over on one of the tables. Leonard looked at the clock and noted that it was exactly 3:20 p.m., one month to the minute after the rabbi pronounced him and Penny husband and wife. He kissed Penny and said, "Happy one month, Mrs. Hofstadter."

"I love you, Dr. Hofstadter," Penny said.

"Leonard," Janice said, "Since you've had your spleen removed, you have to be very careful about eating food that may have been prepared by someone who's ill. I personally talked with the staff at the Italian Garden, and they assured me all their food prep staff is healthy. They loaned us these insulated containers because they saw the news story about what happened to you, and they wanted to help. Eat up. Penny, please."

Leonard sat on the sofa at the back of the room and spoke with his friends as Penny served him a plate. They had decided to put out all the food and take from it family style. She sat next to him trying to feed him, but he kept saying he appreciated the thought, but he did not think he could eat anything. When she insisted he try something, he turned to her and said he was not going to eat anything until he saw her eat at least one plate full of food.

Penny took half of a cheese calzone and some marinara sauce and ate them along with some baked spaghetti. There was some fried ziti, and she ate that as well and got Leonard to take some. Leonard said he might be able to eat the other half of her calzone if she didn't want it, and she cut it up into bite-size pieces for him and helped him balance the plate while he ate. He liked it so much he and Penny decided to share some eggplant parmesan.

Leonard and Penny sat talking with their friends. Bernadette noted that, whenever Penny was sitting, she was invariably touching Leonard, either holding his hand, having her hand on him in some way, or sitting with her head on his shoulder.

Leonard was talking with Patti about the fact that he had only vague memories of what had happened, when Patti stopped and nodded toward Penny. Penny had laid her head on Leonard's shoulder and was fast asleep. Patti took the paper plate out of Penny's hands and put it on the table beside Leonard. As she did that, Penny reached up and put her arm around Leonard's neck.

"Penny has been remarkable," Patti quietly said. "She has refused to leave your side except when the doctor ordered her out. I wish she would take better care of herself, though. Wyatt and I had to just about handcuff her and drag her into the shower, and she has refused to eat except for crackers out of the vending machine. While you were unconscious, they offered to bring your meals for her to eat, but she said no."

"The room Leonard's in has a pull-out cot where Penny can sleep," Janice said. "In this section of the hospital, they assume that a family member is going to stay with the patient. That's a good idea, even with a hospital with the reputation of this one. You just never know what's going to come up, and the family member can advocate for the patient about pain medication and when there are problems. I've tried to get Penny to let me switch off with her so she can go get some air or let someone take her home to shower and pack more clothes, but she won't. Maybe now that she can sleep in Leonard's room and he seems to have turned a corner, she'll let herself get some rest. Isn't it amazing what a difference 48 hours makes?"

"How long do you think Leonard will be in the hospital?" Wyatt asked.

"Usually, in a case like this, that depends on how quickly he regains his strength and how his vitals look," Janice said. "It's really hard to say, and a lot of the decision depends on who is over his treatment team, but I would say that he may be able to go home in a week to 10 days unless he has another setback."

"Is your mother coming to see Leonard?" Bernadette asked.

"No," Janice said without elaborating.

Everyone became quiet for a moment.

"Janice," Leonard said, "We're supposed to go to Cern in two weeks. I don't suppose I'll be able to do that?"

"I think two weeks is out," Janice said, "But you might be able to go if you postpone the trip for a few weeks. Once you're stable and on the way to healing, especially if your strength's back and you're eating well, you'll be surprised how fast they'll give you the bum's rush out of here and you'll be able to resume your life—within reason. You won't be able to climb mountains or go skiing for a while, but, since you're mostly a computer jockey anyway, you ought to be able to resume your job fairly quickly."

By now, Penny was softly snoring.

Leonard leaned over and kissed Penny on the top of her head.

"You guys," he said, looking around the room, "I really appreciate how all of you have been here for Penny. I think I only know a little of what all of you have done, but I really appreciate it."

"We love Penny," Bernadette said. "We love you too."

"Patti," Leonard said, "I understand that I owe you big time for taking charge so quickly when the car hit me. According to Lt. Jackson, you not only got on the horn immediately, which allowed them to catch the guy, but you turned me on my side and wrapped me in Penny's sweater and a blanket, helping me not go into shock. You saved my life."

"It's what we're trained to do," Patti said.

"Well, I owe you," Leonard said.

Leonard ate a bit more of the eggplant parmesan and fried ziti while Penny slept. Bernadette had brought cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory, and Raj had brought a case of Diet Dr. Pepper for Penny. They had even brought one of the coffee makers and some variety packs of the pods for them to have in Leonard's room.

"You should see his room," Michael said. "It looks like a small hotel room. He even has his own refrigerator."

. . .

Leonard held onto the rails on the treadmill as Jared, his physical therapist, increased the elevation slightly.

"Mrs. Hofstadter says that you live on the fourth floor with no working elevator," Jared said. "By the time you leave here, I'm going to have you ready to run up those stairs."

"Boy, I think I have a long way to go," Leonard said.

"Where's your wife today?" Jared asked.

"She's in rehearsal. She's doing what they call a 'table read' for a TV pilot she's shooting, and she is meeting with the wardrobe, hair, and makeup people. They'll have a dress rehearsal tomorrow, and the next day they'll shoot in front of a live studio audience. I'm hoping the doctor releases me in time that I can be there to watch the live shoot. They already delayed shooting a week because Penny refused to leave me while I was still in critical condition."

They talked about the concept behind _Nerds_.

"It sounds outlandish enough that maybe they'll sell the series," Jared said. "We were all talking in staffing, and we can't believe you went through what you did and you didn't damage your spine, legs, or knees. That's going to make your recovery go a lot faster."

Wyatt walked over and looked at the controls on the treadmill. "You know, Leonard, after we close on the house, I might want to put one of these in a home gym. I like the fact that the treadmill monitors your heart rate and adjusts the incline to keep your heart in the training range. It would be nice to have one of these at home."

"That's what I was thinking," Leonard said.

Jared had Leonard cool down while he showed him a video about stretching and put a copy of the DVD in Leonard's workout bag along with the book that accompanied the program. "You'll see all the stretches I had you do before we started exercising," he said, "Plus I'll write down the additional ones that are on the DVD that you can do once you have your clamps removed. Always stretch before and after you exercise. Make sure you watch the first two chapters about the way to stretch. Tomorrow, we're going to put you on the bike, although you won't be able to do too much until your surgical wounds heal. Do you have a bike?"

"No," Leonard said.

"You may want to get one," Jared said. "Your body type isn't one that I think would let you get a lot out of running, but, if you have the right bike, I think you'll be able to get strong very quickly."

"The cardiologist said I've begun to show signs of plaque in my arteries," Leonard said. "Maybe exercising more will help me reverse that."

"We'll work with the cardiologist when you're released," Jared said. "You work at a fairly sedentary job, right? I would guess that you just don't get a lot of exercise. We'll fix that. And we'll hook you up with a nutritionist. At first, you'll come back here a couple of times a week, but, eventually, we'll put you on an exercise program that you can follow on your own and only check in from time to time. Before you know it, you and Mrs. Hofstadter will be heading out hiking or mountain biking every chance you get. Do you have somewhere to exercise?"

"I work at Cal TEC," Leonard said. "The building just across from mine is the Wellness Center, and I'll be able to work out there. My wife will have access to it as well. We are about to close on a ranch off Goldenrod Road, and there are all sorts of trails for biking, riding horses, and walking. Wyatt, what would you think of you, Patti, Penny, and me using one of the buildings on our property as a home gym for all of us?"

"That might be interesting," Wyatt said. "We could pool our resources and have a really top-notch home gym. You have those buildings on your property that haven't been used in a long time. There ought to be at least one of them you could rehabilitate into a home gym."

"Let's think about it," Leonard said.

. . .

Penny stood with Leonard and Nurse Roberts at the pick-up area under the shelter as Wyatt and Patti pulled into the line. Leonard was in a wheelchair by hospital policy. Nurse Roberts went to where Wyatt and Patti were waiting. Wyatt got out and helped her guide Leonard into the back seat. Leonard handed off his computer messenger bag to Wyatt, who put it in the trunk.

"Off you go," Nurse Roberts said. "Leonard, Penny, I am so glad I got to know both of you, although I'm sorry for the reason. Both of you take care."

Penny walked over and hugged Nurse Roberts.

Penny scooted to the center place in the back seat so she could pull Leonard close to her.

Wyatt guided Leonard's car out into the traffic. "We're going to have about a half an hour to spare before Penny has to go to hair and makeup, according to your GPS," he said. "Is there anything you guys want to do?"

"Just a heads-up, Daddy," Penny said. "The GPS is just telling us how long it would take in normal traffic. Burbank traffic is anything but normal. We should probably just head straight on to the studio so we can get Leonard a place to chill."

Leonard, Wyatt, and Patti were sitting in the bleacher seats waiting for the show to begin.

"This is exciting," Patti said. "I've been security at shoots, but I've never been in the audience." She fingered the yellow laminated badge the production team had given each of them to let them pass through security to come backstage after the taping. "Look at that," she said, "We're VIPS."

Leonard, Patti, and Wyatt were waiting off to the side next to the set as Penny came out of the production area. "I never realized it took so long to shoot 24 minutes of a TV program," Wyatt said.

Penny came out from the area with several people. "These are some of my family," she said, "My husband Leonard, my Daddy Wyatt, and my dad's girlfriend Patti. Guys, these are Ted the Director and Celina and Jackson, part of the production team."

They all shook hands.

"We were just telling Penny," Ted said, "We are so pleased with her performance. We never once had to re-shoot a scene because of her. She was dead-on each time. Penny, we really appreciate your professionalism."

"I had a ball," Penny said. "I hope the network picks up the show."

. . .

It took Leonard twice as long as usual to get up the stairs, but he made it all the way to the fourth floor to his and Penny's apartment without help.

"Wow," he said. "We're going to have to chip in and get the elevator fixed."

They walked in the apartment to find Raj, Sheldon, and Howard playing Halo while Amy and Bernadette sat at the counter talking.

"Come see the present I got you," Penny said, walking Leonard into the living room.

There, between Leonard's work desk and the sofa, where the folding chair used to be, was something under a bed sheet with a large red bow on it. Penny walked over and pulled off the sheet. "Ta-da!" she said as Leonard saw his new recliner. "Have a seat," she said. "Let me show you something."

Leonard sat. "Nice," he said.

Penny reached over to the side and pushed the button. The cushion rose, taking Leonard to a standing position.

"Oh neat!" Leonard said.

"It comes with this," Penny said, unfolding a tray that looked sturdy enough to hold Leonard's laptop. "It has a power bar here under the cover. You will be able to work here and relax all in one place."

Leonard tried reclining while the tray was still over his lap, and tray adjusted itself so he could continue to work on a laptop from a reclining position.

"Aw, sweetheart," he said.

About an hour later, Leonard gently laid himself into the bed using the new trapeze bar the physical therapist had the medical supply company install over his bed.

"You know," he said, "Having my first warm shower in two weeks feels so gooooood."

Penny dropped her robe and slid into bed next to Leonard. "Hello, husband," she said. "I have missed you the past two weeks. Ooh! I have a squeaky clean Leonard."

They resumed what had become their normal sleep position with Leonard holding Penny, who was turned toward him. They lay awake for nearly an hour telling each other how much they loved each other and talking about their plans for the future.

. . .

"Well, it's not fair," Sheldon said into the phone. "Leonard is getting all this attention for his minor contribution to the Cern research, and no one is recognizing my groundbreaking work in string theory. [Pause] I know it's 10 minutes to 1:00, President Siebert. I don't think you can put a time limit on fairness. I should be the one named the National Science Foundation Scientist of the Year. [Pause] Well, that's just rude. He hung up on me."

"Ah, jeeze," Leonard said as he held Penny. "What's he on about?"

"I think Sheldon's still grinding on the National Science Foundation award," Penny said.

"Let me go check," Leonard said.

Leonard grabbed his robe and went into the living room. Penny wrapped herself in the blanket and walked over and looked out the window.

"Hey, kid!" Penny said, flinging open the window. "Get away from that car!"

The young man was clearly visible under the security light in the parking lot. He turned around, located Penny, and gave her an obscene gesture. He already had Penny's car's driver's side door open and ducked down as he reached under the dashboard."

"I'm coming down with a ball bat," Penny said.

BOOM!

Penny felt the concussion and saw the flash before she heard the sound as the explosion knocked her backwards away from the window. The windows exploded inward, sending glass shards through the room.


	23. Chapter 23, the JaQuan Acquisition

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 23, the JaQuan Acquisition

Leonard and Sheldon immediately ran into Leonard and Penny's bedroom to find Penny sitting on the floor.

"What the Hell was that?" Leonard asked.

Penny shook her head. "Holy crap on a cracker!" she said. "Quick: See if that poor kid is all right."

"What poor kid?" Leonard asked.

"The one who was trying to steal my car," Penny said.

Leonard, after verifying that Penny was all right, had her stay where she was until he could grab her tennis shoes from the closet so she wouldn't cut her feet on the glass, which was all over the floor. Penny got up and assembled an outfit from the closet. She went into the bathroom and got dressed. "I guess we're up for a while," she said through the door.

Leonard looked out the window and yelled back to Penny in the bathroom, "There's a big fire in the parking lot. It looks like your car and mine are already burned beyond all hope."

Wyatt was pounding on the door. Leonard rushed into the living room and unlocked the door. Patti walked in behind Wyatt talking on her walkie talkie. Leonard briefly explained what had happened. Wyatt, Leonard, and Patti started down the stairs.

By now, there were sirens in the distance. Already, there was a crowd gathering across the street watching the cars burn in the parking lot. The explosion had knocked out the security light, but the fire illuminated the scene.

"Police! Everyone back to the other side of the street," Patti said, raising her badge to show everyone as the police cruiser drove to the curb. "The fire trucks are on the way, and we don't know if there will be more explosions."

"Aw, gee," Leonard said. "I was right. Penny's and my cars are toast."

Just then the fire trucks arrived.

The officer spoke with Patti for a few minutes and then came over to the crowd with a clip board. "Who witnessed what happened?" he asked.

"My wife saw it," Leonard said. He pointed to their bedroom window in the fourth floor. "She's up there."

"Anyone else see it?" the officer asked as he took down Penny's information. No one else said they did, so the officer said, "As soon as we have the scene secured, I'll need to talk with your wife." He and another officer began unrolling Crime Scene tape and put out traffic cones to keep traffic from coming down that part of North Los Robles Avenue and keep the onlookers from getting too close to the fire.

One of the officers took a high-powered flood light out of his trunk and illuminated the building. The front entrance to the building was intact because there was a brick wall between it and the parking lot. Windows had been blown into the apartments on the second through fifth floors. People were looking through the windows in two apartments.

As Patti spoke with the scene commander, an officer walked up to the fourth floor with Leonard and Wyatt. They found Penny sitting at the bar in the kitchen sipping a Diet Dr. Pepper. Sheldon was in his room with the door locked.

"Are you all right, ma'am?" he asked.

"I'm fine, not a scratch," Penny said. "I think I fell down rather than was knocked down. It was just so startling. There was a young man trying to steal my car. Is he all right?"

"No, ma'am," the officer said. "I'm afraid there's very little left of him, and we can't get in yet to retrieve the body because the cars are burning so intensely. Do you know who he was?"

"I couldn't get a clear look at him because the only light we had was that one security light over that side of the parking lot," Penny said. "There's supposed to be one between my car and the entrance, but there hasn't been a working light there since I moved in five years ago."

"What did you see?" the officer asked.

"He had opened the driver's side of my car, which was a miracle, since I haven't been able to get it open for the past year," Penny said. "When I drive it, I have to open the passenger door and crawl over to the driver's side. I shouted down for him to get away from the car. He turned around, gave me the finger, and reached under the dashboard, then the explosion. Why would he try to steal my car? It's a 1984 Volkswagen Golf with the engine light always flashing. There are much nicer cars in the parking lot."

"I'll bet your car didn't have any security," the officer said. "All the new cars do. I'll bet he thought he had an easy target. Did you see anyone with him?"

"No, just him," Penny said.

"Is there anything else you can tell me that might be helpful?" the officer asked.

"No," Penny said. "So you think he died?"

"We can't get close enough to the cars to find anything, but yeah, I think he died," the officer said. "Ma'am, have you had any threats against you?"

Penny explained about the four defendants in her home invasion having been denied bail twice now in part because of threats they had made against her and about the brother of two of the defendants trying to run her down after the hearing, nearly killing Leonard.

"Oh, now I recognize you. You're Penny and the Brain," the officer said. "Sorry, ma'am, sir, that's what the other officers have started calling you two. You have quite the following down at the station because of how you stood up for yourself with those vermin. We have your picture up in the lounge. You know, the one from the magazine ad where you're drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and wearing not much more than a smile and you say, 'You got a problem with that?' And you," he said, looking at Leonard, "The way you sacrificed yourself to knock your wife out of the way when that scum tried to run her down, you're a hero, dude. I'm glad to see that you're all right."

The officer said that the investigators would want to talk more with Leonard and Penny, but he needed to go to the other apartments and see if anyone else saw or heard anything. He asked them not to touch their bedroom until the investigators had a chance to go over it. He said it was all right for them to go in and get outfits from the closet, since the closet door was shut, but they should not try to clean up the glass yet.

Penny said she was too wired to sleep. She and Leonard put in a DVD and sat cuddling on the sofa watching the first season of _Once Upon a Time_ until the investigators showed up around 8:30 a.m.

The investigators examined Leonard and Penny's bedroom and interviewed them again about the events leading to Leonard's being run over and about what had happened before the explosion. They had already spoken to Wyatt, who said he had not driven Penny's car since two days before the hearing, so the investigators had more than a two-week period during which someone could have tampered with the car before the explosion. They said they were working with building management to obtain the security footage for the parking lot. Since there was a gas station with a convenience store across the street, they said they were going to see if the security footage of their lot would show anything as well.

"Ma'am," the lead investigator said, "You're lucky. If you had gotten in and started the car, you would be history. I guess the reason you didn't get cut from the flying glass was that you had the window open and had your head out."

"That poor boy," Penny said. "You shouldn't lose your life just for stealing a car. Or do you think he was planting the bomb?"

"From what you told me," the investigator said, "I would wager that the car was already armed, and he was stealing it. As soon as he connected the ignition wires to hot-wire it, kablooey!"

"Oh," Penny said, "I just remembered. Daddy said he was going to take the car to the mechanic on Monday to see why my _Check Engine_ light was lit. That could have been him."

"Detective," Leonard said. "I can't help but wonder why there was no protection for Penny, given the threats that the defendants in her home invasion had made against her. No one ever told us there were threats, or we would have gotten private security if the police weren't willing to protect her. We didn't know about the threats until the bail hearing. Sgt. Davis also told us no one had told her about the threats, or she would have pressed for extra protection."

"The problem is budget cuts, I'm afraid, Dr. Hofstadter. I had to lay off 13 officers this month, and there will be more budget cuts coming," the investigator said. "It's that, pure and simple. Personally, I think your wife should have protection around the clock. Well, at least for the next couple of days, that won't be a problem. This place is going to be crawling with cops for the rest of the weekend and probably a couple of days next week. Even though it's Saturday, we're going to call in some off-duty officers and some reserve officers and have a big presence here. The investigators through the fire department said your wife's car was sitting on top of the gas main for this side of the street, and that made the explosion a lot worse than it would have been. Fortunately, the gas mains have shut-off valves that automatically kick in, so the explosion wasn't any worse than it was. They're going to have to sort out all that, but, in all, Ms. Hofstadter, you're very lucky you weren't hurt. By the way, whose car was that next to Mrs. Hofstadter's?"

"My car was immediately next to hers," Leonard said, "The one on the other side of mine belongs to Mrs. Vardabetian on the second floor."

"Have you seen your car?" the investigator asked. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's burned out as well. I hope you didn't have anything important in there."

"Yeah, I saw it," Leonard said. "I had just cleaned out the trunk. The only thing there was the spare tire and a jack. My insurance and registration were in the glove compartment. I've already called the toll-free number for our insurance. We had both cars through the same agent, so they will only need to send out one investigator."

"I guess it could be worse," the investigator said. "We're finished examining your bedroom. You can go on and clean up whenever you're ready. I'll let building management know. For some reason, the super acts as if he's afraid of Mrs. Hofstadter."

"We all are," Leonard said. Penny punched him in the arm.

"He said he has a wet-dry vacuum and will be up as soon as we say to clean up the glass," the detective said. "He'll also put plastic over the window until the repair folks can come fix your window. By the way, we checked your roommate's room, and, since his window faces 90 degrees away from yours, he didn't sustain any damage. The building inspector pronounced your building safe provided that there are certain repairs, and they'll be checking on the company that owns the building to make sure they complete them. The property management company already has someone on the ground here arranging for the repairs. If I heard the inspector correctly, the company that owns the building is in major violation for lack of security lights and probably some other things."

Mr. Ramirez, the building superintendent, was cleaning the bedroom with a huge wet-dry vacuum cleaner when Wyatt and Patti came in and said they were going to Waffle House for breakfast and invited Leonard and Penny to join them. Leonard and Penny were reluctant at first, out of concern for Penny's safety, but Clarence, Penny's sometimes bodyguard, showed up and offered to drive them. Sheldon said it was oatmeal day, and he did not think that Waffle House carried oatmeal. Besides, he said, he had a hard night and wanted to just eat his oatmeal in peace.

When Leonard and Penny returned to the apartment, there was an attractive red-headed woman wearing a business suit sitting on the sofa.

"I told her she was sitting in my spot, but she said she had handcuffs and a pistol," Sheldon said.

"Hello?" Leonard said.

"Dr. Hofstadter, Mrs. Hofstadter?" the woman said, showing her ID. "I am Special Agent Lauren Gellar, FBI. Could we talk for a bit?"

"Sure," Leonard said. "Do I need to call my attorney?"

"Why would you need to call your attorney?" Agent Gellar asked. "You and Mrs. Hofstadter are the victims. You're not in trouble. I just wanted to speak with you about what happened. I've been trying to speak with Dr. Cooper here, but he's not satisfied with my identification for some reason."

"I have a very good reason," Sheldon said. "Your hair is auburn in the picture, but it's red now. You were not able to explain that."

"I told you, it's the camera," agent Gellar said. "This is my natural hair color."

"Riiiight," Sheldon said.

Clarence said he was going to walk around the building and do a security check. He nodded at Special Agent Gellar.

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Agent Gellar said, "Were you aware of the threats the Johnson brothers had made against you in detention?"

"No," Penny said. "Not until that came out at the hearing. We would have asked for police protection—or hired our own security—if we had known about the threats."

"It gets worse," Agent Gellar said. "The Johnson family is well-known to the Bureau. They're members of the One Nation movement. The entire family, five brothers and two sisters, are involved in this separatist movement. They've been run out of several states, and they've lived here for the past four years. They print their own drivers licenses, they make their own license plates. They live in compounds, where we've documented the women and children are abused—sexually as well as physically. They also have a two-bedroom shack in the valley, where we think they're engaged in interstate human trafficking. That's where the police found the items stolen from your apartment as well as some of the things that were stolen from this apartment four years ago. They have been associated with extensive criminal activities in the Southeast. They fled to the West Coast four years ago when the authorities began closing in on them. They support themselves by selling anti-government literature and by various criminal activities."

"Why did they target me?" Penny asked.

"I think they targeted the building, not you specifically," Agent Gellar said. "Your building has all these security holes. There is only one security light in the parking lot, the lights illuminating the front entrance don't work, the main security locks at the entrance were defective, and the locks on the individual apartment doors were old and didn't work. We're certain they're the ones who robbed this apartment several years ago while Drs. Hofstadter and Cooper were at work. Their typical pattern is to target homes when people aren't there. That's why they did not hit your apartment four years ago, Mrs. Hofstadter, because you were home. They must have known your usual comings and goings and targeted your apartment for when they thought you would be away. Was there something unusual about the day you were robbed?"

"Yes," Penny said. "My manager at the Cheesecake Factory asked me to come in and work the breakfast and lunch shifts. I usually work the evening shift. I came home at a time I would have been about one hour into my usual shift."

"And you surprised them," Agent Gellar said. "These guys are cowards. They have not been face-to-face with their victims until you. They brought the nylon ties and athletic tape just in case they encountered someone, but they were probably as surprised by your walking in on them as you were when you found them in your apartment."

"So you don't think they targeted me specifically?" Penny asked.

"No," Agent Gellar said. "That would be contrary to their usual mode of operation."

"What about the threats from the Detention Center?" Penny asked.

"These guys are cowards. We think they started making threats hoping you would keep quiet. But what happened to you and the fact that you single-handedly took on all four of them and inflicted serious injury on three of them made them look like a bunch of buffoons. In their twisted way, we think they were trying to save face. Then their older brother, Derrick, got involved."

"Has he talked to you?" Penny asked.

"Derrick is dead," Agent Gellar said. "He was a big, dumb bully, and he tried to assert his dominance over one of the local gang leaders in lock-up, and he got a bad case of dead."

"So I'm in the clear now?" Penny asked.

"Not quiet," Agent Gellar said. "There is still one brother and two sisters at large, not to mention their Uncle Tim. The other brother was already serving a 20-year sentence for criminal sexual conduct. One of them is worse than the other."

"What is threatening me going to accomplish?" Penny asked.

"We think they believe in their own twisted way that, if they scare you badly enough, you'll develop a convenient case of amnesia on the stand and won't be able to say enough for the state to win a conviction. There's also a bit of revenge going on. We think part of their motivation is pure and simple wanting to get even. They have endured no end of ridicule in detention that a delicate 100-pound blonde woman cleaned their clocks. We think Derrick tried to run you over just out of pure spite, since your statements to the police helped put his brothers in jail. What they don't realize is that, even if you refused to testify, we have their fingerprints, not to mention that we found the stolen items in their shack."

"What about my car?" Penny asked.

"We looked at the security footage from the parking lot security camera and from the gas station across the street. Early on the morning of the most recent hearing, the day Derrick tried to run you down in his car, there is an image of someone who looked a lot like Derrick who slid under your car at about 3:00 a.m. He had a canvas bag with him. We can't get a good angle to see exactly what he did. We got a partial of his face, and he could be Derrick. He could also be their brother Lee, who goes by the nickname Tadpole."

"Tadpole?" Leonard said. "It's hard to take someone seriously whose name is Tadpole."

"Tadpole and Derrick enlisted in the Army together," Agent Gellar said. "Both went to demolition school. Both also washed out because of their psych evaluations and were ultimately dishonorably discharged. Both have anger problems, which is not what you want with people who are going to be handling explosives."

"So either of them could have been the one who planted the bomb," Leonard said.

"We are trying to piece together what Derrick and Tadpole were doing during the 12 hours before the hearing," Agent Gellar said. "It's hard, though, because the whole family lives in this compound, and we're not able to get much intel on what goes on there. We keep trying to get search warrants, but we can't get enough to satisfy probable cause."

"How about the kid who was trying to steal my car?" Penny asked.

"The kid was Shaun West," Agent Gellar said. "According to the local police, he was 17 years old. He has stolen cars since he was 12. His parents are actually well-off, professionals, but they wouldn't give him money for drugs, so he had to steal to support his drug habit. They've had him in and out of rehab for the past three years. They had hoped that, this time, it would stick. Apparently, it didn't."

"So he wasn't targeting me?" Penny said.

"No," Agent Gellar said. "The best we can determine, he was walking around, probably looking for a car that was unlocked. That's his usual mode of operation. Your car was probably the next best thing. We think he was just unlucky enough to try to steal the wrong car."

"Agent Gellar," Leonard said, "What do we have to worry about now?"

"Well, Agent Gellar said, "There are one brother and two sisters left, not to mention several other people living in the compound. We're watching them, but Derrick slipped through the police' net and came after you in his car, and whoever planted the bomb sneaked past them. It may have been Derrick, but we're not sure, and now we can't talk to him. We've taken over surveillance of the compound and the residents there, though, so we hope we'll stay on top of the people there better."

"What do we need to do?" Leonard asked.

"You need protection," Agent Gellar said. "I tore the local police commander and the district attorney a new one because they let Mrs. Hofstadter walk around thinking she was safe, when they knew there were these threats against her—from both brothers in jail and from family members. If they had at least told you there were threats, you could have taken appropriate steps."

"We have security now," Penny said. "It would be nice if the police would help, but Clarence and his team members know what they're doing."

"Mr. Stevens is a professional," Agent Gellar said. "He is well-known to the Bureau. We have used him to babysit witnesses. He can put together a team that will keep you safe."

"What do I do now?" Penny asked.

"Give us some time," Agent Gellar said. "The wreckage from your car is at our lab. They are going to see what evidence they can get from what they have. We're hoping they can manage to get fingerprints. In the mean time, we're watching the Johnson family. Here's my card." She gave cards to Leonard and to Penny. "Promise you'll call me if there are any developments."

"Please you do the same," Leonard said. Leonard snapped a picture of her card with his phone and sent a copy to Penny. He also gave her his business card and wrote Penny's private phone number on the back.

"I'm going to go have a chat with Mr. Stevens," Agent Gellar said. "You're in good hands with him. We can put him in touch with the investigators so we share any threats that come to our attention so he and his team can take appropriate action."

Twenty minutes later, Clarence was sitting on the sofa talking to Leonard and Penny. "We only have two entrances on the bottom floor," he said. "My team has installed cameras watching the front and side entrances, and we have a camera in the hallway outside your apartment. Workers will be here this afternoon to install a security system here in the apartment. You'll have a module that any of you three can arm and disarm either from the keypad or with your cell phones. We can hook up Mrs. Hofstadter's father and Sgt. Davis as well, since they come in and out of the apartment. We'll also put panic buttons several places. Any notifications will go directly to our team and to the police. I'm going to have my nephew JaQuan working with us. I think you'll like him. He just got out of the Navy. He was a SEAL, but he had to leave the service when he was shot in the knee. But he's super, a total professional. He's still rehabbing the knee, but the man's a force of nature."

Penny was watching the workers install the new windows in her and Leonard's bedroom when she received a call from Clarence.

"My nephew JaQuan is coming up the stairs now," he said. "Please let him into the apartment."

A few seconds later, there was a knock at the door.

Leonard opened the door. He took one step backwards when he saw the sunglass-wearing Nubian god standing there before him.

"Dr. Hofstadter," the man said, "I'm Jaquan Stevens. My Uncle Clarence sent me. I'm going to help Uncle Clarence look after you and Mrs. Hofstadter."

They shook hands as Penny walked into the room. Leonard introduced them.

"Please sit," Penny said.

JaQuan sat on the sofa.

"You're sitting in my spot," Sheldon said.

Jaquan looked at him and growled.

"But you can sit there," Sheldon said, grabbing his laptop and heading for his bedroom. Leonard noticed that Sheldon locked the bedroom door.

"What's his story?" JaQuan asked.

"He's a nutcase," Penny said.

JaQuan spoke with Leonard and Penny for a bit and walked into their bedroom to check on the progress of the repairs. He came back out and said, "I hope Uncle Clarence told you about the screen we're having installed. It should deflect most bullets, plus you can look out, but people outside can't see in. From outside, it will look dark 24/7, even if you've turned on the lights and it's dark outside."

He walked back into the room, took Penny's iPhone and Leonard's Android phone, and installed apps on the home screen called _Panic Button_."

"If you hit that," he said, "You will be able to signal our switchboard immediately, so whoever is on duty will be able to know exactly where you are and talk with you. Keeping the GPS on all the time eats up a lot of juice, so we have these," handing them portable rechargers about the size and shape of a lipstick, with connectors for Penny's iPhone and Leonard's Android phone, "that will power your phones if your power starts getting low. Make sure you recharge them if the green light turns to amber. I would charge them every night. Now I need to go talk to Uncle Clarence. Did either of you need to go anywhere?"

"Leonard has to see the physical therapist at 2:00," Penny said. "I was going to go with him."

"OK," JaQuan said. "Let me go talk with Uncle Clarence. Did you plan to eat lunch somewhere?"

"We were planning to meet our friends at the Cheesecake Factory at Noon," Penny said.

"Let me call them and get a private room," JaQuan said.

"Do you think that's necessary?" Penny asked.

"Ma'am," JaQuan said, "We're just trying to be careful."

An hour later, Penny asked JaQuan if he wouldn't please sit and have something to eat.

"Thank you, ma'am," JaQuan said, standing at the doorway to their private dining room," I'll get my lunch take-out, and I'll eat while you and Dr. Hofstadter are in with the physical therapist."

"I have to excuse myself," Penny said.

JaQuan walked Penny to the restroom door and checked and made sure no one was in there before he allowed Penny to enter. "It's empty," he said.

Penny entered the restroom.

An elderly African-American woman went in soon after Penny.

"Ma'am," JaQuan said, nodding to the woman.

The new waitress the manager said was Penny's replacement went into the restroom along with a woman carrying what looked to be a baby in a sling. JaQuan moved aside to allow them to enter.

Penny was standing at the mirror touching up her lipstick when she felt the gun barrel at the side of her head.

"Put down the lipstick, bitch," the woman said. "My sister here has a little present for you."

Penny turned around to see the woman with the baby sling pull battery-operated barber clippers out of the sack. "We're going to make you all pretty for all the attention you've been getting," the strip-dyed blonde said. "I'm going to shave your head. If you move a muscle, Sis here'll blow your brains out. Here, put this over your mouth," the woman said, pulling a roll of duct tape out of the pouch and tearing off a strip.

Just then, a large pocketbook swung up and knocked the woman holding the pistol to the floor. The elderly African-American woman struck the woman with the barber clippers as well, and the woman reeled back against the wall. Penny took the woman with the clippers, while the African-American woman pounded away at the woman on the floor with her pocketbook. She withdrew a shoe from the pocketbook and pounded her in the head with the heel of the shoe while Penny screamed "JaQuan!" and proceeded to try to wrestle the barber clippers from the other woman. The other woman had turned on the clippers and tried to force them into Penny's hair, but, during the scuffle, she managed to shave a streak down the middle of the front part of her own scalp.

Penny swung at the woman's jaw, and the woman crumpled to the floor as JaQuan broke down the door. Penny had not noticed that the women had jammed a chair against the door handle, wedging the door shut. The door splintered as JaQuan charged into the restroom.

"Get this crazy bitch off me," the woman with the pistol said.

JaQuan walked over, stepped on the woman's wrist, and pulled the pistol from her grip and put it into his pocket.

"It's all right, ma'am," he said to the older woman. "I have it." He helped her up off the floor.

"Thank you, young man," the older woman said.

"Ma'am," JaQuan said, "I just called the police. "Could you stick around and give them a statement?"

"Certainly, young man," the woman said. "My James, rest his soul, was a police officer. I know how important it is to get witness statements."

"Ladies," JaQuan said to the two women on the floor, "We're all going to be good friends and behave ourselves until the police arrive. Don't move a muscle. Mrs. Hofstadter, ma'am, if you two will come over here and stand by me and wait for the police, they should be here shortly."

Penny hugged the older woman and thanked her for helping her.

Patti arrived a couple of minutes before the uniformed officers arrived. She already had both of Penny's attackers handcuffed and sitting in a corner of the restroom by the time the other officers entered. The uniformed officers took the two women to a squad car as the two women yelled profanity and threats toward Penny. The officers got Penny and the older women to go back into the private dining room where Leonard, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Lisa, and Sheldon were sitting. Bernadette had already come to the restroom checking on Penny, and JaQuan had briefed her on the highlights of what had happened.

Detectives arrived and interviewed Penny and the older woman, who told them her name was Mrs. Timmons. "Your husband was James Timmons," the senior detective said. "He was killed in the line of duty a few years ago just a couple of months from retirement."

"That's right," Mrs. Timmons said. "James stopped to help a stranded motorist when the local drug dealer pulled up and shot him. That was 2001."

"Ma'am," Detective Roberts said, "It's an honor to meet you. Your husband is a legend. I work with your son James, Jr. He's a fine young man. I know you're proud of him."

"Thank you, Detective," Mrs. Timmons said.

Mrs. Timmons gave the detective her information. She said her name was Evelyn Timmons and that she was a retired schoolteacher. She and her husband had lived in South Central Los Angeles, where he was a detective, and she had taught high school English there until her retirement seven years earlier. She had moved to a small house in Pasadena four years ago to be near her two sons and her two grandsons.

Penny was on the phone with the physical therapist explaining what had happened and why they would be late for Leonard's appointment. Jared agreed to reschedule the appointment for later in the day. He also promised to have security meet them and escort them to the therapy area.

Penny then called Agent Gellar, who said she was on the way.

"Dear," Mrs. Timmons said, coming to sit next to Penny. "Aren't you a pretty young thing. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Penny said. "How about you? You saved my life. Thank you so much for stepping in and helping me. It wasn't your fight. You could have been killed."

"Oh, I'm fine," Mrs. Timmons said. "I taught high school for 30 years. As my son James, Jr. says, I'm a tough old bird. I don't think there's too much that's going to hurt me."

"What were you carrying in your pocketbook?" JaQuan asked, picking up Mrs. Timmons' pocketbook.

"Oh, just my usual everyday items," Mrs. Timmons said. "There's my lipstick, my checkbook, my iPad, my iPhone, and, oh, I had these geodes," she said, pulling four baseball-size rocks from her pocketbook wrapped and in a paper bag. "My grandsons, James, III and his twin brother Martin, are going through their rock collecting phase. I was at the Museum of Natural History today with my church group and bought these geodes for them at the gift shop."

JaQuan smiled and said, "Ma'am, you wouldn't want a job working security, would you? We could use someone who can swing a pocketbook the way you can."

"I know you're just being sweet, young man," Mrs. Timmons said, "But thank you. I just couldn't stand by and see those two women victimize this sweet young woman."

Penny introduced Mrs. Timmons to her friends.

Wyatt, who had been to the ranch and was late, had a difficult time getting through the police line until Patti vouched for him. Patti brought him up to speed about what had happened.

"Slugger," Wyatt said, hugging Penny. "When is this going to end?"

"Mrs. Hofstadter," Detective Roberts said. "We've finished up here. We may need to contact you again. We have your address and your unlisted phone number."

"Thank you, detective," Penny said.

"Penny," Leonard said, "Your meal came while all this was going on. The waitress said she was taking it back and keeping it warm. Here she comes with it now."

Penny invited Mrs. Timmons to allow her to buy her lunch. Mrs. Timmons explained that she was at the Cheesecake Factory with the seniors group from her church, and she could see them milling around looking through the window on the door concerned about her.

"I need to go back with my friends," Mrs. Timmons said. "We were just about to pay our checks when all this happened. But here," she said, handing Penny her iPad. "Please give me your contact information, and we'll get together." Penny handed Mrs. Timmons her own iPad, which she had brought to give her something to do while Leonard was having his therapy, and had her do the same. They promised to stay in touch. Penny asked Mrs. Timmons for her check and said she was going to buy her lunch, but Mrs. Timmons said that was all right, that she had already paid her bill.

Agent Gellar arrived as Penny was finishing her lunch. She identified the two women as Tammy Lurleen and Enigma Jean Johnson. She flashed her ID at the officers and said she was taking custody of the two prisoners. They transferred the two women to her car while a male agent sat in the car with them. Penny could hear the two women screaming threats and profanity at her as the agents gently put them into the backseat.

. . .

_Author's Note: I worked in the schools for the first half of my career. I know Mrs. Timmons. She is actually a combination of several different women who were rocks of the community and who were tremendous influences on young people they taught. JaQuan is also a combination of several people. I love these characters. Unfortunately, having grown up in a small Southern town with a population of 66, I know Tammy Lurleen and Enigma Jean all too well._

_I hope this new direction isn't too over the top. I was concerned that the story was getting a little stale. I mean, how boring is it that every time you look, there's something great happening to Leonard and Penny. I'm trying to shake things up a bit, but I've already revealed in __The Emily Derivative __that things are still going well 10 years from now, so oops._

_Take care, and thank you for reading my stories.  
_


	24. Chapter 24, the Oven Substitution

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 24, the Oven Substitution

Leonard and Penny, along with Sheldon, Amy, Wyatt, and Patti, entered Mrs. Timmons' formal living room.

JaQuan stayed outside and did a security sweep around the property. "I am not happy about this," he said to his Uncle Clarence on the phone. "This property is too exposed. The house is too close to the road. Someone could drive by and do their mischief and drive off, and there's very little anyone could do about it."

Mrs. Timmons stuck her head out the door. "Mr. Stevens," she said, "Come on in here. You don't have to stay outside like an unwelcome guest. Come in and sit down. The neighbors are already calling to tell me there's a suspicious African-American lurking around my property."

"Ma'am," JaQuan said, "I have to make sure the area is secure. Thank you, though."

"No, young man, I insist," Mrs. Timmons said. "I won't take _no_ for an answer." She stood in the doorway with her arms folded.

"Yes, ma'am." JaQuan shrugged his shoulders and came into the living room.

Mrs. Timmons still stood there with her arms folded until JaQuan removed his sunglasses and put them in his shirt pocket, at which time Mrs. Timmons nodded and said, "Um hum," and walked into where her guests were sitting. JaQuan moved over next to Leonard and Penny and sat.

"Mrs. Timmons, you have a lovely home," Penny said, looking around the room. There were pictures of da Vinci's Jesus and Dr. King along with a picture of an elegant older man in a police uniform over a triangular display box containing a folded American flag and a shadow box with various medals. There was also a silver star and two purple hearts along with a Green Beret inside a display case on the small table. There were pictures of children at various ages on the wall over the sofa.

These are my two boys, James, Jr. and Matthew," Mrs. Timmons said, pointing to one wall. "Sgt. Davis, you have already met my son James, Jr., who will be here with his wife and two boys shortly."

Penny said, "Mrs. Timmons, Patti actually has some good news. It has come to light that members of the police department and the District Attorney's office knew about the threats against me but didn't share the information and did not provide protection for me. Patti didn't even know about the threats, or she could have provided protection herself, and maybe the family member wouldn't have almost killed Leonard trying to kill me. The doctors agree that her actions the day Leonard was nearly killed saved his life. The Chief of Police has promoted her to Lieutenant and has put her over the division that is providing protection for me now."

Patti, blushing, said, "Penny and Leonard are very special to me. I am going to supervise their protection personally. I'm so glad Clarence and JaQuan are providing additional protection. Under the circumstances, the Los Angeles Police Department and the District Attorney's office are footing the bill for their services. You mentioned your son James, Jr. Mrs. Timmons, your son is one of the finest officers I have ever met. And please call me Patti."

Penny was on her feet by now and pointed to a wedding picture with the bride and groom along with the elegant older man from the other wall and a slightly younger Mrs. Timmons. "Is this James, Jr.?" she asked, pointing at the groom.

"Yes, that's James, Jr. and his wife Tracey," she said. "That is my James with us. That picture was taken only a few weeks before James died."

There were pictures of a beautiful young girl who looked about six and was missing some teeth and later pictures of the same young woman in a white dress when she looked to be about 12. There was another with her in a prom dress and another of her wearing a Marine dress uniform. "Who is this?" Penny asked.

"That is my daughter, Cora," Mrs. Timmons said. "She is in the Marines and is a JAG attorney stationed in Washington, D.C. This picture here," pointing to the picture of the young girl in the white dress, "is from the day she was baptized."

"And this young man is your son Matthew?" Penny asked, pointing to a young man in graduation robes with another man in robes putting a sash over his robes.

"Yes, that is my Matthew the day he graduated the Stanford Medical School," Mrs. Timmons said. "He is currently a resident in cardiac surgery at the UCLA Medical Center. I wanted him to be here today to meet all of you, but he had to work today. I know why they have to do it, but I don't like my boys having to work on Sunday."

"I was just at the UCLA Medical Center for two weeks," Leonard said. "I crashed, and they called in a cardiology team. I wonder if your son was on it. Penny goes there to the Trauma Center for medical follow-up for the injuries she received when those thugs attacked her."

A few minutes later, Penny was standing next to the oven drinking a glass of ice tea as Mrs. Timmons fussed over the oven. "This is the best ice tea I've ever had," she said.

"James, Jr.," Mrs. Timmons said. "Could you come in here and light the pilot light again? I don't know. I think this stove, like me, is about to give up the ghost."

"Oh, Mother," James, Jr. said, "You're just getting started. You're so tough they're going to have to hit you on the head on Judgment Day. Here." He opened the drawer and withdrew the lighter with the long barrel. "Mother, I'm afraid that, one of these days, you're going to pass out from the gas, and no one will be here to do anything for you."

"Well, maybe you should come see your mother more often," Mrs. Timmons said.

"I'm here every Sunday I'm not on duty," James, Jr. said. "Even when I work on Sunday, I make sure I'm here with Tracey and our sons at least once during the week."

"What's the matter with the oven?" Penny asked.

"It's on its last legs," James, Jr. said. "We've had it repaired so many times we could have bought Mom a new one 10 times over. Mother, you really need to break down and buy a new one."

"Oh, it'll be all right," Mrs. Timmons said.

"So I see you have two refrigerators," Penny observed.

"Yes," Mrs. Timmons said. "This one closest to the sink is mainly for me, my staples. The other one is so I can cook for other people. Some of the people from my church donate food, and I keep that in the other refrigerator so I'm not cooking for myself from the donated food."

"They donate some food, but Mom still buys most of the food herself," James, Jr. said as he lit the pilot light. "We help out, but she uses up just about everything in the refrigerator every day."

"You cook a lot for other people?" Penny asked.

"Oh, my yes," Mrs. Timmons said. "I'm always cooking for people in my church and my family. I have a young lady who comes in a couple of days during the week and helps me cook."

"Mom also cooks for shut-ins from her church and the elderly here in the community who wouldn't have enough to eat otherwise," James, Jr. said. "I've been trying to get her to slow down and enjoy her retirement, but she won't."

"Is this natural gas or propane?" Penny asked, looking at the oven.

"Natural gas," James said.

As Mrs. Timmons took a serving dish full of cream corn to the table, Penny took a picture of the oven.

"Oh, my," Wyatt said a few minutes later as he passed the cream-style corn. "This is good down-home cooking. I'm going to need a wagon to ride my stomach out of here after this meal. Everything is so good."

"Have you tried the macaroni and cheese, Daddy?" Penny asked. "Mrs. Timmons makes it custard style the way Grandmother Olivia used to."

"Oh, this is nothing special," Mrs. Timmons said. "It's just plain old down-home cooking."

"Do you know how long it's been since I've had good old down-home cooking?" Penny said. "I haven't had a meal like this since I left the farm. How about you, Leonard?"

"I've never had home cooking like this," Leonard said. "I was a city boy. We had cooks when I was growing up, but it was always like eating at a restaurant. We never had anything this good."

I grew up in the South," Mrs. Timmons said. "Food is really important there. When someone dies, you bring in food for the family, and, at my church in Mississippi, we had pot luck lunches once a month after the services, the days we did baptisms. I've always enjoyed cooking for people who appreciate good food. Whenever I need to think, I go into my kitchen and cook. You know, if I'm good enough to go to Heaven when it's my time, they'll have a nice stove there for me where I will have all these hungry mouths to feed, and I can spend Eternity cooking for folks who appreciate it the way all of you do."

Even Sheldon, who never liked anything, was having a third serving of everything.

"Young man, you look like you need someone to fatten you up," Mrs. Timmons said. "Have you ever had home cooking?"

"I'm from East Texas," Sheldon said. "This is the kind of food I had growing up. It wasn't this good, though, except when I ate at my Mima's."

Mrs. Timmons looked at Amy. "Tell me," she said to Amy. "Do you know how to cook for your young man?"

Amy said. "Sheldon's mother taught me how to prepare his favorite meal, spaghetti with marinara sauce with little pieces of hot dog cut up in the sauce. Otherwise, I can make grilled cheese, and that's about it. We eat a lot of take-out."

"Things are different now than when I was your age," Mrs. Timmons said. "You young men can learn how to cook just as well as the young women, and no one's going to say anything about it. When I was growing up, we had home economics classes in school, but only the young ladies could take it. I'm so pleased that they open the classes to young men and young women now. At the high school where I used to teach, they call it Team Living. Young men need to know how to survive on their own."

"You know," Leonard said, "It's going to be hard going back to take-out from the Siam Palace after eating a meal like this. Mrs. Timmons, I would weigh 300 pounds if I sat at your table very often."

Penny said, "When Leonard was in the hospital recently, through medical tests they ran when he nearly died, the cardiologist determined that he is in the beginning stages of what a few years from now could develop into heart disease. It's reversible at this point, and they have him on an exercise program. As soon as things die down a bit, we're going to go to the hospital and take healthy cooking classes. We're about to buy a home, and there's a very nice kitchen there. The owner entertained a lot and had a restaurant-quality stove, a large freezer, and a huge walk-in pantry."

"James," Mrs. Timmons said, "It's time to bring in the first pie."

"The first pie?" Wyatt groaned.

James and his wife Tracey grinned.

"You guys have been quiet," Penny said to James, III and Malcolm.

"Oh, you're not going to hear much out of them while they're eating their grandma's cooking, right guys?" Tracey said.

"Um hum," Malcolm said, working his way through a chicken breast. "Grandma makes the best fried chicken and mac and cheese. You should taste her German Chocolate cake."

"How old are you guys?" Penny asked.

"We're nine," James, III. said. "I'm the oldest."

"By how much?" Sheldon asked.

"I'm four minutes older than my brother," James said.

"I'm a twin too. I'm seven minutes older than my sister," Sheldon said.

"Your twin's a sister?" Malcolm laughed. "How can your twin be a sister?"

"My sister Melissa, or Missy, as my mom calls her, is my fraternal twin," Sheldon said.

"Uh, Sheldon," Penny said. "I don't think I would go any farther. We don't know what James and Malcolm's parents have told them. "Guys," she said, looking at James and Malcolm. "From what your mom said, you two are identical twins. That means that you two are just alike. Sheldon and his sister Missy are fraternal twins. That means they are not just alike."

"Duh," James, III said, downing another spoonful of mac and cheese. "Malcolm, Identical twins come from the same egg, and fraternal twins come from two separate eggs."

"Lt. Davis," James, Jr. said. "I really appreciate your having me promoted to detective and bringing me onto your team."

"We're off-duty. Call me Patti," Patti said. "You graduated Summa Cum Laude in Criminal Justice from USC, you were top of your graduating class at the academy, you have an impeccable service record, you have earned the top marks in all of your training, and the others on your squad look to you as a leader. It would be foolish of me not to bring you onto the team if I had the chance before the FBI or Homeland Security steals you away from us. Penny and Leonard are very special to me, not to mention that we have the eyes of the entire community and the press on us, since the department and the District Attorney's office blew it and didn't tell Penny—or me—about the threats against her. I need people in whom I have absolute, unquestioning faith. While we're on the topic, I'm concerned about Mrs. Timmons' safety. We have carefully kept her name out of the news reports, but, sometimes these things get out. I have ordered increased drive-bys."

At that moment, Mrs. Timmons came back into the dining room carrying two cherry pies.

"Mrs. Timmons," Patti said. "I worry about you. I wish you would agree to allow me to assign someone 24/7 to watch over you."

"Oh, lamb," Mrs. Timmons said. "I'll be all right."

Just then, the doorbell rang. There was a beautiful young African-American woman carrying a cake. "I'm so sorry I'm late, Miss Evelyn," she said. "The children's choir practice ran a bit long because Shanice has a sore throat and had a hard time hitting some of the notes on her solo. I had to stay and work with her."

"Everyone," Mrs. Timmons said, "This is Clarice Johnson. She directs the children's choir at my church and, during the week, teaches kindergarten at Los Robles Avenue Elementary School. Clarice, this is Wyatt, Patti, Penny, Leonard, Amy, and Sheldon. You know my son James, Jr. and his family. And this," she said, putting her arm around JaQuan's shoulders, "is JaQuan. I thought you and JaQuan might have a lot in common."

JaQuan cast a helpless look at Penny, who winked at him.

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Johnson," he said.

"Call me Clarice. It's so nice to meet all of you," Clarice said.

"JaQuan," Mrs. Timmons said, "I was telling Clarice how you were a Navy SEAL until you were wounded serving our country. JaQuan, Clarice' father was a Navy SEAL, and her older brother is in SEAL training now."

"Um, hum," JaQuan said.

Penny followed Mrs. Timmons into the kitchen carrying an empty bowl. "You old rascal," she said. "You're matchmaking."

"Sweetheart, I don't know what you're talking about," Mrs. Timmons said, winking at Penny. "JaQuan impresses me as a lonely man. Clarice is a fine young woman. She will make a nice young man like JaQuan a fine wife."

"By the way," James said from the door, holding the empty bread basket, "The only thing Mom likes more than cooking is matchmaking, right, Mom?"

At that moment, Sgt. Doreen Williams was running by Mrs. Timmons' house. She leaned against the telephone pole at the corner of Mrs. Timmons' property and did some stretches as she spoke into her walkie talkie. "Everything seems secure," she said. "Lt. Davis is in with Sgt. Timmons and his family. We haven't had any suspicious activity.

"Roger," Clarence said from the SUV parked one street over. "I wish Mrs. Timmons would allow us to put someone in the house. My team has installed the cameras in the bushes at the front and back of the house, and we put a tracker behind Mrs. Timmons' bumper. Maybe Lt. Davis and Sgt. Timmons can talk Mrs. Timmons into letting you be her visiting niece."

. . .

Penny, wearing bunny ears and the tight outfit with the bunny tail and spike heels, started out of the kitchen with a tray of drinks.

The head bunny blocked her path. "You need more mascara," she barked at Penny. "And your eyelashes aren't bold enough. You need to change them to the number 20s."

Penny cast her eyes down and said, "Yes, ma'am. I'll take care of that as soon as I deliver these drinks."

"You'll take care of it now!" the head bunny snapped.

"Yes, ma'am," Penny said, her head down. "I thought you weren't supposed to apply mascara to false eyelashes."

"Just do what I tell you," the other woman said.

Penny went over to the table next to the mirror, peeled off her false eyelashes, and glued on eyelashes that were much longer and thicker. "This looks ridiculous!" she mumbled to herself as she pressed the ends of the eyelashes onto her eyelash line. She blinked her eyes a few times to make sure the eyelashes held. "I look like a stripper." She re-lined her eyes carefully with liquid eyeliner and applied several heavy layers of mascara to the false eyelashes mumbling, "redundant." She re-applied her lipstick, blotted it, and applied it again. She mumbled something inaudible under her breath as she picked up her tray of drinks and started out the door mumbling, "I've quit better jobs than this."

As Penny walked out into the dining area and passed a table with several business-executive-looking men, one of the older men, his wedding ring clearly showing, slapped her on the behind and said, "Sweet cheeks, when do you get off? I'd like to take you out and show you a good time."

Penny ignored him and walked over to another table, where she deposited the drinks.

"Cut!" the director said. "Good job. Everyone, get ready for the bedroom scene."

Penny went behind the dressing screen and removed the bunny ears and the bunny outfit and put on a strapless bikini and then a robe. She went out from behind the screen and sat down on the stool reading over the script for the next scene one last time. Miranda the makeup artist removed the false eyelashes and all of Penny's makeup and made her up to look as if she was not wearing any makeup. "You know," she said, "It's harder to make you up for the camera but make you look as if you're not wearing makeup than it is to make you look as if you're wearing a normal amount of makeup." She applied lipstick and then mostly wiped it off to make it look as if Penny had been wearing lipstick earlier but it had worn off.

Penny went over to the set to the right of where she had just been working and crawled into the bed. She handed her robe to a stage hand revealing that she was wearing the bikini. The stage hand carefully positioned the robe on the dresser next to the bed. Her co-star, played by _Once Upon a Time's _Colin O'Donoghue in a cameo appearance, stood next to the bed wearing running shorts. He crawled into bed with Penny. The stage hand carefully positioned pants, shoes, and a shirt on the chair next to Colin's side of the bed.

"All right, everyone, quiet," the director said. "Penny, Colin, positions."

"Castle, Season 5, Episode 22, Scene 12, Take 1," the assistant director said as he clapped the board with the electronic display.

The director yelled, "Action!"

Colin lay on his side pretending to sleep. Penny sat up in bed with a sheet pulled up as if she was naked underneath watching the man sleep, crying softly. The headlights from a passing car showed on the opposite wall, and the sound of the car faded into the distance. Colin rolled over and said "Martha. You're awake again. What's wrong?"

Penny started to cry more loudly. Colin sat up in bed and hugged her. "You can tell me anything," he said.

"I'm scared," Penny said.

"What is it, sweetheart? Please tell me," he said.

"I'm pregnant," Penny said.

Colin took his arms from around Penny. "What? How?" he asked.

"How do you think?" Penny said.

Colin slid on his pants out of view of the camera, then, as the camera returned to him, put on his shirt, grabbed his shoes, and walked out the door.

"Where are you going?" Penny asked.

"Out!" Colin said, slamming the door behind him.

Penny sat in the bed crying into her hands.

"Cut!" the director said after a few seconds. "Great job, everyone. Take five."

Penny sat next to Colin as the makeup artists removed their makeup. "Where did you learn how to speak with an American accent?" she asked Colin.

"We had a lot of American TV and movies in Ireland," he said. "My friends and I would go around trying to speak with that accent, especially when we pretended to be cowboys."

"My husband's at the physical therapist, but I would really like for you to meet him," Penny said. "I've just recently gotten him to watch the first season of _Once Upon a Time _on Blu-Ray, and he watches the new episodes with me."

. . .

Detective Sgt. James Timmons, Jr. was standing on the porch as Penny and JaQuan drove up in JaQuan's SUV. JaQuan got out of the car, looked around, and came over and opened Penny's door.

"It's all right, Mrs. Hofstadter," he said as Penny stepped out of the door.

JaQuan went into the backseat and grabbed several bags of groceries. James, Jr. came out to the car and took the remaining bags.

"I've asked you to call me Penny," Penny said.

"I know, ma'am, but it's more professional this way," he said.

JaQuan and James, Jr. ushered Penny into the house as an H&R Appliances truck arrived. James, Jr. put the groceries into the refrigerator that Mrs. Timmons reserved for cooking for other people.

"Now you're sure your mother will be gone for a couple of hours?" Penny asked James.

"Yes, ma'am," he said. "The days she tutors at the After-School Learning Center, she's gone at least until 6:00 p.m."

"I have a delivery for Mrs. Hofstadter," the man with the clipboard said.

"Yes, I'm Mrs. Hofstadter," Penny said.

"Okay, guys," the man said, "Bring it in." The workers opened the van's backdoor and unfolded the lift gate. One of the men disappeared into the van and called for the other men. The three of them rolled the new stove, still in a crate, onto the lift gate. One of the men reached over and pressed a button, lowering the gate. The three men determined that it would be difficult bringing the stove up the front steps and through the maze into the kitchen. James, Jr. went into the house and opened the backdoor. The driver went into the kitchen, looked around, and said that it would be better for them to bring the old stove out and the new stove in through the backdoor. The other men rolled the new stove around the back of the house. One of them then came back to the truck, rolled another dolly onto the lift gate, and rolled it around to the back of the house.

A few minutes later, the men had closed off the valve to the gas and had the old stove on the dolly. They rolled it around to the truck and left it there. They disappeared into the house. About 45 minutes later, the man with the clipboard demonstrated the new stove's functions to Penny and James. He handed Penny the stove's manual in a cellophane bag. "There's a DVD in the back of the manual," he said. "Does the owner have a DVD player?"

"Actually," James, Jr. said, "We gave my mom a Blu-Ray player for her birthday. My brother, sister, and I got her the wide-screen, HD TV for Christmas. She'll be able to watch the DVD."

"Great," the installer said. "I've seen it. It goes through all the stove's functions. The manual does too, but the DVD is good to watch before she uses it the first time."

"I'll be sure to tell her," Penny said.

"The stove has this neat feature," the installer said. "It doesn't have a standard pilot light like her old stove. Evidently, that was important to Mrs. Hofstadter when she talked to our sales person. It lights the pilot each time you turn on the oven, and, if the flame goes out, the valve shuts off the gas. It protects the user from getting gassed. There are several redundant backup systems, so asphyxiation from a gas leak is almost impossible."

The deliverymen packed up the old stove and drove away. Penny and James waited for Mrs. Timmons. Penny pulled a giant bow out of a grocery bag and put it on top of the stove as Leonard and Patti drove up in Patti's car and parked it on the street. Patti and Leonard came into the house as Mrs. Timmons pulled into the driveway. Sgt. Williams, who had parked her car up the street, got out and walked down the street by Mrs. Timmons' house.

"Is everything all right?" Mrs. Timmons asked as she got out of the car carrying her books.

"Oh, everything is just fine, Mamma," James, Jr. said. "Penny and Leonard have something they want to show you."

"Just one moment," Mrs. Timmons said. She walked out into the street as Sgt. Williams walked past her yard. "Young lady," Mrs. Timmons said. "You may as well come on into the house."

"How did you know?" Sgt. Williams asked.

"Please," Mrs. Timmons said. "I'm elderly, I do not have dementia. If you're bound and determined to follow me everywhere and keep a watch on my house, you may as well just stop sneaking around and come on in." They went to the porch, where Penny was waiting.

"This is—what did you say your name was?" Mrs. Timmons said.

"Sgt. Doreen Williams. I'm a member of Lt. Davis' surveillance squad assigned to protect you, Mrs. Timmons."

"Um hum," Mrs. Timmons said. "Lt. Davis, you and I are going to have to have a word of prayer when we get a moment. I'm sorry, lamb," she said to Penny, "You were saying you had something you wanted to show me?"

Penny took her by the hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Surprise!" Penny said as Mrs. Timmons saw the stove with the ribbon on it.

"What in the world!" Mrs. Timmons said.

"Mamma," James, Jr. said. "Leonard and Penny wanted to do something nice for you."

"Mrs. Timmons," Penny said, "You saved my life. If it weren't for you, those two women would have probably killed me. It's the least I could do. Here. Let me show you."

Penny demonstrated some of the bells and whistles on the new stove. They put in the DVD and watched the first couple of chapters.

"I don't know what to say," Mrs. Timmons said. She hugged Penny and cried.

"Mamma," James, Jr. said, "I looked up this stove. It's the top of the line for home use. Look in the refrigerator where you keep donated food."

Mrs. Timmons looked in the refrigerator, turned, hugged Leonard and then Penny, and cried.

"Mrs. Timmons, our friends, your daughter-in-law, and your grandsons are waiting for us at the Cheesecake Factory," Penny said. "Your son Matthew is going to try to join us, but he's not sure if he's going to be able to do that. We wanted to have a celebration to thank you for saving my life." Turning toward JaQuan, she said, "I even invited Clarice. My Daddy went to get her."

JaQuan gave Leonard a helpless look.

"Dude," Leonard said, "You're toast."

"I don't see you complaining," Penny said.

"And you never will," Leonard said, kissing her on the lips.

"Sgt. Williams, of course you'll come too," Patti said.

"Mrs. Timmons," Sgt. Williams said, "Now that my cover's blown, you and I need to have a chat about your safety."

. . .

_Author's note: I realize that this chapter is coming very quickly after the previous chapter. I'm supposed to be on vacation this week, but this is my third day in bed with a nasty, flu-like cold. I had plans, but I've had to cancel them to be able to sit and nurse myself. I was supposed to go on a major hike yesterday, and my Penny wanted to go across the state line to shop for shoes today, something every straight male relishes. But I enjoy going to the place she wanted to go, walking around the town communing with the hippies and street musicians, visiting the lesbian bookstore, and walking to some of the parts of town where Sir Anthony Hopkins, Gary Oldman, and Julianne Moore filmed part of the movie __Hannibal__. I've spent the past three days on the sofa, drinking spiced chai and Grandma's Cold Cure tea and watching the last season's __Big Bang Theory__ DVDs, especially the ones starting with the 100th episode, in which Leonard and Penny got back together. I've also watched __The Fifth Element__ twice today, since that plays a part in an upcoming chapter._

_Actually, I realized that this chapter was twice as long as the usual chapter, so I split it into two. I have the other half ready to go, but I'll hold off a day or two so I don't flood you with too many chapters too quickly._

_I know that there is not as much action in this chapter as some others, but I thought that, given the pace of the past several chapters, I needed to give everyone (and myself!) a breather. I hope it was not too boring for you._

_It is noteworthy that, as with so many other characters, such as JaQuan and Patti, I never intended Mrs. Timmons to be more than a one-shot character. But, once I started actually writing her part from the outline, I fell for her, as I did the others._

_I based the story line of Castle's mother as a waitress at the Playboy Club and her time as a go-go dancer in another chapter from the experiences of my cousin, who was raised as my sister. She is six years older than I am. In her late teens, she left home and spent the next 10 years or so in New York City. She started out as a cage dancer at one of the go-go clubs there before landing a job as a waitress at one of the Playboy Clubs and then becoming a model for one of the famous modeling agencies. Most of what I know about false eyelashes and heavy liquid eyeliner comes from her.  
_

_Thank you for reading my story._


	25. Chapter 25, the Road Trip Initiation

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 25, the Road Trip Initiation

Penny stood at the entrance to the park waiting for traffic on the highway to pass. She consulted with the writer for a couple of minutes and then told the director she was ready.

"Science and Technology Week, Season 1, The Great Tunnel, Scene 1, Take 1," the assistant director said as he clapped the electronic board in front of the camera.

"Action," the director called.

"Located down this unassuming driveway just off Hwy 28 above Walhalla, South Carolina, is the Stumphouse Mountain Tunnel, a monument to one of the more fascinating unsuccessful endeavors in American History," Penny said. "The park contains the unfinished Great Tunnel, the Middle Tunnel, and the unfinished Saddle Tunnel, not to mention Isaqueena Falls. Today, we will tour the tunnels and talk about some of the engineering technology that was so advanced for the time. My husband Leonard and I will also explore some of the geographical features of the area and tell you about the park's link to the movie _the Last of the Mohicans_."

"Cut!"

The next scene began with Leonard and Penny standing in front of the tunnel entrance wearing raincoats and Leonard wearing his new hiking boots Penny had persuaded him to buy. Penny wore the hiking boots she had bought the last time she had taken Leonard on a hike, in which he had insisted on wearing his Nikes. They chatted on camera about the history of the tunnel, how a Southern railroad company began the project in 1851 when they attempted to construct their own railroad line from Charleston to Cincinnati, so that the South would no longer have to depend on Northern-owned railroads—and pay their exorbitant fees—to ship their goods to the West. They discussed how the workers began at both ends of Stumphouse Mountain and blasted the tunnel through solid granite, working toward the middle, finishing most of the tunnel before funding ran out in 1859. Workers, Leonard said, referring to a diagram on a large board, also drilled two shafts from the top of Stumphouse Mountain down into the level of the tunnel floor and worked outward in both directions, meaning that workers were excavating six sections of the tunnel at the same time. Penny looked at the camera and said that the failure to complete the tunnel system caused the railroad company to go bankrupt. Some Civil War historians, she said, argue that, if the workers had completed the tunnel, the Civil War may have not occurred, or, at least, it would have probably significantly delayed the war. Others, though, she said, argue that the Civil War was inevitable after the election of President Lincoln, given his opposition to the institution of slavery. The one idea about which historians agree, Penny said, is that, had the endeavor succeeded, the sleepy town of Walhalla, South Carolina would today be bigger than Atlanta.

The camera followed Leonard and Penny as they walked a few yards to a narrow-gauge railroad flatbed car from that era that is on display in the park. Leonard explained that, shortly after the Civil War, railroads changed over to the wide-gauge train tracks that we still use today, which would have made the narrow-gauge tracks on which engineers based the railway system that was to go through the tunnels obsolete.

Leonard and Penny started into the tunnel with their flashlights, absentmindedly holding hands. Leonard explained that, because of the temperature and humidity in the tunnel, which remains 50 degrees and 85 percent, respectively, all year, and the ground water above the tunnel opening, it rains 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for the first couple of hundred feet. About 200 feet into the tunnel, as they passed the point at which it was no longer raining, Leonard pointed out the Carolina Brown Bats that clung to the tunnel wall. He explained how the bats consume so many detrimental insects that, if they became extinct, it would be nearly impossible to grow crops in the area.

Leonard and Penny made their way into the tunnel to a brick wall with a doorway in which there was no longer a door. As they crossed through the door, Penny said that they were standing in the Cheese Room. She explained that, in the 1950s and 1960s, nearby Clemson University, which still owns the tunnels, built the walls and aged their famous bleu cheese in that section of the tunnel before building their own environmentally-controlled chambers at the university. There were skeletons of lights, but Leonard explained that vandals broke out the lights whenever park officials replaced them, so they stopped replacing them. Penny explained that the lights in the tunnel they were using were temporary lights installed by the production company for the episode. Visitors to the tunnel, she said, had to furnish their own lights.

Leonard suddenly realized that he and Penny had been holding hands the entire time they had been in the tunnel. He asked the director if they needed to return to the tunnel opening and re-shoot, but the director said that was wonderful, that their writers had thought that his and Penny's relationship, which had been all over the national news, would endear them to viewers. He told them to hold hands or not hold hands, whatever seemed right at the time. Since Leonard and Penny were executive producers for the show, he said, they were part of the production team and , if they felt like holding hands, to go for it.

Eventually, Leonard and Penny made their way to the end of the tunnel. They had long passed the point at which there were no more lights other than their and the crew's flashlights. The camera turned back toward the entrance, which was no longer visible from the back of the tunnel due to the Cheese Room walls. Leonard explained that they had walked 1600 feet into the bowels of the mountain. Penny, wearing night vision goggles, turned toward the camera, which was now in night mode, and said that the workers were only 42 feet from meeting the next section of the tunnel when the funds ran out and the work stopped. She pointed to the holes workers drilled for the next day's dynamiting on the last day of work. Leonard explained how the other end of the tunnel is now submerged under Crystal Lake, which is on private property.

After the cameras stopped rolling, the local guide explained that some of the graffiti on the back wall referred to people who had joined the Tunnel Club, people who had sex there at the tunnel end.

"Ew," Penny said, slowly backing down the ledge.

Leonard gave her a long look.

"Don't even think about it," she said.

Zach, the cameraman, said he smelled "weed" and shined his flashlight on the floor at the back of the tunnel and saw residue of marijuana blunts along with a broken bong and some discarded lighters.

Next, Leonard and Penny were standing in front of an opening in the side of a hill barely large enough for an adult to crawl through to the remains of the tunnel below. Penny explained that the Middle Tunnel was the shortest of the three tunnels, the only one of the three tunnels in the system that workers completed. However, in the 1930s, the property owner dynamited both ends of the tunnel to prevent local teenagers from courting there, closing off both ends of the tunnel. Eventually, erosion exposed the small opening that allowed them to scramble down into what remained of the tunnel. The tunnel was mostly filled with water, but they were able to walk about 100 feet over debris from the former tunnel opening leftover from the dynamiting before they could not walk any farther. They shined floodlights into the water, revealing rusted-out machinery left over from the 1850s. The local guide told them off camera that he always worried that he was going to scramble down into the tunnel and encounter a bear.

Next, Leonard and Penny were walking down the old railroad bed toward the third tunnel, the Saddle Tunnel. Trees had grown up in some sections, but mostly, the bed was clear. Their guide explained that local hunters use the old railroad bed to drive their 4-wheel-drive vehicles there during hunting season. The camera turned toward an eastern diamondback rattlesnake lying still under a small outcropping of rock. Leonard explained that the locals refer to the snakes as "Nikkies" and that they infest the area.

The local guide, Mr. White, had gone before Leonard, Penny, and the camera crew and had made sure there were no snakes in their path. Penny had begged him not to kill any of the snakes. He had promised to hook any snakes in their path with a snake hook and toss them into the bushes.

"You're going to have more danger from the wild pigs and bears than from snakes," he told them.

"Wild pigs?" Leonard asked.

"Yeah," he said. "These guys from the local hunt club brought in several hundred Prussian bores and released them up here a few years ago. It has been a disaster. The boars are too smart for the hunters, so they have flourished with no natural enemies. If you ever encounter one, just get to safety. The bears are cowards—they'll run if they hear you coming. What you don't want to do is walk up on one and surprise it, especially if it's a mamma bear with a cub. I grew up here, so I carry an old tin cup and bang on it with a spoon if I'm alone and am going somewhere I could run up on a bear and surprise them. You can buy bear bells, which I'm told do the same thing, and put them on your shoes, but I've never had one."

The camera showed the remains of the railroad bed as Leonard and Penny referred to a diagram that the script called for to be superimposed on the screen.

As soon as the director yelled "Cut," Leonard sat on the bumper of the 4-wheeled drive vehicle and put his head between his knees.

"How are you doing, sweetie?" Penny asked, putting her arm around Leonard.

"I'll be all right," Leonard said. "My endurance is really pathetic. How long is it going to take me to come back?"

"Don't push yourself," Penny said. "You nearly died. Please take it easy. I was edgy about our coming until you were stronger."

The paramedic traveling with the group performed a quick examination of Leonard and said that, as soon as Leonard was ready, he could continue after he sat and drank some water.

Eventually, they arrived at the Saddle Tunnel in the four-wheel-drive vehicles. The camera showed the remains of a trestle foundation made from football-size rocks left over from blasting the tunnels. Penny explained to Leonard with the cameras running that, shortly after the workers began to blast the Saddle Tunnel, it began to fill with water. They planned to eventually bring in pumps to clear away the water, but, before doing that, they diverted their energies to the other two tunnels and then ran out of money. Today, Leonard said, only about 18 inches of the tunnel is visible above the water. The camera zoomed in to the tunnel mouth revealing a water snake swimming from one side to the other with a small frog in its mouth.

Finally, the camera showed Leonard and Penny standing at the head of Isaqueena Falls, which is a couple of hundred yards below the Stumphouse Mountain Tunnel. Leonard explained that he is part Cherokee, and the Cherokee legend has it that Isaqueena, a Choctaw maiden a Cherokee raiding party had abducted and had brought to the area, threw herself over the falls when the Cherokee pursued her to that place after they learned that she had warned her white lover that they had planned to attack his settlement. According to the legend, she landed on the ledge below the head of the falls and crawled back behind the falling water. The Cherokee searched for her, but, when they did not find her, they assumed she had fallen to her death on the rocks below and abandoned their search. Her lover met her, and the two escaped to present-day Alabama.

They walked behind the falls to the large chamber there behind the falling water. Penny pointed out that a scene from the movie _The Last of the Mohicans_ took place at that spot. The script called for the insertion of the scene from the movie shot at the site. Penny left Leonard behind the falls and walked on to the other side and looked back to show that it was not evident until someone was actually behind the falling water that there was a large chamber there where people could stand. Leonard was waving to the camera, but they were unable to see him.

. . .

Leonard and Penny drove down Highway 28 with JaQuan and Patti and their team to the high school football practice field, where the waiting helicopter took them to the Anderson County airport.

"So, JaQuan," Penny said as they made their way down the winding Highway 28, "How are things going between you and Clarice?"

"That's a no-go, I'm afraid," JaQuan said. "She's actually seeing the young minister at Bethel Methodist Church. He's a widower."

From the small airport, a commuter airplane flew the team to Chattanooga, Tennessee. In Chattanooga, they ate an early supper at Sluggo's Vegan Restaurant. A beautiful African-American girl, who looked to be about one year old, waved at Penny, who waved back. The girl clapped her hands and giggled.

From there, the team drove up to Lookout Mountain, where they filmed footage of Leonard and Penny taking the weekly night walk locals take by lantern light from a gate in the side of the mountain to Ruby Falls, an underground waterfall. At various points along the way, they stopped to show the different formations, such as the Fish Market, while one of them would explain the science behind how the seepage of water had formed the structures. Finally, they reached the falls.

Leonard, Penny, Patti, and JaQuan made it back to the airport with their team in time to take the commuter plane to Asheville, North Carolina, where they spent the night. Leonard had picked up a replica of the Chattanooga Choo Choo for Sheldon while they were in Chattanooga.

Patti told them she had made arrangements for the team to have a private dining room at the Tupelo Honey Café the next morning for breakfast.

. . .

Sgt. Williams was asleep in Mrs. Timmons' guest room, with her service revolver on the night stand next to the bed, when an alarm began to sound. Clarence came over the walkie talkie. "There's a bogie at 10:00 between the houses," he said. "I'm on it if you will reconnoiter."

"Roger, taking action now," Sgt. Williams said. She looked at her watch, which said that it was 1:27 a.m.

Sgt. Williams woke Mrs. Timmons and had her go into the pantry. There was no lock on the pantry door, so she had Mrs. Timmons block the door handle with a chair she propped against the door. She turned off all the lights in the house, put on her night vision goggles, and quietly sneaked out the back door, locking the house behind her. She circled around the opposite direction from the one where Clarence had identified the intruder. With her night vision goggles, she saw an individual crouching behind a car in the driveway of the home behind Mrs. Timmons' house.

"Police!" she said, drawing her service revolver. She handcuffed the individual, read him his rights, and took him to Clarence' van. By now, Clarence had another young man handcuffed. They sat the two young men together in the floor of the van.

"That's Julio Reyes, aka El Jefe," she said, shining her light at the young man she had detained. She shined the light at the other young man. "Look up at me," she said. "Theodore Wilson, aka Little Man. What are you guys doing here?"

Neither young man said anything.

Sgt. Williams took pictures of the two young men with her phone. While Clarence drove the van with the two young men in the back to Mrs. Timmons' driveway, she made a circle around the area again and determined that no one else was hiding there.

Sgt. Williams unlocked Mrs. Timmons' backdoor and went into the house, turning on the lights in the middle part of the house. She knocked on the pantry door and said, "You can come out now, Mrs. Timmons."

Mrs. Timmons, who was trembling, walked into the kitchen. "What was wrong?" she asked.

"We caught two guys lurking around your property. One is one of the higher-ups of the local Latin Deuces gang, and the other is one of the lieutenants in the Pasadena Kings. Have you ever seen either of these two young men?" Sgt. Williams asked, showing Mrs. Timmons the pictures of the two young men on her phone.

"That's Julio Reyes and Theodore Wilson," Mrs. Timmons said. "I taught those two boys. Both of them were so smart. It broke my heart when both of them dropped out of school. I'm going to talk with them." She opened the front door and went to the van in her driveway with Sgt. Williams following along protesting all the way. She went to the van and began pounding on it. "Let me in," she said.

Clarence slid open the van door.

"Step aside," Mrs. Timmons said. "I'm going to talk with Julio and Theodore."

Clarence slid shut the van door behind Mrs. Timmons with Sgt. Williams standing guard outside.

"Now," Mrs. Timmons said, "Theodore, Julio, what are you two boys up to?"

At first neither young man said anything. Clarence said, "They were carrying these pistols," showing her the Glock 9mm pistols in plastic evidence bags both young men had stuck in their belts when they had apprehended them.

"Mr. Stevens," Mrs. Timmons said, "Do you see those orange rings on the tip of the pistol barrels? That means these are replicas, not working pistols. These boys sawed off the orange tips that mark these as replicas, but they left a little."

Clarence shined the light onto the tips of both barrels. "Well, I'll be," he said.

"I asked you a question," Mrs. Timmons said, turning back to both young men with her arms folded. "Well?"

"We weren't up to anything," Julio said.

"Your picture and your name were on the news," Theodore said. "They said that members of the family of the two women you helped the police arrest have made threats against you."

"My face and names were on the news?" Mrs. Timmons asked, looking at Clarence.

"Ma'am, Clarence said, "We thought we had an agreement with the local media. We'll need to let Lt. Davis know. Mrs. Timmons, we're not going to have a choice but up your protection now."

"Um, hum," Mrs. Timmons said. She turned back to the two young men and said, "Well?"

Julio said, "The Pasadena Kings and the Latin Deuces have a truce so we can work together to protect you. We're not going to let anything happen to you, Miz Timmons. You were always Little Man's and my favorite teacher."

"Then why did you drop out of school?" Mrs. Timmons asked. "You broke my heart. Both of you could have gone to college and made something of yourselves."

"The other teachers weren't like you," Theodore said. "You cared about me. You showed me how I was smart enough to learn, but some of the other teachers didn't. Miz Timmons, I still read, because of you."

"Miz Timmons," Julio said, "Nothing's going to happen to you as long as the Latin Deuces have anything to say about it."

"Mr. Stevens, please remove these boys' handcuffs," Mrs. Timmons said.

"We'll have to check with Sgt. Williams," Clarence said.

Mrs. Timmons opened the van door and explained to Sgt. Williams what the two young men had told her, omitting that the media had shown her face and name, which Clarence added.

Sgt. Williams removed the handcuffs from the two young men. "I appreciate your wanting to protect Mrs. Timmons, but you are going to have to let the police and the security people handle things," she said.

"Well, the police ain't done a very good job, have they?" Theodore said.

"We do not use the word _ain't_," Mrs. Timmons corrected.

"Yes, ma'am, the police have not done a good job, have they?" Theodore corrected himself. "Those people ran over that man and nearly killed him, and they exploded a bomb in that pretty blond lady's car."

"I understand," Sgt. Williams said, "The people who knew about the threats against Mrs. Hofstadter did not share the information. Now we know, so we can protect them. Please do not get in our way. Let us handle it."

"Um, hum," Julio said.

"By the way," Sgt. Williams said, "Do you know that, if you had drawn these pistols on Mr. Stevens or me, since you've sawed off the orange tips and we would have thought you were pointing real pistols at us, we would have shot you dead? Did you think about that?"

"We just carry them to scare people," Theodore said. "I ain't, I mean, I haven't ever had a real pistol."

"Well, you're going to scare other people into making you dead. Don't let me catch you carrying these or any real firearms."

"Sgt. Williams," Mrs. Timmons said. "If you will release these two young men to my custody, I will take care of this." She looked at the two young men and said, "I want both of you to go home and get some sleep and be back at my house at 8:00 a.m. Can you do that?"

"Yes, ma'am," Theodore said.

"Why?" Julio asked.

"First of all, because I said so," Mrs. Timmons said. "Sgt. Williams is releasing you to my custody. I could just as easily let her take both of you to jail."

"For what charge?" Julio said.

"I'm sure she could come up with something. We're going to talk about getting both of you young men in adult education to get your diplomas," Mrs. Timmons said.

The two young men looked at each other.

"That is not a request," Mrs. Timmons said, with her arms folded.

. . .

After a breakfast of scrambled eggs and sweet potato pancakes at the Tupelo Honey Cafe, Leonard and Penny and their group walked down the street to Mast General Store, where Penny talked Leonard into trying on a Tilley hat. "You look so Indiana Jones," she said.

Leonard said, looking in the mirror wearing the hat, "What is the phrase JaQuan uses—are you sure I don't look like someone whose mother butters his toast for him?"

"No, it's totally cool, outdoorsy," Penny said.

Leonard looked over at JaQuan, who said, "Cool."

Leonard bought the hat. On the way to the cash register, he saw bear bells and bought one for him and one for Penny.

Next, the group went to the nearby Biltmore Estate, the country's largest private residence. As the cameras rolled, Penny explained how movie companies shot the movie _Richie Rich_ and part of the movie _Hannibal_ at the estate. They showed the various architectural wonders of the home, including the indoor bowling alley and the indoor swimming pool. They also toured some of the home's holdings, including some of the artifacts the original owner had brought from Egypt and Native American artifacts.

The group ate lunch at Eddie Spaghetti, where Leonard and Penny shared an eggplant Parmesan sub. Leonard wore his Tilley hat and sunglasses. Penny wore a black wig, thick glasses with large, black rims, and bright red lipstick to try to prevent people from recognizing her. She turned the heads of several young men from the University of North Carolina Asheville baseball team as they celebrated a victory. JaQuan gave the young men dark looks and growled, and they left Penny alone. A little boy, who looked about three, waved at Penny as his mother led him out of the restaurant by the hand.

Patti escorted Penny to the restroom. The waitress came over and whispered to Leonard, "Dr. Hofstadter, everyone here knows who you are, they're just too polite to bother you."

"How did you know?" Leonard asked.

"Please," the waitress said. "You guys have been all over the national news. If your wife is more comfortable in disguise, let her keep it up."

"This, I do not like," JaQuan said. "Too bad the Western North Carolina League of Women Voters is using the meeting room and we had to eat out here exposed in front of God and everybody."

"Penny is fine," the waitress said. "When Anthony Hopkins, that actor out of Harry Potter, and Julianne Moore were filming _Hannibal_ here, they ate here all the time. No one bothered them. In fact, they had a flat tire on their rental car one time, and the guys here changed it for them. No one's going to bother you."

The camera crew drove up the Blue Ridge Parkway in two vans followed by JaQuan, who drove the rented SUV with Leonard, Penny, and Patti. The crew had to use two small vans rather than the one large van they had rented in Walhalla because they were going to have to go through tunnels, and their original van would not make it through the tunnel openings. They stopped at various points along the Parkway and showed the mountains and valleys on camera. Penny explained to the camera that the Appalachians are actually older than the Himalayas and had been taller, but earthquakes and millions of years of erosion had resulted in the mountains we see today. They stopped at Mt. Mitchell, the highest point east of the Mississippi. Even though it had been 72 degrees in Asheville, it was 42 degrees at the observation platform at the top of Mt. Mitchell and was lightly snowing. Leonard pointed out the various features of the area.

Penny told Leonard off-camera that the Blue Ridge Parkway area was where she had intended them to spend their honeymoon before they had to postpone that when he was nearly killed and he spent his Spring Break from the university in the hospital. She had wanted them to hike some of the famous hikes in the area and see some of the sites. They decided to come back and take the grand tour.

The caravan next made their way to Grandfather Mountain, where Leonard and Penny walked across the Mile High Swinging Bridge. JaQuan and Patti were a bit uneasy about Penny and Leonard crossing the bridge, given the high winds, but both made it across all right. However, just as JaQuan stepped off the bridge on the other side, the ranger raised the red flag and said over the bull horn that they had to suspend trips across the bridge, except for people to get back to the parking lot side, because of the high winds. Patti went across the bridge first and waited for Leonard and Penny. Penny struggled across the bridge holding onto the cable with Leonard right behind her. The bridge sagged as JaQuan made his way across, bringing up the rear. The group had a snack at the Grandfather Mountain Cafeteria, visited the butterfly garden and the gift shop, and saw the menagerie, where wildlife experts were rehabilitating eagles, deer, cougars, and bears.

The group drove into Boone, North Carolina, where they spent the night at a hotel near Appalachian State University after eating supper at one of the local family-owned restaurants, where the owners put them in a private meeting room. Before everyone retired to their rooms, they met in Leonard and Penny's room to discuss the final day of shooting for this trip the next day. The producers showed the group pictures of Blowing Rock and described the Cherokee legend that made the site a holy place to them. They had a video of the area from the North Carolina Tourism Bureau.

The next morning, the group went into the nearby town of Blowing Rock for breakfast. Leonard wore his Tilley hat and sunglasses. Penny had again attempted to disguise herself with the black wig, bright red lipstick, and thick glasses with large, black rims. This time, she wore a maternity sundress and put an artificial baby bump under the dress. She waddled as she walked and complained that she couldn't wait until the baby came because it was sitting on top of her bladder. Most people left them alone, although a number of men stared at her. While they were in one of the souvenir shops, a little girl who looked about four explained to Penny that she and her family were there with her grandparents. Penny told the girl's mother how precious she was and gave the girl a hug. They bought Blowing Rock T-shirts for their friends and coonskin caps for Molly, Linda, Mitchell, and Sheldon.

"Penny," a young woman with her own baby bump said at the café where the group was eating breakfast, "I didn't know you and Dr. Hofstadter were expecting. Congratulations. I wouldn't bother you except that I'm expecting my first baby too, so you and I are in a very special sisterhood."

Leonard looked at JaQuan and Patti and said, "Oh, well. So much for going incognito."

Penny invited the young woman to sit with them. She explained that she really was not pregnant, but she had attempted to disguise herself. The young woman's husband came through the door and joined them. "I guess I may as well lose the disguise," Penny told Patti.

Penny stepped out of the van after hair and makeup at the Blowing Rock Park. She and Leonard chatted on camera about the Cherokee legend that claimed a Cherokee warrior, anguished because a Cherokee maiden would not return his love, jumped off the rock. However, the Great Spirit lifted him back up into the air and set him back down on the rock.

Leonard demonstrated the peculiar air flow patterns around the rock due to the structure of the mountain ridge by throwing off small parachutes and showing how the wind currents blew them back up to him on the top of the rock as soon as they unfurled. He also threw some biodegradable smoke bombs off the rock, and the cameras were able to track the air flow from them. Penny showed a chart with a diagram of the wind patterns.

. . .

Leonard, Penny, Patti, and JaQuan arrived back in Los Angeles slightly after 9:00 p.m. Clarence was waiting for them with a black SUV, and JaQuan led the group to the car. They had eaten in Asheville at Chai Pani, which serves Indian street food, while waiting for time to leave for their flight, but Penny pointed out that was six hours ago, and she needed something else. The airline meal had been dismal. They had learned from experience to always request the vegetarian meal when flying that particular airline so there would not be any surprises, but she and Leonard decided the meal must be what evil tastes like. JaQuan and Clarence dropped Leonard, Penny, and Patti off at the apartment and went to the Italian Garden, which was about to close, and brought them pizza.

An hour later, Leonard was sitting up in bed reading a journal article when Penny came out of the shower. She sat on the side of the bed and toweled her hair. She dropped the towels on the back of a folding chair and slid between the sheets, snuggling with Leonard.

"Sheldon's sitting at his computer wearing his Ruby Falls T-shirt and coonskin cap and playing with his new train," Penny said.

"That's our boy," Leonard said.

"Are you going to sit there reading that all night?" Penny asked. "I was hoping we could fool around."

"You wouldn't still have the black wig, the glasses, and the red lipstick, would you?" Leonard asked, grinning. "The baby bump wouldn't hurt either. I'll wear my Tilley hat."

Penny narrowed her gaze at Leonard. "Why?" she asked.

Leonard laughed, hugged her, and told her he was kidding. "I thought that might get a rise out of you," he said. "You know, though, I almost felt as if I was cheating on you walking around with you looking so different. Sela and I were talking, and she said we'll probably get to the place fairly soon that we won't be able to go anywhere or do anything without having people bother us. I have a sneaking suspicion that, if we were in other parts of the country this weekend, people would have hounded us. You know, everyone we met there was so nice."

"I thought it was so funny when you got this blank look when the waitress kept asking you if you wanted some more _swite tie_. It took a couple of minutes before you realized she was saying _sweet tea_," Penny said.

Leonard said, "When you told her I'm from New Jersey, she told me, 'Bless your heart.' According to Sela, that's what polite Southerners say instead of 'go to Hell.'"

"You were so funny—the look on your face," Penny said.

Leonard stuck a notecard in the journal where he left off and put the publication on top of the headboard. This time, it was he who said, "Come over here. I'm going to do stuff to you."

He and Penny lay there the rest of the night holding each other.

. . .

_Author's note: I know, I know, this chapter, which is actually the second half of the previous chapter before I cut it in half, was not terribly exciting. I'm laying the groundwork for some things that I would like to expand on later. It's funny that a story I only intended to have about five chapters has drawn me in to the point that I can't let go of it. I have been neglecting Leonard and Penny's National Geographic Channel TV series, so I thought I would set the stage for that a bit here. I wanted to get them away from the Pasadena area for a few days, but I thought it was too soon to re-visit Leonard's brother, sister, and his sister's family in Boston, and I didn't think Leonard was quite up to the trip to Cern yet, so going on the road for the NGC seemed the way to go. I have a plan, maybe way down the road, that will build on this chapter later._

_Right now, I have about the next six or seven chapters outlined in my head. The part of this chapter with Mrs. Timmons and the gang leaders, as well as part of the next chapter, came to me in dreams, and some themes that I will deal with in upcoming chapters came to me while I was re-watching the Season One and Season Five TBBT DVDs while I was in bed ill this week. I have places I want to go with the story, but I have to lay some groundwork first. I'm getting impatient to get where I want to go, but it would be unkind to drop some things out of thin air on people reading this story._

_By the way: There's a reason I included the sites Leonard and Penny visited for their National Geographic Channel show in this chapter. I hope that part of the chapter was not too boring._

_Thank you again for reading my stories. I was thinking about stopping posting for a while, but I have a small group of readers who are being so kind, supportive, and encouraging that I've decided to continue posting. I've said before that I'm having a ball. It's hard watching the TV series now because of the way the writers have decided to depict Leonard as the lovesick Lothario buffoon and Penny as the petulant, immature bitch. I love these characters and want to see them happy. I know the writers have to be careful not to jump the shark, but, please, people, enough with the Ross and Rachel angst. There should be plenty of material to keep the series fresh and alive even if you allow Leonard and Penny some happiness._

_By the way, the Tilley hat is a private joke between someone and me._

_I am going to try to add some pictures for this chapter. I'm not sure how that works, since I've never done that before. So far, I have been unsuccessful. If anyone has succeeded in doing that, please share what you did._


	26. Chapter 26: Chez Hofstadter Initiation

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 26, the Chez Hofstadter Revelation

Leonard made one final walk-through in the apartment as Sheldon, wearing his coonskin cap and his Chattanooga Choo Choo T-shirt, checked behind him. "You keep the King of Thrones sword," he told Sheldon. "Raj will be moving in tomorrow, and you and he can keep it here."

"You went in 50/50 with me on that," Sheldon said. "We could have it at your house and this apartment on alternate weeks."

"Let's just keep it here for now," Leonard said. "I think that's it. If you run across anything else, I left a couple of boxes here where you can put anything you find, and, of course, I'll be coming back regularly. Just hang onto anything, and I'll take care of it." He dialed Penny on the phone. "Hi, sweetheart," he said. "The movers are on the way. I'll bring Sheldon and JaQuan, and we'll be there in 20 to 30 minutes. [Pause] OK, I'm intrigued. A surprise? bye." He turned to Sheldon and said, "Penny wants us to stop off and pick up a couple of things at the grocery store."

"I like your new car," Sheldon said as he, JaQuan, and Leonard drove away. "It has all these features like voice recognition, Bluetooth, internet, and a built-in GPS. I like the backup camera that warns you if you're about to hit something." He punched the icon on the screen for the weather, which reported that it was sunny with a high in the upper 70s. "You can interact with the car and not have to interact with people."

"Route to home," Leonard said, pressing the voice recognition button on the steering wheel. "Stop off at a grocery store."

"Routing you down Colorado Boulevard," the GPS said over the speakers. "There is a delay on Houston due to a motor vehicle accident."

An hour later, Leonard and Sheldon arrived at Leonard and Penny's new ranch with JaQuan in the backseat. Leonard waved his billfold, which held the card with the RFID chip, at the sensor and punched in his code.

"Welcome, Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Cooper, Mr. Stevens," the voice on the other end said. "Dr. Cooper, I like the coonskin cap." The gate opened, and Leonard drove up the driveway to the house.

Leonard and Sheldon found Penny in the dining room with Bernadette, Amy, Patti, Mrs. Timmons, Sela, and Sgt. Williams. They were sitting at the large table sharing a coffee cake Mrs. Timmons had made.

"Leonard," Penny said, "We're taking a break. Please, you, JaQuan, and Sheldon have a seat and have some of this marvelous cake."

"Wow!" Leonard said, kissing Penny on the lips. "I was worried when you told me they were going to dye your hair for _the Sixth Element_, but it looks great. Sexy. Strawberry blonde."

Leonard sat, but Sheldon said, "You're sitting in my spot."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "You don't have a spot. The store just delivered the table today. Just sit." She glared at him, grabbing her throat and making gurgling noises, until he sat.

"What is that boy's problem?" Mrs. Timmons asked.

"Wackadoodle," Penny said.

JaQuan said he was going to go check on the security setup.

Leonard couldn't take his eyes off Penny.

"So, Penny, when do you start shooting _the Sixth Element_?" Bernadette asked.

"We have been in table reads all week. We start blocking on Monday. We'll probably shoot a bit then, but the heavy-duty shooting will probably begin on Tuesday. Leonard and I have been watching _the Fifth Element _on Blu-Ray, and the director gave me a couple of DVDs with deleted scenes and some of the production shots so I know how some of the scenery will look after they add the CG. I'm going to play Meela, Korben Dallas' and Leeloo's daughter. I'm going to save the world."

"Who from the original movie is going to be in this one?" Patti asked.

Penny said, "Bruce Willis is going to make a cameo, and Chris Tucker, who played Ruby Rhod in the original, will be my sidekick, as he was Bruce's in the original. I've already spent a lot of time with him on the table reads. The man is a hoot, and one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. I'm going to be working with him again next year when we film _Rush Hour 4_. Ian Holm—Bilbo Baggins himself—will reprise his role as Father Vito Cornelius. I haven't met him yet, since he's still in New Zealand finishing up _the Hobbit_. He's flying in tonight. Otherwise, everyone is new."

"Anyone we know?" Bernadette asked.

Penny said, "Robert Carlyle, who plays Rumpelstiltskin in _Once Upon a Time,_ is going to be my mentor, Professor Macbeth. He is also absolutely nice. He had to go back to Canada, where they shoot _Once Upon a Time_, for a couple of days, but, when he comes back late tonight, he'll have his wife with him, who, I'm told, is one of the sweetest people ever. I think they're going to become part of our group. They don't know anyone in LA. I wish we could have Gary Oldman reprise his role from the original, especially since I'm such a big Harry Potter fan, but, of course, his character died in the original. They tried to get him to play another role, maybe a clone of his previous character, but he was committed to another movie shooting in Scotland."

"Who will be your love interest?" Bernadette asked.

"I won't have one in this one. I'm only supposed to be 15, but, because I have Leeloo's genes, I look as if I'm in my 20s. Our species mature quickly and then look as if we're young for many years: They tell me we're practically immortal. The big scene I'm going to have with Bruce is arguing with him that I'm old enough to use a makeup box."

"A makeup box?" Mrs. Timmons asked.

"This is a science fiction movie set 300 years in the future," Penny said. "In that time period, they have this box that you put up to your eyes—like a ViewMaster—and when you pull the lever, it flashes on eye makeup. Bruce is going to tell me I'm too young, but I'll sneak off and use one when he isn't looking."

"At least you'll be able to stay in the area while you're filming," Bernadette said.

"Yes, most of the movie will be shot in the studio in Hollywood, a lot of it in front of a green screen with the scenery added later," Penny said. "We plan to have all of the work with the actors wrapped up in time for me to begin shooting _Nerds_ in August. It goes a lot faster when you're in front of green screens and they add the scenery later. Adding the scenery and all the computer effects is what is going to take the most time."

"So which network picked up your TV series?" Sela asked.

"CBS. We're going to air the episodes starting in September. They're changing a couple of things from the pilot, and we're re-shooting it."

"What are they changing?" Patti asked.

"First, they're changing some of the cast. And, instead of being computer nerds," Penny said, "the guys are going to be scientists. They have contracted with Leonard to be the technical adviser, so one of the guys—the one who falls in love with me at first sight—will be an experimental physicist, his roommate will be a really Aspergery theoretical physicist, and their friends will be an astrophysicist and an aerospace engineer. They will all work at a government think tank."

"How about your character?" Bernadette asked.

"She will be an aspiring model who is struggling to get by with various part-time jobs," Penny said. "They're going to refer to me as the 'beautiful next-door neighbor' in the ads. What a hoot, right?"

"Hoot?" Sela asked. "Have you never looked at yourself in the mirror?"

"Look who's talking," Penny said.

"Do you think people will watch the show?" Amy asked.

"I hope so," Penny said. "When they showed the pilot to test audiences, I tested well. They said I was adorable. Can you imagine that? They said the premise was a little shaky, and they didn't like some of the original cast."

"When does your National Geographic Channel show start airing?" Patti asked.

"They're going to have a special introducing the series in September, one week after Nerds premieres, hoping to parlay my role on Nerds into some publicity for the show. After that, the show will be on every week," Penny said.

"What night?" Bernadette asked.

"We're not sure yet," Penny said. "That's still a bit up in the air, depending on what nights the networks put on different shows. I'm contractually obligated by the _Nerds_ show not to compete with it, so we're going to have to figure out what night it's going to air. We know they're going to introduce new shows on a regular night during prime time and then re-air them on either Saturday or Sunday."

"When are you guys going back to Cern?" Bernadette asked.

"We're taking a break in shooting the movie in July, and our team is going back there for two weeks then," Penny said. "They put several shows in the can when we were there last month, but there is so much research going on at the facility that we could probably shoot the entire series there. The director said the shows we have in the can so far are tremendous. He's going to send us some DVDs. We'll have to all get together and watch them."

"How many do you already have in the can?" Sela asked.

"They shoot for 24 episodes in a season," Penny said. "They have already completed 16 shows, and they still have a lot of footage they haven't put into a show yet. We'll keep shooting, and, if we get ahead for next season, that's fine. You never know that will be going on later. The good thing about that show is that Leonard does so many neat things that they can follow him around in his job and put a lot of footage in the can."

"I'm going with them when they go back to Cern," Sheldon said.

"You're on the team now?" Bernadette asked.

"Yes, they couldn't function without me," Sheldon said.

"He wouldn't stop whining at us about it, so Leonard persuaded the National Geographic Channel to hire him—on a probationary basis—as a technical adviser," Penny said. "Sheldon, you're not on the super collider team, you're a technical adviser for that one segment of the series. If you screw up or you tick off the wrong people, you'll be on the first plane back home."

"Where are your dad, Howard, and Raj?" Leonard asked.

"Howard is with Daddy over at his house talking with the guys wiring the houses and the offices for cable and internet," Penny said. "They decided to set up a separate network at Daddy's house so we can separate the two accounts for tax purposes. They aren't going to need a server with the capacity ours will have, but Howard is still making sure everything is as it should be. They should have both networks up and running by tomorrow afternoon. Ooh! Patti, show Leonard your hand."

Patti showed Leonard the engagement ring.

"How wonderful!" Leonard said, getting up and hugging Patti. "Best wishes. Do I call you Mom now?"

"If you do, I'll shoot you," Patti said.

"Have you and Wyatt set a date?" Leonard asked.

"We don't have an exact date yet, but we don't want things to drag on too long," Patti said. "We doubt our engagement will be as short as yours and Penny's. Wyatt and I are starting to look around for where to hold the wedding. We don't want a huge wedding, just family and friends, of course all of you. I've asked Penny to be my Maid of Honor, and she has accepted. Wyatt has already talked with Penny's brother and sister, and they are planning to come. Jason is planning to drive Penny's sister and her children in Wyatt's car here from Nebraska, so he can leave it here. My family are all here, what's left of them, so they won't have far to travel. I'm sorry, Leonard: I didn't mean to upstage your and Penny's three-month anniversary celebration tonight."

"Oh, Patti, that's no problem," Penny said. "It's wonderful. It gives us even more to celebrate."

"Where are Raj and Lisa?" Leonard asked.

"Raj is in the game room," Penny said. "We asked him to come in here with us, but he just wanted to sit and stare out the window. Leonard, he's devastated. It was all Bernadette and Howard could do to get him to come here. They practically had to drag him into the shower and bathe him themselves. He was sitting in his apartment unshaven, unwashed, with all these takeout boxes and liquor bottles all over the place."

"Why is he upset?" Leonard asked.

Penny said, "Mom was with Patti and me when we ran into my old boyfriend Kurt—the one who took your and Sheldon's pants the day we met—and she went off with him. I told Raj when he first took up with Mom that she was like that, but I think he really fell for her."

"I'll go talk to him," Leonard said, taking a slice of the coffee cake. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but your mom and Kurt deserve each other. Does she know he was physically abusive and has periods of roid rage and that you have a restraining order against him?"

"She knows," Penny said. "She also knows that, because of the restraining order, she can't bring him around where I'm going to be, so I don't think there's a chance he and Raj will run into each other. It was only a chance encounter, so I didn't report it. He is already on probation because of how he treated one of his girlfriends after me, and, if he violates my order, he'll go to jail."

"Does Lisa know what the steroids do to sexual performance over time?" Bernadette asked.

"She knows," Penny said, "but, at least, for now, he should be good to go for the short term, which is all she's usually interested in having a relationship. She'll move on to another relationship before you know it."

An hour later, the takeout arrived from the Italian Garden as Leonard was chatting with the team that was finalizing the installation of their fiber optics cable for their network. Leonard found Penny and their guests up to their ears in packing boxes in one of the spare bedrooms.

The friends assembled in the large dining room and celebrated Leonard and Penny's three-month anniversary and Wyatt and Patti's engagement. They insisted that JaQuan join them.

"JaQuan," Penny had said, "You have the security set up, so you'll know the moment anything suspicious happens. If a squirrel changes his mind out there, you'll be the first to know about it. Come on in and share dinner with us. Here, you can sit next to Sgt. Williams."

JaQuan and Sgt. Williams talked shop for most of the evening. Penny winked at Mrs. Timmons, who nodded her head and grinned.

After supper, Penny took the women to the stables to visit Midnight. He stuck his head through the bars and nibbled at her hair as she fed him a carrot. "You're getting fat," she said as she rubbed the bridge of his nose. "We're going to have to start exercising you more often. If you would let someone other than me take you out, you could stay in better shape. Maybe we need to get Howard to design a horse treadmill." He snorted at her and nuzzled her. "Unfortunately, he won't allow anyone other than me to ride him. The woman who sold Daddy his ranch gave Midnight to me," she explained. "She was about to have him put down because no one could handle him. For some reason, he took to me. We're looking for a horse for Leonard. JaQuan isn't too happy about my riding by myself. He has been riding behind me in a 4-wheel-drive ATV, but he can't always keep up. He tried riding a motorcycle, but that spooks Midnight."

Leonard was showing the men the home gym he, Penny, Wyatt, and Patti were creating from one of their buildings close to the property line about halfway between the two houses where all of them could use it. The workers were about finished with the remodeling, including running conduit for the fiber optics cable that would hook up the treadmills and the stationary bicycles to the network. He took them to the storage building nearby, where two treadmills like the ones at the physical therapy center, that would adjust incline to keep the person's heart rate within the training range if the person exercising held onto the sensor bars, were sitting in their crates along with two stationary bicycles and several weight machines. "We're going to bring in some free weights as well," he said. "The PT hasn't shown me what he wants me to do with the weights yet, but, so far, we have everything he wrote down for us to order. Penny is going to be working with a trainer for her role in _the Sixth Element_, and she has already told her she will be having her do free weights and will be learning some martial arts. The studio has hired Master Kim Sang Hi to come here every morning at 6:30 a.m. Monday through Friday, and he and Penny will be training. Master Kim said I'm welcome to work out with them. I'm really thinking about it. We're hoping to move everything into the gym early next week."

"So did I understand that you and Leonard have already contracted out with one of the studios for them to shoot some outdoor scenes here at your ranch?" Bernadette asked Penny as the women walked back to the house.

"Yes, several studios, actually. They're going to shoot part of the next Firefly movie here," Penny said. "I'm going to play the new companion. Sheldon's out of his mind that I'm doing that, since that was his favorite TV show of all time, and I'll get to work with the remaining cast. That's going to be tough, since I'll be shooting that movie at the same time I'm shooting _Nerds_, and Nathan Fillion will be filming _Castle_, but, at least, a lot of it will be here at the ranch, and I won't be in that many scenes. We're going to be on a planet that is recreated as the old West. Most of the movie is going to be shot in the studio, but they'll do the outdoor scenes here. They're going to shoot parts of _Support Your Local Governor, _a sequel to _Support Your Local Sheriff,_ which takes place 40 years after the original, near the lake as well, but I won't be in that. They offered me a role as the youngest of Jason McCullough and Miss Prudence' eight daughters, but there's no way I can do it and everything else I've booked. James Garner's character, who is by now the territorial governor, is going to discover gold there. They have the town already set up on one of the studio lots in Hollywood, but they needed somewhere near a lake to do some location work, and we gave them a better price than the original place they were going to shoot. Daddy is going to be over the horse wranglers. They'll keep some of the horses in his stables and the rest in our stables. Daddy's talking about expanding his stables if there's a call for more stalls."

Penny showed Mrs. Timmons and the other women their remodeled kitchen. "The stove was already here," she explained. "The previous owner entertained a lot, so she bought a restaurant-quality stove with a built-in convection oven. There's a large freezer and a walk-in pantry. The brick oven is over here where it can vent outdoors."

"Oh, my," Mrs. Timmons said. "You are going to enjoy cooking in here."

"Leonard has his eye on the brick oven," Penny said. "Sela, it's a lot like yours at the farm in Connecticut. Leonard was so impressed with your homemade bread that he wanted to learn how to bake it himself. He has become quite the cook. We have been taking healthy cooking classes at the Cardiac Wellness Center, and we enjoyed them so much we took a class in bread making at the co-op. Leonard is looking forward to baking our own bread here. He even bought us a baking tube." She showed them the Pyrex tube and explained how they had learned how to bake perfectly round loaves in it. "Leonard's favorite is challah, a Jewish festival bread," she said. "One of the women at the university gave him starter for Amish Friendship Bread, and he is going to make that on Sunday. We'll be able to give all of you some starter after we get ours going."

Sela said, "I looked over your brick oven, and it's very nice, top of the line. You'll be able to bake anything with bread in it, not just bread proper, but other things like pizza, biscuits, hot rolls, and so forth. You've never had bread until you've had it baked in a brick oven."

"We left Leonard's VitaMix at the apartment for Sheldon, since I would make him sorbet if he was good, and we bought these two," Penny said, pointing to two VitaMixes still in their boxes. "One is a regular one, that we'll use a lot for smoothies and healthy soups, and the other grinds wheat and other grains. We can start with the whole grains, grind them, add the ingredients, and knead the dough into balls ready for their first rising. From there, we'll be able to shake the balls out onto a bread board, let them rise, and, if necessary, knead them again and do a second rising before we bake the bread. The DVD that came with the VitaMixes showed us how to grind our own peanut butter and make our own salsas, and we took a class in using them at Costco when we bought them. Before you know it, Leonard and I are going to be so healthy we won't know what to do with ourselves."

She took them in and showed them Sheldon's room.

"Why do you have Sheldon a room?" Bernadette asked.

"Raj is moving to the apartment tomorrow," Penny said, "But we figure there are going to be times when we have to take care of Sheldon, such as when Raj goes back to India to visit his parents this summer."

"I could move in and take care of him," Amy said.

"Well, we have this room just in case," Penny said. "Sheldon has already given us a list about what he thinks is wrong with the arrangement and demanded we sign an occupancy agreement. I reminded him I can always go back to his apartment, throw the list and the agreement down the elevator shaft, and hit him in the throat. I told him we're not signing anything, and he can just plan not to stay here if he wants a written agreement."

Sela talked with Wyatt about bringing her horses to his stables, since she was increasingly unhappy with the stable where she was housing them. They agreed to terms, and Wyatt said he would borrow JaQuan's SUV and use the horse trailer the previous owner of his property had left him to go get the horses the next morning if Sela would call the stables and tell them he was coming. He already had a young college student who was going to help him as the stable hand for both his and Leonard and Penny's stables, and the young man had some friends who would help out when they were hosting additional horses for movies.

Leonard and Penny told Sela she was welcome to ride over their property any time she wanted. They gave her a card with an RFID chip and had JaQuan program in a security code for her so she could access the gate at either Wyatt's ranch or theirs. Their other friends already had their cards and access codes. Penny and Sela arranged for Sela to come out to the ranch on Sunday so they could ride their horses over the property so Sela could see all the property's features.

Wyatt managed to get Leonard by himself and asked him if he would do him the honor of being his best man at his and Patti's wedding. Of course, Leonard agreed.

Leonard and Penny spent their first night in their new home. That afternoon workers had installed the special bed, on which each side was separately adjustable, that the physical therapist had recommended for both Leonard and Penny due to their injuries.

Penny and Leonard met in the middle and cuddled in their usual position.

. . .

Master Kim stood off to the side counting in Korean as Leonard and Penny, in their crisp new uniforms, practiced Basic Form Number 1 in their home gym.

"Hana. Dool. Set. Net. Tasut. Yussut. Ilgop. Yodel. Ahope. Yol."

He walked over and adjusted Penny's fist. "Always make fist tight first, then wrap thumb," he said. "Otherwise, you break thumb."

He looked at Leonard's posture. "Perfect," he said. "Dr. Leonard, you are a natural. Again."

He had them repeat the exercise until he was happy with their performance.

"First," he said, "I teach you how to move. Then I teach you how to hit and kick. We take baby steps. Both of you are doing very well. If we continue training at this pace, I can have both of you black belts in less than a year."

He led Penny and Leonard through some floor exercises, making minor corrections as they stepped and blocked, then stepped and punched. "You both have excellent form," he said. He asked Penny, "Are you a dancer?"

"Yes," Penny said. "I have always danced for fun, but, more recently, I have danced in my role as Castle's mother. I had dance and cheerleading lessons since I was six until I graduated high school. I recently started back taking dance."

"You move like a dancer," he said. "That is good. It will be very easy to teach you the proper way to move. And you," he said to Leonard. "Have you had martial arts training before?"

"We had some Tae Kwan Do when I was at math camp when I was younger, but we only had a few weeks," Leonard said. "I made it to orange belt, but everyone got their belts, no matter how badly they did. And I've never danced. My wife is getting me to take lessons, so I don't make a fool out of myself, but, as we say, I have two left feet."

"You move as if you have done this all of your life," Master Kim said. "When we spar, you do not seem to be afraid of getting hit."

"I've been hit all of my life," Leonard said. "And I was hit by a car and nearly killed two months ago. It's going to take a lot to scare me."

"That is good," Master Kim said. "I will teach you to not get hit unless you want to. Missy Penny, I already know what you did to those bad men who attacked you. You have the heart of a tiger. I will help you learn what to do with that ferocity. I think both of you are ready to begin working out with some of my students. If it is all right with you, starting next week, I will bring them to our workouts. You will need partners who are more advanced than you, and I have two students who will be perfect. There are also some stunt people I work with in the movies who will be working with Missy Penny on her movie, including Missy Penny's stunt double. I will see if they want to come and we do their training here at the same time. It works best if you have different people to spar. Did you order the training equipment I suggested?"

"Yes," Leonard said. He walked over to the edge of the workout area and picked up a catalog, which he brought over to Master Kim. He had flags on the pages where Master Kim had shown him the training devices he wanted him and Penny to use. "This, this, and this," he said. "I ordered everything you said."

"Excellent," Master Kim said. "As soon as they arrive, I will show you how to use them. Now, if Mr. Stevens will assist me, I will teach you your first wrist grip."

JaQuan walked over. He and Master Kim bowed. "Mr. Stevens," Master Kim said. "You were Navy Seal. You know Kuk Sool Wan wrist grips?"

"Yes, sir," JaQuan said.

"Very good. We do Self Defense Wrist Grip Number 1. If you would be so kind as to grab my wrist, please."

JaQuan grabbed Master Kim's wrist. Master Kim slowly demonstrated how he easily escaped the grip by rotating his wrist and stepping forward, breaking the grip. Then he did it again, quickly.

"See? Easy peasy," Master Kim said. "Now, Dr. Leonard, you work with me, Missy Penny, you work Mr. Stevens."

They practiced the escape for a few minutes.

"Excellent! That enough for today," Master Kim said. "Both of you do very good today, make me happy face. Tomorrow we do more of same."

As Master Kim drove away in his Chevy Van, Leonard remarked, "You know, JaQuan, it's amazing. The man is no bigger than I am, and he is six times world full-contact champion. He doesn't have a mark on him."

"The man is good," JaQuan said. "He's tough as nails, inside and out, and he is a consultant to the military, not just the movies. Did you know he has an MBA from Stanford?"

. . .

Penny and Leonard, dressed in evening attire, with Penny holding a single rose, stood in front of the green screen as the photographer took shot after shot. He took some of Leonard alone, some of Penny alone, some with Penny sitting and Leonard standing behind her, some of Leonard sitting with Penny standing behind him, and some of them as if they were slow dancing. He had the makeup artist make them up as they would have looked in the 1940s, with Penny with a permed wig with deep red lipstick wearing an evening gown with Leonard with his hair slicked back with a pencil-thin mustache and wearing a tuxedo. Then he had the makeup artist do them up as a 1950s couple. He then had them looking as if they were a 1960s couple, with Penny with teased hair, heavily lined eyes with thick false eyelashes and white lipstick and Leonard with a wig with hair down to his shoulders, wearing a Sonny Bono vest.

Kathy and Shauntay sat off to the side and periodically consulted with the photographer.


	27. Chapter 27: The Alex Consideration

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 27, the Alex Consideration

_Author's quick note: I need to make a brief shout-out to my wife for help with anything in this chapter to do with anything feminine. I will explain more at the end, but I sought advice and received some good pointers._

. . .

Alex Jensen sat on a bench longingly watching the young couple hold hands as they walked toward the garden entrance. The light over the water garden gave the scene a slightly yellow hue.

"Alex," her father said. "I asked you how your research is going with the Cern project."

"Huh?" Alex said, turning her face toward her father.

"What's wrong?" Dr. Jensen asked. "You've been crying." He put his arm around Alex and held her as she cried into his shoulder. "Sweetheart, what is it?"

"Daddy, I promised myself I wasn't going to burden you with this. I'm so unhappy—and ashamed," Alex said.

"Sweetheart," Dr. Jensen said, "You can tell me anything. And, by the way, I seriously doubt you've ever done a single thing that warrants your feeling ashamed. Is it your dissertation? Are you in danger of losing your funding? Is it that Dr. Cooper, that nut case who treats you like a peon?"

"No, Daddy," Alex said. "My research has been going so much better since Dr. Hofstadter took over as my dissertation committee chair and added me to his Cern team. He's so supportive, so intelligent, and he treats me so well. I couldn't have a better dissertation director and be making more progress. He has cleared obstacles out of my way that would have unnecessarily delayed my research, such as making sure I have time on the mainframe. I should be able to complete my Ph.D. requirements in time to graduate in August thanks to him."

"Then what's wrong?" Dr. Jensen asked.

Alex looked away and hung her head. "Daddy, I'm in love with Dr. Hofstadter."

"Oh. For how long?"

"I met him about nine months ago, and I started falling in love with him almost immediately. I realized I was in love with him about six months ago."

Have you told him?" Dr. Jensen asked.

"No, but I did ask him out. I asked him out a number of times, but he didn't realize I was asking him on dates until I got tired of being subtle and point-blank invited him to have dinner with me. Once he realized what I was asking, he was so nice. He told me how wonderful I am, how fond he is of me, how flattered he was, how any man who wound up with me would be the luckiest man alive, but he was already in love with this woman named Penny. They got married a couple of months later, in February. She was the blonde woman who was all over the national news, the one who beat up the four men in the home invasion the day before Valentine's Day, before they tied her hands behind her back and taped her mouth shut and then beat her. Leonard is the one who was all over the news when he shoved her out of the way when a brother of two of the thugs tried to run her over with a car and nearly died saving her life."

"Have you met this Penny?" Dr. Jensen asked.

"I have," Alex said. "She is so sweet, so smart, so beautiful, and she really loves Leonard. My head tells me they are perfect for each other. If I were a man, I would want to marry her myself. She could easily become my best friend. But I still love Leonard. And then, after he and Penny were married, he was so gracious when he rescued me from working with Dr. Cooper, who treated me like an ignorant flunky, and asked me to be his assistant and a part of his team. We have all these wonderful conversations, and he is always the gentleman, so witty. He has never said or done anything that has been inappropriate in the least. He treats me with respect, as a valued, intelligent colleague. I know he is totally devoted to his wife, and I'm ashamed that I still have feelings for him. If I weren't so close to finishing my Ph.D., I would seriously think about going somewhere else, like the Fermi Institute. I'm not the kind of person who loves married men. I'm certainly not the kind who would try to break up a marriage."

Dr. Jensen and Alex sat for a long time with him holding her and her with her head on his shoulder.

"He sounds like a wonderful person," Dr. Jensen said. "I would like to meet him."

"You would like him," Alex said. "He reminds me a lot of you. He is so sweet, so gentle, so wickedly funny. And his wife—I see why the two of them love each other so much. Daddy, I saw that Leonard is the kind of person I could have the kind of marriage with that you and Mom have, one in which you are totally devoted to each other."

They sat and watched the people coming and going in the small park.

"Daddy, what do I do about my feelings for Leonard?" Alex asked.

"I wish I knew, sweetheart," Dr. Jensen said, kissing the top of Alex' head. "The heart wants what it wants. You are so brave that you've stuck it out this long and kept your eye on your dissertation. It won't be much longer. The one thing I do know is that you will do the right thing. I don't doubt that for a moment. I just hope you don't hurt any more. Alex, loving someone is never a bad thing. Maybe you can turn your love for Dr. Hofstadter into a close, lifelong friendship."

. . .

"Come on in, guys," Leonard said as the members of his team came into his lab. JaQuan was sitting on a stool in the corner watching everyone who came through the door as if they owed him money.

Alex walked up to Leonard, handed him a usb flash drive, and said, "Leonard, I crunched the numbers you asked me to put through the mainframe. The result came out the way you thought it would. You were right all along."

"Thank you, Alex," Leonard said. "I really appreciate your helping me out with that. We don't want to get over to Cern and cause a malfunction because my hunches are wrong. It would have taken days to run the data on my desktop computer, and I wouldn't have had time to go run it myself on the mainframe until next week. You're a life-saver. How did I ever get anything done before you?"

Alex blushed.

Leonard turned to the rest of the team and said, "All right, everyone, we're going to run the Higgs Boson Analysis a couple more times. Alex, you're in charge. Pretend I'm not even here. After we do one successful run-through with Alex, we'll do it again with Jenna in charge. Jenna, I know you're new to the team and haven't run the analysis as team leader before, so watch what Alex does: She's smooth as silk. By the time we return to Cern, I want the entire team ready to take command if needed. Ready everyone? Let's go."

Leonard watched proudly as Alex took command and guided the team in their simulation.

"Perfect!" Leonard said when the team had completed their analysis. "Every part went perfectly. I'm proud of every one of you. Now we'll do it again with Jenna in the chair. Jenna, how are you coming with your dissertation?"

"I will be ready to hand you a rough draft next week," Jenna said.

"Great!" Leonard said. "If it's easier for you, you can just shoot it to me by email, and we'll wait until everything's approved before you print out the required hard copies. How about you, Alex?"

"I've made the changes you flagged," Alex said. "I really appreciate your double-checking my work. I wouldn't want to find out during my defense that I made a simple error. I'm ready to submit my dissertation to you again and, if you're happy with it, I'll shoot it to the other members of the committee."

"Fantastic!" Leonard said. "Alex, Jenna, why don't we three get together today at lunch? Are both of you free? Since I'm involved in the symposium for the rest of the week, that's the only time this week I'll have when I can go over your portfolios with you so we can see what we need to be working on so you will have everything in line for graduation in August. We can bring our lunch trays to my office and set up at my work table. By the way: I have some friends who have agreed to set up mock dissertation defenses for each of you to give you an idea of what you will face when the time comes as soon as we have final drafts of your dissertations. We'll do it at my house so we don't have any prying eyes and ears. It's perfectly ethical, but I don't want the other committee members to know what they ask you in the mock defenses. I have every confidence both of you are ready, but I don't want you getting nervous during your defense because you didn't know what to expect. I was scared out of my mind during the defenses for both of my Ph.D.s, and I don't want you going through what I did."

Both Alex and Jenna said they could meet Leonard.

As Alex and Jenna were walking back to their office area, Alex said, "I really appreciate our having Dr. Hofstadter as our team leader and our dissertation director. He is so kind and supportive."

Jenna said, "He is like that with everyone. I think if the university ever got rid of him, the graduate students would rise up in revolt. Todd Freeman said that, by the time Dr. Hofstadter allowed him to go to his dissertation defense, he nailed it thanks to Dr. H."

. . .

Raj was sitting in Leonard's office looking out the window when Leonard and JaQuan arrived carrying the log books from the morning's simulations.

"Hey, Raj, what's up?" Leonard asked.

Raj said. "I just couldn't bear being around Sheldon right now. I came here to hide out." He hung his head.

"Dude, you're going to have to get a grip." Leonard said. "It's been a week. Penny warned you how her mother is. It's time to move on."

"I think I'll be alone forever," Raj said.

"Raj, Penny and I are going to see _Silver Linings Playbook_ tonight. Why don't you come with us?" Leonard asked.

"I'll have to think about it," Raj said.

. . .

Alex stood at the mirror in the women's restroom rewetting her contact lenses.

"Alex," Jenna said, "I'm so glad you let Sarah and me kidnap you tonight to come see the movie. You work so hard, and you seem so sad."

"Thank you for asking me," Alex said.

Just then, Patti escorted Penny into the restroom. As usual when she had gone out into large groups of people recently, Penny was in disguise wearing her black wig, glasses with the thick, black frames, and bright red lipstick.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Hofstadter," Alex said, turning around. "It's good to see you. Don't you look nice?"

"Hello, Alex," Penny said. "Call me Penny. Alex, this is Patti, my dad's fiancée. Patti, this is Alex Jensen. She works with Leonard at the university on the Cern team. She went with us to Switzerland, and she'll be with us when we head there again shortly." She looked at the other two women. "Jenna, right? I believe you are on the Cern team as well—a new member who will be with us for the first time." Looking at the other young woman, she said, "I'm sorry, are you on the team?"

"No," Sarah said. "I'm Sarah Smith, Jenna's roommate."

Alex asked, "Are you here to watch_ Silver Linings Playbook_?"

"Yes," Penny said. "Theater 12. You?"

"Yes," Alex said. "Theater 12 as well."

"Leonard, Raj, and my dad are here. Why don't the three of you join us? We'll probably go across the street to the Cheesecake Factory afterwards, and you're all welcome."

The five women entered the theater where Leonard, Wyatt, and Raj were sitting. Alex sat in the next available seat, beside Raj. JaQuan stood at the entrance watching the crowd, looking as if he was ready to bite off someone's foot. People gave him uneasy looks as they came through the door, and some turned around and decided to go exchange their tickets to see the movie in another theater. A teenager in the row behind them kicked the back of Penny's seat, forcing her head to snap forward. She turned and was about to say something when JaQuan walked over, glared at the young man, and growled. The young man got up and moved.

The group went to the Cheesecake Factory after the movie. The manager gave them their usual private meeting room. Raj sat next to Alex again.

"Did Raj say a word to Alex during the movie?" Patti whispered to Penny.

"No," Penny whispered back. "He was madly in love with her before he met mom, but he could never talk to her. He's working on his second grasshopper now. Let's see what he does."

Raj and Alex talked about Alex' dissertation research until it was time for her and the other two with her to leave.

Penny and Leonard entertained the other two young women showing them pictures of their trip to the Blue Ridge Parkway and the tunnel.

"Alex, you are a beautiful woman," Raj said as Alex was leaving with her friends. "If you would wear more makeup the way Penny does, you would be even more beautiful. You are a winter, you know, so a nice blue-red lipstick would be stunning on you."

"Raj!" Penny said. "Maybe you should drink some iced tea rather than another grasshopper. Alex," she said as she walked the three young women to the door of the private room, to where JaQuan was standing, "you'll have to pardon Raj. The grasshoppers help him be able to talk to women, but they tend to loosen his tongue a bit. You're stunning the way you are. I would kill for your eyes."

"That's all right. Thank you," Alex said, blushing.

Raj turned to the others and smiled, giving them the thumbs up sign.

. . .

The attendees at the symposium applauded as Leonard finished his presentation. Several people, most of who were in uniform, stayed behind to ask him questions about his work with military applications of lasers.

"Dr. Hofstadter?" the final person waiting said, extending his hand. "Bob Jensen, Alex' father. I enjoyed your presentation. You are doing some fascinating work."

"And I get to make my own Bat Signal," Leonard grinned. "So, Dr. Jensen. I am glad to meet you. Alex didn't tell me you were in town for the symposium. My wife and I would have had you and Alex to our home. Alex has been telling me about your work with SETI. I would like to hear about it sometime. If you met my former roommate Dr. Cooper, you would have to rename your group to WFETI, for We Found Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence, because you would realize that the aliens already walk among us: The search is over. Seriously, though, to tell you a secret, Alex is the best graduate student I've ever had. I'm very proud of her. I know you are."

"Well, she certainly speaks highly of you," Dr. Jensen said.

"That's so nice," Leonard said. "I'm very fond of Alex. I hope that, after she finishes her Ph.D., she'll stay on with our team. It looks as if we're going to be one of the few programs that actually gets increased funding during this time of budget cuts."

"Do you have plans for lunch?" Dr. Jensen asked.

"No," Leonard said. "I'm solo. I was hoping to connect with my wife, but she's filming a movie in Hollywood."

"Why don't we go to lunch? My treat." Dr. Jensen said. "There's this great little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant down the street that Alex showed me last time I was here, where all the graduate students hang out, that makes the best Stromboli."

"Oh, Angelino's," Leonard said. "I go there all the time. Let's go."

. . .

"So, Bob, you had lunch with this Dr. Hofstadter?" Camille Jensen said as she drove Dr. Jensen from the airport. "What do you think?"

"I think the man is totally devoted to his wife," Dr. Jensen said. "I went there prepared to read him the riot act about leading on Alex, but the man is one of the most decent people I've ever met. He kept showing me all these pictures of his wife and telling me about their plans for their future. He even invited Alex and me to their house for dinner, but, of course, it was the last day of the symposium, and I was eager to fly back here. Alex said that she had been making overtures to him for weeks before he realized it, and then he was kind about it and tried to let her down gently and keep her dignity. I honestly don't think the man has it in him to look at anyone other than his wife."

"Do you think he realizes how deeply Alex is in love with him?" Camille asked.

"I don't think he has a clue," Bob said. "I think he is very fond of Alex and would never intentionally do anything to hurt her. I certainly don't think he would knowingly lead her on."

"Poor Alex," Camille said.

. . .

"I have a delivery for Miss Jensen," the deliveryman said.

"I'm Miss Jensen," Alex said, emerging from her office off the hallway near Leonard's lab.

"If you will sign here," the deliveryman said, handing Alex a pen. He gave her a Friendship Bouquet.

The other women in the office crowded around her. "Who sent it?" Sheila, their admin asked.

"The card says, 'Alex: Thank you for a wonderful evening. I look forward to seeing more of you.' It is signed _Rajesh Koothrappali_."

"Is that your new boyfriend?" Sheila asked.

"If he is, it's news to me," Alex said.

. . .

Michael and Kelly looked into the camera on the set of _Live! From Los Angeles_. "Our next guests appeared on _Live!_ in February in New York, when Kelly was down with the flu," Michael said. "In a brief three months, they have become one of the most noteworthy couples in the country. Barbara Walters has named them one of her 10 most fascinating couples and has named Penny one of her most fascinating people. Maxim Magazine has named Penny one of its 10 most beautiful women."

Kelly said, "A lot has happened to them since Penny co-hosted the show and Leonard was in the audience. Here are Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and Elmo's best friend herself, Penny."

The audience applauded as Leonard and Penny, holding hands, walked onto the set. One person in the back yelled "Cornhuskers!" to which Penny looked at him, pumped her hand in the air, and did a "Whoop, whoop!" As she passed JaQuan, he winked at her and nodded at the extra security he and Clarence had brought in for the outdoor audience.

"Funny," Leonard said as he shook hands with Michael and hugged Kelly. "No one ever yells out 'Go Stanford!'"

Kelly said, after hugging both Leonard and Penny, "Penny, we have spoken on the phone, but I am so glad to finally meet you. You did such a wonderful job filling in for me when I was sick. And Dr. Hofstadter, it is wonderful to meet you as well."

"Call me Leonard."

"Well, guys, so much has happened to you, not the least of which happened two days after you last appeared on the show," Kelly said.

"Yes, that day, right after the show, we drove up to Cambridge, Massachusetts with Leonard's father and his fiancée to visit Leonard's brother Michael, who is a tenured law professor at Harvard. We were caught in the Great Blizzard of 2013 and unexpectedly stayed there almost a week longer than we had planned," Penny said.

"And didn't something special happen while you were trapped in the snow?" Michael asked.

"Yes," Leonard said. "I think you have a clip."

A condensed video of Leonard and Penny's wedding showed. When it ended, the audience applauded as the camera showed Leonard and Penny sitting holding hands.

"Dude," Michael said, "That was, as the President said, the nerdiest wedding I have ever seen."

"And the sweetest, don't leave out the sweetest," Kelly said. She looked over at her producer Michael Gelman and said, "I think Gelman would have loved a wedding like that."

They discussed some of the things that had happened to Leonard and Penny since Penny last appeared on the show, including her recurring role on _Castle_, her new TV series, _Nerds_, on which Leonard is the technical adviser, and her roles _in the Sixth Element_ and the upcoming Firefly movie as well as _Rush Hour Four, _which would begin filming next year. They talked about Leonard and Penny's visit to the White House and their meeting the Obama daughters and Bo in the residence. They showed a promo clip from Leonard and Penny's upcoming show on the National Geographic Channel in which they were standing at the back of the Great Tunnel wearing night vision goggles with the camera in night mode and their crossing the Mile High Swinging Bridge at Grandfather Mountain in the high wind. Finally, they showed part of the video in which the President announced that Leonard was the winner of the National Science Foundation Scientist of the Year award.

"So, Leonard, you nearly died defending Penny when you shoved her out of the way when the brother of two of the men who attacked her tried to run her over in his SUV. By all accounts, you're a hero. So how are you doing?" Michael asked.

"I have some ongoing problems, but we have a phenomenal team in place, and I have a loving wife who is helping me come back," Leonard said. "Everyone at the UCLA Medical Center, from the doctors, to the nurses—I love the nurses, to my physical therapist Justin, to the people who taught the healthy cooking classes, have been wonderfully supportive. I have a long road ahead of me, but I am on the way back."

"I am so proud of Leonard," Penny said. "He has become quite the cook. He has already dropped 22 pounds, and he is sticking to his eating plan and his physical therapy and training."

"I understand you still have to take steps for self-protection," Michael said.

"Unfortunately," Leonard said, "We've been asked not to talk about that."

"Penny," Kelly said, "I understand that you met Sela Ward when you hosted the show, and you and she have become friends."

Penny said, "Sela invited Leonard and me to her home the week of the show, and we spent a very pleasant afternoon visiting, riding horses, and eating her home-baked bread. She has become close to both of us—and to my Daddy and his fiancée. Since she shoots her show mostly in Los Angeles and only maintains a home in town with nowhere to keep her horses, she is keeping her horses at my Daddy's ranch next door to us. When she's in town, we see her several times a week. She's become one of our closest friends."

"Talking about your home, Kelly said, my husband Michael and I went out to Leonard and Penny's home yesterday afternoon with our children. We can't show anything that will give away where they live, for security reasons, but here is part of our visit."

They showed a video of Penny taking them on a tour of the home, showing their large kitchen. Next, they were in the stable visiting Midnight, who kept nuzzling Penny and huffling.

. . .

The man with the thick glasses and the projector remote advanced the presentation to the next slide revealing a picture of Penny from her appearance on Letterman just after her attack. She was wearing a bit of mascara, but the star of the look was her bright red lipstick. "And this look," he said, "tested the most positively with all demographic groups. Actually, that is a bit of an understatement. Our test group was extremely positive about the look on Penny. Our test groups of women in all age groups rated this look the most positively and said they would like it on themselves and on other women. Men also rated this look the most positively and said that they would be the most attracted to women with this look."

Daphne, the young woman with the business suit and the Harry Potter glasses, said, "We call this look 'the Penny.' Her hair color at the moment is strawberry blonde for her current movie, but the look rates the highest whether we use that hair color or put blonde or even brunette wigs on her. She was actually wearing MAC Ruby Woo lipstick in that appearance, but here is a picture of her with our new Sizzling Scarlet. It is even more vibrant, and our tests indicate that, using our ink bonding system, once a woman applies the color, it bonds with the lip and stays fresh looking for a minimum of 72 hours unless the woman removes it with our special remover. We have these mock-ups of various scenes with Penny. We plan to aggressively market the look, emphasizing that vibrant red lipstick is appropriate for casual daytime use, not just nighttime." She had the man advance the slides through the various scenarios with Penny wearing the look.

"I assume that we're talking standard terms, including the appearance rule," Kathy said.

"That's what we're proposing," the young woman said.

"Girlfriend," Shauntay said, "I assume that Back Door Cosmetics will provide makeup artists whenever Penny appears at public functions and that someone will instruct her in how to achieve 'the Penny' look herself?"

"Yes," the young woman said.

"You are aware that Penny will travel to Switzerland with her husband's team shortly for their National Geographic Channel Show," Kathy said.

"We are, and we will provide a makeup artist to travel with her," the young woman said.

"Let me run this by Penny, but I think we have a deal," Kathy said.

. . .

Penny looked at herself in the mirror. "Wow! I almost don't recognize myself."

The Back Door makeup artist Sheila said, "You do well with the dramatic daytime look."

Penny said, "You know, I've never considered myself a red lipstick girl, but I like this. I use MAC Ruby Woo lipstick when I try to disguise myself in public, when I wear a black wig and big glasses, but I never thought of wearing red lipstick every day. My husband's going to flip. This color is so pretty. It's interesting that the look is just a simple bit of mascara and this beautiful red lipstick. It's elegant in its simplicity, sort of a throwback to the early 1950s. I don't see what's so special about it, though. I see women with this look from time to time. I saw Charlize Theron on Letterman the week I appeared, and she had this look."

"Yes," Daphne, the young woman with the Harry Potter glasses, said, "but advertising hasn't marketed this specific look for a couple of generations. You're going to help bring it back. What's so special about this lipstick is that, once you apply it, it stays fresh for a minimum of 72 hours unless you specifically remove it. We're going to market other colors, but we thought we would push this color for the fall line, specifically calling the look 'the Penny.'"

Sheila said, "I'm going to show you how to get the same look using our products yourself at home so that, when photographers take your picture in public, it will be a good advertisement for our line even if one of our makeup artists isn't with you. We'll have someone—probably me—follow you around when you make public appearances and make sure you're well-made-up with our products, but we'll show you how to do it yourself. We're making the lipstick, Sizzling Scarlet, the centerpiece of our fall line."

Penny said, "It will take some getting used to, but I'm game."

The team took footage of Penny, wearing the look, sitting at an outdoor café chatting with someone whose face was not visible to the camera. The camera zoomed in to show that the lipstick stayed put, even when she took a drink from her water glass and when she wiped her mouth with her napkin. Then they shot her looking at pumpkins in a pumpkin patch carrying a black lab puppy. Next, they showed Penny, wearing glasses, sitting at a desk at a university, listening to the professor and taking notes. Finally, they showed her standing in a gazebo throwing food to ducks. The still photographer followed the team snapping photographs of Penny in each of the scenes.

. . .

_Author's note: Thanks again to my wife and the person who writes for the site under the name Twyla Mercedes for help with anything feminine in this chapter. I needed advice about something that I will explain later, and both came through, helping this straight male where I was over my head. _

_Thanks again for reading my story._


	28. Chapter 28: The Sheldon Ejection

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 28, the Sheldon Ejection

Amy pulled her car out of the airport parking lot and into the Los Angeles traffic.

"It's not fair," Sheldon said from the passenger seat. "I didn't even make it onto the plane."

"Sheldon, tell me again what happened," Amy said. "Who told you that you were off the production team?"

Sheldon said, "That producer, Jack Lorre. I won't use the language he used, but he told me to get my things and go home."

"What did you do?" Amy asked.

"Nothing. I didn't do anything," Sheldon said. "He was just being mean. He didn't want me on the team from the beginning."

. . .

Leonard, sitting next to Penny on the airplane, was turned in his seat talking with Jack Lorre, who was sitting behind him. "He demanded that the entire team sign a technical advisory agreement?"

"He sure did," Jack said. "It was over 30 pages long. I didn't read the entire document, but what caught my attention when I eyeballed it was that we would list him first, before anyone else in the credits, that the title of the episode would begin 'Dr. Sheldon Cooper Presents,' and that everyone on the team must obey him without question. I told him I was in charge of the National Geographic Channel production team, that he was just a technical consultant, that he would get a listing in the credits. I told him we have a well-functioning team here and do not need someone coming in like a bull in a China shop and disrupting things. I didn't tell him that you and Penny are executive producers so he wouldn't come crying to you. He told me the provisions in the agreement were non-negotiable, take them or leave them. I told him, 'Pack your [expletive deleted] and get.' Sorry, Penny."

"Oh, I've heard worse," Penny said.

"You've said worse-today," Leonard said.

"You should have hit him in the throat," Penny said.

. . .

Leonard and Penny stood and stretched as JaQuan exited the plane and verified that the security team in Geneva was ready for them. He and Penny, followed by Patti, Alex, Jenna, and the rest of his team, as well as the National Geographic Channel team, left the plane. JaQuan led them to three vans with blackened windows.

As the caravan left the Geneva airport, Penny said, "Holy crap on a cracker!" The rest of the team members in their van turned to see where she was looking and saw a giant billboard with a close-up of Penny's face. They could not translate most of the French in the ad, but they did read "Penny!" in large letters and the words _Sizzling Scarlet_. Penny read the words, "Rouge a levres" out loud.

"It says," Patti read, "It is all right to be beautiful all day, every day again."

JaQuan turned to Leonard and Penny and said, "Look at all the motor bikes following us. They are paparazzi. The driver isn't going to try to lose them, since we don't want to endanger anyone, like what happened to Princess Diana, but we have security at the hotel who will stop them from following us into the parking garage and the hotel."

Just then, a motorcycle moved slightly ahead of them, and the rider turned and started shooting flash pictures with a pocket camera, blinding the driver, who slowed the van and pulled over on the side of the road until he could see again. JaQuan was on the radio. The driver moved the van back out into traffic, and another rider came up and began firing flash photographs. In a few minutes, cars with flashing blue lights intercepted the vans and escorted them to the underground hotel parking lot, blocking the way from the paparazzi.

Patti and several uniformed security officers consulted outside the van while JaQuan went into the hotel and made sure the area was secure. Leonard and Penny and their team followed JaQuan into the lobby, with Patti next to Penny. Leonard checked in at the counter. The young woman behind the counter was made up the way Penny was in the ad. She looked at Penny and said, "Penny! Back Door Cosmetics Sizzling Scarlet!"

Penny snuggled close to Leonard in their bed. She looked at the clock, which said it was 4:00 a.m. there in Geneva. "It's 7:00 p.m. yesterday in Pasadena. No wonder I'm not sleepy," she said. "How badly is it going to hit when the time difference catches up with us?"

"It will be rough for a couple of days," Leonard said, "But I think we'll be all right. They have Diet Dr. Pepper here for you and Red Bull for me, so we'll be wired, but we'll get through it. Of course, I was in my early 20s the last time I was this far from home, so I'm a little worse for wear now."

Patti knocked on the door joining their rooms. She had taken the room on the left, and JaQuan had taken the room on the right, with Leonard and Penny's room in the middle. "I heard the two of you talking, so I hope I'm not disturbing you. I can't sleep," she said. "It's too early to go to bed for my internal clock. Do the two of you want to go see if the coffee shop's open?"

"Sure," Penny said.

The three of them went to the all-night coffee shop on the ground floor of the hotel. JaQuan said he was so accustomed to time zone changes that he was good, he could sleep anywhere when he got the chance. There was one young couple there, but, otherwise, it was empty. Penny had orange scones and chai spite tea. Leonard and Patti had chamomile tea and kirschkuchen that the German woman at the counter said she had just brought out of the oven.

Leonard and Penny, with JaQuan in front and Patti taking up the rear, with several local armed security, returned to the hotel from their first day back at the collider, after a long day of shooting. "It's a pain," JaQuan said, "that we're not allowed to carry weapons since we're not residents."

"I feel naked without my handcuffs," Patti said.

"Tell me about it, sister," the young man next to the elevator said.

"Bazinga!" Sheldon said as they entered the lobby, running up to Leonard and Penny. He had not gone two steps before he was on the floor in a headlock by one of the more burly security guards.

"Sheldon!" Leonard said. "What are you doing here?"

"Mump humph opp," Sheldon said with a mouthful of carpet.

"It's all right, let him up. I know him," Leonard told the guard.

JaQuan was standing over Sheldon on alert.

"That was uncalled for," Sheldon said to the large guard. "I'm a good mind to report you to your superiors."

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "I asked what you're doing here."

"Wackadoodle," Penny said.

"I caught another flight," Sheldon said. "I came here to save the project. I knew my dear friend Leonard would appreciate Sheldon coming to save the day."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "You're not involved anymore. We can't stop you from being here on your own, but the network kicked you off the production team."

"But you need me," Sheldon said. "Leonard, you can put me on your team so the rest of you know what to do."

"No, Sheldon," Leonard said, "I already have my team, and we have the process down cold. I don't have any funding for someone else, and I'm not going to kick someone off the team so I can include you. Sheldon, please don't ruin this. Behave yourself. Penny and I have to go clean-up for supper."

"I'll go with you," Sheldon said. "I'm going to have to stay with you and Penny. They gave away my room after I was unfairly removed from the team, and there's nothing available."

"Oh, no, you're not staying with Leonard and me," Penny said, coming to stand toe-to-toe with Sheldon. "There's only one small bed in our room, and I'm not giving you the bed. You're going to have to make other arrangements."

"But there are no rooms," Sheldon said.

"Well, you're going to have to find something somewhere else. Sheldon, I can't be responsible for you," Leonard said.

"Can't come through for a friend when he's down, huh?" Sheldon said. "Letting your wife call the shots." He made the whip motion and sound.

Penny walked back to Sheldon and very calmly said, "Sheldon, if you don't get out of our faces right now, you're going to encounter another super collider."

Sheldon grabbed his throat and backed away.

Leonard and Penny turned and walked over to the check-in counter, where the young blonde woman behind the counter was wearing the Penny look, and checked their messages.

. . .

Leonard and Penny were lying in their hotel bed cuddling when their phone rang.

"Hello?" Leonard said, answering the room phone. "Yes, this is Dr. Hofstadter. [Pause] Yes, I know a Dr. Cooper. [Pause] He what? [Pause] OK, let me talk with my security. We'll have someone there."

"What did Sheldon do?" Penny drowsily asked.

"Hotel security found him sleeping in the royalty suite," Leonard said. "They're holding him. Apparently, he figured out how to bypass the electronic lock and got in. Let me go get JaQuan." He walked over to the door joining his and Penny's room to the next room. He knocked on the door. A few seconds later, JaQuan, barefoot and wearing athletic pants and a T-shirt, opened the door. Leonard explained what had happened.

"I'll bring him to my room for tonight. I'll get the hotel to give me a roll-away bed," JaQuan said. "We're going to have to do something with that boy."

"Hit him in the throat," Penny said.

. . .

"Action!" the director said.

Penny looked at the camera and said, "The Cern compound is the biggest scientific research facility in the world, not just for research on the so-called _God Particle_."

"Cut! Uh, Penny," the assistant director said. "I need to interrupt you. Security at the entrance to the compound has an urgent call for Leonard."

"Leonard's in the control booth," Penny said. She looked over and saw that the red light was lit, signifying that no one should interrupt just then. "Will I do?"

The assistant director handed Penny the walkie talkie and showed her where the talk button was.

"This is Dr. Hofstadter's wife," Penny said. "Dr. Hofstadter can't be disturbed right now. May I be of assistance? [Pause] He did WHAT? [Pause] No, I'll be right there."

"Security, someone hand me a pistol," Penny said. "I have to go to the facility entrance and shoot me a pain in the neck." She looked at the director and said, "I'm sorry. I'll try not to be long."

Penny, accompanied by Patti and one of the Cern security guards, took the elevator to the surface level. They walked to the guard shack at the entrance to the facility to find Sheldon sitting on a bench.

"All right," Penny said, "What happened?"

The lieutenant on the gate told Penny in flawless English, "This man attempted to enter the compound. He had this identification card that he obviously created on a computer and printed." He handed Penny an ID that said _Dr. Sheldon Cooper. National Geographic Channel: Executive Producer_. "Is this man with you?"

"No," Penny said. "We know him, but he's not on the production team. Is it possible to issue him a visitor's pass?"

"He may apply for one," the Lieutenant said. "We can let him know in no more than 48 hours."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "You're going to have to go somewhere else—or even better yet, go home."

"No wonder Leonard's so whipped," Sheldon said. He turned and started walking away.

Penny, Leonard, and the Cal TEC team members returned through the hotel lobby after dinner. The young woman at the desk said, "Dr. Hofstadter, I have an urgent message for you." She handed Leonard a slip of paper.

"Zurich? Sheldon's in Zurich?" Leonard said. "How did he get to Zurich?"

"There are several rail services to Zurich, and some people take small commuter planes," the young woman said.

Leonard turned to the local security guard accompanying them and said, "There's what I assume is a phone number here. How do I call this number?"

The guard took the slip of paper and took out his cell phone. He handed it to Leonard, saying, "It's ringing."

"Hello, this is Dr. Hofstadter. Do you have a Dr. Cooper there? [Pause] Thank you. [Pause] Hello, Sheldon? What are you doing in Zurich? [Pause] How is that my fault? [Pause] OK, let me ask some people here what to do. Give me the address where you want the ticket. Hold on for a moment."

"What happened?" Penny asked.

"Sheldon caught what he thought was the train back into town, and he wound up in Zurich. He insisted that he had learned flawless French and German on the plane, and, apparently, he tried to tell the people in French where he wanted to go. He's been walking around. He's out of cash, and, of course, he doesn't believe in credit cards or debit cards."

The young woman behind the desk said, "I can get you the number to the railway, and you can give them the billing information for your credit card over the phone." She took the phone and obtained the pertinent information. She handed the phone back to Leonard, who gave the person on the other end his American Express card number.

"Sheldon should be back here later tonight," Leonard told the rest. "I gather I'm going to have to eat his ticket home, since he's out of cash and has never gotten a credit or debit card. I wonder if we can get his bank to wire him the money to cover his expenses and let him get home."

"Dr. Hofstadter, I can help you with that," the young woman behind the counter said. "Just send him to see me as soon as he arrives, and we will arrange everything."

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock_ "Leonard and Penny!"

Penny, who was snuggled next to Leonard, said, "Are you sure we're not allowed to carry firearms?"

"Let me see what the problem is this time," Leonard said. He got up and went to door barefoot in his T-shirt and workout pants.

"What is it, Sheldon?" Leonard said.

"The Cern people told me they can't issue me a visitor pass until November," he said.

"So what do you expect me to do about it?" Leonard asked.

"You have to fix it," Sheldon said.

"I don't think I do," Leonard said. "Sheldon, there's the Mendrisio Model Train Museum in Geneva. Why don't you go there?"

"I would rather go to Cern," Sheldon said.

"Sheldon, I'll pay for your round-trip ticket there and your admission," Leonard said. "Just please let Penny and me get some sleep. By the way: Where are you sleeping?"

"Todd on your team, unlike you, was nice enough to let me have a roll-away bed brought to his room. He refused to sign the hotel roommate occupancy agreement that I presented him, though. He said to talk to Penny," Sheldon said.

"Then why don't you talk to Penny?" Leonard asked.

Sheldon grabbed his throat and backed away.

"Sheldon, Penny and I are leaving on our honeymoon tomorrow at lunch time from the Cern compound. You're on your own. It's better if you just go on home," Leonard said.

"Why can't I come with you and Penny?" Sheldon said.

"Why do you think?" Leonard said.

"Selfish, selfish, selfish," Sheldon said.

"Here, let me go get Penny," Leonard said.

Sheldon grabbed his throat, turned, and ran back down the hall.

Leonard and Penny, with JaQuan and Patti, boarded the train for the trip to the cabin they had rented for the next two days at Lake Geneva. Penny, per usual when she was in public, was wearing her disguise with the black wig, and thick glasses with thick, black rims. Since her Back Door Cosmetics billboards all had her in red lipstick, she wore her old pink lipgloss that she wore before her Back Door Contract.

"Ah, Penny!" the conductor said as he took their tickets. "My wife and daughters will be thrilled that I have met you. Could you take my picture with you?" He handed Leonard his smart phone. Penny removed the wig and the glasses to take the picture.

Penny snuggled up to Leonard in their cabin located in what Leonard had referred to as _the last place God made _on Lake Geneva. "It's going to be so nice being Sheldon-free."

"I could get JaQuan to knock on the door three times calling our names," Leonard said.

Penny punched Leonard.

Leonard and Penny walked holding hands.

"You know," Leonard said, "This is the first time I have relaxed in months. Hiking in this fresh air seems to be recharging me."

"The last time I had to hike," JaQuan said, "was in Afghanistan. I can't say hiking is bringing back good memories."

"How's your knee holding up?" Leonard asked.

"It's screaming," JaQuan said.

Leonard and Penny did not see the photographer in the bushes on the side of the trail.

By the time the group returned to the cabin, there were news vans with satellite dishes parked outside.

"Penny! Penny!" the reporters yelled, barraging Penny with questions in various languages.

Patti ushered Leonard and Penny into the cabin while JaQuan greeted the press. He attempted to explain that Leonard and Penny were on their honeymoon and did not wish to be disturbed, but reporters continued peppering questions.

While JaQuan attempted to talk with the press, Patti was on the phone with the local authorities.

About 20 minutes later, three vans with blackened windows arrived accompanied by police cars with flashing lights. By now it was dark. The authorities managed to move the press about 100 yards from the cabin while JaQuan, Patti, Leonard, and Penny sneaked into one of the vans. The three vans went in different directions, with paparazzi on motor scooters about evenly divided following them.

The van carrying Leonard and Penny with JaQuan and Patti arrived at the airline terminal, greeted by a cadre of security who prevented the paparazzi from following them. Other security ushered them into a VIP lounge while airline officials processed their tickets. They boarded a small airplane.

The plane landed in Paris. Fortunately, the American rock group Toe Jam landed on a plane from New York just before Leonard and Penny did, and the screaming fans and the paparazzi were occupied with them, allowing Leonard, Penny, JaQuan, and Patti to sneak out of the terminal in a limousine with blackened windows.

Leonard and Penny walked into the hotel lobby, accompanied by JaQuan and Patti and several local security. Penny had dressed in her disguise consisting of the black wig and thick glasses. They had spotted three billboards with her wearing the Sizzling Scarlet lipstick on the way from the airport, so she again returned to her former lipgloss.

"Ah, Penny!" the concierge said as they entered the lobby. "It is so nice to have a celebrity here."

"Bazinga!" Sheldon said as he rushed Leonard and Penny. Once again, he had not taken two steps before he was on the floor in a headlock by one of the Parisian security guards.

"Please tell him to let him up, I know him," Leonard said to the head of the security detail.

"Je suis un champignon! Je suis un champignon!" Sheldon barked at the security guard.

Patti looked at Penny and said, "'I am a mushroom'?"

"Sheldon," Leonard said, "I know I'll hate myself for asking. What are you doing here?"

"I didn't know where to go, what to do," Sheldon said. "You have to help me."

"Sheldon, this is Penny's and my honeymoon," Leonard said. "Why didn't you just go home? The concierge at the hotel arranged for your bank to wire you enough money."

"Mr. Stevens and Lt. Davis got to come," Sheldon said.

"They're protecting us," Leonard said.

"I can be your tour guide," Sheldon said. "I know all about Paris and the French people. French people love me."

"Idiot!" the security chief said.

"Sheldon, how did you know where we were going?" Leonard asked.

"I saw the news report," Sheldon said. "CNN International showed your encounter with the reporters at Lake Geneva, and I knew you planned to come to this hotel in a couple of days, so easy peasy: I just hopped a train, and Bazinga, I'm here."

"Monsieur," the security chief said to Leonard. "Perhaps I may be of service. It would be an honor for me to escort your friend to the hostel down the street where he may find lodging."

"No, I'm staying with Leonard and Penny," Sheldon said

"But, Monsieur," the chief said, taking Sheldon by the arm, "I insist." He turned around and winked at Leonard and Penny. "Dr. and Madame Hofstadter are on their lune de miel, how do you say, their honeymoon. Perhaps they would appreciate some privacy." With that, he ushered Sheldon out the door, turned left, and walked down the street.

Leonard and Penny ate a quiet late-night supper in their room. They had invited Patti and JaQuon, but Patti had insisted that Leonard and Penny needed some privacy. She and JaQuan took turns eating at the small café across the street while the other stood guard outside Leonard and Penny's room.

As JaQuan returned from his meal, he met several local security, whom he had arranged to stand guard outside Leonard and Penny's room.

Leonard and Penny spent the next two days seeing the sites in Paris. On the third day, they rode the Eurostar to England, where they encountered billboard after billboard with Penny's picture advertising the Back Door makeup line. Even though she was in her usual disguise, everywhere she went, people yelled "Penny!" at her.

When one particularly aggressive woman confronted Penny demanding her autograph, Leonard laughed and said, "You know, no one ever recognizes me, or, if they do, I'm obviously not important enough for them to bug for an autograph."

Before their second day in England was over, Penny must have had Leonard snap her picture with over 20 fans, even though she was wearing her disguise.

When Leonard and Penny returned to their hotel, the young man behind the counter said, "Mrs. Hofstadter, you have an urgent message."

"What did Sheldon do this time?" Penny huffed. She opened the folded note and read it. "Actually, this is not about Sheldon," she said. "There's a phone number with an urgent request that I call."

When Penny and Leonard arrived in their room, Penny called the number. "Hello? This is Penny Hofstadter. I had an urgent message to. . . Yes, I'll hold. [Pause] Hello? Yes, this is Penny. [Pause] It is so nice to talk with you. I am a huge fan. I've seen all of your movies, not just the _Harry Potter_ ones. [Pause] Well, that's so nice. [Pause] Sure. We're here now. I'll call down to security in the lobby and tell them we're expecting you. I'm sure they will know who you are, but we've had to be extra careful. [Pause] Great. We'll see you in about half an hour." She hung up the phone and turned to Leonard. "Emma Watson wants to come see us. She'll be here in just a few minutes."

Emma Watson arrived with her own security, who stayed outside the room while she visited with Penny and Leonard. Emma explained that she had seen on the local news that Penny was in town and wanted to meet her. The news of Penny's home invasion, as well as Leonard's nearly fatal heroics saving her life had made it to England. She had been in Los Angeles while Penny was co-hosting on _Live! _and barely missed her. Emma said that she had wanted to meet Penny and Leonard and planned to try to arrange a visit the next time she was in the Los Angeles area.

Penny and Emma talked about their makeup contracts and how it was so funny how their respective companies were promoting the same basic look as if they had thought of it. Emma said, "I went to my cousin's kindergarten graduation, and the company I represent insisted they make me up with the bright red lipstick and that the artist station herself in the restroom so she could touch up my face every few minutes."

Penny offered to have room service bring supper for them, but Emma, who by now was an old hand at eluding the press, suggested that they allow her people to sneak them out about 20 km out of town to a small family restaurant. The people there knew Emma and recognized Penny from her billboards. Penny had not bothered to travel in disguise this time, since Emma assured her that the people at the restaurant were discreet and would leave them alone.

The group had a very pleasant meal. Penny and Leonard exchanged private cell phone numbers with Emma, and they agreed to get together when Emma visited Los Angeles the following month. While they were eating, Emma walked off to make a phone call. When she returned, she told them a friend of hers had offered them her summer cottage in Scotland if they wanted some time to themselves. They thought that was a lovely idea and accepted.

"Would I know your friend?" Penny asked.

"Jo Rowling," Emma said.

. . .

_Author's Note: I thought it was time to re-visit Sheldon, as if we would ever lose the temptation to strangle him, not to mention that the most enthusiastic comments I get from readers come when I've included him and his antics in the story. I still have to credit my wife and the person who writes for the site under the name Twyla Mercedes for advising me about the makeup issues. I wanted something that Penny would do that would become a phenomenon, such as Fess Parker's causing every boy in America to want a coonskin cap, the Beetles causing young men to want to grow out their hair, and Farrah Fawcett and Jennifer Aniston creating phenomena with their hairstyles. We brainstormed several chapters ago, but we rejected the hairstyle idea, since Penny's hair the way it is works for her and we didn't want to mess with that. The best idea we could come up with was to have a makeup company hire Penny to promote their new product line using a specific look that is not terribly current._

_Thanks for reading._

_P.S.: Thanks to "Flame" for advising me that I had used the wrong name for the train from Paris to London and gave me the correct information._


	29. Chapter 29: Junior Rodeo On

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 29, Junior Rodeo On

_Authors Note: Before I proceed with this chapter, I have to give a shout-out to the person who reviewed my previous chapter under the name "Flame." Flame was extremely kind and helpful and gave me a heads-up that I had used the incorrect term for the transportation that Leonard and Penny took from Paris to London. The Tube, Flame explained, is the subway there in London. According to Flame, I was referring to the Eurostar, the actual train from Paris to London. I've gone back to the chapter and made the appropriate change. The funny thing is that I should have known better. My mother-in-law was from England, a town named Kettering, just up the highway from London, and spent most of her working career in London. My father-in-law was Scottish, from a family affiliated with the Macduff Clan (as in "Beware Macduff"). My wife has not lived in England for a long time, and I suppose I should have known the difference. I'm just a couple of generations off the Cherokee Indian Reservation myself (yes, I know 'Indian' is politically incorrect, but that's what it was called), so I don't know a lot about such things. I got the reference to the Tube from a TV show. Oops. Anyway, thanks to Flame for giving me the correct information._

_Note #2: There is some graphic material at the end of the chapter, based on actual events that took place near my home. If you're offended by graphic material, take my advice and stop reading as soon as you see the name __Tadpole Johnson__._

. . .

Penny and Leonard held hands as they walked into the waiting area at Boston's Logan Airport after taking the commuter flight from New York. JaQuan was in front, and Patti was on the other side of Penny. She smiled when she saw Leonard and Penny holding hands.

"The last week did you and Leonard a lot of good, didn't it?" Patti said to Penny.

"You know, it really did," Penny said. "Being in Scotland the last several days was the first time Leonard and I have had to ourselves with no Sheldon and no worries."

"It was sweet of Leonard to suggest that the two of you stop off here to see his brother and sister before heading back to Pasadena," Patti said.

"It was actually my idea," Penny said. "I've become really close to them, and I've seen how Leonard lights up around them. Besides, I'm dying to see the Munchkins."

"There he is," Leonard said to JaQuan, pointing to his brother Michael, who was standing waiting for them with his fiancée Renee.

Michael, towering over Leonard, nearly knocked Leonard to the floor hugging him. "Big brother, it's wonderful to see you looking so much better than you did the last time I saw you at the hospital. I love you. Don't ever do that to me again."

Michael then turned his attention to Penny. As he hugged her, he said, "Welcome back, Sis. I love you too."

Patti nodded to Michael, since they had already met. Michael introduced her to Renee. Leonard then introduced JaQuan to both of them.

They walked to the luggage area and retrieved their bags. JaQuan insisted on pushing the trolley to Michael's waiting SUV.

"Janice and Paul and the Rug Rats are on the way," Michael said. "Father's on a dig in Tanzania. Rachel wanted to come, but she's having so many problems with nausea that she pretty much wants to stay home and drink ginger ale. I didn't even bother calling Mother."

"We stopped in and visited with Rachel in between flights," Penny said. "She looks as if she's smuggling basketballs. She seemed excited. I'll bet your dad is so happy he can't stand himself."

"Father's scared out of his mind," Michael said. "Becoming a father again at 61 is about to drive him loopy. As you would expect, Mother's rather irritated at the whole situation, calling him an old fool."

. . .

Penny sat at the table in Michael's kitchen with Molly in her lap working with Mitchell on his knot project for the Junior Explorers. Molly was holding Penny's hair.

"I have to be able to tie the knots on this list for my badge," Mitchell said, pointing to the screen on his mother's iPad.

"Piece of cake," Penny said. "By the time we have to leave tomorrow, you'll be an old hand at these knots. I was a Girl Scout, and I earned a badge in knots myself. My Grandpa Bob was in the Navy, and he showed me a bunch of knots that weren't in the knots manual. Watch this." She took a length of rope, tied it to two chairs with a lot of slack, and tied a knot in the middle. "That's called a sheepshank," she said. "Watch what I do now." She pulled the knot tight, removing the slack in the rope. "That's what you use when you need to shorten a length of rope but you don't want to cut it."

"I can tie a sheet bend," Mitchell said, joining two pieces of string.

"Great job. Do you know the sheet bend is also called a weaver's knot?" Penny asked. "Let me show you." She crossed two strings and pinched them between her thumb and ring finger and tied the knot a different way from how Mitchell knew. "When you're working with yarn on a loom and a strand breaks, you tie it back together that way. Oh, here's an interesting knot. It's called the handcuff knot. When I was in Junior Rodeo, it's how we hogtied the cows." She took one of the strands of rope Mitchell had and made the knot. "You can also use it to tie two tent poles together."

"Why do they call it a handcuff knot?" Mitchell asked.

Penny laid the knot out on the table. "See? It looks like a pair of handcuffs."

"Aunt Penny, you're so pretty with your new hair," Linda said. "It looks like strawberry lemonade. When I grow up, I hope I'm going to be as pretty as you are."

Penny squeezed Linda. "You know what, sweetie?" she said. "You are already absolutely beautiful. I have missed you, Molly, and Mitchell so much."

"Do you and Uncle Leonard have a baby yet?" Linda asked. "Grandmother said she wondered if you and Uncle Leonard got married so fast because you were going to have a baby."

"No, sweetie," Penny said. "Uncle Leonard and I want to have a baby, but Uncle Leonard was hurt very badly a couple of months ago, and we want to make sure he is all better so he can be there for me if I have a tough time when we decide to have a baby. We're going to have to wait a little while. But you, Molly, and Mitchell make me want a baby for Uncle Leonard and me to love."

"Will you still love Molly, Mitchell, and me when you have a baby?" Linda asked.

"Sweetie, I will always love you with all my heart," Penny said, squeezing Linda again.

"Where do babies come from, Aunt Penny?" Linda asked.

Penny noticed that Mitchell was suddenly interested in the conversation. "You know," Penny said, "Your mommy and daddy are both doctors. They can tell you a lot better than I can where babies come from." She looked at Janice, who was nodding her approval.

"Guys, it's time to get ready for bed," Janice said. "Mitchell, your Uncle Michael said it's all right for you to leave your knot materials here on the kitchen table tonight. Maybe you and Aunt Penny can work on your knot project some more tomorrow."

"Hey, Mitchell," Penny said. "Tomorrow I'll show you how to make real Ojibwa dream catchers," Penny said.

Leonard and Penny were in the bed in one of Michael's two spare bedrooms. Janice and Paul had taken the other spare bedroom and had the children on cots in the study that Michael kept on the rafters in the garage. Patti slept on the fold-out futon in the den, and JaQuan slept on the sofa in the living room, insisting that, after sleeping on the hard ground in Afghanistan and during his SEAL training, it would feel like a feather bed. Besides, he said, it would be easier for him to respond if he heard anything from there. Leonard had suggested that they stay at the hotel across the highway, but Michael had insisted they all stay together again.

Penny cuddled close to Leonard, kissed him, and said, "I love you so much. It feels like coming home being here with your family. When your brother and sister hug me, they really hug me. You know?"

Leonard said, "Michael really surprised me hugging me like that and telling me he loves me at the airport. Our family is not that demonstrative."

"Michael loves you with all of his heart," Penny said. "He's terminally proud of his big brother. He was inconsolable after your injuries when things did not look good. He doesn't know this, but I nearly walked up on him crying his heart out at the end of the hallway outside the ICU."

_[Sound of a door opening] Stomp, stomp, stomp, thump!_ Linda landed in the bed next to Penny. "Aunt Penny, can I snuggle with you?"

_Stomp, stomp, stomp, thump!_ "Me too," Molly said.

"Sure, sweeties," Penny said. "I missed our snuggling when we left here last time. Where's Mitchell?"

"Mitchell doesn't snuggle," Linda said. "He says that's for babies."

Penny pulled back the bed covers and said, "Well get on in here. It's snuggle time."

. . .

Michael's house was quiet at 2:12 a.m. The lone figure lurked silently in the shadows just off the back porch. He had already tried the front door and the garage door and had found them securely locked. He tried the kitchen door and found that someone had only locked the latch. He removed his ID from his wallet and slid it into the space between the door and the frame and heard the latch click. He eased open the door and walked into the dark kitchen.

Suddenly, a shadow rushed the figure, knocking him to the floor. "Help! Murder!" he yelled as the shadow had him on his stomach and securely hogtied in less than 30 seconds. His next yell was muffled when the shadow stuffed a cloth of some kind into his mouth.

The shadow rolled him onto his side. The figure felt the blade of a butcher knife against his throat as the other said, "Don't move a muscle, scumbag!"

Michael flicked on the kitchen light to find Penny straddling a hogtied Sheldon. Sheldon had a dish towel stuffed into his mouth and was groaning. Penny was holding a butcher knife to his throat.

"What's going on here?" he asked.

Penny pulled the dishtowel out of Sheldon's mouth. "Sheldon!" she said. "What are you doing sneaking in here in the middle of the night? You scared me nearly to death!"

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," Sheldon said. He struggled, but Penny had him tied so securely he had a difficult time moving at all. "Please untie me."

"Hold on, before you untie him," Leonard said from the doorway, with Molly, Linda, and Mitchell peeping around him and Patti standing behind him. He took several pictures with his phone. "These are definitely going on Facebook."

"I'm not untying you until you tell me why you broke in here in the middle of the night. Do you know I can hogtie and castrate you in less than a minute?" Penny said. She dragged the blade of the butcher knife across Sheldon's crotch.

"That I have to see," Michael said.

"Do it," Patti said.

"I don't doubt for a second she could do it," JaQuan said from the kitchen door.

"I'm not using that knife until it's been through the dishwasher—on sanitize cycle," Janice said, standing behind Patti.

"If you're going to do it, let me get disinfectant wipes," Janice' husband Paul said.

"What does castrate mean?" Mitchell asked.

_Knock, knock, knock, police!_ Came the knock at the back door. Michael turned on the back porch lights to find two police officers standing on the porch.

"Sir, dispatch summoned us to this address because neighbors reported a suspicious individual who appeared to be attempting to break in. As we drove up in the driveway, we heard someone crying out for help."

"Come in," Michael said. "I'm Michael Hofstadter. This is my house."

The officers walked into the kitchen and froze when they saw Sheldon lying on the floor hogtied with Penny sitting on top of him holding a butcher knife.

"Anyone want to explain what's going on here?" the older officer asked.

"I'm about to make a steer out of a calf," Penny said.

"Officers, I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, tenured professor of theoretical physics at the California Institute of Technology. I want to have this woman arrested for mayhem and assault."

The older officer approached Penny and said, "Ma'am, why don't I take Mr. Pointy while you tell me what happened."

Penny handed him the butcher knife.

"Here," the officer said, extending his hand to Penny, "Let me help you up. Sitting on this man can't be comfortable."

"Now, ma'am, what happened?" the officer said.

"Isn't somebody going to untie me?" Sheldon demanded.

"Hush," the officer said, "The lady is talking."

Penny said, "I was thirsty, and I started to the kitchen for a glass of water when I heard someone coming in through the back door. I was attacked a few months ago, and I guess I'm a little skittish. I knew everyone in the house was where they were supposed to be, so it had to be an intruder. So I took self-defensive actions."

"Where did you get the rope?" the officer asked.

"My nephew is doing a badge in knots for the Junior Explorers, and I was teaching him some of the knots I learned in Girl Scouts. We had the rope on the table, so I grabbed it and a butcher knife from the drawer. When the intruder entered, I took action."

"Officer, I want her arrested," Sheldon said. "And would someone please untie me?"

"Hush! Now, sir," he said, talking to Michael. "You said this is your house?"

"Yes, Sergeant," Michael said.

"Do you know this man?"

"Yes, Sergeant," Michael said. "He is my brother's former roommate. I met him at the UCLA Medical Center when my brother here nearly died."

"Wait a minute," the older officer said, looking more closely at Penny. "You're Penny, the woman who beat the living daylights out of four men during a home invasion until they tied you up and pounded on you. And you," he said, looking at Leonard, "are her husband, who nearly died pushing her out of a way when a family member of the thugs who attacked her tried to kill her with his car."

"That's right," Leonard said.

"Jacobs," the older officer said to the younger officer, "these two people are heroes. Ma'am, sir, it's an honor. What about this guy?"

"We still don't know what he's doing here," Leonard said. "We weren't expecting him. Sheldon, I thought you were going home to Pasadena after Paris. What happened?"

"I ran out of money," Sheldon said. "The concierge at your hotel had my bank wire me some money, but I didn't have enough to cover the trip all the way to Pasadena, just enough to get me to New York—flying coach, no less! I caught the bus and rode it here."

"Sheldon, your position at Cal TEC pays the same thing mine does. What do you mean you didn't have enough money in the bank?" Leonard said.

"I haven't deposited any of my paychecks in almost a year," Sheldon said.

"Why not?" Leonard asked.

"I don't trust banks," Sheldon said.

"So you think the paychecks will sit there in your drawer and mate?" Leonard said.

"I don't trust banks," Sheldon repeated.

"Mister," Leonard said, "I'll front you the money for the trip home, but, when we get back to Pasadena, we're going to gather up all of your paychecks, take them to the bank and deposit them, set up direct deposit for your paycheck, and get you a debit card and a credit card. Then you're going to pay me back. I've been keeping a tab."

"I don't trust banks," Sheldon said. "And it's 'doctor.'"

"It's non-negotiable. You either do it with me, or you can do it with Penny."

Sheldon looked at Penny, who made a slicing gesture across her groin area as if she was holding a knife. "For the umpteenth time, could someone please untie me?" he asked.

The younger officer took out his utility knife, unfolded the blade, and said, "Here. I'll cut the rope."

Penny said, "Oh, that's unnecessary. It's just a slip knot." She grabbed one end of the rope, pulled, and the entire knot came loose. Sheldon staggered to his feet. He mumbled something under his breath that sounded an awful lot like _fishwife_.

The younger officer said, "Ma'am, could you teach me how to do that?"

"Sure," Penny said. "Sheldon, why don't we go into the den, where we have more room?"

Sheldon ran and stood behind the older officer. He said, "Oh, no!"

"Sir? Do you want to press charges?" the older officer asked Michael. "We could make a case for breaking and entering."

"No, Sergeant, not at this time, but I do wish to reserve the right to bring charges at a later time, depending on whether he behaves himself," Michael said.

The officers left after having Leonard take pictures of them with their respective cell phones standing next to Penny. In several, Penny was wearing the younger officer's hat and was dangling a pair of handcuffs. They had Leonard promise to send them the pictures he had taken of Penny sitting on the hogtied Sheldon.

"So, where am I sleeping?" Sheldon asked.

"Linda and Molly are snuggling with us," Penny said. "There are two cots in the study."

"Oh, no," Sheldon said. "I don't sleep on cots. I sleep in a bed."

"Sheldon, my brother has been kind enough as it is insisting that Penny, Patti, JaQuan, and I stay here. There's not another bed," Leonard said.

"I'll take him to the hotel across the highway," JaQuan said. He looked at Sheldon and said, "And you will pay me back."

. . .

Leonard, Penny, and Patti walked the short distance to the pastry shop the next morning. They found Leonard and Doris sitting at their usual table. They introduced Patti.

After catching up with Leonard and Doris and having orange scones and the shop's wonderful coffee, Penny insisted they walk to the place where the person who had hired himself and Cinder out for sleigh rides in the snow was hiring Cinder out for buggy rides. Cinder huffled at Penny and nuzzled her as she rubbed the bridge of his nose and told him about Midnight. She fed him an apple she had picked up at the fruit stand on the way from the bakery. Unfortunately, a couple had already booked the buggy, but Penny gave Cinder a hug and told him to be a good boy. He danced and whinnied as she walked away.

. . .

"Tadpole" Johnson walked out of the Carlsbad County Detention Center and climbed into the passenger seat of Snoot Wilson's pickup truck.

"TP," Snoot said. "You don't look any worse for wear after spending 90 days in the clink. I didn't think you could get that much time for smacking around your girlfriend."

"Just shut the [expletive deleted] up and drive," Tadpole said.

"Where to?" Snoot said.

"Back to the farm," Tadpole said. "I need to get up to speed on what we have in the works. And I need an update on that Penny bitch."

"She's gone," Snoot said. "She moved. I ain't got no idea what happened to her."

"She didn't vanish off the face of the Earth," Tadpole said. "Why haven't Tammy Lurleen and Enigma Jean been out looking for her?"

"They's in jail," Snoot said. "The feds have them."

"For what?" Tadpole said.

"They caught up with that woman and wuz gonna shave her head and then put a bullet between her eyes, but this nosy old busy body jumped in," Snoot said. "The feds have them on old firearms smuggling charges and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon."

Tadpole rubbed his forehead. "You know," he said, "Hearing you tell me that just makes me feel tired all over. We got anything coming in?"

"We got a run of domestic workers already at the house in the valley. It's getting hard to handle them now that everybody's in jail or dead. When it gets dark, we're gonna move them. We're gonna get paid good for 'em. They're all healthy, and most of them have most of their teeth. We might be able to move a couple of the girls for the sex trade."

At that moment, Agent Gellar was following Snoot and Tadpole three car lengths behind. She pressed a button activating the tracking device her agent had put behind Snoot's truck's license plate while he was inside the convenience store buying cigarettes on the way to the detention center. She turned right as the car carrying Agent Lashay passed her taking over following the truck.

Agent Gellar pulled into the parking lot and dialed Penny's number. "Hello, Mrs. Hofstadter. [Pause] This is Agent Gellar, FBI. [Pause] Yes, that's right, we spoke a few weeks ago. I wonder if it's convenient for me to come by your home and chat with you? [Pause] You're in Cambridge, Massachusetts? Wonderful! How long do you plan to stay there? [Pause] Could I get you to delay your return to Pasadena at least until tomorrow? I need to check some things and get back with you. It may be better if I don't have to worry about your well-being for the next day or two. [Pause] Yes, please talk with your husband and get back with me."

. . .

"That was Agent Gellar with the FBI," Penny said, putting her iPhone back into her purse. She and Leonard's family were having lunch where Molly, Linda, and Mitchell had wanted to go, Pizza Clown Factory. Mitchell was shooting basketballs against Leonard and was soundly whipping him. Sheldon was sitting at a table by himself drinking water and eating his simple cheese pizza.

The clown came by and asked Sheldon, "Hey, buddy, want me to make you a balloon puppy?"

Sheldon drew back and said, "Go away!"

"What did the FBI want?" Michael asked, sipping his frosty mug of Moon Juice.

"The agent we've been working with wanted to come by and talk with me. When I told her where I am, she seemed pleased and asked me to stay put and not return to Pasadena at least until tomorrow. She said she had to check on something and get back with me, but, in the meantime, I need to talk with Leonard and make sure we can stay away for at least another day."

"Well, you guys are staying with me," Michael said. "Janice, you and your family stay as well. We can have a Saturday Night Live night again. I know it's a rerun, but I had such a ball last time. We can do it again. I got DVDs of the _Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday_ and the _Hallelujah Trail_, two of Leonard's and my other favorite movies."

"Sounds like a weekend to me," Janice said.

Penny walked over and told Leonard what was up.

"Do you think you'll be able to show up on the set on Monday morning if we go back tomorrow, without a day to rest up?" Leonard asked.

"Being here with your family is restful for me," Penny said. She leaned down and squeezed Mitchell, who uncharacteristically hugged her around the neck.

Penny called back Agent Gellar and told her they would call the travel agent and change their tickets to Sunday. However, she emphasized that she was due on the set and Leonard was due at work on Monday. Agent Gellar said she would call Penny the next day around lunch time at the latest.

. . .

Tadpole and snoot drove around for several hours until after dark. Snoot took Tadpole to a steakhouse so he could have a nice steak and baked potato. Snoot parked on the curb in front of the house in the valley. He walked up to the front door and unlocked the deadbolt with Tadpole walking behind him after alerting T. J. by cell phone that they were coming. T. J., holding an assault rifle in his lap, sat in the living room watching TV.

"How's everything?" Snoot asked.

"Quiet," T. J. said. "They all saw the rifle, and nobody gave me any problem."

Snoot and Tadpole walked down the basement stairs. Snoot unlocked the large metal door. Tadpole turned on the light from the only switch, outside the door. The seven people inside the room huddled together squinting at the light. One commode and sink were in the corner.

"Kinda scrawny pickings," Tadpole said.

"This is the best we could do," Snoot said. "Ibis! Maria!" he said. He motioned for two women to come forward. Two young women approached, clutching thin blankets around their shoulders. He motioned for them to follow him and Tadpole out of the room. He locked the door behind himself and turned off the light. He told the two young women in Spanish to drop their blankets. The young women looked at each other and backed up against the door but did not drop their blankets. Snoot slapped the young woman closest to him across the face. He pulled his knife out of its sheath and held it against her throat. He told the two once again to drop their blankets.

The two young women stood shivering in the cold light of the basement. Snoot told them in Spanish to hold their arms at their sides while Tadpole walked around them looking over them.

"See?" Snoot said. "Clean them up, dress them in nice clothes, and have someone do their hair and makeup, and we may be able to sell them for the sex trade."

"Agreed," Tadpole said.

Snoot motioned the two women over to the small closet where they kept janitorial supplies, opened the door, and shoved the two girls in there. He locked the door behind them and hung the key on the nail by the door.

"We'll take them later," he said.

Snoot and Tadpole returned to the other room, turned on the light, and removed the key from the nail. They opened the door and told the people inside to follow them. Snoot led them up the stairs with Tadpole following in the rear. T. J. greeted them at the top of the stairs. They led the group to the windowless van waiting in the garage. T. J. opened the rear van door, and Snoot told them in Spanish to get in.

Tadpole had Snoot tell the people in Spanish that, if anyone made any noise or attempted to escape, he would tie them hand and foot and drop them in a hole in the desert where only the coyotes and the rattlesnakes would find them.

Snoot opened the driver's side door and climbed into the driver's seat. Tadpole moved into the passenger's seat. He reached under the seat and pulled out a 9mm pistol. He had an assault rifle on the Easy Rider gun rack over the back seat.

Snoot pressed the button raising the garage door.

"FBI! Freeze!" The team said from the driveway as another team knocked down the front door and entered the house with their weapons drawn.

Snoot raised his hands as an FBI agent held his pistol to his head. Another agent opened the door, pulled Snoot out of the van, took him to the garage floor, and cuffed his hands behind his back.

Tadpole dropped to the garage door carrying his pistol and rolled to the front of the van. He came up and fired. He was dead before he hit the floor.

The commander of the group in the garage pulled the lever on the van floor next to the driver's seat, opening the van's backdoor. Agents opened the door and told the five people there in Spanish to come out, that they were safe.

The team coming through the house' front door secured T. J., who was by now handcuffed and lying on the floor. Four team members, weapons drawn, went down the stairs, found the key to the storage closet where the two women were huddling, and handed them blankets.

Forty miles away, the assault team, search warrants in hand, stormed the compound where the Johnson family and their allied families had lived. Inside, they found children and a few women with bruises on their faces who were willing to talk. The women led them to rooms, where agents found 13 additional people who were being smuggled in to work in the fields.


	30. Chapter 30, Homecoming Vortex

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 30, Homecoming Vortex

Leonard was spooning Penny when the phone rang at 3:12 a.m. Penny had her arm around Molly and Linda.

"Hello?" Penny groggily said.

Molly and Linda stirred. Linda raised her head to see what was going on. Penny got out of bed, walked into the kitchen, and shut the door.

"Yes, this is Penny. [Pause] Right now? OK."

She turned on Michael's flat-screen TV he kept in the kitchen. She searched until she found the news channel.

"Yes, I have it on the channel," she said.

There was video of the One Nation compound, with investigators leading frightened laborers to a makeshift clinic medical staff had erected there in one of the buildings. Paramedics and nurses were treating the laborers as well as several of the women and children who lived there.

The reporter's voice-over said, "Some of the women residing in the compound led the team to areas where team members found over 20 workers who were being trafficked to work in agriculture and construction as well as domestic servants. They told team members about a house in the valley where women and girls were being trafficked for the sex trade. According to some of the laborers who spoke English, they paid the members of the group for what they were led to believe was to bring them into the country legally, with legitimate work and education visas only to learn that they were, in effect, slave laborers."

"What's the sex trade?" Linda asked from the doorway.

Penny's head jerked around. She muted the sound.

"Hey, sweetie. What are you doing up?" she asked.

"I wanted to see if somebody else broke in and you were tying them up," Linda said.

"Agent Gellar," Penny said into the phone. "Please hold. I have some young ears here."

Penny said, "Hey, Linda. Have you ever had chai spice? Why don't I fix you some. It's my favorite."

"I thought Diet Dr. Pepper was your favorite," Linda said.

"Well, I have two favorites," Penny said.

Penny proceeded to make some chai spice for her and Linda from the container Michael kept for her while she talked with Agent Gellar, who briefed her on the goings on at the One Nation compound and the house in the valley.

"Am I in the clear now?" Penny asked. "Is everyone who might threaten me taken care of?" she eyed Linda, who was listening with rapt attention. "Our flight leaves at 4:15 p.m. Should we still keep it? [Pause] OK, we'll talk when we can do it without an audience."

"What's up?" Leonard said from the doorway.

"I'll tell you later," Penny said, nodding at Linda, who was watching her with obvious interest.

"Aunt Penny is making me some sky," Linda said.

"I want some too," Molly said running into the kitchen.

"Three chais it is," Penny said. "Leonard, you want one?"

"Sure," Leonard said.

"Five," Janice said from the doorway.

"Six," Patti said.

"Seven," Michael said.

"Agent Gellar, I'll need to call you back," Penny said. She pressed End Call.

"What's up?" Patti asked.

Penny looked at Linda and Molly, who were watching her with undivided attention. "You know the group Agent Gellar told me about? There have been some developments. I'll tell you later."

Penny brought seven coffee mugs out of the cupboard and put in seven bags of chai spice. As the tea kettle began to whistle, she poured the water into the mugs.

"Now we have to wait," she said to Linda and Molly. She set the kitchen timer on the stove for five minutes. "Let me go tell Aunt Patti something. I'll be right back. Don't try to drink the chai until I show you how to fix it. It's too hot, and it needs to steep."

Penny motioned for Patti to follow her. She went back into the bedroom and shut the door. She told Patti what she knew but said that Linda and Molly had interrupted her watching the coverage on the 24-hour news channel. Patti said she would call Agent Gellar, since Penny had an audience.

Penny walked back into the kitchen as the timer sounded. She poured half-and-half into Linda's and Molly's mugs. She stirred them and said, "I'll let your mommy sweeten them for you. Now why don't you start putting some on a spoon and blowing on it to see if you like it—it's hot."

The other adults prepared their own cups.

"This is re-mar-ka-ble," Linda said. She blew on hers to cool it and began to cautiously drink it.

Molly screwed up her face.

"Sweetie, if you don't like it, why don't I pour you some milk?" Penny said. She found a child's cup in the cupboard and poured Molly some milk.

"Penny, I'll bring you up to speed when we get the chance," Patti said from the doorway. "It's probably safe to go home, but I'll tell you some things you should know."

Penny took Molly and Linda back to the bedroom after the three of them finished their chai and ate some nacho chips from the pantry. They resumed snuggling. Leonard stayed with Janice, Michael, and Patti in the kitchen with the door closed watching the news channel's coverage. Patti briefed them on what Agent Gellar had told her.

. . .

Amy woke on the sofa in Sheldon and Raj's apartment promptly at 6:00 a.m. as Sheldon switched on the lights and announced that it was time for him to watch _Dr. Who_. When she drove Sheldon from the airport on Saturday night, she told him it was too late for her to drive home and suggested they spend the night together. Sheldon said that was fine and brought out blankets and a pillow for her on the sofa. She said she thought that they might want to both sleep in his room, but Sheldon said he didn't think he could fit the sofa into his room with the bed there. Amy resigned herself to sleeping in the living room—naked.

"Sheldon," Amy said. "Does our waking up together one door apart and my being naked give you any ideas?"

"It gives me the idea that you're talking while I'm watching _Dr. Who_," he said.

Amy stared at him for a moment, shrugged her shoulders, and got dressed.

After eating his usual Sunday breakfast and watching _Dr. Who_, Sheldon announced that it was time for Raj to take him to the park for his every-other-week exercise. Amy said she would do it if they could stop off somewhere and let her at least get a breakfast biscuit and coffee.

Amy stood up and threw the Frisbee then sat back down and took another bite of her Egg and Cheese biscuit as Sheldon ran after the Frisbee and knocked it to the ground. She wearily took a sip of her coffee. "Sheldon," she said. "Why don't you try to catch it? Just slapping it to the ground or standing and watching it fall doesn't seem like any fun."

"Because that's the way I do it," Sheldon said.

"Look over there at the Welsh Collie," Amy said.

The young woman near them threw the Frisbee, and the dog, wearing a neckerchief, jumped into the air and caught it. He wagged his tail excitedly as he brought it back to the young woman. He barked as she teased him with it before tossing it again.

"Do I look like a dog to you?" Sheldon asked.

"Just try it one time," Amy said. "Here. Run that way." She gently threw the Frisbee at Sheldon.

"Ouch!" Sheldon said as he turned around and the Frisbee hit him in the nose. "Now I'm bleeding."

Amy sighed, ate the last of her biscuit, drank the last of her coffee, and pressed the napkins she had thought to put into her pocket against Sheldon's nose.

"You boke by doze," Sheldon said.

"I did not break your nose," Amy said, rolling her eyes. "You just have a nosebleed."

"Wad are you lookid ad?" Sheldon asked the Welsh Collie, who was watching him with his head tilted.

"Woof!" the dog said, wagging his tail.

"Go away!" Sheldon said.

Amy was creating a bumper sticker in her head that read, "My Welsh Collie is Smarter than Your Physicist."

Amy and Sheldon did not notice the two figures watching them from the pickup truck in the parking lot.

"That's the roommate," Jabbo said.

"He ain't nothing," Hack said from the passenger seat. "You ain't got no idea where that Penny bitch and that squirt she's married to are?"

"Nope," Jabbo said. "It's like they just vanished into thin air."

. . .

The _Sixth Element_ Director stood to the side watching Master Kim choreograph the fight scene.

"I be girl," Master Kim said. He and the large stunt man in the Mondoshawan costume clashed. "OK," he said, "Now backhand girl." The big man delivered a backhand that, if it had actually connected, would have removed Master Kim's head. "OK. We do it Missy Penny." He motioned for Penny, who was in her combat costume from the movie, to come imitate what he and the stunt man had just done. She and the stunt man started slowly and then tried it real time.

"Not so gentle with big man," Master Kim told Penny. "When he come in, you try knock his head off. He trained fighter, professional wrestler, former special forces. He get out of the way."

They clashed again. Penny took a swing at the man.

"Crack!"

The big man was on his knees.

"Medic!" the director yelled. The set paramedic rushed to the area in front of the green screen.

"James!" Master Kim said, rushing to the big man. "You OK?"

"She broke my [expletive deleted] jaw!" the big man said, grasping his jaw.

"Why you not get out of the way?" Master Kim said.

"She's too [expletive deleted] fast!" James said.

"Oh, this not good," Master Kim said. He looked at Penny and said, "OK. Maybe you be gentle next time. He nodded approval. "Missy Penny, you my tiger girl."

"We need someone James' size to fit into the costume," the director said. He looked at JaQuan, who was sitting off to the side reading a newspaper.

"Mr. Stevens," the director said. "Master Kim says you are trained in the martial arts."

"He excellent," Master Kim said.

"Hold on," one of the other stunt people said. "He can't even fill in. He's not a member of the union."

"Mr. Stevens, could you help us out?" the director asked. "I'll clear things with the stunt union."

"I can help you rehearse," JaQuan said, "but I'm security. I'm not a trained stunt person."

"He'll be fine," Master Kim said.

"Why don't we run through it, and, if he does well, I'll call the stunt union," the director said.

"Mr. Stevens has sparred with Missy Penny," Master Kim said. "He knows to get out of her way."

JaQuan put down the newspaper and walked over to the area in front of the green screen. He did a few stretches.

"You've been watching what Master Kim has been doing with Penny?" the director asked.

"I have," JaQuan said.

"Let's try it very slowly, and, if it works, we'll do it more quickly," the director said.

JaQuan and Penny went through the bit in slow motion.

"Great," the director said. "Now real time."

JaQuan made the motion of back-handing Penny, which, from the camera perspective, would look as if he actually struck her. Her head snapped back. She went down, rolled, and came back up with a left hook that, with JaQuan's reaction, looked as if she knocked him unconscious.

"Great!" the director said. He picked up his cell phone and called the stunt union. He agreed to pay JaQuan's membership fee. "Let's get you to makeup," he said.

Penny sat on the side drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper talking on the phone with Kathy while she waited for makeup to suit up JaQuan. "The remake of _Arsenic and Old Lace_ with me as the main character? [Pause] No, I've never seen the original, but it's my husband's favorite. [Pause] He said I shouldn't watch it for some reason. [Pause] OK. Kathy, am I getting a bit over-exposed? I'm grateful for the work, but I don't want the public to become sick of me. [Pause] OK. Leonard has the DVD. I'll watch it tonight. We're having friends for dinner, and we'll watch it then."

. . .

Leonard was eating lunch with Howard, Raj, Patti, Alex, and Sheldon. Alex sat next to Raj.

"So there are still a couple of family members the FBI wants to locate?" Howard said.

"Yes," Leonard said. "Their Uncle Hack and their cousin Thomas, who goes by the nickname Jabbo. They know that Jabbo was living in the compound, but he wasn't one of the people arrested. The last they saw of Hack, he was caught on camera at a convenience store in Nevada, apparently on the way here. He's going to be easy to spot. He's 6'6" tall and built like an old-time horror film monster."

"That means that you and Penny still have to be under protection?" Alex said.

"Yes, for now," Leonard said. He turned toward Patti. "I'll miss having Patti and JaQuan around all the time when we don't have to have 24-hour protection."

"Oh, you'll still see us all the time," Patti said.

Alex got up and brought two fruit cups. She gave one to Raj, who nodded to her. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flask and started to drink, but Alex stopped him. "No alcohol. If you want to talk to me, talk to me."

Raj looked away.

. . .

Alex took her coffee cup into the kitchen and put it into the dishwasher.

"Alex, you don't have to clean up," Penny said. "Leonard and I can take care of that. We appreciate your coming to dinner tonight."

"Thank you for having me," Alex said, looking down.

Penny looked around and made sure they were alone. "Alex, can we chat for a moment?"

"I guess so," Alex said.

"Alex, I know you're in love with Leonard," Penny said.

"Penny, I promise. . . ." Alex began.

"Alex, you don't even have to say it. I know. I've been around you enough, and Leonard has talked about you enough that I know you're not the kind of woman who would ever try to come between two married people. I can just tell how much you love Leonard by the way you act every time you're around him."

"I'm so sorry," Alex said. "Do you think he knows?"

"He doesn't have a clue," Penny said. "Poor Leonard, he has such poor self-esteem that he can't believe that anyone could love him. I have to tell him I love him all the time, and he's still insecure. He has recently become very close to his brother and sister and my daddy, and I think he's getting better, but he's still clueless."

"Penny, if you want me to leave, I'll leave, but I promise you I'll never do the first thing to try to steal Leonard, even if I thought I could. I see how he looks at you, though. I know he'll never look at another woman."

"Alex, we're going to become great friends," Penny said. "I think you're a wonderful person, and I want to know you better. Let's go on in and watch the movie. And please don't ever hesitate to talk to me about anything. OK?"

"Sure," Alex said.

Alex helped Penny by carrying the bowl of popcorn into the living room, where Patti, her dad, Leonard, Bernadette, Howard, Raj, and Sheldon had adjourned following dinner, in front of their large-screen TV.

"You've never seen _Arsenic and Old Lace_ before, even though it's Leonard's favorite movie?" Bernadette asked.

"I tried to get Leonard to play it when we were snowbound in Cambridge, but he and Patti said I shouldn't watch it just then," Penny said. "Kathy says they're interested in remaking it with a female in Cary Grant's role and want to talk to me about the part."

"Penny," Patti said, "the reason we thought you shouldn't watch it is that Cary Grant spends a good part of the movie tied to a chair and gagged while Raymond Massey and Peter Lorre's characters plan to kill him. We thought it was too soon."

"Oh. I guess I could handle it now. It's been five months. I've only had that one panic attack, my ribs are healing, and I've settled into a wonderful life. Tell you what. Why don't I hold the remote and, if I start feeling uneasy, we can fast forward through it."

They played the movie. When they got to the part where Cary Grant was tied and gagged, Penny took several large gulps of wine, but she watched it. Leonard, holding her hand, watched her. She even laughed at several places.

At that moment, Hack and Jabbo were sitting about 100 yards away from the entrance to Leonard and Penny's gate. There was a tap on the window.

"May I help you?" Darrell asked.

Hack rolled down the passenger window. "We're just waiting for a phone call with directions how to get to where we're meeting someone," Hack lied. "As soon as we get the call, we'll be on our way."

"Anything I can do?" Darrell asked.

"No, we're fine. Maybe my friend will call in just a few minutes," Hack said.

Darrell walked back toward the gate. He spoke into his walkie talkie. "They said they're just sitting waiting for someone to call and give them directions. I got the tag number just in case. I'll give it to Lt. Davis as soon as I get back to the gate."

. . .

Penny held Jeffrey's hand as they waited in the area outside the gate. Jeffrey was wearing a _Sixth Element_ ball cap and carrying the stuffed Elmo Penny had brought him when he was going through chemotherapy at the hospital. His little sister Beth was clutching the Penny doll from the _Sixth Element_ that Penny had brought and was holding her mother's hand.

"Beth," Penny said, "You can't buy those dolls in the store yet. I got that especially for you."

"Thank you, Penny," Beth said.

"Is he going to know who I am?" Jeffrey asked Penny.

"He would know you anywhere, sweetie," Penny said.

"Penny, thank you so much," Jeffrey's mother said. "You don't know how much this means to us."

"It's the least I could do," Penny said. "Since my husband lost his spleen, his doctors don't want me coming around the children's hospital because I might bring something home and make him sick. I really miss being there."

"But you have continued to send stuffed animals and have pizza parties for the children," Jeffrey's mother said. "They know who Penny is, and they know you love them."

"I really didn't want to let them know I was responsible," Penny said. "I just wanted them to know I care about them."

Just then people in Marine field uniforms began to come through the gate.

"Daddy!" Jeffrey said. He ran to a huge gunnery sergeant with his duffle slung over his shoulder. The big man held the little boy.

"I'm so proud of you," his dad said. He picked up Jeffrey, came over and kissed his wife, and knelt down. "Hi, Beth," he said.

Beth turned away from him. "I'll bet you don't remember me," he said. "You were just two when I left, and now you're all grown up."

Beth sneaked a peek at him from where she had her face buried in her mother's leg.

"Just give her a little time," his wife said.

"Jeff, this is Penny," Jeffrey's mother said. "She has been so good to us. She's the one I told you about who helped us cover the bills."

Sgt. Phelps hugged Penny and told her how grateful he was that she had been there for his family and how, every time he had called to check on Jeffrey, all Jeffrey could talk about was Penny and how kind she had been to him and the other children at the hospital.

By now, Penny was crying. "I have a surprise for all of you," she said. "The gentleman who drove your family and me here today is going to drive you all home so you can relax. I've arranged for the Cheesecake Factory to bring lunch and supper. Tomorrow, he's going to come back and get you. You have rooms at the hotel at Disneyland for the next week with all your meals covered and passes for all the attractions. I'll leave you alone, but I want all of you to have the chance to get to know each other again and not have to worry about things. We'll have people taking care of your home for you."

"I don't know what to say," Sgt. Phelps said.

"You are so welcome," Penny said. "You see that man over there?" pointing to JaQuan. "He rode here with us. His partner is waiting for us to take me home. All of you take care." She knelt down and hugged Beth and told her goodbye and then rubbed Jeffrey, who was in his father's arms, kissed him on the cheek, and told him she would see him.

As Penny reached JaQuan, she saw that the big man's eyes were tearing.

. . .

Leonard lay in the hospital bed in his gown.

"How are you doing, sweetie?" Penny asked.

"Still groggy," Leonard said. "I'm OK, though."

"Dr. Hofstadter," Dr. Nguyen said as he walked into the room. He was carrying a chart. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Leonard said. "I'm hungry, though."

"As soon as you get dressed, you'll be able to go get something to eat," the doctor said. "It's a good thing we went ahead with the catheterization." He held up the picture and pointed. "This artery was mostly blocked. We put in a stent. We talked ahead of time about stents, so you should remember what we talked about."

"Right," Leonard said. "So am I all right?"

"You should feel some more energy," Dr. Nguyen said. "We caught this before it became critical. You have lost over 25 pounds, your blood chemistry looks better, and I've gotten great reports from cardiac rehab. You and Mrs. Hofstadter took the healthy cooking classes, and your physical therapist said you have been sticking to the exercise program. You're even doing martial arts workouts every morning. I think you're on the right road now."

"We built a gym on our property with computer-interfaced treadmills and stationary bikes," Leonard said. "We live out where we have land where we can go walk, and we're eating a lot better."

"Well, I think you and Mrs. Hofstadter have a good handle on things. Now, with the stent, I think you'll begin to see a lot more progress. The other arteries are healthy, so I think if you keep on your current path, everything will be all right. I'll see you next week, but, in the meantime, Mrs. Hofstadter has my 24-hour contact information."

. . .

Leonard and Penny were asleep. Suddenly, Penny was unable to breathe. She felt paralyzed by fear. As she jerked and gasped for breath, Leonard woke.

"Sweetheart! What's wrong?" He turned on the light next to the bed.

Penny's eyes were wild as she gasped.

"You're having another panic attack," Leonard said. He held Penny, stroking her hair and telling her everything would be all right. He held her until the attack subsided.

"I was having a dream," she gasped. "I had my hands tied behind my back with the plastic ties. I had something stuffed in my mouth, and my mouth was taped so I couldn't call out for help. Someone was hitting me in the ribs and back-handing me across the face, and I couldn't defend myself. They had a knife and said they were going to cut my throat after they took turns raping me."

Leonard continued to hold her. "I have you," he said. "It'll be all right. Let me know if I can get anything for you."

Leonard laid there and held Penny until she fell back to sleep.


	31. Chapter 31: the Maternal Reconsideration

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 31, the Maternal Reconsideration

_Author's note: Once again, I have to thank my wife, my own Penny, for anything feminine in this chapter._

Lisa struggled with her hands cuffed behind her. "Tony," she said, "could you scratch my nose?"

"Sure, Lisa. Sorry about the handcuffs," the big officer said, holding a wadded tissue so Lisa could scratch her nose by moving her face back and forth. "I can't uncuff you until the judge says."

"I understand," she said. "This is just the initial appearance. Once we post bail, I'll be able to walk. You free tonight?"

"Sure," Tony said. "I get off at 2:00."

"And I'll see to it you get off by 3:00," Lisa said, grinning.

"Corporal," Sgt. Harvin said. "Why don't you go check on the other prisoners? I'll take care of Little Miss Hotpants."

"Yes, ma'am, I mean Sergeant," Tony said. "Lisa, we'll chat later." He turned and walked to the holding cell.

"I should have put on some lipstick if I'm going to appear before the judge," Lisa said. "Could you uncuff me and let me fix up?"

"Save it," Sgt. Harvin said. "This is an initial appearance, not the Miss Universe pageant."

Penny, sitting in Courtroom 6, wearing her black wig and heavy glasses, said, "This is so embarrassing. Of all people, why did she drop the baggie out of her pocketbook in front of an undercover police officer?"

"Don't sweat it," Leonard said. "We all know about your mom."

The newspaper reporter took about his 50th picture of Penny.

"Guys, don't worry," Gerald Fisher, Penny's attorney, said. "I've worked out a deal with the Assistant D.A. If the judge goes for it, we'll walk out of here with Ms. Karlsson."

"Karlsson?" Leonard asked.

"Mom had to officially take back her maiden name as part of the divorce agreement," Penny said. "She's not happy about it. That's why she still introduces herself with my dad's last name when she can."

"All rise," the bailiff said. "Magistrate Court of Los Angeles, the Honorable Wilson Knowles presiding."

The judge walked in and took his seat. "Please be seated," he said, never looking up from the papers in front of him. "What's the first case?"

"Initial appearance of Lisa Karlsson for the charge of Simple Possession of Marijuana," the bailiff said.

Sgt. Harvin escorted Lisa, still handcuffed, into the courtroom. She guided her to stand before the judge.

"Who represents the defendant?" the judge asked.

"I do, your Honor," Gerald said, walking up to the bench to stand beside Lisa.

"Gemma Smith for the State, Your Honor."

The judge read the charges.

"Approach, Your Honor?" the Assistant District Attorney asked.

"Come," the judge said.

"Your Honor, the Defense and I have agreed to a bargain, if the Court approves," Ms. Smith said. "The defendant would plead guilty. We would agree to time served, a $500 fine, 40 hours of community service, and three months' probation."

"Defense?" the judge said.

"Agreed, Your Honor," Gerald said.

"So be it," the judge said. "Who is prepared to pay the fine?"

"The defendant's daughter and her husband are here to pay the amount," Gerald said, indicating Penny and Leonard, who were sitting in the audience.

The judge looked up for the first time. "Penny! I mean, Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter."

"Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter have given me a check made out for the amount of the fine," Gerald said.

"Pay the bailiff. Ms. Karlsson, you are free to go. Your attorney will have the information about checking in with Probation." The judge smiled at Penny, who waved at him.

Sgt. Harvin uncuffed Lisa, giving the judge a stern look.

Lisa walked over, rubbing her wrists, and told Penny, "You would think that, after all these years, I would be used to those things."

"You're arrested that often back home?" Penny asked.

"No," Lisa smirked. "The difference is that I'm usually the one doing the handcuffing, although there was the weekend in Lincoln when I was handcuffed and naked all weekend. Ever wear a locking slave collar and have someone leash you to the bed?"

"Mom, I don't want to hear this," Penny said.

"Aw, come on," Lisa said as they left the courtroom. "Don't tell me you and Leonard don't get frisky when you do the nasty."

"Mom!"

Photographers flanked Leonard, Penny, Lisa, Patti, and Gerald as they walked down the hall to a consultation room, their flash units giving the scene a Fourth of July fireworks atmosphere. Gerald's paralegal joined them.

Lisa said, "Penny, let me borrow your lipstick so I can look nice for the cameras."

Gerald shut the door as Lisa painted her lips.

"Red. Nice," Lisa said, looking in Penny's mirror.

"Ms. Karlsson," Gerald said. "You are going to have to behave yourself. Do you understand?"

"Behave, or just don't get caught?" Lisa said.

"Your next conviction will bring you 30 days and a $1500 fine," Gerald said. "My assistant Sarah here is going to get your property and then walk you across the street to Probation. You will cooperate. Do you understand?"

"Sure,"

Penny said, "Mom, Gerald's assistant said she would drive you to Kurt's apartment."

"I'm not with Kurt anymore," Lisa said. "I'm seeing Tony, the officer who looked after me here. Kurt and I split up two days ago. I'll just walk back over here and wait for Tony to get off work after I've checked in with Probation. I'll probably need to crash with you and Leonard for the next few days until I make other arrangements."

"Mom, I thought you were going back to Omaha," Penny said.

"I don't know," Lisa said. "There's a lot better pickings out here."

Patti escorted Leonard and Penny to the drop-off area where JaQuan was waiting to drive them to the set, where Penny and JaQuan were to begin shooting for the day. JaQuan was in alert mode and was scanning the area with his hand over the bulge under his jacket.

"Leonard, did you make arrangements for someone to come take you to Caltech, or do I need to drive you?" Patti asked.

Leonard said, "I have my laptop and can do everything I need to do from the set."

. . .

"_Support your Local Governor_, Scene 12, Take 2," the Assistant Director shouted as he clapped the electronic board in front of the camera.

"Action," the director shouted.

James Garner, aka Governor Jason McCullough, sat snoozing with his back to the tree and his hat over his face. He had dropped his fishing pole, and the tip was floating in the water.

"Governor," Will Sasso, aka Jake Jr., said, "Here we go." He pushed down the plunger.

"BOOM!" the assistant director yelled.

Jason jumped. "What the Hell was that?"

"I told you I was about to blast," Jake said.

"Well, you disturbed my beauty sleep," Jason said.

About 50 yards away, the two figures sat on the truck gate. "All right," Hack said. "Everybody's watching the filming. Time for us to slip into the woods." They sneaked away from the truck and slipped into the woods wearing their uniforms for the moving company that had brought the props to Leonard and Penny's ranch for the filming of the movie.

They circled back around toward the front of the property, where they had a clear view of the house, the gym, and the stables along with the front gate.

"No one's home at that Penny bitch's house," Jabbo said.

"We got all night," Uncle Hack said.

. . .

"This Champagne is delightful," Raj said as he, Penny, Bernadette, Amy, and Patti's mother Gloria sat waiting for Patti to come out of the dressing room. Penny had Patti's sister Gina on her iPad.

"Here she is," Norman said as he escorted Patti, wearing the white wedding dress. He had her step up onto a riser while the seamstress fussed over the hang of the dress, making notes.

"What do you think?" Patti said.

"Patti, your breasts are large enough that you could do with a different neckline," Raj said. "If you go strapless, with your cleavage, you won't have to get taped into the dress."

"That one is better than the last one, but I still think we could go for showing a bit more of your assets," Gloria said.

"Patti," Raj said, "I'm glad you are growing out your hair. By the time we have the wedding, it should be a nice length. It is so black it has shades of blue."

"What can I say?" Patti said. "My mom's Italian. I got her hair."

"I would like to see you wearing a winter palette for your makeup," Raj said. "We need to try you with a nice true red lipstick. I'm thinking Back Door Sizzling Scarlet or MAC Ruby Woo. You're getting married the week after Christmas, so that would go with the red and green motif for the flowers."

The group drank Champagne and watched Patti as she modeled several more dresses.

"You said you had some lace from Lt. Davis' grandmother's wedding dress?" the seamstress said.

"Yes," Gloria said. She brought out a bag with some lengths of lace. "She was especially close to her grandmother. We thought she might want to wear her grandmother's dress, but my mother was so petite there was no way anyone could let out the dress that much."

. . .

"Hi, sweetheart," Leonard said on the phone to Penny. "Yes, I'm going to be late. We're at a critical stage with the super collider, and the only time we can get on their system is going to keep me here late. I'm sorry. I was really looking forward to spending the evening with you."

"Do you want me to bring something and we picnic?" Penny said.

"No, I'm sorry. We're going to be pretty well slammed until we finish the run-through," Leonard said. "I think I'm stuck with one of the meal replacement bars I keep in my drawer. I told JaQuan he should go on out and get himself something to eat, but he's sticking close until we drive home."

"OK," Penny said. "Patti wants to look through some bridal magazines together and experiment with her makeup. It'll be a good opportunity to sit around in our sweats and do girl stuff. Daddy's spending the night in Harleyville so he can look at the horse for the studio first thing in the morning, so I'm going to try to talk Patti into sleeping in one of our spare bedrooms. Mom's not coming tonight since she found somewhere else to crash."

Penny and Patti had several piles of magazines piled up on the coffee table in the den. They were playing _While You Were Sleeping_ on Blu Ray. They had already watched _Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing and Charm School_.

"Boy," Patti said, "Robert Carlyle is amazing. The scene where he and Marissa Tomei get busy on the bread board is hot."

"It's one of my favorite movies," Penny said.

"You and Leonard ever do anything adventurous?" Patti asked.

"We did it in the ocean once," Penny said.

"No kidding? Leonard?"

"Yep."

"One time, your dad and I. . . ."

"Uh, Patti, that's my daddy. Why don't we not talk about your sexual exploits, Mom?"

Patti blushed.

"Oh, come on. You know your dad is a passionate man," Patti said.

"Ew!" Penny said.

They were finishing their first bottle of wine. "What time is it?" Patti asked as she turned to look at the clock. "10:12? Whoa, we have been at it for three hours," she said.

Just then, the intercom sounded. "Mrs. Hofstadter?" Darrell said.

"Yes," Penny said, pressing the button."

"We have a problem in the stable."

"What sort of problem?"

"Your horse is having fits. He won't let me near him, and I have to go back and watch the gate. He's upsetting Dr. Hofstadter's horse on the other end."

"All right, I'll be down in a minute," Penny said.

"Penny, let me go check it out," Patti said. "Lock the door behind me, and I'll call you on the cell as soon as I know anything."

Patti picked her badge and handcuffs from the end table and put them in her pants pockets. She slung her service revolver, in the shoulder holster, over her shoulder. She started toward the stables. She found Midnight dancing around in the stable kicking the sides of his enclosure. She tried to sooth him, but he would not calm down. She dialed Penny on her phone. "Penny, Midnight's really upset about something. I don't see anything unusual. Of course, he won't let me near him."

"I'll be there in two minutes," Penny said.

"Let me come back and escort you," Patti said.

"It'll be fine," Penny said. She went into the bedroom and found her tennis shoes. She put them on and then got one of Leonard's jackets from the closet.

Penny received a call from the studio as she was starting out the door. About five minutes later, she started down the walk to the stables.

One moment, Patti was pressing the End Call icon on her phone after talking with Penny. The next moment, large hands pressed a strong-smelling cloth over her face from behind. She struggled but quickly lost consciousness.

"Here, help me," Hack said to Jabbo. They dragged an unconscious Patti into one of the stalls. Jabbo held Patti up in a standing position. Hack took her handcuffs from her pocket, cuffed Patti's left hand, looped the other cuff over the pipe above her head, and cuffed her right hand. Patti began to struggle toward becoming conscious. Jabbo stuffed a rag he carried in his pocket into Patti's mouth and then covered her lips with duct tape. Patti shook her head trying to wake as they heard Penny's footsteps.

Jabbo turned off the light in the stable.

"Patti?" Penny said as she came into the stable. She reached to turn on the light as rough hands pressed a smelly cloth over her face. She struggled, but she found herself losing consciousness.

Penny woke lying on her stomach in one of the stalls. Her hands were tied tightly behind her back. Something was stuffed into her mouth, and she could feel the duct tape gag keeping her from doing more than grunting.

Hack snatched Penny to her feet by her hair. "Hello, bitch!" he said. His breath smelled of cigarettes and whiskey. He shoved her against the stable wall.

Penny tried to kick him in the groin, but her ankles and knees were tightly bound with rope. Hack slapped her across the face. He put a knife to her throat.

"You're too stupid to get the message, huh bitch?" Hack said. He backhanded Penny, causing her to fall into the straw. Penny, a trickle of blood running out of her nose, looked up and saw Patti with her hands cuffed above her head, her mouth taped, and duct tape securing her ankles and knees. Patti was struggling, but she was unable to defend herself. Jabbo slapped Patti across the face and told her to be still.

Jabbo pressed Patti's service revolver against her head. "Hey, bitch. What would you think about me blowing your friend's brains all over your horse?" he asked Penny.

Midnight was going wild kicking the stall and whinnying.

"Naw," Hack said. "We tried to get the bitch to keep her mouth shut, and she kept yapping. Now, we're going to have some fun with her, and then I'm personally going to cut her throat. Then we'll take care of that one," nodding at Patti. He drug Penny by her hair over to a pile of straw and turned her to her back. He bent down and untied her ankles and then her knees. Penny tried to kick him, but Hack was able to stay clear of her feet. He reached down, pulled down her jacket, and ripped her T-shirt, revealing her bra. He then moved to her pants. He untied the knot securing her sweat pants and began to pull them down.

A blood-curdling scream startled Jabbo, making him drop Patti's service revolver into the straw. He bent down to pick it up but raised his head in time for Leonard, who rushed into the stable, to punch him in the throat. Thirty three years of bullying, harassment, ridicule, and rejection welled up in Leonard as he pummeled Jabbo. Jabbo fell backwards grasping his throat, struggling to breathe. Leonard kicked him in the ribs and stomped him in the face. Jabbo went limp. Hack looked up from Penny in time to see Leonard's foot coming between his eyes. He reeled backwards with blood squirting from his nose as Leonard began to hammer him in the face. He tried to stand, but a series of blows to his mid-section doubled him over. Leonard grabbed his head and slammed it into the 4x4 post at the edge of the stall until Hack stopped moving. As Hack fell to the stable floor, Leonard knelt over him slamming his fists into Hack's face. Midnight was screaming and began breaking down the door to his stall as JaQuan and Darrell ran into the stables. It took both of them to pull Leonard off the unmoving Hack.

"Whoa, Dr. Hofstadter," JaQuan said. "You don't want homicide charges."

JaQuan handcuffed Hack's hands behind his back as Darrell handcuffed Jabbo. JaQuan dialed 911 and requested ambulances and police.

Leonard ran over to Penny. He picked Hack's knife up out of the straw and cut the ropes binding her hands behind her back. He struggled with his left hand, which was beginning to swell, and shook it several times to get back the feeling. Penny hugged Leonard tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck. JaQuan went over to Patti and gently removed the tape and stuffing from her mouth. He used his handcuff key to uncuff her.

"Darn, they fastened the cuffs way too tight," Patti said, rubbing her wrists.

Hack was out cold. JaQuan tried to wake him without success.

"What happened?" JaQuan asked.

Penny and Patti brought JaQuan up to speed with what they knew. JaQuan and Darrell talked about figuring out how the two got onto the property. Darrell said he needed to go to the gate to greet the paramedics and the police as they arrived.

Paramedics loaded Jabbo and Hack into an ambulance with two officers in the ambulance and two police cars escorting the ambulance.

As the police arrived, Patti identified herself. Investigators interviewed her, Penny, and Leonard.

Penny managed to calm Midnight while the lead investigator talked with her. She moved him into the empty stall next to his, since he had pretty much destroyed his stall.

JaQuan, Patti, and Lt. Owings, the lead investigator, went to the security control area and began fast-forwarding through the videos of all the activity at the ranch that day. Finally, the footage of the production crew filming the scenes for _Support Your Local Governor_ showed Jabbo and Hack among the workers who unloaded the equipment for the shoot. Another video showed them sneaking into the woods. Another showed them going into the tool shed and coming out with rope and duct tape. Finally, the video showed them sneaking into the stables.

Agent Gellar arrived with her team. They interviewed everyone and watched the security video.

"We're going to have to double- and triple-check the identifications of the individuals we have in custody," Agent Gellar said, "But, if that is actually Hack and Jabbo, you helped us apprehend some very dangerous criminals. Hack is wanted in connection with several murders back East, including two highway patrol officers who stopped his car for having homemade license plates. He and Jabbo are also wanted for attempted murder and human trafficking, not to mention firearms smuggling, drug smuggling, and possession of firearms by convicted felons."

The paramedic checked over Penny and Patti in Leonard and Penny's kitchen. Another checked over Leonard. He was on the phone with the hospital. "Dr. Hofstadter has a possible fracture of his left hand," he said. "Yes, sir, transporting now." He turned to Leonard and said, "Dr. Hofstadter, we need to transport you to the ER to check out your hand."

"Sure," Leonard said.

"I'm coming with him," Penny said.

"Let me come too," Patti said.

"It's going to be crowded in the ambulance," the paramedic said.

"Why don't I follow along with Lt. Davis in my SUV," JaQuan said.

. . .

Leonard sat on an examination cot.

The technician came in and put an x-ray on the light box.

"How are you feeling?" Penny asked.

"I'm fine. I'm more worried about you," Leonard said.

"You heard the doctor, I'm fine," Penny said. "At least, this time, they used tape that was easier to remove. It shouldn't leave marks the way the athletic tape did. I have rope burns on my wrists, though."

"Where do you think they got the chloroform?" Leonard said.

"Agent Gellar said that's what they use in sex trafficking to subdue unruly people they transport," Penny said. "JaQuan and Daddy said they don't keep it at the ranch for any reason. They had to bring it with them."

Dr. Brainard came into the room, flipped the switch on the light box, and looked at the x-ray. "Congratulations, Dr. Hofstadter, you're the proud parent of a spanking new fracture. See those little bones?" he said, pointing to the image of Leonard's hand. "Broken cleanly in two. At least the bones are together. We're not going to have to set up the right way."

"What happens now?" Leonard asked.

"We put on a cast," Dr. Brainard said.

"I need to be able to type," Leonard said.

"Well, for the next six weeks, you're going to have to type one-handed," Dr. Brainard said.

"I guess I could try the new speech recognition software we installed," Leonard said.

An hour later, Leonard was sporting a cast on his left hand. The doctor had given him his choice of colors, and Leonard chose orange and black, the school colors for Princeton, where he did his undergraduate work. JaQuan and Patti were waiting as he and Penny walked back to the waiting room.

"Any news on the thugs?" Leonard asked.

"You did a number on Jabbo," Patti said to Leonard. "He had to have surgery on his throat. He'll be all right, but he's going to have a very difficult time talking for a while. You cleaned Hack's clock too. He's kind of awake, but he's still having a hard time. He has a headache that is making him miserable. You crushed the bones in his face, broke his nose and his jaw, and inflicted a terrible concussion. Leonard, you were a fireball. You saved Penny's life for the second time, and now you've saved my life. You're a hero again."

"Are Hack and Jabbo talking?" Penny asked.

"No, not a word," Patti said. "Let's go home."

. . .

Penny helped Leonard pull the cover over his cast that would prevent his scraping her with it. "It was nice of the nurse to get us several of these," she said. "We'll go to the medical supply place tomorrow and get some more. Now come here, as I said before, I'm gonna do stuff to you."

Leonard and Penny held each other for the rest of the night. Fortunately, it was Friday night, so they were able to sleep late the next morning. Patti drove Leonard and Penny to Waffle House.

"Trying to do things with the cast is going to take some getting used to," Leonard said, cutting his waffle one-handed. "At least, it's my left hand."

Back at the ranch, Leonard turned on the TV, but he and Penny were all over the local channels. He turned it to BBC America, and they watched _Hamish Macbeth_, the episode where someone was stealing all the salt from the local grocer.

Leonard noticed that Penny was watching him. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Penny smiled. "Not a thing," she said. "I love you. I can't believe it took me five years to tell you."

Leonard stopped what he was doing, came over, and kissed Penny on the lips. "I love you too," he said.


	32. Chapter 32: Epilogue

Leonard and Penny

Chapter 32, Epilogue

Penny sat in her old seat in Sheldon and Raj's apartment holding hands with Leonard and talking with Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Bernadette, and Raj. She held Leonard's hand by the cast. Raj unpacked the take-out boxes from the Siam Palace and passed them to the friends.

"Leonard, Penny, thank you for treating us to take-out," Bernadette said.

"It's our pleasure," Leonard said. "Penny and I wanted to have one of our evenings here that we miss so much. We need to start back doing this."

"This is just like old times," Penny said. "How many meals have all of us shared here?"

"I wouldn't dare try to count. We have had some wonderful times here," Raj said, downing his wine cooler.

Amy said, "Where are your dad and Patti?"

"They're having a romantic dinner to celebrate their six-month anniversary of being together," Penny said. "They may drop by here afterwards."

"So Penny," Bernadette said, "You're safe now?"

"Of course, you can't say we're safe with 100 percent confidence," Penny said. "But, according to the investigators, everyone they know about who would do us harm is either dead or in jail with little hope of ever seeing daylight."

"What's going to happen to the people who attacked you?" Bernadette asked.

Penny said, "They are planning to enter pleas for the charges that affect me. They have much more serious federal and state charges to worry about, so I doubt they will even think about me anymore. According to the investigators, they didn't originally target me, they targeted the building because of the lack of security."

"You won't need protection?" Howard asked.

"Oh, we will, especially when we go out to events where there are a lot of people, but we should be able to start back trying to have as normal a life as possible. We're going to keep a security team to protect our home and to go out with Leonard and me when we need them. I'm looking forward to being able to drive again. Leonard and I are looking for me a new car. Do you realize I haven't driven a car in nearly six months? Would you believe the insurance company only gave me $300 for my car?"

"Well, it was a 1984 Volkswagen Golf with the check engine light always displaying," Sheldon said. "That sounds like a generous settlement to me."

"This is nice," Leonard said, as he looked at his friends.

Penny said, "You know something? I love you guys. You are my dear, dear friends. All of you have been so supportive since my life changed on the day before Valentine's Day six months ago. You were there for me after my attack. Then, when I nearly lost Leonard, all of you stayed there supporting me. I want all of you around me forever."

"We love you and Leonard," Bernadette said.

. . .

Penny held Leonard's right hand as they walked up the path from their stables to the pond. "How's your left hand?" she asked.

"I itch under the cast. JaQuan showed me how to slide a ruler between the cast and my skin to scratch. Other than that, I'm good," Leonard said. "I'm counting the days until we can get rid of it. I know I'll have to wear a soft cast for a few weeks, but, at least, I'll be able to take it off and wash. You haven't mentioned your ribs in a while. How are they?"

"I think I'm just about healed," Penny said.

As they approached the pond, Leonard noticed that Penny was staring at him smiling.

"Why are you smiling?" Leonard asked.

Penny said, "Do you realize that you're my best friend? Ever since we met, you've been there for me, even when I broke up with you, when you should have hated me. I feel as if I can tell you anything. You're my soul mate."

"I am so fortunate that I married my best friend too," Leonard said. "You are the most amazing person I have ever known. I am so proud of you in so many ways."

Penny turned, put her arms around Leonard's neck, and kissed him.

"I love you, Dr. Hofstadter," Penny said.

Leonard squeezed Penny and said, "I love you too, Mrs. Hofstadter."

They walked a lap around the pond. When they got to the old boat dock, they took off their shoes and sat with their toes in the water. It was a few minutes before twilight, and frogs were serenading them. Penny put her head on Leonard's shoulder. Leonard pulled a bag of meal out of his pocket. He and Penny threw handfuls of it into the water and watched the small fish fight over it until a large catfish drove the others away.

"Leonard," Penny said, "I can't believe it took me so long to tell you I love you."

Leonard kissed the top of Penny's head.

"Know what?" Penny said. "Let's go make a baby."

. . .

_Author's note: Thank you for sticking with my story to the end. I had a ball writing these chapters: Writing them has been a wonderful way to relieve stress—except for the occasional trolls. If you enjoyed this story, please drop me a line and let me know. I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to read my babies and to review them. I've never made a secret of the fact that I had no intention of publishing these stories, which I began in frustration due to the unfortunate direction the show has taken this season, especially with Leonard and Penny's relationship, with all the Ross and Rachel angst. Fortunately, things may be looking up for them. My wife bullied me into publishing the chapters. I was skeptical about inflicting my stories on others, but I'm now glad I did. I have a file cabinet and several hard drives full of stories I've written (not fan fiction) and even parts of two novels I'm trying to work up the nerve to submit for publication. Writing these stories has helped me sharpen the saw so maybe I'll take the leap and submit some of them._

_I am especially grateful to people who have provided encouragement as this story unfolded, especially 5Mississippis, zhalen565, Aussie SciFi, Tragic, pfps, and others, who have been so generous with their reviews, suggestions, and words of encouragement. Thanks to my wife, who is my Penny (supermodel-beautiful blonde, who married a short, ugly, science nerd with what Penny called "stupid" eyebrows on Leonard) and the person who writes under the pen name Twyla Mercedes, both of who helped me with all things feminine. Writing these stories has been a wonderful release, and I feel as if I have made some friends in the process._

_I'm not finished with married Leonard and Penny and the new characters I came to love, only this part of the story. Please visit my new story, the __Expansion Paradigm__, which begins where this story ends (and which should be posted in several days), and my other story so far, the __Emily Derivative__, which takes place eight years in the future. I've already posted the first chapter in that story.  
_

_Take care._


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